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2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/lit/ - Literature

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11157663 No.11157663 [Reply] [Original]

So I already posted this at /k/, where it is presumably on a one-way trip to page 10. I figured it might be a better idea to bring it here where people actually might read something.

So, 20-some years ago 11 year old me wrote this inexplicably /k/ story. I've been sitting on it ever since, and nobody but my best friend at the time has ever seen it.

Well, I finally dug it out of my stuff while cleaning for a move, and have decided to bring it out of the darkness. The condition of the paper is not the greatest as it has been folded haphazardly for 20 years.

Please bear with the occasional grammar mistakes and/or wholesale abandonment of paragraph structure, I don't think kid-me ever thought it would matter for this one...

>> No.11157738
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>> No.11157816
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>>11157663
Psst... Hey buddy, nobody gives a shit here either.

>> No.11157842
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>>11157816
Get the fuck out of here, stalker!

>> No.11157856
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>> No.11159279
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>> No.11159405

Make it stop.

>> No.11159419

>>11157816
this t b h
go fuck yourself

>> No.11159467

I dig it; you can continue.

>> No.11159752

>>11157663
dude, your sentence variety is awful. let me imitate it real quick.

>I was taking a break on 4chan, inbetween chapters of the Critique of Pure Reason. I saw a post that tickled my fancy and decided to read it, because it looked cool. Knowing that it was going to be entertaining, I clicked it. Lo and behold (ha, get it?), it wasn't.

Compare that with this:

>In-between chapters of the Critique of Pure Reason I decided to take a break on 4chan, where I then saw a post that tickled my fancy. I decided to read it because it looked cool. I clicked it. I knew it was going to be entertaining, but, lo and behold (get it?), it wasn't.

This post so far has taken me 3 minutes to write. Work on your variety. On your third line "I almost pissed my pants," besides it being just an awful sentence, an awful thought, and not noteworthy and bottom-of-the-barrel level--it could have been better if you had ended it on "pants." LITERALLY the only sentence in your first paragraph that does not take the ___ , ___ form is "All this was too much for me." HA!

I thought I was going to continue this critique but then I reached the third line of the second paragraph and I find myself coming back to the only good advice when critiquing: go read more. READ. READ. READ. READ.

>> No.11160737

Bump