/lit/ - Literature

>>1127882
You first

It's about an alcoholic "little person" who works as a tossing midget and he falls in love with a stripper named Brandie who's a multiple rape victim that grew up in an incestuous house.

>>1127894
And it's just about their growing relationship...?

>>1127894
Hi Chuck.

A bass player scouts the tex-mex desert for survivors during a brief intermission in a nuclear war. He has a brain tumor and for the first act, he and his bass guitar are the only characters. Obviously, he hallucinates any dialogue between him and the bass guitar. He is aware he is hallucinating. The rest of the story is about him meeting a caravan headed for Vegas and falling in love with a teenaged violinist and then dying.

>>1127900
they help each other break free from the patterns of abuse

Liberty loves Justice:
Liberty was granted her powers by the collective yearning of all sentient beings for freedom. She's a standard flying brick when it comes to powers, but her belief in the inalienable rights of all men to life, self-determination, and the pursuit of happiness has transformed her into the literal avatar of Liberty. (Inspiration- Captain America, Miss America, Jenny Sparks)

Justice is the product of a failed super soldier program that robbed her of her sight but granted her psychic abilities that allow her to sense her surroundings and heightened her fighting abilities. She swore revenge, and adopted the practice of vigilantism to bring Justice to the wicked, by whatever means necessary. (Inspiration- Daredevil, The Punisher, Midnighter)

The two were initially hostile towards each other, as Justice viewed Liberty as old fashioned, deluded, and a government stooge, while Liberty found Justice overly extreme and mentally unbalanced.
However, forced to work together on more than one occasion, they have come to respect and care for each other on a more than professional basis.

(more details can be supplied)

>>1127915
>flying brick
>failed super soldier program
>ridiculous contrived names
>tsundere bullshit

/co/mmie / tvtroper trash detected.


That being said, it's a decent idea.

>Justice viewed Liberty as old fashioned, deluded, and a government stooge, while Liberty found Justice overly extreme and mentally unbalanced.

That's an interesting dynamic. 6/10 would read about again.

A guy meeting a three legged girl an becoming instantly obsessed with her and fetishizing her 3 malformed leg.

I'm playing with an idea where the antagonist is, in a sense, the same person as the protagonist, just from a parallel world (or something). The problem for both of them is each needs to get rid of the other, but if either of them dies, the other goes too. Not sure where I want to build off from there.

>>1127928
>A guy meeting a three legged girl an becoming instantly obsessed with her and fetishizing her 3 malformed leg.

sounds like a thread on /r9k/. 3/10 for plagiarizing.

>>1127935
really? lots of three legged girls over there?

>>1127937
you have no idea

>>1127939
damn I gotta' visit /r9k/ more often

>>1127923
Well, I fleshed out the characters more- this is just a bare bones run down.
If you like, I can give a more detailed plot and character analysis
(Also, what's wrong with being a troper or a /co/mrade?)

>>1127942
nothing wrong with /co/mrades, but tvtropers are a bunch that I dislike. Over analyzing easily recognized pieces of fiction is like analyzing the paint from which paintings are made, plus they have this self-repeating bunch of pseudo-memes which get really annoying after a while.

Your story idea is fine.

My idea: Sex On Wheels.

i've posted this once before and it hijacked the thread as people started to help me with it...

i'm writing a story that takes place roughly 3000 AD, about genome soldiers. super soldiers created and grown in laboratories by messing with human DNA. the story chronicles the lives of a small group of these super soldiers in the government compound where they were created, eventually they escape and the story continues with the telling of their desperate fight to keep their new found freedom and their lives...

>>1127928
wat

I'll greentext it.

>Genetic mutation starts appearing, babies come out with no fingers
>By age 14 said babies have groups of nails on the tops of their fingerless hands, nails are extremely tough and sharp
>Mutation becomes more and more common, tens of thousands of people with deadly weapons on their hands
>Moral debate within governement officials over what to do with them
>Meanwhile, crime rates, murder rates, suicide rates all skyrocket
>Government tries to get all the mutated people into "approved zones" where only they could get in
>Unauthorized tests occur on some of the mutated
>Book ends on the United states in ruins, an the mutation spreading across the globe.

A sequel is probable.

>>1127931
old story plot is old. the added complication is fine but a possible plot-hole.

a vague 7/10 for a vague idea.

dude goes to a bar and gets into a fight with some old faggot
kills the guy accidentally
cops are after him
learns magic
resurrects dead guy and he is a wizard
fight cops together
wizard attacks mc
mc kills wizard again but he can't kill him cuz he's already dead!?

then it was all a dream

>>1127954
>supersoldiers
>generic sci-fi
>struggle of a common character

Possibly made unbearable by poor understanding of science, 5/10.

I had a zombie story idea. Centers around 4 characters, and they all have their own "stereotypical" personality, with some slight changes; you have Mark, the goofy, nerdy guy that everyone likes (think Michael Cera); Rachel, the tough, headstrong girl with a secret crush on Mark (who is way too goofy to ever get the hint); Carl, the big lug of a redneck who ironically cannot operate a gun to save his life; Jamal, the token black guy who is a total spaz, very loyal, and likes many of the same things as Mark.

Mark is kinda the leader of his circle of friends, although he never shows it. So basically, what happens is this: it's your average night at a large college in Texas, but tonight, the dead decide that the living look awfully tasty. So they rise from the grave and are automatically attracted to this college (and the small town that built up around it). Mark and his friends are walking through town when the first of the zombies appear, and they barely manage to escape unscathed. Realizing the gravity of the situation, they run back to their respective dorms to prepare for an evacuation by any means possible. From there, the story cycles through the 4 characters, occasionally hopping back and forth in different time frames for dramatic tension/plot twists.

I can give more details if anyone actually read all that and finds it interesting. lol

>>1127962
>cliched mutant/zombie story
>lame mutation
>segregation themes
>implying there would be a long moral debate for politicians

6/10, has potential if handled well.

>>1127974
So basically, 'i wanna write a zombie book!'?

>>1127975

I'm working on the mutation so it's not as lame sounding.

Any suggestions?

>>1127978

Yes! And it would sell millions of copies!

A group of men are traveling through a foggy swamp.
They are:
a. Wizards
b. Explorers
c. Mercenaries
They:
a. Have heard of abandoned city/ wizard tower/ mysterious events, and are looking for spells, herbs, or artifacts of an ancient precursor race.
b. Have been hired by unknown third party to
i. Kill Someone
ii. Find something/someone
iii. Purpose unknown
The group uses flat-bottomed boats that they move by punting
The swamp is filled with gnarled, moss hung trees sanding brackish, deceptive water, and has all manner of unpleasant flora and fauna
They come across:
a. Natives (perhaps radically different lifeforms?) who
a. Warn them of an ancient curse/divine retribution
b. Tell them that the land is under their protection
c. attack
b. Mysterious lights
c. Attacks by hostile unknown entity lurking beneath the waters
This leads them to
a. ancient necropolis
b. source of power/evil
c. abandoned city
d. a combination of the above three
They are attacked by an ancient defense mechanism (possibly source of odd lights)- an ancient golem that is half corroded
This causes them to flee to the source of the fog/light- a crystal that acts as a generator of some sort
They do something that deactivates the defense mechanism but also unleashes a powerful (possibly malevolent) forces
a. Group takes crystal back with them to civilization, unwittingly brining some manner of taint with them
b. Group is killed by force

>>1127974
>left for dead with nerdy lead
>college
>texas
>stereotypical personalities

4/10. It's not even an actual story idea, it's just a general zombie situation. Romero would be proud though.

>>1127989
1/10 for being a choose your own adventure post.

>>1127984
Murder rates increase because people killed the mutants, not the other way around. Suicide increases within the immediate families of mutants. Make the mutation fast spreading and ditch the wolverine claws. Find something else which would be immediately noticeable but not crippling or overpowering.

>>1127999

A story from the point of view of a female porn star. She begins having flashes of dark, disgusting rape images in her head while performing scenes. Soon, they begin to affect her mentally. They get so bad she begins to refuse doing shoots, and refuse having sex in general. With no other income and her being too unstable from the visions, she is put on the streets. In a matter of days, she is raped, beaten, and murdered. The visions she experienced where a premonition of the future.

>>1127970
actually its not really a generic sci-fi. really arent that many stories alone these lines...to the best of my knowledge closest would be...dark angle which sucked...

as for the statement about the struggle of a common character...not really sure how to respond to that, i'm not quiet sure what you are saying...

and as for my grasp of science, its actually quiet good and i put a lot of research into the "practicality" of the science of the story. i only write about what i know and if i don't know i spend a few hours trying to learn about it...

i'm willing to post some of the story or put it all on paste bin for your review...its not much at the moment and lacks much of the detail needed to draw the reader in. right now i'm focusing flushing out the story, filling in plot holes, and getting my science right...

>>1128011

So, remove the whole aspect of having the mutants be dangerous?

>>1128014
>where a premonition

That should be were. I'm only saying this because the story has potential and you shouldn't taint it with bad grammar. 8/10.

The New Testament replacing Jesus with Ronald McDonald

>>1128015
Good. Regular and even mediocre ideas can become good and even great if written well. Try not to fuck up. I'd rather read your story when finished, critiques during the writing process can only mostly hurt.

>>1128026
the Koran with Mohamed replaced with Willy Wonka.

>>1128016
Maybe make them dangerous in another way? I'm just saying that the persecution/segregation angle is more engaging than the common overthrowing of society.

>>1128026
>>1128030
Genius.

It's 2009 again

The world thinks Patrick Swayze is dead, but a team of scientists know the world is wrong. They know the truth. P.S. was an agent and volunteer working for a new secret government science project experimenting with time travel.

An experiment that went horribly wrong.

P.S. stepped into the time machine expecting to travel back several hours but instead found himself ricocheting back and forth through history and the future whilst the scientists try to locate where he is and where he will end up next.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the epic, the heartfelt, the magnificent...'Which Swayze Going?'

>>1128014
>>1127962
>>1127915

Only stories ITT I would read.

>>1128027
i disagree about your last statement. i actually look for critique and review as i go, it helps to pick out more plot holes that i missed, helps with pushing past writers block (which occurred the last time i posted) and i learn more about writing in general as i'm not very good at it. quiet honestly, normally i suck at creative writing but can write excellent research papers, on going critique helps me to develop the story more and come up with new and better ideas

Everyone pitch a story idea.

Everyone else steal the story idea and make it their own.

>>1128039
FUND IT.

>>1128042
Oh, well. Whatever works for you, man.

>>1128049
I WILL>

>>1128032
I have how mutants are always Jews being oppressed or Jews trying to take over the world (well, not literally, but, you get the point).

There are more subtle uses of the idea, you know? For example, lets say mutantism started becoming somewhat, but not extremely, widespread. Meh powers were just a cool thing to have, but, really flashy and impressive ones could make the lucky person endowed with them like a rock star: women/men hanging off them, endorsement contracts from apparel companies, tabloid coverage of their lives, etc.

Parents, seeing this, want this for their kids even if they can't have it themselves. A number of them sign up for one of the many clinical trials of induced mutantism amongst children and, wonder of wonders, this trial works -- all the kids born from it have absolutely awesome, mary sue-level powers. There's just one problem: as a side effect the process gave them a congenital heart issue or whatever that will kill them off fairly young (say, mid-twenties). Within this framework, the story can focus on one of, a group of, or the friend/love interest of one of these botched mutants and how they deal with their gift/curse and how it effects their lives.

I've been a big shut in for the past few years and I'm planning a long hitch hiking trip to nowhere in particular. I've done things like this before but nothing longer then a few days so I have a good idea as to what I'm facing and I'm fairly sure I'll be successful. I plan on keeping a journal and writing everything down. Every time I have to eat out of the dumpster, every one of my encounters with the police and all of the interesting people I'll meet along the way. I may just turn it all into a book when it's all said and done.

>>1128055
*hate how they are always

A prison under siege by paranormal forces due to the presence of a certain prisoner, the prison slowly falls apart as events get more and more out of hand. The story culminates in the accursed prisoner disappearing and all the surviving prisoners and guards in the chapel singing amazing grace as shadows close in around them and slowly envelope them all.

on a more serious note,

(set in a fantasy world)
A boy grows up as a fisherman in a large city, though he attends school. He is very ambitious and intelligent, becoming a wealthy merchant very early in his adulthood. He eventually ends up as a financial adviser to a lord in a southern castle, where he learns that he is a bastard of the current king of the nation. He becomes overtaken with ambition and anger, eventually murdering the king's two sons, poisoning the king, and forcibly marrying the king's wife (with the intent to poison her after she bears him a child to cement his rule).

The second part of the book is from the point of view of the bastard's son, who isn't nearly as intelligent as his father. He finds out that his father was actually the rightful heir to the throne, and one of the sons he killed was the actual bastard (they were switched by the bastard's mother). He takes it upon himself to kill his father and himself, abomination born of incest between mother and son that he is.

Not really that well fleshed out.

>>1128059
Only situation and ending described. 3/10 because no information.

Here's an idea:

A patient in the hospital fell into a coma. In his coma, he has the weirdest dreams. In real life, bad things are happening such as hospital fires, gun fights, horrible viruses, natural storm, etc. At certain times when the action is at a peak, the patient wakes up momentarily to helplessly watch as its happening. The patient doesn't know if he is asleep or when.
I, as the writer, wouldn't tell the readers when he is sleeping or not

I haven't thought about this topic much...but I think it has much potential.

A writer receives a letter from an old friend who has decided to write his own biography. After receiving the first few chapters the writer decides to be brutally honest and tells his friend that the book is dull and pointless.

However he still receives chapters through the mail each one becoming more interesting yet for all the wrong reasons. Each new becomes an increasingly violent rant against the writer the finale being that he has decided to kill the writer. The climax is that throughout the story the friend placed stamps in the letters so that the writer could send feedback. The stamps all contained poison slowly killing the writer with each lick.

>>1128055
Sounds good. Would read.

>>1128067
8/10. Potential is good, characters are suitably tragic. Would read.

I came up with another one. It was supposed to be an intelligent work but it ended up being about a hybrid of zombies and robots.

You see, it was about civilization becoming a lot smaller but a lot smarter but we’re still too snobby to do our dirty work ourselves, so a team of scientists invent a serum that restores the motor functions of the recently deceased but does not restore their capacity for thought, thus turning them into a highly-expendable workforce. The dead rise, pick apples, and then sort of deactivate (they are also like robots).

It’s fine and all until people get too dependent on the work force and don’t allow the laborers to deactivate, keeping them running all the time. To keep them functioning, however, they need continued doses of the serum. The problem is, the increased doses begin to restore some of their brain functions to the point where they gain enough sentience to connect their living with the serum. It’s around this time that the serum becomes a metaphor for heroin and the zombies are metaphors for junkies.

I’m considering having some sort of plotline where the zombies, so strong in their numbers and with their increased capacity for intelligence, begin holding revolts and overtaking the plantations on which they work. They also represent the slave revolts of sugar farms in the Caribbean during the 1700s, only successful. In the end, the zombies begin using the humans as slaves to produce the serum that keeps them from decaying and collapsing.

There’d be some allegory in there somewhere, I guess. I didn't think it out very well.

>>1128071
>only a situation, not a story
>difficult to see what kind of tension there would be

5/10 because potential.

>>1128073
7/10, sounds great.

man walks into a bar.

man walks out of the bar.

man is now a nigger.

nigger walks into a bar.

nigger comes out man.

The end?

>>1128082
0/10 to poster because I've already seen this copypasted idea in another thread. 6/10 for the actual story.

>>1128067
sounds like Antigone but with its own set of twists. a possible good read...

Ted Kennedy's bruised, naked corpse.

>>1128102

One day, a man claiming to be Winston Churchill appears. He is treated as a loony-person, naturally, until similar instances of deceased world leaders reappearing sprout up across the world. Everyone from Boudicca to Qin Shi Huang appear, and soon these people are under investigation by the governments of the world, who are finding the graves of their dead leaders mysteriously empty.

And, more curiously yet, they key to all of this may rest with the most evil man in all of human history.

Guy is dating 17 year old girl.

He sees a really cool hipster chick at a party.

Dumps 17 year old to get with rainbow-haired-hipster.

Has to fight dirty hipster's 7 evil X's to win her heart.

>>1128127
isnt that a movie?

>>1128127

10/10
The only way this could be a more interesting story is if he was in some sort of band.

>>1128127
1/10 hipster bullshit

Moses is a conman liar with a heart of gold.

He's got no fucking idea where israel is, and when he gets there has to convince them it's the holy land.

The jews are a marauding band of ex convicts, essentially, constantly bending and breaking the ten commandments.

It's the modern day 1984. A real threat.

The Government controls it's people by making certain things taboo, and others socially acceptable.

So if you want to live a prosperous life you need to be good at being sociable, and being sociable in the book is what the Government has made it to be.

The Government doesn't set it out right of course
.
They work in specific systems to make it seem like society came to these decisions themselves. They do it by controlling media, making some shows popular, pumping the celebrity status of someone with a specific outfit, so everyone copies the outfit etc.

Frightening eh?

>>1128110
It was inspired by antigone actually.

Considering writing it, though I don't think I could do the idea justice.

>>1128127
Ok ok.... I got it.... A wealthy man decides to use cloning technology to bring dinosaurs back to life that he plans to put in a kind of zoo. Facing pressure from his concerned investors, he is forced to invite experts to look over, and hopefully, endorse his zoo. He puts together a rag-tag team that includes a zany and witty mathematician, two archeologists, the lawyer that represents the investors and, in an attempt to show just how safe his zoo is, his two grandchildren. It is basically about the wacky and crazy adventure that this team gets itself into. I think I'll call it.... Schindler's List

Two lesbian vampires work as strippers at a club where they pick up dudes who they then kill and cut up and bathe in their blood while performing cunnilingus.

>>1128162
yawn.

Sounds too similar like a male-oriented version of twilight

>>1127928
Now I have proof that Chuck Palahniuk visits 4chan.

>>1128147
6/10, sounds funny.

>>1128161
bad title. that's the same title as a holocaust movie

>>1128153
>1984 rehash
>media is bad!

Meh. 4/10. You just described a setting.

>>1128161
Did you hear about that porno called Schindler's Fist?

>>1128162
2/10. Meh. Sounds like a chapter of Hack/Slash.

There is only a little bit of water left on Earth and countries go to war over it. The war becomes a tournament type thing, and the country you beat, you own their territory. As more and more countries fall under control of other countries, a group of Americans (America now under Russian control), Canadians (Chinese control), and Brits (Indian control) rise up and form a new country in antarctica. They surprise everyone and go to the finals against china, where the antarcticans win just barely. Now they own the entire world and set everyone free, to enjoy the few last weeks on Earth

>>1128194


oh my god im dying

>>1128185
It's deeper than that.

Pshh, non-hipsters won't understand.

It's 1999 in an alternate reality. The times are very strange, much like colonial america. There is no "modern" inventions save for electricity, plumbing, and very advanced medicine, disease is virtually un-heard of.

A secret organization known as the "Silent Society" was founded in 1780 by many of our founding fathers after someone from the year 2036 came to warn them of the horrors of war and technology. They warned about nuclear weapons, heartless monopolies, and the laziness of men. They showed them holographic movies of intense nuclear war. They explained how a few countries were invaded and reformed, essentially "re-ordering" the world into 19 super-states. While 18 fought mercilessly for the earth's dwindling resources, 1 pooled their money to build a time-machine and research the key moments and inventions in time which had to be stopped. they succeeded. So for over 200 years the Silent Society has been murdering all non-medical inventors and destroying their inventions.

The story follows a young man whose father was killed by the society for inventing (something), and how he discovers the society, and must make a decision between what is grey, and what is gray. There are no clear enemies here.

(some details to be revised, such as adding a major plot element to further the story)

>>1128194

FUND IT

>>1128194

>>1128194
would be better as a movie with a montage and 80s rock

>>1128194
picrelated/10

>>1128194

ITS LIKE A SPORTS MOVIE

EXCEPT REAL

FUND IT

>>1128199
I'm no expert "story-rater" but I thought it was pretty good with some nice potential. 8.5/10 with some revision

>>1128199
7/10. Points off for ridiculous tagline

>and must make a decision between what is grey, and what is gray

but sounds decent enough.

A journalist enters a dangerous game when he/she tries to uncover all of Stephen King's ghostwriters.

>>1128199
>1999
>199
>mfw I have no reaction folder

I'm thinking of an idea where there are two scenarios which are totally different and one could not be able to make a bridge between them, but they are somehow joined when the writer tells the reader a small detail. Are there any examples of this?

Well this was fun, guys, but there's this poker tournament over there in my taskbar and... well you know.

Also,
>mfw no one commented on my story

>>1128218
The Taliban based in Afghanistan kill a lot of Americans with planes.

Bush invades Iraq for oil.

Bush says they have weapons of mass destruction.

Bush is the author

>>1128219
>>1128219

>mfw you never posted a story

niggayoujustwentfullretard.jpg

>>1128224
>mfw when I did, but without my name

>>1128234

Point it out, I'll read/rate it.

Every Amish child has a year of freedom. A year away from their society, where everything is permissible, where nothing is forbidden except education, where they are given no support what-so-ever. Many fall between the cracks of society, into drugs and prostitution, and harsh lessons on the suffering of the outside world.

This is where the fiction starts: our story comes in two parts. The first follows the story of an intrepid young Amish gentlement who falls into the drug trade, experiencing ectasy at a rave and then turning dealer, eventually prying the market away from the orthodox jewish cartel that runs it.

The second part follows years later, as a second amish boy, by virtue of background, is taken in during his time away from that soicety by our hero in part 1, who has by now gone completely native in our role. The setting is an urban gang fight over coke in Chicago, which our original golden amish boy (now long a man) is trying to muscle in on. During this gang war, the younger boy discovers his homosexual tendencies in the tender arms of a 250 black man from the opposing gang. This second part of the prospective novel is the story of their love and how it brought two warring communities together.

Guy tries to write a book. Tries to write something universal and outside of his own experience. Writes prose in the character of a woman, then an insane man, is unable to divorce himself from these characters. Reads a book written by a woman, then one by an insane man. Is unable to relate. Ending/twist: they were all written by the same person and were all about the writer at any rate.

>>1128242

-> >>1127911

Also my face when I just lost with pocket aces to quads.

>>1128243
not sure if serious...

Two women walk into the office of a cheap private eye.

Both were adopted at an early age at the same orphanage, but by different families. Both carry an identical photograph of three young girls at the orphanage who all look alike, and both girls were told that they had a single twin sister who they were separated from when they were adopted.

The two women met by chance in adulthood, and are wondering if they are indeed sisters, or if one of them is related to the 3rd girl in the picture; and if so, where is the last girl's twin? So they hire the private detective to escort them on a roadtrip to the now-abandoned orphanage and investigate.

The book will be told from two perspectives: The first will be a first-person, hard boiled, film noir narration by the private eye, with lots of drama, intrigue, and 40's lingo. After each chapter like this, there will be a third-person retelling of the events from that chapter, showing how everything REALLY went, which paints the private eye as more of a lucky goofball than a serious detective, and will provide most of the humor of the story.

However, as the book goes on, we realize the detective has his own agenda for taking the case, and he may not be as incompetent as he seems. The way things turn out, he only took the case because the mysterious 3rd girl from the photo is somehow connected to his past, and the story concludes with a terrifying duel at the abandoned orphanage in the midst of a rainstorm.

Sound alright? Any criticism? Praise?

>>1128259
7/10. Sounds kind of generic parody though.

>>1127911

First act seems fairly interesting, but is the 2nd act related?. Are they connected in any real way? The brain tumor thing is a pretty interesting thing for the main character to have.


+3 points for act 1
+1 point for act 2
+2 points for the brain tumor
+0 points for the nuclear war
+1 for overall idea

7/10

>>1128199
I'd like a bit more feedback :3 will return the favor if someone links there idea.

picture related

A test subject travels back in time and gets stuck and attempts to profit from the situation by being a media tycoon on the success of other people's work from the future until the same test subject who grows up in the alternate timeline attempts to stop his older self from being stuck in time and taking credit for other people's work.

You like?

>>1128272
Thank you, kind sir! :)

>>1128278

Eh.

Seems pretty bland. The thing with time travel is, if you want to write in the genre, you have to do something TOTALLY different. Your idea sort of squeezes in with everything else.

But that aside, it's still mildly clever.

6/10

Here's another idea:

A young girl, around 12, and her mother move into an apartment in an urban area(like Chicago or New York). The girl often falls into "dream-like states" but it's not her thoughts. Instead it turns out the thoughts are of a demon(the reader doesn't know this). Anyways, she enjoys looking out the window into the urban street and watching whats happening. Her "dreams" that she has turn into reality...such as a "dream" of a bank robbery or a "dream" of a murder. She is too afraid to tell anyone of what is happening as she thinks they might accuse her of the crimes, so she lives like this in silence, slowly growing mad. The rest of the story is her trying to silently get rid of the demon, becoming sleep-deprived due to fear, and an avoidance of other people.

Just now wrote this one up....could do with a few changes.

>>1128274
It sounds vaguely steampunkish and the idea of the Order reminds me of Wanted (movie, not the comic). Perhaps the narrative would be improved with a dash of detective fiction?

>>1128286
This sounds like 'Confessions of a Justified Sinner' a little bit, maybe look at that?

>>1128249
>>1128249
I know it's short, but anything on this?

>>1128286
>mad seer story set in present times
>not too bad

6/10 for base idea, but I'm finding it hard to grasp the potential of this because you present it as purely inner struggle and that's not easy to represent for an entire story.

>>1128276
very nice story structure. well thought through and had a mind-boggling twist at the end. very good job!(for a first grader.)

>>1128249
>>1128296
It's a good twist but you need a story to support it.

A shy, insecure, socially awkward guy starts college (now referred to as ‘Guy’ from this point on). He wants to fit in, so he goes to a party at a frat house, where he drinks, smokes pot, and does other drugs for the first time.

A girl at the party OD’s on non-prescription drugs, and dies. Everyone panics because they don’t want trouble from the police. While trying to help some frat boys hide the body, the girl is revived, and Guy discovers he has the ability to resurrect people.

Every week, the frat house has parties, which Guy attends. Every time he’s there, some shit goes down, and he discovers new powers. He can walk on water, cure diseases, fly, etc. The partygoers eventually come to the conclusion that he’s the return of Christ, and decide to become his followers.

Guy is really uncomfortable about the idea of leading a cult, but is made out to be their savior anyways. Eventually, through being forced to be the center of this new religion, he becomes a more confident individual, learning how to lead others, take initiative, etc.

Meanwhile there’s this girl from one of his classes that thinks he’s suspect. Eventually she finds out he has these powers. She’s cool though, and Guy starts hanging out with her more. The cult starts feeling left out, and one of Guy’s earliest frat boy acquaintance-turned-high-priest declares that their god has forsaken them and takes control of the cult.

That’s all I got for now. Thoughts?

>>1127911
"What if everyone in The Road was on drugs?" alright.
>>1127931
This could be clever, but the first draft will probably be something like Nabokov trying to write sci-fi poorly. Read some of his lesser-known novels that deal with death and doppelgangers, though, it'll probably help.
>>1128071
Again, has potential, but easy to handle poorly. I tried to write something like this, where the main character would have dissociative fugues, and while going through life like a shell, had this inner "dream" of living in this house with characters that were representations of various forms of flawed "genius" that represented his insecurities. (I only really developed the Salvador Dali character and the personified representation of anarchy that haunted the property before I gave up on it for a while.) Being in someone's head is tough.
>>1128073
I swear I've read this somewhere before. The poison stamp thing and all.
>>1128243
This actually happens around here and is very interesting. Research will be your best friend.

My current idea:
A child brought up in a religious background begins experiencing what he thinks are signs of alien abduction, but his mother takes them for holy symbols. Both are probably wrong. I'm having trouble getting the perspective right. I considered telling it from a detached third person, third person eventually revealed to be one of the characters, the sister's POV and the child's POV. None have worked so far. I'm stuck.

>>1128315
sounds like Marry Sue,

>>1128315
7/10

At first I thought it was going to end in the girl at the end being the root of his powers, because she didn´t like seeing him so spineless, but a bildungsroman fueled by divinity is fine too. Cool potential.

>>1128335
you are a horrible rater.

>>1128276
I love it. I absolutely love it.

>>1128284
>>1128284
Well I'll be... constructive criticism on 4chan! Thanks man.

>>1128338
:(

>>1128322
maybe do a double twist and have it be an observation log/guardian angel POV? Yeah, pretty lame too... Perhaps a neutral figure would be best?

So there's this enormous future-city that's vertically stratified, but it's basically a bunch of cubes bunched together. The city was a human colony on a cold-ish planet thought to be devoid of sentient life, however, when a sentient species is discovered, albeit on a different continent, the colony is abandoned.

4,000 years later, the planet is slightly warmer (still mostly snowy) and the sentient species have developed a society technologically equal to, say, the early renaissance. A young sailor is exiled for theft, and along with the band of orphans he stole the food for, sails across the sea to discover the continent that the humans colonized. The colony is mostly destroyed, but the general structure and artifacts remain. The group explores the ruin and eventually, inadvertently, reactivate the central AI of the colony. They each have different opinions about the AI, but most think it's a god, and risk death to go back and tell the rest.

It could be the start of a series, if I decide humanity still exists.

>>1128322
You can try a generic third-person POV. Just reveal to the reader everything as it passes by.

>>1128384
>abandoned off-world colony
>worshipping AI

8/10, this is sci-fi I wouldn't mind reading.

>>1128384
I demand to read this.

>>1128384
this is the first legitimately good (in that the idea itself could drive a good book, rather than that the idea could be a vehicle for good character development or writing style) idea in this thread

>>1128398
>>1128410
>>1128415
You guys really think so? Maybe I'll actually start it then... I've been developing the setting for two years at least.

In a futuristic (but fairly contemporary) period, a device that can read and store memories has been developed. Crime, identification, and even human psychological research and experimentation are now leveraged with this device.
A man, using underdeveloped technology, attempts to have the memory of a murder he committed erased in order to stay alive. This technology instead wipes his brain of all memories and beliefs. The rest (and majority) of the story would be his struggle to come to grips with who he is in a now completely unfamiliar world.

Just thought of that just now, Kinda seems similar to Minority Report at times, which makes me =/

>>1128384
I would read the fuck out of this.

The main character is Jesus Christ during his second coming while in modern day America. Since the age of 13, God has been talking to him through telepathy, telling him he needs to bring the world together and that it's going to suck hardcore for him because he's the god damn Jesus Christ. The early years of his life trying to accept the fact that he's the son of god are chronicalled as he goes through high school, etc.

Eventually it gets to the point when he realizes that the world is no longer the stupid, naive place it was back then and the only universal concept understood is hatred. Hatred and intolerance. So, Jesus Christ sets out upon becoming the world's BIGGEST ASS HOLE, bigger than Hitler, Nixon, Marie Antoinette, Ayn Rand, and Steve Jobs COMBINED. The goal in mind is that, through being the most hated creature on Earth, Jesus can bring together the populace of Earth in rising against him if lasting but for a day.

Also, the first time God speaks to Jesus is on his 13th birthday while he was in the middle of masturbating.

>>1128456
1/10

>>1128456
Oh my god. Barack Obama really is the messiah.

>>1128384

>mfw i realize this post doesn't exist.

>>1128444
>>1128415
>>1128410
>>1128398
>>1128421

>>1128469
>mfw I deleted it
better if the world never knows

>>1128469
it /did/ exist, the author removed it after it got a fuckton of praise, probably to forestall the (small) chance of someone stealing his idea.

Which was really, really fucking good, btw.

>>1128469
10/10

>>1128477
>>1128478
Deleting a post causes it to cease to exist.
My point and my reaction still stands.

>>1128481
Thanks Mr. King. As a long time reader of your work, your rating means a lot to me.

However, I was not trolling.

>>1128433
Any thoughts on this one? It's fairly bare-bones right now, but the idea of the loss of memory/belief due to a sci-fi plot device is intriguing me.

>>1128492
I shit rainbows made of zebras.

>>1128456
This would be so much more interesting if the kid was the anti-Christ instead. It would be a lot harder to accept that you are a destroyer

>mfw every idea reads like a Kilgore Trout novel.

After a funeral director from Misery Hollow is found to have stolen money from an old gypsy women he was seen rushing out of town mumbling to himself. Later that day screams were heard echoing from the hollow. Some of town folk waited for him to arrive at the tavern that night but he never showed. He didn’t show up to his funeral parlor the next day and he was not seen in the coming days either. No one saw him, that is, until two hunters, wandering through the woods, came across a set of twisted remains. The corpses arms were outstretched unnaturally as if to defend itself and it’s face frozen in a look of terrible fear. The mouth was open in mid scream and the eyes were glossy and wide. Much of the intestines were ripped from the body and bits of flesh were eaten away by small scavengers. While some believe he was attacked by hungry wolves others who saw his remains have no doubt the old woman sent the Kabralar to collect what was taken from her.

bump. this is a pretty fucking awesome thread. one of the first worth while of /lit/.

>>1128433
Still no grade/comments =/
Help me out before I go to bed, I'll return the favor.

Jake a young photographer, tries to keep affairs with his models and/or prostitutes secret from his new trophy wife.
She is unhappy with being put second after his work and quickly becomes suspicious that he is having an affair. She wants
a divorce but isn't willing to part with his great wealth so she hires a private detective to spy on him and later to
help her kill him. The private detective tries to screw the wife in more ways than one. First he tries to blackmail the
husband to keep photo's to himself and later decides he wants alittle more than the money from the wife. He forces himself
onto her and she plays along to make sure she gets what she wants while trying not to share the wealth.

>>1128775
I think this would be an amazing film if done in the style of film noir and maybe if the detectives were right on his trail but since he doesnt remember anything about his past its hard to find him. he doesnt go to familiar bars or to his home. It's an interesting idea and could be done really well in a few differant styles as long as its nothing like a futuristic minority report.

>>1128786
I actually hadn't thought of it as a film idea, even though that is typically where my mind goes first, but I like it. Thanks for the encouragement/advice.
You write anything in this thread?

>>1128775
Also the score... 9/10 for originality and potential
6/10 for the pitch until you come up with the rest of the story. what is the conflict? what tangible problem is he dealing with?
>>1128680
This is me. just so you know.

>>1128793
Oh I'm sorry I thought because you said Minority Report you were thinking of a film but then I remembered it was a book. lol.

a gay catholic priest begins to question his faith

>>1128800
Hasn't that been a written already? It could be good with more detail.

>>1128800
A boy questions his gay catholic priest

>>1128805
A gay detective questions a gay boy about his gay priest but for a murder and nothing to do with his sexuality. And then a skeleton falls out of the closet.

>>1128808
and the skeleton is really gay

>>1128810
Really really gay. and he questions the detective about being single?

"Would you like to bone?"

>>1128794
The idea actually stemmed from some philosophy papers I was reading through. The idea of personal identity being in the memories and beliefs a person accumulates in life. That would be the overarching thematic concern, most likely.
As for specific conflicts and details, that's something I'll definitely work on. I tend to leave my stories fairly rudimentary until I actually start writing them, so we'll see.

As for yours, >>1128680
I like the almost 'quirky' mystery this has going for it (meant in a good way, I assure you :P). It seems to be a fairly standard horror story beyond that, but could be good depending on the style it's written in.

>>1128456
Sounds like the ending of code geass.

>>1128814
Well thank you. I often get that about my pitches but It will certainly have a personality all it's own.

And every writer has their own way of working so as long as you know what you want then I say go with it. It's a really cool concept.

>>1128433

Wasn't this basically Total Recall?

It might work if someone is attempting revenge against the man, but he doesn't know why.

>>1128821
Memory loss is the bsis for alot of work but I don't think this writers idea is anything like total recall.

A psychotic group of murderous children who worship Samhain, the demon god of Halloween, begin a rampage to collect souls for his return on All Hollow’s Eve. They continue to murder neighbors while the local police chase them through the streets.

A young apothecary discovers an interesting item in his master's inventory. It's a rare flower that he has never heard of before, but it has an incredibly alluring aroma (apparently only to him though). He steals a few petals and drugs himself with it. By doing so, he has these phenomenal visions or so he thinks. He eventually finds out that these are not just drug induced hallucinations but spiritual journeys.

The plant is magical and inhaling the smoke acts as a gateway into humanity's collective subconscious.
There, he eventually meats God himself, who is an aggregate of the collective human experience. Since most of human experience is suffering, God's very existence is torture. He pleads with the young man to euthanize Him.

I'm not exactly sure how I will continue, but the apothecary fails. He runs out of petals in his frenzied endeavors to kill God and goes off on a mad quest to find more flowers. He is eventually killed when he finds the flower, by a poisonous snake. I wanted to make an allusion to the Epic of Gilgamesh.

MY IDEA
>Eras the typewriting monkey is sick of copying court cases. Eras decides he wants to write a masterpiece. There's one problem though. He's got writers block! Eras decides to travel the world so he can relax so he goes with Lexus (his kitten - Mittens the Kitten died in a car crash) and embarks on this journey. He buys his plane tickets (Rainbow Flights the happiest way to fly) and he sits down next to a bearded man named Chazter. Chazter is angry and skinny and smells of bad food. Chazter takes the plane hostage with a shoe filled with gasoline - Eras and Lexus are hostages! Chazter hates kittens so he throws Lexus out the plane into the Ocean below.

>>1127882
Kidnap+rape father revenge drama. Father actualises the symbolic meaning of the wish to rape the daughter. Shoots kidnappers, rapes daughter, shoots daughter for betraying his family. (Choice of if he was raping her before kidnap, choice of if kidnappers are better people than the home environment).

Set in Iran. Final act indicate the family was an American diplomatic one. For political metaphor make the Father the Cultural Attache. We all know about the Cultural Attache's function, don't we children?

A boy enters the world of sexuality with women grooming him for sexual purposes. His father gets a profitable new job opportunity, but has to move. The night before he moves his ego is stroked by his older male companions and an elderly woman tries to kill him.

On arrival things appear to be going well, but then his father dies and he's forced out into a life on the streets where it is kill or be killed. By taking drugs he becomes more powerful and eventually has a serious psychotic break when he dreams he must be the most important person ever.

He wages a gang war on authority, and eventually rides giant penises into his father's old workplace, forcing everyone to worship him.

The lead character kinda has sand in his vagina.

Highschool. There's some emofag and he's a fag, and hides it. He gets beaten up on a regular basis for being an emo. One day, he confronts the leader of the pack of jocks that beat the shit out of him. Turns out that the jock is a homosexualand has fancied this emo kid for a long time. However, because of his current 'position' he despises his desire for this emo kid. Which is why he feels the need to pummel him. You work out the rest, I cba with any more plotline than that.

A washed up detective turned hustler lets his girlfriend die and is rescued from his addiction by a powerful femme fatal. He travels, gathering a group of ne'er-do-wells in order to pull of one last great heist. He is tempted at the peak of the heist by the memory of his dead girlfriend, but decides instead to double cross everyone and pull of the heist.

I'm thinking of starting it with the line, "The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel."

>>1127882
1800s old England.
A family of four lives on off shore England with nothing truly wrong with them at all. They are wealthy, healthy and have a son and a daughter. The sons name is Adam and the daughter is Eve.

They are a christian family and practise the religion alot. Although Adam at the age of seven begins to suffer from a neurotic issue in his brain that makes him slightly insane. He begins to ride down town to London and buy books based on the occult from a dirty book store. As years pass he grows more insane and at the age of 12 begins to take an intrest in Eve watching her undress and walking into her room at night, plus other assorted nasty deeds.

As years progress he begins to realise that he is in love with her and rapes her at every opportunity he can grab. At the age of 17 he is so deep into his love of the occult he knows he can only be with her peacefully if she forsakes her christian soul by killing herself. Alas, he continues to do intense horrible things to her and she commits eventually before she turns 15. They now rest in hell together.

A middle-aged office worker is contacted by eerie creatures during nighttime, who try to convince him to start learning necromantic skills to create an army of corpse golems in order to restore the balance of the world.

Meanwhile, the man's wife observes his slow decline to insanity.

>>1128884
>Dune

>>1128891

>alot

ITT
>shitty ideas done hundreds of times before
>hurr durr let me just type some complete bullshit to mock those people's shitty ideas and hide the fact that I have so little imagination that I honestly think I can't do any better
>some honestly engaging ideas that probably never will be turned into stories, which is a shame

Got a good idea for a book.

A guy with amnesia roams around meso-America in the distant future, trying to find others of his kind and decipher strange markings everywhere. There's not really a plot or any character development, but the prose is amazing.

>>1128852

imokaywiththisandwouldliketoreadit.jpg

Some Prussian prick murdered Hans' wife. This isn't really an issue at the moment, however, asthe implant nestled comfortably on top of his corpus callosum gives him the perfect impression that she's still around. When she inspires him to start painting again, and he becomes popular among the German upper class he finally has the means to leave Earth and search for the murderer before his muse burns out and leaves him alone and talentless.

>>1128995
Sounds like Phillip K Dick. I mean that in a good way.

Two star-crossed lovers from feuding families attempt to reconcile the differences between their families and be together. However, they ultimately both take their own lives as the result of miscommunication.

>>1129042
Not that guy you quoted, but I've been wondering for some time. Could the term "Dickish" be used to refer to literature similar to that of P. K. Dick?

>>1129120
It COULD

It would be pretty stupid for obvious reasons though.

http://www.klick-game.gauss.livando.com/joke-21.html
klj

A United Nations weapons inspector and his assistant arrive on Mars against the backdrop of a simmering Mars independence movement. The colonists on Mars are starting to diverge physically and psychologically from those born on Earth: only healthy and intelligent individuals are sent there in the first place and their is a harsh environment. The colonists are much more ready to accept genetic modification and other "upgrades" in order to thrive.

Our protagonist visits a robotics facility, and during their brief tour everything is locked down. They are politely bundled into a side room, but not before armed security comes out of the woodwork and starts to converge on the lower levels. Sensing that something is being covered up, the protagonist slips out tries to investigate for himself.

He quickly becomes lost in the lower levels of the facility, and starts to find evidence of violence towards staff and security. Knowing that he is in over his head he tries to leave, but is immediately shot at by the security teams.

Plunged into this nightmare situation, he is caught between the security teams and something unknown which is tracking people and killing them. He gradually unravels the character of the lead researcher, who was pioneering development in robotics, cybernetics and AI.

>>1129165
Cont.

It slowly becomes apparent that there are a number of players involved: the lead researcher who seems to have deliberately caused this crisis. The head of security who is trying to control the leak and stop word getting back to Earth. And of course, our wildcard of a protagonist. Everyone is searching for the "archive".

The reader is misled into concluding that a war between man and machine was inevitable, and because of this the lead researcher instigated this to win the war before it even started. At the end we find that the researcher started off on this path, but then decided that not only was the war inevitable, but that the machines winning was inevitable. The goal of his research now is to find a way to change sides.

The Archive turns out to be another researcher who volunteered to receive extensive cybernetic implants. Their consciousness was merged with that of an AI, which evolved in a simulation that rewarded intelligent behaviour. The goal of the AI is to know everything. What is left of the researcher is pushing an uncompromising post-human agenda. The predatory things loose in the facility are essentially cyborgs, driven insane because they weren't volunteers.

Notes:
- Should there be an additional element in play, such as the inspector's assistant being a secret agent from Earth?
- Should the protagonist be forced, at various points, to accept cybernetic upgrades to improve his chance of survival? If so, how could this be introduced? This was the original intention of the story as it would allow the protagonist to be fully developed with a rise and fall. Themes about sacrifice for survival, surrender/capitulation and what it means to be human could be explored.

Comments/suggestions/criticisms are all welcome.

Are there any stories about a total war on Islam yet?

>>1129167
>>1129165
The Dresden Files already used your "Archive" idea.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_The_Dresden_Files_characters#The_Archive_.28Ivy.29

Sorry bro.

>>1129090
WHERE HAVE I HEARD THIS BEFORE

>>1129189

The Indonesian Candidate

It's like The Manchurian Candidate only with Obama and muslims.

>>1129220
OH yeah that wpuld be cool if only Obama was islamic you dumb shit. Could you be more racist?

>>1129220
>>1129532
>11:18
>14:26

butthurt sandnigger detected

>>1129544
No you're just ignorant. And I'm a white republican. But at least hate obama for his policies and not for his race. You are just fucking sad.

>>1129532
>>1130120

>>1128995
I'd read that.

>>1130161
You are pathetic.

>>1130186
Either you are the troll, or you are too dumb to take a shit without supervision. In either case, you're not worth listening to.

it's a fiction work that starts out as a lone vigilante who roams his city streets at night protecting the working girls from the evil dregs of society.

that's just the perspective for the first part of the book.

the rest of the work is how that picture slowly crumbles until you see that the entire story is about a seriel killer who kills prostitutes, and is completely delusional about what he is doing.

>>1130120
U MAD?

>>1130200
Are you shitting me?

>>1130223
maybe?

Okay, how about this: Prince William is the Anti-Christ; Prince Charles is the False Prophet, and Lady Di thought she was the Virgin Mary. Story takes place in 2012. Prince William becomes King Arthur, forges a peace accord between Israel and Syria after Israel nukes Damascus. Rebuilds Temple. Sets himself up as God. Tragedy results.

Two people love each other in Ital circa 1400s. But their families hate each other. They eventually kill each other.

>>1130271
make 'em teenagers, we'll make millions!