/lit/ - Literature

What kinds of things are you interested in? You definitely shouldn't kill yourself. There are lots of people throughout history with stories like yours who went on to do amazingly productive things intellectually. You have most of the human experience completely open to you in ways that a lot of people wouldn't even appreciate because they're too wrapped up in just passing the time. Don't despair.

>>11185304
Oblomov

Buddhism maybe

>>11185319

Idk it doesn’t feel like that anon. It kinda just feels like I’m a waste of life.

I like music, art, nutrition, comic books, good movies, and of course books

>>11185304
Hey anon, 22 year-old autoimmune sufferer here. My RA hasn't progressed enough to leave me bedridden like you, so I have no idea of the awful shit you must be going through right now. But I know what its like to be unemployed and depressed while you can feel your body deteriorating under its own weight. My muscles are so much weaker than they used to be, and my fingers are considerably slower at the piano and guitar which really frightens me sometimes, because without music I'm really not sure what I'd have.

I'm not sure if I can help you find a book that will bring meaning to your suffering beyond Kierkegaard's Fear and Trembling, but please anon, don't kill yourself.

>>11185357

Thanks anon but I just feel like a complete financial drain on my family, completely worthless, I tried to find meaning in God but I can’t believe in him due to the situation he put me in. I definitely have lost hope. :-/

>>11185387
Kierkegaard doesn't have to be about finding meaning in God, anon. The idea of a leap of faith is you're not really sure what you're leaping into at all, and while it feels kind of ridiculous to put your faith into something that seems totally absent from your experience, you nevertheless hedge your bets that there's some kind of value below the bedrock of the universe. Its why, for example, the most successful cure for alcoholism is a (quasi) religious experience: the confessional nature of an AA meeting can offer a secular alternative, but essentially provides the same form of consolation and reprieve. I genuinely hope you can find something to stick around for anon, religious or non-religious, meaningful or non-meaningful.

>>11185304

Read this OP

https://realization.org/p/ashtavakra-gita/richards.ashtavakra-gita/richards.ashtavakra-gita.html

>>11185387
I wonder if you might like William James' Varieties of Religious Experience, particularly the parts where he talks about the 'sick soul' and the function of unhappiness and bleakness in certain temperaments, and in forming/impelling new temperaments or realizations

http://www.gutenberg.org/files/621/621-h/621-h.html#toc11
http://www.gutenberg.org/files/621/621-h/621-h.html#toc13

>The sanguine and healthy-minded live habitually on the sunny side of their misery-line, the depressed and melancholy live beyond it, in darkness and apprehension.

>Does it not appear as if one who lived more habitually on one side of the pain-threshold might need a different sort of religion from one who habitually lived on the other? This question, of the relativity of different types of religion to different types of need, arises naturally at this point, and will become a serious problem ere we have done. But before we confront it in general terms, we must address ourselves to the unpleasant task of hearing what the sick souls, as we may call them in contrast to the healthy-minded, have to say of the secrets of their prison-house, their own peculiar form of consciousness. Let us then resolutely turn our backs on the once-born and their sky-blue optimistic gospel; let us not simply cry out, in spite of all appearances, “Hurrah for the Universe!—God's in his Heaven, all's right with the world.” Let us see rather whether pity, pain, and fear, and the sentiment of human helplessness may not open a profounder view and put into our hands a more complicated key to the meaning of the situation.

>The securest way to the rapturous sorts of happiness of which the twice-born make report has as an historic matter of fact been through a more radical pessimism than anything that we have yet considered.

>When disillusionment has gone as far as this, there is seldom a restitutio ad integrum. One has tasted of the fruit of the tree, and the happiness of Eden never comes again. The happiness that comes, when any does come,—and often enough it fails to return in an acute form, though its form is sometimes very acute,—is not the simple ignorance of ill, but something vastly more complex, including natural evil as one of its elements, but finding natural evil no such stumbling-block and terror because it now sees it swallowed up in supernatural good. The process is one of redemption, not of mere reversion to natural health, and the sufferer, when saved, is saved by what seems to him a second birth, a deeper kind of conscious being than he could enjoy before.

It's partly more about dispositional suffering, like people just neurotically inclined to passionate "taking the world to task," but I think it could apply to your situation as well. For example he talks about Luther a lot, and Luther suffered from SHIT health his entire fucking life.

In general James is just an uplifting pleasant guy.

Proust wrote much of In Search of Lost Time bedridden so maybe there's a quality there that could appeal to you. Try out Swann's Way OP

>>11185387

"Dark Night of the Soul" by Saint John of the Cross. The Gospel of John and Paul's Letter to the Galatians.

Anon, I can't imagine what you are going through... but God loves you and his son, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit love you as well. I think if you investigate Gods glorious eternal love, you might find some consolation. I will pray for you, and I love you.

"He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit"

>>11185304
so hold up is that a picture of you? are you the dog?

>>11185304
Don't kill yourself :-(

>>11185490
>>11185304

We love you anon. Yeah, read Dark Night of the Soul (Peers translation). Saint John of the Cross knows what you're going through. I pray you can transform your suffering by gifting it to God. Seriously, I'm praying for you. :)

Crime and Punishment

Try writings by people who left society and had spiritual experiences. I’m interesting in hermetic monks. I saw a quote by one who said, “I have never enjoyed living in the world.” I thought that was interesting because many hardcore Christians I know smile a lot and try hard to look like they’re loving life. I don’t want to really force myself to be happy, or wallow in sadness... I just want to be and let whatever feeling be there.

There was one monk who told his life story to a nun and she wrote it down. I can’t remembe his name.


May I ask what autoimmune condition? I used to have great trouble with Hashimoto’s Hypothyroidism before diagnosis, which is autoimmune although generally not considered serious if treated.

I find meaning in drawing. I’ve always been inclined to draw, and I spent so long at it that I developed an idiosyncratic style, meaning you can recognize my style apart from others. Once I got there, drawing became one of the most important, meaningful activities in my life.

For books, I’ve found meaning in reading Carl Jung. Man and his symbols is a good introduction. Modern Man in Search of a Soul is good. The Red Book is his experiences with active imagination. I think he didn’t mean for it to be published. It’s very strange. Because of Jung, I’ve started recording and analyzing my own dreams. This has really helped me, anon.

The Tao te Ching is interesting. I’ve started reading the Bible. I’m interested in Hindu writings, as well as writings by hermetic Christian monks.

Maybe God put you in that situation for a reason, but generally I think God doesn’t control the world. I lean toward thinking the only thing a God lacks is weakness, and that’s what the world is. I don’t yet know how to articulate this better. Jordan Peterson explained it better.

I think God or ancestors or something does communicate through dreams if you listen. It makes me feel loved and not alone.

Stoicism is good for learning about handling pain, overcoming pain and acceptance of death. (Seneca and Epictetus are both more interesting than Marcus.)
Bushido thought is good for turning your longing for death into strength and self improvement. The samurai believed that one needed a total disregard of life in order to be successful and prosper. (Hagakure, The Code of the Samurai and Training the samurai mind: A bushido sourcebook. These book are worth reading, the sourcebook requires a solid understand of contemporary Japanese philosophy in order to worth your time though)

>>11185304
don't give up on us OP, lit wouldnt be the same without you. are you in the lit discord?

>>11185423
>>11185445
>>11185490
>>11185501
>>11185503
>>11185549
>>11185619
>>11185624

thanks guys Op here literally made me cry

Op here

>>11185624

I am not in the lit discord. :-(

>>11185549

I have Rheumatoid Arthritis

Try Hesse's Siddhartha, really eye-opening

Death of Ivan Ilych

In Search of Lost Time by Proust

I think you're right to dismiss the notion of God, and you should be careful not to delude yourself into thinking otherwise. The cheetah and the gazelle both run for their life. How can a God be on both of their sides, when one must die for the other to live? When you realize we're no different from the animals, you realize the same numbers game at play. By right, you probably shouldn't even be here. Nothing thins the herd of our species except disease itself, and those afflicted with it continue breeding. The weak are exploited by the rich, and someone's loss is always someone else's gain.

So much awful shit happens and there's no greater rhyme or reason. Tsunamis, children dying of illnesses before they can even speak, starvation; what is the lesson here? We're told we're never given more than what we can handle, but this happens all the time. You bite off more than you can chew or reach in insurmountable obstacle, and you die. Terminal cancer, freak accidents, homicide, we'll get by on odds not having to deal with most of these, but it's going to be one of them and sooner or later your number's up, and that's it. The survival rate drops to zero.

Despite everything, you are here right now. You exist instead of something else or nothing else, and that's the only opportunity you'll ever have to see what you can do with it. There's no meaning to be found, however. Meaning is made. If you decide you're going to feel sorry for yourself and waste away, then that was the meaning you made for yourself. You're free to own it and fuck anyone for trying to judge you for it, but don't try to blame anyone else for it either.

Or, you could decide to try to do something more. I'm not going to list off things I think you could do since I know nothing about you or your condition. What I do know is that just about everything of importance these days happens on, through, or is created by computers, so if you have access to one, it's a rather miraculous age where even a bed bound person could achieve amazing things, and you should consider yourself lucky had you been born 100 years ago you would have no such opportunity

On a more pragmatic note, I've read several people with chronic pain respond well to Kratom. It won't take your pain away but it might take the edge off to an extent that you regain some functionality.

>>11185965
Shoot, I was going to post this

>>11185304

The Stranger

>one chance at life
>Born a genelet

Life is fucked sometimes. Anyway read the bible

>>11186000

OP here. Tell me about it man. I prayed for God to kill me last night and today. Only thing keeping me going is I know my parents wouldn’t make it if I killed myself.

>>11186046
>Only thing keeping me going is I know my parents wouldn’t make it if I killed myself.

tell me about it desu

>>11185304
Cancer Ward (Solzhenitsyn) for this feel.

>>11185336

Fuck that shit

Read "Stoicism and the Art of Happiness" by Donald Robertson

Don’t really have a great recommendation, but I hope you can find some peace and strength to go on OP. There have been some good recommendations in this thread, and hopefully you find one you like. Not to be a meme, but when I read Finnegans Wake my life is sort of absorbed into the book, at least on a good read, and it does take me away from my troubles for a while. Perhaps you good look for some type of online work or begin a creative project, something to make the days not feel so aimless.

>>11185989
This is brainlet-reddit-tier It's so wrong I don't even know where to start.
>>11185304
The meaning of life is the pursuit of the good life, which is found in the cultivation of the virtues.
Has your condition left you unable to practice courage? The opposite is true, you have the chance to be unafraid in your dedication to the good life in a situation where fear is to be expected, so going beyond that is far superior to basically anything the average person faces.
Has your condition left you unable to practice prudence? I don't know what you're suffering from, but you can probably still read and gain knowledge on what is good, what is evil and what is neither.
Has your condition left you unable to practice justice? On the contrary, your condition gives you more insight on the suffering and injustices that people with certain condition face on a daily basis.
Has your condition left you unable to practice temperance? In all likelihood, not, and as for courage, the situation you're in puts you in front of challenges that if overcomed will lead you to a far greater level of virtue than that achievable by normal people.
You can still live a virtuous life, which means your life is still meaningful, at least potentially.

>>11186046
I’m the guy who wrote about hermetic monks. I’m sorry to hear about your condition and the affects it has had on you.

I was very suicidal ten years ago. It was a combination of a childhood of being raised in a violent home with messed up parents, being naturally on the strange side, and some of my own weakness and coward ness. I am not calling you weak or a coward as I don’t know your situation or you, really. I could go into more detail but for the sake of time I’ll just say if I had learned I was so mentally beaten down by childhood I was so weak in early adulthood. I don’t understand your specific situation, but I know what it’s like to feel despair.

Then I went back to school, but got sick and it made life so much harder. I got suicidal again. I still feel it sometimes, but not nearly as bad. It makes sense to feel suicidal in a situation like yours. I’ve prayed for god to kill me in my sleep but he doesn’t. Sometimes I still do but I feel like I have more strength to combat it. You need to find ways to feel strong. Since it may not be physically, it has to be mentally. Reading great people can help.

What does your doctor say about your condition? At least you know this isn’t your fault.

Do your parents or whomever you’re living with have a yard? Do you have any ability to do some small gardening? I’ve found peace in tending to flower and plant gardens. I enjoy coming home from work and picking weeds, but I like that kind of obsessive thing. Maybe you’d enjoy this?

What is your school situation? Do you have the ability to get an online degree? Maybe there are jobs you could do online? Start small. Find forums where people have similiar conditions and ask for recommendations. Having a job of some kind can help you feel strong.

does this mean you'll never get better anon?
ur bedridden for life?
how do those diseases work?

>>11187051
Me again. Jordan Peterson’s daughter had a serious condition. You could look into some of the ways they dealt it.

Maybe finding forums where there people with conditions like you and you can make friends. Maybe video chat with them.

>>11185304
Think of it like this, OP.
You can't do anything about having an illness.
It's not your fault, so it's not something you need to feel guilty or ashamed about. It sucks a lot, but don't be ashamed or guilty about things you can't change.

You can't do a lot, but you can do somethings. You can read and write, so try your hand at writing. You have the time to practice as you want, and try all kinds of things. Write fanfiction as practice. At the very least, people will thank you, and enjoy your work and write you.

Learn a new language, learn to draw, paint, learn to read brail, study frogs. I don't know.

>>11185304
Read about Frida Kahlo.
She was an amazing woman, who spent most of her life in pain, in bed, and holy shit, she didn't let that get her down.

>>11187110
Me again. I’ve been interested in seeing a Jungian psychologist. I don’t know how that would be, but they are different from regular psychologists. There may be ones you could see online.

>this thread

I love you anon, don't kill yourself, don't be miserable.

>>11187249

Thanks anon

>>11187088

Thanks for your interest anon.

I’m not sure if i’ll ever get better. It’s possible but I’ll still have symptoms. My life is basically doctors visits and six week waits :-/

>>11188134
Read about Frida Kahlo
I mean it.

>>11185304
Stoicism; pick up The Enchiridion by Epictetus. It's short but powerful. He was not only crippled, he was born the slave of a slave, and he used his stoicism to combat his suffering in life.

>>11186046
>Only thing keeping me going is I know my parents wouldn’t make it if I killed myself.
too close to home anon

>>11188170

I will anon. Thank you.

>>11185304
If you can, lay down somewhere outside were you can be in the sun and hear birds sing.
I've always enjoyed natural history to fill my life with meaning.

>>11185304
Power vs. Force by David R. Hawkins.

An introduction to the single greatest source of understanding and meaning to life.

Hope you will find peace.

>>11188198
You're welcome, OP.
She was a wonderful woman who made the best of an absolute shit life. Make sure you choose one about her whole life, not just her art.

>>11187051

Thanks anon. Our situations mirror each other pretty incredibly. I got sick and went back to school for graphic design but i’ve regressed to the point that it’s pretty hard. I’m hoping I can finish it. I had to take antidepressants for the first time in 10 years and fell back pretty hard.

Ive been lurking here and got a list of books to read because I feel worthless physically.

>>11188217

Thanks for even caring anon. This board isnt like the rest of 4chan. You guys are actually intelligent.

>>11188170
I’ve read the book on her paintings by Hayden Herrera. It’s good.

This thread. Love you all.

>>11188204

thank you

>>11188498
Me again. I wonder if there is any way to connect with a religious group from home. If you do become interested in Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, etc, is there a way to work for them from home? You may not be interested in this. It’s just something I might consider if I were largely bedridden. Maybe becoming someone what a monk.

If not that, maybe there are dating sites for people who are chronically ill or bedridden. Maybe you wouldn’t want to date someone who might never get better when you might. I don’t know. Just thinking out loud right now.

>>11185304
Sorry anon.

I’d get deep into some buddhism if I were you.

Mihaila Peterson claims to have fixed modt of her rheumatic arthritis by going on a carnivore diet I believe.

>>11185304
You can make it OP

Play videogames OP.

I know it's not gonna be a popular opinion on /lit/, but you can sink an entire life into vidya. Just intersperse it with a productive hobby to stop yourself from vegetating.

>help me find meaning in my shitty life
I don't even have whatever physical autism you have contracted and I haven't found meaning in mine.

Don't search for meaning. Just search for a way to get through tomorrow without wanting to fucking die.

Things that keep me going
>the pleasure of jerking off
>family
>relaxing with some sweet vidya
>being gripped by an absolute pageturner
>yelling at Nazis on /pol/
>noticing visible improvement in my ability to draw
>not letting down my pets
>being a part of this strange byt wonderful community with the rest of /lit/, and, yes, with you

None of these things will give you meaning. They don't give me meaning. But you shouldn't aim for orbit when you can't even achieve heavier-than-air flight. Focus on not wanting to fucking die first. Fill your days with things you enjoy doing, or alternatively fill them with things that stop you from thinking. Mindnumbing vidya on one screen and podcasts on the other with 4chan in another tab is enough to drown out my brain for entire days.

>>11185304
I've been doing chemo since I was 16. I'm 23 now. I mostly enjoy absurdist humor and really over the top stuff, but my honest advice is find some some group of like minded people (like a doscord channel) to make frends with so you can talk to people, it helps out the most.

>>11185304
Hey OP sorry I'm late, but I highly recommend Abandonment to Divine Providence by Fr. de Caussade. This got me through my time of suicidal ideation. I will never know your suffering, but I hope you can find a thing to carry with you through the pain. Also Ecclesiastes. God bless.

>>11192591
I get your point but being alive is not the same as living. A life of reckless hedonism pales in comparison to the attainment of a quiet and relaxed mind, through accumulation of virtue.

I would advise you personally to incrementally decrease your consumption of ephemeral moments day by day. less focus external more on the internal. less vidya and jerking off, and more family, pets and self improvement (drawing in your case). I promise you the peace of mind would increase your quality of life exponentially.

>>11192660
>being alive is not the same as living
Pointless platitude of no use to anyone.

I'm not the one praying to God to fucking kill me, so clearly I'm doing something right.

You should focus more on accumulating the virtues necessary for a balanced, and above all pragmatic, view on the good life. At the moment it seems that you favour a dogmatic prescriptivist view designed to ensure that nobody measures up.

If you want the secret to finding meaning then here it is:
Don't ask "why was I put on this Earth," ask "why do I stay on this Earth (instead of killing myself)."

I stay for my family, and because I refuse to give up. I also stay because I have work that I want to finish. I have goals that I want to achieve so that I can point to something and be judged, in the eyes of people I care about, as someone worthy of respect, who can be trusted with great works.

This isn't a grand spiritual revelatory meaning. This is a simple, pragmatic meaning suitable for real people who want concrete reasons to get up in the morning, not empty vagaries like "peace of mind."

>"but those reasons sound like shit and I hate them"
Cool. Find your own. I never said they were great reasons - my desperate search for the approval of others is hardly noble - but they are MY reasons, and they get me out of bed and stop me from wanting to die.

>"but the answer to "why do I stay on this Earth" is "no reason""
Then kill yourself.

>>11192682
heh, like i always say as long as somebody is happy i dont really care what their reason is for being happy. But the truth is most people arent happy. Sure everybody has had fleeting moments of pure bliss. But thats not true happiness. True happiness lies only in a settled and quiet mind. There were many paths towards it. Attainment of virtue is one, meditation and self reflection is another.

Its hard to explain in words and even harder for someone to comprehend if they haven't experienced it, so i understand if it can be difficult to agree with. Youre right in you gotta find your own meaning in life, and i found mine in other people. Life is meaningless but people matter and im just trying to help by offering some advice for a more enjoyable existence.

>>11185304
>Can someone recommend me a book that will help me find meaning in my shitty life?
The Gospels and Church Fathers, numbskull.

.

OP here, gonna reply to everyone soon

>>11194801
>OP here

Glad to hear it. I check this thread every day.

>>11195752
The thread isn’t even two days old.

>>11190891

Thank you for your suggestions anon. I haven’t considered any sort of religious group but I am open to it. Thankfully I have a girlfriend who helps take care of me.

>>11192591

Thanks anon. I try reading books but I can’t focus or comprehend like I used to due to my autoimmune disease affecting my brain and giving me hella ADHD so i’m reading brainlet tier right now. Ironically I’m reading As I Lay Dying... :-/ For the same reason i haven’t played any video games because I get pissed and cant sit through the tutorials but Ive been considering reinstalling starcraft 2.

>>11192682

Op here. The dude you’re responding to isn’t me.

>>11190891
>>11192518
>>11192532
>>11192545
>>11192591
>>11192633
>>11192635
>>11195752

OP here... Thanks for the posts like these guys you may not know it but they really keep me going and make me feel not so invisible and worthless. Thank you all so much.

>>11195839
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. I am justified in saying everyday.

>>11196194
I don’t think I could commit suicide if I had a girlfriend. Are you close to her?

>>11196614

Op here... Idk we are close but I feel like she is wasting her life with me and I don’t know if we’ll stay together through this. It’s a hard feeling to describe.

>>11185304
would you like to be penpals? I don't really have a sobstory, but I don't do much, so I would be down if you want someone to talk to.

>>11185304
What auto immune disorder do you have? I can offer good medical advice.

I love you bro! My brother got extremely ill a few years ago and he found a great comfort in Henry James. His work might not be the most hopeful or inspiring but it's masterfully written and worth reading, especially if you have the time to read it all. Keep your chin up man, I want to still see your posts here in a year.

>>11196843
Stop beating up on yourself fucker. Don't get locked in your head with those thoughts either. I hate to say this, but have you considered a therapist? I know it sounds condescending but having someone who actually listens to you and talks to you about shit like that on the most intimate level is really helpful, especially for teasing apart hardened-up thought patterns and bad habits.

https://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=4959248&page=1

This 71 year old lady that lived the vast majority of her life in an Iron Lung wrote an autobiography called "Breath: Life in the Rhythm of an Iron Lung." I've never read it, but it could be relevant to your interest.

Nietzsche was in pain for most of his life
Reading about his life and his books can be inspiring if you are sceptIcal of religion
Alternatively (my own extremely presumptuous two cents) you could try to find a solution to your problem yourself. Pain can be a great catalyst for change, and a lot of scientific knowledge is the result of desperation rather than just clever thinkers
The internet is a great resource

>>11185304
Can I quickly just say that some people do this without an autoimmune disorder, what madness eh? Better to have no choice than to have to justify that situation to yourself.

>>11185304
OP, I’ve never been in a situation comparable to yours, but Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning really helped me through a depressive episode a few years back. The Meditations is a meme book a little bit but it may be of use to you.

Also OP, I just want to encourage you to find a few intellectual interests and pursue them wholeheartedly. Pretty much the only thing that keeps me going (and not in a bad way, I mean the only thing I find truly interesting about my life) is the opportunity to read and learn about philosophy and economic theory. I’m not sure how helpful this is, but serious academic interests can dull the monotony of life, even if the disciplines can be a little abstract. I’m sort of beginning to flirt with Catholicism again, so I’ll pray for you OP, if that’s worth anything <3

Do you have AIDS?

>>11185719
>Rheumatoid Arthritis
fellow RA sufferer here. What're your treatments like? Is there any potential to improve your condition? I'm on 20mg methotrexate subtravenous injections per week. Since quitting smoking and moving to a strict vegan diet, my condition has improved massively. There's something about red meat and dairy that really irritates and inflames my joints, cutting it out really boosted the effects of my treatment

I'm your age and have been bed ridden for 18 months now so I understand a bit of what you are going through. Before anything I'd recommend having a serious talk with your parents about how you feel. There's a lot of self hate and grief tied in with chronic illness that you wanna bottle up. I finally told my dad about how much of a burden I felt i was and feeling suicidal. He told me any burden I am alive would be nothing compared to the burden of me dead. I'm sure your parents feel the same.

I can't really think of any one book that has kept me going. Luckily I already read a lot before my problems started so I enjoy a constant stream of books. You could read the stoics, some Buddhist, Hindu or Christian texts, and ive read many, but I've found there's no one book you'll read and suddenly find a meaning. Rather it's something you work towards. It's a slow acceptance of where you are at in life, finding meaning in the relationships with the people around you and the challenge of overcoming yourself daily. There's also no better time in history to have a medical problem, who knows how future treatments might help.

I'm not sure how mobile you are but doing Cognitive behavioral therapy with a psychologist when I was up to it helped me a bit too.

>>11185387
Couldn't imagine having such a debilitating illness.
Reminds me of the visual novel Narcissu.

Just try and accept that you got the short end of the stick and try to find something to do whilst you are bed ridden like reading and maybe writing on your laptop.

I'm not sure if there are any treatments for what you are suffering. If life is suffering and you see no point in going on there is no shame in an hero, however I would only consider that if I was in constant agony.

If by bedridden you mean you are room bound maybe try to learn how to paint or play a instrument.

.

>>11198029

OP here... Thank you anon. It means something to me. I check this thread every day for motivation and will continue to after its archived. Your words matter a lot to me.

>>11196945

I see a therapist but the hard part is putting what he says into action. Most of the time is him saying the psychological version of “that sucks” when I mention how I feel because I don’t think he can relate.

Jordan Peterson has a similar condition. I suggest reading his book, Maps of Meaning, and watch his lectures on YouTube.

Ignore the discord trannies that hate JP because of his "mean comments" about monogamy

>>11196210
Nice, starcraft2 holds special place in my heart.. Stopped playing like year ago but still lurk on community sites from time to time.

>>11185304
OP, I don't have good advice although I am familiar with pain.
Do whatever you have to do.

>>11197408
>Better to have no choice than to have to justify that situation to yourself.

Not OP. Can you explain what you mean please?

.

>>11200970
Imagine being in op's situation, except there's no medical reason for being in it. You would have to try to justify putting yourself in that situation, which is something I think is horrible.

>>11185304
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

>>11202200
I see
>>111968
Maybe talk to her about it. If she’s taking care of you, she must love you.