/lit/ - Literature

Bugskienka, fat as a cow, was known for eating too many carrots

>>11080327

>>11080327
Bugs, oh bugs fellow so plump, slow it, yeah slow that chomp on your carrot

>>11080327
Bugs. Slow it please.
Please slow it down,
Or you'll need to pay a fee.

>>11080327
M. Bugs.. faciles sur les carottes

>>11080327
Ah Bugs, you who eat to much carrot, should consider my offer, slow it, slow it on your carrot.

>>11080327
begone ye carrots, from thee plump bugs

>>11080327
Stately, plump Bugs Bunny eased on the carrots

bugs... tranquilo con las zanahorias

Carrots are the cruelest veg, easing

That was too much. Seeing Bugs eating so much carrots reminded him of his elder Karl who, that Monday, had the same way of eating them. The young boy from Schwerin was renowned among his classmates for his peculiar...

We rabbits believe numbers mean something. For Bugs, to be sure, the number of carrots is a sort of infinity, however false it may be, that helps him evade the fact that he is utterly alone, finite and alone in the Great Farm. In fact, to the Absolute Bunny, it is numbers that mean absolutely nothing. Bugs, if he is to become a true rabbit, must shed this illusion and come naked, carrotless. Yet, no rabbit dares to be one rabbit, he hides in number.

>>11080327
Rancid activity, Bugs. Don't eat it. Bugs.

>>11080327
And but the major kind of knotty issue or double-bind at the centre of their very real and very hopeless anguish-type feelings about the whole Bugs situation was that way deep down they all knew that he, Bugs, was so totally involved, all the way through to the core of himself, with the cycle of procuring, eating, and longing for ever more carrots1, that to try and intervene or somehow attenuate that cycle would basically amount to trying to eliminate what was fundamentally Bugs about Bugs.

1. Carrots whose seemingly bottomless origin was never quite discerned even by the most noir-ish efforts of tracking and interception and inquiries to basically all the major- and minor-league vegetable distributors in the tri-country area by a cadre of Bugs' most concerned and reconnaissance-adept friends.

>>11080327
Bugs perceived that the number of carrots he had eaten would stretch his belly beyond all rabbit endurance. He tried to swallow in a dry throat. House Wabbit must fall.

Not my fav author but here we go

>A yellowed fingernail scratched at his face.
"Bugs put the carrot down. Still fulla chemicals. Melt your dick off."

HWAET!
HEAR YONGA HARE
EO TELL THOU TH TALE OF
BUGS TH PORTLY, HAN HAR
ATES WELL YOND HAN SHARE
OF CARROTS

>>11080327

Bugs spit out the carrots

easy my ass hombre

Bugs spit again into the dirt

>>11080327
Bugs with a bloated wormlike bellies, appeared appendages on him that looked like nothing that supposed to exist in a natural way of the world. "Stop, on it, Bugs," whispered an unknown voice in Bugs's head.

He heard it repeatedly but Bugs was doomed to consume. The carrots was the only thing that gave him pleasure, and he seem to be afraid to be alive and conscious without it. All way to escape the carrot leads to a dread soul of his.

>>11080327
bugsworth potter ate some of bibby blinger's all flavorous carrots as he stretched his legs

>>11080706
hhh

Bugs bugs bugs, easy easy easy, on the on the on the on the on the on the on the carrots

Saw bugs in the bodega corner, facing the rotted walls. Called em' bugs cause he had these big ol bunny ears and pynchon chuckers from a hack gene job. Not his choice. Dig: zootopia fanfic parents. Writer/illustrator duo + pre-40's splicer regulations. Ain't a pretty picture. He's crying over a pile of them triangular 'phedrone tablets, tears smearing the orange stains around his mouth.

To the familiar rabbit, now approaching in form the globularity of a meal hare quite fitted for the fricasseeing, I trod with the hesitation entailed on the presumption of a concerned stranger.
"Mr. Bugs, may I suggest that you reserve some of those carrots for a worse day, when circumstance should hinder your supply?"

To my surprise, the old rabbit seemed to stretch the very borders of his aspect to a grin and proceeded without so much as the taking a deep breath to confound my proposition. I learned later that he had been called to the bar as a young man, having sent many a poor hunter to the tolbooth at Edinburgh.

>>11080327
b)[bU(nny]G..s
eas/eemeeatcarrr ootts//
____^^______Y~esyesyes~||on

:tibbarabbit:
?
TH<..>e! cARrOts&s&'
.

As Bugs reached for the carrots his wife's grip on her knife tightened, her eye's hardening at the caricature of the thing her Bugs once was.

And the hippity hop hurtling of an innocent critter of immense blubber juggling proportion, as it would be an understatement to demarcate such a cluster of subcutaneous lard as merely obese, brought the lagomorpha to a seemingly everlasting halt from whence he could then uproot the carrot earplugs lodged deep within his previously idle auditory orifices to then turn his attention from the vain attempts at sucking in his protruding navel to don the guise of having it together, whatever the abstract concept of 'it' may entail when striving to appear less like a medicine ball distended with a marbled mixture of Crisco and Jell-O, to noticing the lexical overlord pitter-pattering at a keyboard documenting the last hours of the Looney Tunes spearhead's biography while simultaneously whipping up a 'pre-humous' obituary sprinkled with dietary caveats to ultimately get through the overly memed rabbit's thick skull that the people are SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR GARGANTUAN SHITS BUGS! EASY ON THE CARROTS!!!

This niggerabbit with his niggercarrot grinning niggardly like niggers do when they set their nigger hands on anything they can niggerfy like the nigger schools rebuilt in the niggardly image of the nigger mind was going to shoot his nigger heart out, like a stereotypical nigger with a gun. Being better than a nigger, I commanded the niggerabbit to cease eating his niggercarrots and think, very unniggerlike, to conserve his niggercarrots to ensure the life of his future nigger son.

>>11080733

Nice.

>>11080714

Jeff Goldblume is your favorite author?

>>11080733
this was amazing.

1. And lo, it came to pass in the land of the Wood of Holy, that there was a Wabbit. And it was good. 2. And there were in the land many carrots, and of the number of the carrots there was no accounting. 3. And the Wabbit spake thusly, "Behold, I shall eat of these carrots, that there may great increase in the girth of my belly, and the Fuddites shall surely tremble. 4. But the Lord spake unto the Wabbit, from a great cloud, saying "Thou shalt go more easy on the carrots, oh Wabbit, or thee shall be a desolation made upon thee and thine, yay, unto even the seventh generation. 5. And so the Wabbbit went easy upon the carrots. And it was good.

>>11080327
i don't want a rabbit
who stuffs himself with carrots
i need a rabbit
who can take it easy


- anonymous

>>11080327
my roots
like a carrot
he indulges
til he is full
but i am empty
when will he learn this is
my body
your hands crawl on my skin like
bugs
take it easy on me

>>11080327
Bugs(1)...easy on(2) the carrots(3)

1. 'Bugs' here as identifying with that moxy-filled rabbit of old, but also to some those psychix bugs of withdrawal

2. Some militant grammarians may prefer easy-on in some.circumstances(a)

a. This is in fact false and merely a so-called 'rabbit hole'

3. Weed

>>11080820
liked

If the gods have determined about me and about the carrots which I must eat, they have determined well, for it is not easy even to imagine a deity without forethought; and as to doing me harm, why should they have any desire towards that? For what advantage would result to them from this or to the whole, which is the special object of their providence? But if they have not determined about me and the carrots individually, they have certainly determined about the whole at least, and the things which happen by way of sequence in this general arrangement I ought to accept with pleasure and to be content with them. But if they determine about nothing- which it is wicked to believe, or if we do believe it, let us neither sacrifice nor pray nor swear by them nor do anything else which we do as if the gods were present and lived with us and ordained the carrots we should eat but if however the gods determine about none of the things which concern us, I am able to determine about myself, and I can inquire about that which is useful; and that is useful to every rabbit which is conformable to his own constitution and nature. But my nature is to eat all the carrots; in so far as I am Bugs, iand so far as I am a rabbit. The things then which are useful to any rabbit are alone useful to me. Whatever happens to every rabbit, this is for the interest of the universal: this might be sufficient and going easy on the carrots in accord with the will of the gods. But further thou wilt observe this also as a general truth, if thou dost observe, that whatever is profitable to any rabbit is profitable also to the carrots. But let the word profitable be taken here in the common sense as said of things of the middle kind, neither good nor bad. Therefore, Bugs, begin each day by reflecting on the carrots that have existed, and are no more. If these are now gone, why then should you forebear to go easy upon any carrot in the new day.

>>11080457
I was looking for this one, good job

>>11080916
mark twain?

>>11080327
Porky... Easy on the exploitation and commodity production.

>>11080637
Mike Matei?

13. The world consumer:
And then Bugs came upon a stranger in the wilderness, and he spoketh thus: "Oh Bugs, are thou not a truth seeker? A one who consumeth all the world, and is consumed by it? Great is the tread of your foot, and greater still is the path it leaves. What great ease do you sweepeth all the carrots in your wake? yet thou doth not choose it. Oh great wanderer, why doesn't thou ease on the carrots, and simply toss them aside?"
And Bugs relied:
"I tell you, do not seeketh truth, but the path beyond truth. The road to the highest hope doth not spare any carrots, for carrots are the steps of the mountain. Truly the world consumeth me, but I am part of the world; the world bringer, and I consumeth myself. For these carrots I taketh with me are my own, as my hand is my own, and one doth not ask to toss aside ones hand, but to maketh use of it. Only a world despiser would sayeth to thier hand: stop. And I am no world despiser, for to despiseth the world, would be to despiseth myself."
Thus spoke Bugs

LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES
LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES
Ate ten carrots yuh fuck grain
Yuh bitch fuck I obtain
I doc a bitch, I forgot my name, yuh
I won't Warner Bro's entertain
Rather burrow in terrain
LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES
LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES
LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES
Ate ten carrots yuh fuck grain
Yuh bitch fuck I obtain
I snuff a bitch, I forgot my name, yuh
I won't Warner Bro's entertain
Rather gorge carrots no refrain
LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES

My fur cost more than your lent, ooh
Elmer Fudd still live in a tent, yuh
Still slanging carrots Space Jam nets, huh
Me and Daffy Duck take cred, ooh
None of this diet is new to me
Fucking my bunny all superbly
Bought some carrots, cost hella Gs
Fuck your airtime, fuck Disney
Bitch, your breath smell like some baguettes
I'd rather devour tons of carrots
They kicked me out the plane cuz I'm corpulent
Now Lil Bugs fly a private jet
Everybody screaming "fuck omelettes!"
Lil Bugs only eat carrots
Hunnid in my hops break a sweat
Fuck a lil bunny, make her pussy wet

LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES
LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES
Ate ten carrots yuh fuck grain
Yuh bitch fuck I obtain
I doc a bitch, I forgot my name, yuh
I won't Warner Bro's entertain
"Easy on the carrots" they exclaim
LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES, LOONEY TUNES

Lil Bugs, yeah, Lil Bugs, ooh

>>11080327
The rabbit
Has destroyed the vegetable
Bugs
BUGS
Easy on the carrots

>>11081465
Nice.

>>11080925
What's it supposed to be

When I saw them coming they were coming around the hill and then Wiley was here and then Roadrunner was here. Then they were gone. I started to cry.
>Bugs smelled like carrots

"H- hey T-t-taz, you want summa-umma this here fire water? Huh-ha! That's all for now folks!"

A rounded rabbit, munching on carrots without a pause, belched and laid to rest like so much rotting flesh. The hare was plump like some grotesque mound, stomach curdling as though it were a sea of eels; sending electric spasms as it twitched with post-coital delight.

>>11080327
Bugs mate, likesay, easy on the carrots ken?

>>11080457
who's this?

>>11081528
Poe?

>>11081550
I was scared someone was gonna say that. It was supposed to be Joseph Conrad but I think I went too visceral with it.

I've heard some noise in the next room.
Bugs, what are you doing? I told you it isn't there. He took them.
Shut the fuck up and tell me where is it, he said.
Well, it's certainly not under the fridge, you know-
Listen fuckface, I will kill both you and that carrothead if you don't tell me where they are. My stack. My whole fucking stack.
You almost OD last night, you need to stop, there was no other choice.
I will tell you for the last time if you don't tell- ahh there they are, you should have found better place, now I'm gonna take this and after I'm finished with it I'm gonna return, gonna start blasting, scorched earth motherfucker, I will dig a hole under you bastards, dig out your dead mother and fuck her in the ass. Then-
He walked out of the room with bag full of ca-47-rrots, munching them as he staggered, cursing Me and Sam.

Ah, there it is, that nasty overfed rabbit. That lardy little fellow. The one with the body like a balloon, with the waddling gait, with the dumb look on his face. He's lumbering on by with a sack of carrots in tow. And look at him! He's eating them as he walks! He's no mind to stop, not one or the other.
"Bugs.."
I say, with mocking pity. The twist of his head makes the fat of his neck bundle up and fold. He looks my way with those eyes of his blinded with apathy.
"Easy on the carrots."
I speak again, hardly able to contain my glee. A smile creeps up on my face with a twitch of my lips. I can't hold back my laughter. It bursts out magnificently. A roaring laugh that makes the leaves shake and the grass rustle. I fall over, my body still quaking with pleasure.
Bugs just looks away. The expression on his face doesn't change.

Bugs called up the restaurant display from the hotel like any Loonie would, and had them send up as much carrots as they could. I told him, "Easy on the carrots, Bugs. Theres no such thing as a free lunch."

>>11080327
>Bugs.. facile sur the carrots
-Nabokov

>>11080497
DFW?

Bugs. That carrot consumidor. That violacion.

>>11083151
Lmao

>>11080916
Underrated post

Oh Bugs, do let the carrots alone

>>11081499
Walter Scott

>>11080404
gay

>>11080404
nice

>>11080327
Every time I see you Bugs,
I see your carrots as an extension to Mel Blanc's emphysema:
That great winter whooping of smoke
in animated flames like a coughing supermarket
above Brooklyn,
when you eat your carrots, the
shadow of that nicotine patch enters
to take your place.

>>11080327
That goddam rabbit, I'm telling you, he just wouldn't stop estong those goddam carrots. Amd they weren't small no, big carrots as well. Man that pissed me off. It really did. He kept complaining about how his rabbit was too fat for it's own shake yet he kept feeding it more carrots. That nearly drove me crazy.
Also my sister is pretty cute.

STATELY, PLUMP BUGS BUNNY CAME FROM THE FOREST, bearing a bowl of carrots of which none were gone easy on.

>>11084974
Holden?

>>11084988
the fartman of Ireland

>>11083081
yeah bud

>>11080327
Your lust for carrots shall be your undoing.

>>11080820
e e ?

Carrots, easy on the Bugs...

>>11081532
Kierkegaard

>>11080363
t. Non-French Speaker

>>11080363
Eh Bugs, mollo sur les carottes

>>11087217
Eh Bogs, mollo sur les carottes

Aujourd'hui les carottes ont été mangées par Bugs. Ou peut-être hier, je ne sais pas. Il devrait sans doute se modérer, mais cela n'a aucune importance.

>>11080820
Land?

>>11080637
The hare was chewing the carrot, thin lips hiding ravenous maw against ash-stained fur, behind him the burning disk of the day chaotic and savage beyond men's and rabbit's understanding alike.

Easy on the carrots Bugs.

He spat.

Ain't no carrots enough for me on this patch hermano.

>>11080327
I was still a student when I first met the rabbit: something entirely unwordly filled him and there were signs of more malignant things to come from beyond the reaches of hare's understanding. I have not yet met a specimen of this size, especially not one to come down from one of the most prestigious families of New England. The streak of degeneracy that ran in his family probably came from one too many wrong turns in Albuequerque, but there was something special about Bunny's self-destructive eating habit. He was swallowing carrots as if it's more than a habit, but a ward against something worse to come from nether regions unknown to rabbit kin but Bugs and Bugs alone. When I told him to go easy on the carrots he stared at me with blank, dread-filled eyes. He couldn't, else shadowy figures from beyond the mind's veil might consume him as he did copious amounts of vegetables.

Whilom, as Bugse, with muchel glorie,
Of carrotes hath superfluitee,
Ful of ire, "I nat letten ye feste!"
Quod I, "Or ye wol stricken by peste!"

>>11087432
>too many wrong turns in Albuequerque

Bugs

The anon paused, thinking of what advice he could give Bugs bunny. The rabbit was plump, like an avocado.

Easy on the carrots said the anon, knowing that these words fell on deft ears

Seeing Bugs eating so many goddam carrots kills me. It just kills me.

>>11080327
bugagagaluharaghtaeasieontheontronntrunntrovarrcarrotcarottecarotacarotozanahoriamorkva!

bugs..
BUGS..
easy on the carrots

Tell me then, whether I am right in maintaining that some opinions, and the opinions of some men only, are to be valued, and that other opinions, and the opinions of other men are not to be valued?

Certainly

The good are to be regarded and not the bad?

Yes

And the opinions of the wise are good, and the opinions of the unwise are evil?

Certainly

And when the good opinions pertain to action, we are to act according to them, and not according to those opinions that are evil?

Why, of course.

And the wise are temperate, whereas the evil lack temperance?

Exactly.

So the opinions of the temperate we should follow, while disregarding those of the intemperate?

Why, surely.

So we should refrain from evil or intemperate acts?

Exactly.

Does the consumption of any good, say of carrots, partake of temperance if it exceeds ones need?

Surely not.

And the inference is that this consumption would not partake of temperance and therefore be evil?

Why, of course.

Then by the dog of Egypt Bugs, we cannot but conclude that the consumption of carrots, exceedings ones needs does not partake of temperance, and is therefore evil!

By Zeus, you are right!

>>11080497
This is amazing.

>>11087394
I laughed. He should spit into a fire for maximum effect though.

>>11081227
You might consider suicide.

>>11080327
For sale: carrots. Not for you.

>>11088229
Spot on

>>11080327
Call me Bugs, and pass thy root vegetable.

>>11080327

Thou'st name which derives from colloquial known insect, though a rabbit. Heed my concern, thou shouldst refrain from thine gluttonous ways, thou shouldst lay off the fucking carrots

Bugs added more carrots.

>>11080327
Bugs, carrots are only a food. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver.

Bugs, if you eat the carrots long enough, the carrots will eat you!

>>11080714
what is this

>>11081520
good one

>>11081227
works very well

>>11088450
Pseud detected

>>11080404
You must be blind

Bugs, don't be selfish, your coworkers, your family, your country NEEDS you to share that carrot, come with me Bugs, we are going to expropriate this land, so all your countrymen can eat carrots, so the proletarian class will get what bourgeois keep to themselves, so we get back what the capital has taken from us, Bugs, let's unite!

>>11083151
Best

Endless streams of carrots flew down his fat greedy throat.
That bunny couldnt spell etiquette let alone practice it.

>>11088667
Bugs? Bugmen

Bugs can't think, he can't write. He doesn't get any carrots

bugs.. easy on the rewrites

>>11080907

this definitely deserves more (you)s than zero

sometimes /lit/ can truly be a harsh, cruel place

>>11080343
Who is this?

>>11080343
Jaroslav Hašek?

>>11081227
Nice this is lit

>>11080327
Oh Bugs, from thine Elysian Isles, where
The sweet ambrosia orange makes thou full,
Straight now away from that place go, for thou
Too much have feast and now are large around!

>>11090333
>bothering to guess

Could literally be anybody out of thousands.

>>11080327
I get up from my armchair. Something is wrong. I can feel it, like a thousand young whores scratching themselves. In a haze, I wander to the living room, and there's Bugs, full of carrots again. And I say to him, "Easy on the carrots," or did I really say it? Did I think it? Is anyone really thinking anything in the hell of an earth? With that smug grin on his face, he retorts like some spoiled child, "Eh, what's up doc?"

>>11091619

No idea what this is, but I like it a lot

>>11080327
Bugs
He ate the carrots
No
NO
The wabbit is fat

>>11080953
I like it

>>11081201
Nietzsche?

For sale:

carrots

heavily used

>>11092453
kek

>>11081065
>>11081201
nice
>>11081080
Marcus Aurelius?

Bugolnikov, in a frenzy caused by a fever that had taken complete hold of him, had taken to devouring all carrots Nastaya brought forth. He did not request the carrots, for he was too sulky for this, but if they were brought he would eat them all in an instant. He had now consumed so much that his belly was near to the bursting, but still he continued. Upon seeing this, Fuddumikhin immediately grabbed Bugolnikov and gave him a good shake, crying at the top of his voice "So here you are! What is the meaning of this? You are but spermaceti ointment! That is what you are! If you were an original man, and not just a translation, you would put down those carrots at once! I will tell you what, you know I am having a house warming party this evening. Come by, it will be great fun, and you will have access to a moderate amount of carrots with tea and company.

>>11081465
underrated

>>11080327
Do ye eat that carrot with yon incisors yell not eat another.

"What did you eat between 2:00 and 7:00pm?" asked Wilmer Fudd. "Did you write in the diet book like I asked?"

"I already told you, I ate two carrots," said Bugs Bunny.

On Wednesday at 4:42pm Bugs Bunny binge ate ten to fifteen carrots.

No one will guess the author. I still hope you appreciate this, because I am actually very proud of it, Turned out much better than I expected:
Lampe, kühner Springer, wülstig nun,
Schlucker orangener Speere, dem Erdreich entrissen
Halte ein, bedenke kleinlichst dein künftig Tun:
Reißt er dich hin, du ihn, er dich nieder, dein letzter Bissen?

>>11094789
I'll remodel this post. Very ugly formatting.

Lampe, kühner Springer, wülstig nun,
Schlucker orangener Speere, dem Erdreich entrissen
Halte ein, bedenke kleinlichst dein künftig Tun:
Reißt er dich hin, du ihn, er dich nieder, dein letzter Bissen?

Bugs did three years at acme. He was big enough, and looked whats-up-doc-me enough that his biggest problem was eating carrots. So he kept himself looney, and dressed as a woman, and though a lot about how much he was a stinker.

Old but gold:

Bugs was one of the old-timers. As such, neither coming nor going, he just appeared when in need of a fix, tuning into the wavelength of ordinary men's physical reality. "Hey Doc. You got that veggie stick? That orange cracker? The pumpkin's dick? Vegan crab's leg? The edible tan, that cures the blind?" he gargled, salivating in expectation of his treat, bug eyes flickering with excitement, ears standing up straight as junkie ears do. When he got his fix it was not a pretty sight - he not so much ate as absorbed it, his skin opening up like rancid ectoplasm and reverting back to its original jellyfish form after injecting the carrot. He let out a long sigh and for a moment you could see the whimsical cartoon bunny of forgotten days, handsome features, firm slender buttocks. "Take it easy on the snowman's nose, will ya?" Lee tried to tell him but he was fading out already, impervious to the vibrations of this earthly plane.

“Hello,” I say, offering my hand, “Elmer Fudd.”

The rabbit stares at me, panting with the exertion it takes to sit up. He doesn’t shake my hand.

“You want some food?” I ask gently. “Some… carrots?”

The rabbit nods and starts to cry, thankfully.

I reach into my pocket and pull out a carrot, then change my mind and hold out a potato instead. “Is this what you need?”

The rabbit nods again and looks away, shamefully, his nose running, and after clearing his throat says quietly, “I’m so hungry.”

“It’s cold out, too,” I say. “Isn’t it?”

“I’m so hungry.” He convulses once, twice, a third time, then looks away, embarrassed.

“Why don’t you get a job?” I ask, the potato still held in my hand but not within the rabbit's reach. “If you’re so hungry, why don’t you get a job?”

He breathes in, shivering, and between sobs admits, “I lost my job…”

“Why?” I ask, genuinely interested. “Were you drinking? Is that why you lost it?

He hugs himself, between sobs, chokes, “I was fired. I was laid off.”

I take this in, nodding. “Gee, uh, that’s too bad.”

“I’m so hungry,” he says, then starts crying hard, still holding himself.

“Why don’t you get another one?” I ask. “Why don’t you get another job?”

“I’m not…” He coughs, holding himself, shaking miserably, violently, unable to finish the sentence.

“You’re not what?” I ask softly. “Qualified for anything else?”

“Tm hungry,” he whispers.

“I know that, I know that,” I say. ‘Jeez, you’re like a broken record. I’m trying to help you…” My impatience rises.

“I’m hungry,” he repeats.

“Listen. Do you think it’s fair to take carrots from people who do have jobs? Who do work?”

His face crumples and he gasps, his voice raspy, “What am I gonna do?”

“Listen,” I say. “What’s your name?”

“Bugs,” he says.

“Speak up,” I tell him.

“Bugs Bunny,” he says, a little louder.

“Get a goddamn job, Bugs,” I say earnestly. “You’ve got a negative attitude. That’s what’s stopping you. You’ve got to get your act together. I’ll help you.”

“You’re so kind, mister. You’re kind. You’re a kind man,” he blubbers. “I can tell.”

“Shhh,” I whisper. “It’s okay.”

“Please,” he says, grabbing for my wrist. “I don’t know what to do. I’m so cold.”

“Do you know how bad you smell?” I whisper this soothingly, stroking his face. “The stench, my god…”

“I can’t…” He chokes, then swallows. “I can’t find a shelter.”

“You reek,” I tell him. “You reek of… shit.” “Do you know that? Goddamnit, Bugs—look at me and stop crying like some kind of faggot,” I shout. My rage builds, subsides, and I close my eyes,bringing my hand up to squeeze the bridge of my nose, then I sigh: “Bugs… I’m sorry. It’s just that… I don’t know. I don’t have anything in common with you.”

Bugs
Bugs easy on
Bugs easy on the carrots

>>11081178
Yeeeah! Fuck you, Bugs. Those carrots are shittier than buffalo diarrhea! Why do I do this to myself? Why do I eat all these shitty carrots? Shitty carrots! Shitty carrots! All those shitty carrots! Shitty carrots everywhere! Is this all there is to life? Shitty carrots?!

YOU ARE A MORON. ALTHOUGH AN ALL-VEGETABLE DIET MIGHT, EATING CARROTS EXCLUSIVELY WILL NOT BE CONDUSIVE TO YOUR HEALTH, AS YOU SO ERRONEOUSLY BELIEVE.

>>11080907
>>11080907
>>11080907

best IT

>>11094895
Not that good

PRINCE.
Swearest thou, ungracious boy? henceforth ne'er look on me. Thou art violently carried away from grace: there is a rabbit haunts thee, in the likeness of an old fat bun,—a tun of bun is thy companion. Why dost thou converse with that trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of hare, that huge bombard of sack, that roasted Flemish giant rabbit with roots in his belly, that reverend Vice, that grey Iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in ears? Wherein is he good, but to craunch carrot or quaff its juices? wherein neat and cleanly, but to swiftly uproot a plant and eat it? wherein cunning, but in hunger? wherein hungry, but in villany? wherein villainous, but in all things? wherein easy, but with nothing?

>>11094958
American Psycho?

>>11080327
In times past, carrots were to be found everywhere. The will of Bugs was the will of everyone.

Let the carrots be divided by a just divider of carrots. Let the Wabbits grow fat. Let the Fudds starve.

The anons meeting in counsel may judge, but no one is to receive more than a hundred carrots.

Where Bugs sits, there final justice is done.

Let there be clean carrots for those who toil. Then they will go easy on their work, and their work will be light to them. Then they will sing at the feast, and the Wabbit will be heavy.

>>11095339
yes

>>11080327
This tale was repeated to me by a man I met in the Mendoza province near the border with Uruguay; he told me it was not his own, but a dream recounted for him by a deceased cousin.
On a certain mountain in Southern America, not often visited by local natives for religious reasons, there exist a species of rabbits known for their gluttony. The legends state that the rabbits gained their almost infinite appetite from the blue stones best left alone deep in the mountain. These stones were mined at the beginning of European expansion by a particularly bloodthirsty mission. They practised a kind of hunger upon the land, but it is impossible to know whether or not the stones had this effect on the Europeans, the land still bearing their name, or if it was a quality of their character. Perhaps the stones call to men across the seas as they do to the rabbits through the trees of the mountain's forest.
The rabbits would eat so much that they would swell to an enormous size, that in the presence of a man would make him uneasy. And indeed, in the dream, when the rabbits grow to such an enormous size, my companion told me his cousin saw them turn to him with a wry smile as if to say: "Be at peace, we have eaten all the food, there is none for you, but all is fine." Uneasy, the cousin awoke, and went for a walk, downhill all the way.
I was to originally include this dream fragment in a book of Southern American folklore I was compiling for the University of Texas at Austin, but upon further research I found that little of the story could be verified. The tribe that lived around that mountain had long since relocated, and those that were left had little knowledge of their traditions, separated from the land as they were. All those who could verify this tale had vanished, as if they had been swallowed by a beast of infinite appetite. I only include it here, in the introduction, as a warning and a veneration of modesty.

>>11095771
Which author?

>>11080327

Bunny Bunny, swelling plump,
In the thread that needs no bump,
What surreal artistic sense,
Could frame thy cheerful corpulence?

What disgusting child of /lit/
Uploaded you and clicked "Submit"?
Is he in his parents' house?
What the hand, dare wield the mouse?

What man's brain could be so cursed
To view a rabbit fit to burst?
Who could chuckle at your girth,
And think it suitable for mirth?

Is he watching with a smirk?
Is this Tapir-Man at work?
Is he only here to troll?
Is he from the depths of /pol/?

When the board OK'd this thread
And all observed how well you're fed:
Did he smile his work to see?
Did Mr Moby Dick post thee?

Bunny Bunny, swelling plump,
In the thread that needs no bump,
What surreal artistic sense,
Could frame thy cheerful corpulence?

>>11092453
Nice

Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Buegos Conejo was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover zanahorias

>>11081065
Kek

>>11095796
I was going for Borges

>>11095934
Any work of his in particular? I liked the creeping mystery of your tale. I might be interested in checking him out.

In the moment we come now, the carrot becomes it's own truth; that is, the carrot, in itself and thusly for itself, is reflected onto itself as the truth of it's own being. But this truth is revealed to Mind to be a false one, and the carrot, reflected onto itself as a negation and only appearance [erscheinung], is in and for itself its own negation for itself. Carrot, then, is not a subsisting figure, is defined then by the succession and vanishing of forms in a simple unity. The process of this constant vanishing constitutes and Unity of itself with itself in it's own self-vanishing. The Negation of the negation is thus achieved, as noted Heraclitus "The carrot is in flow with the rabbit as the rabbit is in flow with the carrot". The Vanishing of the Appearance [Schein] of Carrot is only an unfolding of the Process of History of Absolute Mind in its own Self-development.

Carrots. Plight of my life, spare tire occluding my loins. Full bin in my hole..

>>11095934
>Borges
>no double negations everywhere

>>11096131
A Borges rendition of the original statement would go something like:
Bugs ingería no pequeñas cantidades de zanahorias.

>>11096015
Not that anon, but a good place to start would be Las ruinas circulares. You'll undoubtedly get a good grasp of his style and main ideas with it.

It is also my favorite short story of his

>>11080327
A few years back I had a hell of a season with Bugs he was working at a carrot farm for a while, but got the can when the overseer realized he was eating half of each day's harvest. I let him stay at my place until he got back on his feet, but he never made much of a move to do that. Every night he'd just stare at the wall, and if I asked him what he was thinking about he'd grunt something about the carrots. He was such a sorry sight I was overwhelmed with pity one day and gently suggested that maybe he ought to forget about the carrots. He was quiet for a long while after that, then he turned around and looked me right in the eyes. There's nothing more grand in life than the carrots he said. He left later that night while I was out at the bar with some friends who were passing through on their way out to frisco. I haven't seen or heard of bugs since, but I like to think he found a nice quiet spot somewhere to settle down and grow carrots to his heart's content. The alternative is too damn sad to even consider.

You know that saying about how you can't overdo something you love? Well Bugs Bunny was the exception.

on the lawn bugs chewed on the carrot
whats up doc
Bugs you need to take it easy on the carrots

>>11080327

Versh held the carrot out to me and I cried and he went away.
'What you plaguing that rabbit for now,' Dilsey said.
'Ain't plaguing nobody. He just ain't hungry that's all.'
'I'll feed him,' said Caddy. 'Hush, Bugs. Don't you want Caddy to feed you. Hush, now.' So I hushed.
Caddy held the carrot out and I ate it. She moved it into my mouth as I chewed and I watched the carrot getting shorter as I chewed it and then it was gone. Caddy smelled like carrots.
'That rabbit like a machine,' said Versh. 'Look at that. Mind you don't lose a finger.'
'He's just starving, that's all,' said Caddy.
'Don't look like a starving rabbit to me. How many carrots you fed him,' said Dilsey.
'Only two,' said Caddy.
'That's the seventh' said Jason.
'Tattle-tale,' said Caddy. 'He's just hungry, that's all.'
She smelled like carrots.

Bugs
He ate his carrots
Yum
YUM
Bugs is full

>>11096358

>>11096358
dont talk shit about nael

>>11084891
underrated

>>11080327
Like "society" the overfed lapine tends towards sphericity under pampering conditions. Plutarch says "Philosophum non facit barba" but here perhaps we may say the most obvious features are not 'always already' pampering only the conditions for the pampered Lebenswelt emerge as, like the torso of our lapine, the materielle Bedingungen swells.

We could say that as we approach tangency to Bugs' indifference curve for carrots (x) it can be defined in terms of other goods (y). As his elementary ophelimity approaches 0, the function is expressed as
f (x, y) = 0
or
Ψ(x) = 0, Ψ (y) = 0
Or
d(f(x,y))/dx = 0 , d(f(x,y))/dy = 0

Thus showing that at the point indicated, there is a zero-sum change in the ophelimity for any shift in the variables.

In fact, this curve is defined by this limit itself, since the ophelimity for carrots is continuous, thus the equation, while ambiguous, is a curve that defines the indifference line for bugs. In this case, the indifference line is almost horizontal to the x axis, thus implying y is, by definition, an inferior good.

In this case, we can interpret that Bugs may like carrots far greater than y, which is an index representing all other goods. This individual's index (Bugs), in this instance (see FIG 23) is represented as a butterfly graph with an extremely high slope, thus we can interpret it as being 1/x^4

In fact we have to, because for an equation in which the goods order is determined according to the slopes of the indifference curve, the first derivative (-4/x^3) is negative, the second (because x is going to slow down in the rate of trading for y) is positive, and the third derivative, represented by d^3y/dx^3 is negative as well, because ultimately the rate of exchange of y for x slows down, regardless of the amount of x possessed.

One might say in this case, as far as exchange indices go, Bugs might want to curb the consumption of the carrots if he wants to profit from a change in his utility curve (for instance, there comes to be another good, like Beets, that Bugs appreciates far more than carrots, thus relatively lowering carrot's utility, even if it did not fall). In that case then, it would be more wise for Bugs to consume other goods, as opposed to carrots, especially if the other good's price has changed, without altering the price of carrots, if that good is consumed ubiquitously, there will be an overvaluation of carrots. In order to retain money AND utility therefore, in this instance, Bugs is going to have to stop consuming carrots.

>>11080327
Bugs was a rabbit who ate too many carrots. I asked him once to stop eating so many. He only smiled at me and leaned back. He was unafraid of what those carrots might bring. If I could fear death as Bugs feared carrots then I would maybe be half the man he is.

>>11080497

holy kek, based thread

>>11098133
stop.

>>11080327
The rabbit
He destroyed his physique
no
NO
The rabbit is obese

>>11088229
Best ITT.

Bugs, who is not called worthy of the goal? One who eats carrots, one who tastes carrots, one who smells carrots, one who caresses carrots, one who covets carrots, one who beats his chest when deprived of carrots.

Now, Bugs, who is called worthy of the goal? One who does not eat carrots, one who does not taste carrots, one who does not smell carrots, one who does not caress carrots, one who does not covet carrots, one who does not beat his chest when deprived of carrots.

Hearing these worlds, Bugs delighted, and resolved not to eat any more carrots.

>>11081465
Good

"The Book of the Dead" (written in Sanskrit and not to be confused with the Egyptian Book of the dead) is said to be an ancient manuscript in which the history of Humanity from inception to decay is told. Of the 2060 pages, the first 100 are missing (they are concerned with the history of Man's creation and first sin). Discussions about autorship are heated, and an ancient anecdote says that when asked about man's free will, "they" scrambled the manuscript's letters, "so no man can read and change his fate".
Carpeaux in his "Histtory of Western Literature" briefly cites an unnoficial translation of the text to Latin, which appeared in one of the early translations of the Odyssey to English, as an epigraph. The 10 pages (now missing) are said to be the famous tale about Bugs. Bugs tale, a foreshadow of Quixote and Faust, is a tale about a man who didn't trust the Catholoic church's canon of the bible, and decided to went in search of the originals, which (though probably wrong) were said to be held by the Wandering Jews tribe. Most of the text was lost (though how no one knows), what follows is a mental recreation:
Bugs was last seen talking with them[1]. They discussed the (upcoming) role of the Jew in the West, Salomon's temple and of course, the originals. "The originals" the Jew said, "are long destroyed by a now deceased king. Only Adam's Carrot remains, which is said to erase all of one's knowledge, allowing you to learn everything again, essentially doubling your knowledge, for knowledge is not rooted in material sensations such as memory, but by the soul". It can't be confirmed, but it is said that Bugs devoured the carrot despite all advices.

[1] The Wandering Jew tribe, who were direct descendants of the Wandering Jew.

>>11095874
Excellent work, anon. One of the best ITT.

>>11091619

i can't

>>11080457
Bach, richard?

>>11095874
Beautiful.

>>11080630

Alright, Chaucer.

ooga booga wer the orange carrots at?

>>11080715
>zootopia fanfic parents.
Tragic.

>>11092701
>! If you were an original man, and not just a translation, you would put down those carrots at once!
hue

Everyone had a share in Milo's carrots, especially Bugs.

Bugs needs to control the means of production of carrots

The sweat was lashing oafay Bugs; he was trembling. Ah was jist sitting their, focusing oan the telly, tryin no tae notice the cunt.

Ah've goat tae fuckin move man! He shouts , standing up.
Aw,ah sais. Ah wanted the radge tae jaist fuck off ootay ma visage, n tol him he nay need anotha carrot. Oan the other hand, ah'd be getting sick tae before long, and if that cunt went n scored , he'd hold oot oan us.

>>11081465
beat me to it

>>11080327
I opened my macbook pro and typed in '4chan' into the internet search bar. I stared at the screen with a neutral facial expression. The first thing I saw was a picture of a morbidly obese Bugs Bunny. He had eaten too many carrots, I feel.

While it is true that, from a standpoint of pure speculative reason, the excessive consumption of carrots by the willing ("willing" taken here to mean "which exercises its capacity for the determination of the objects presented to it in causal relations that gratify its sense of pleasantness") subject, "Bugs," is impossible to absolutely condemn (since to do so would require that his freedom of the will be objectively determined in the causal regress), it is nevertheless the case that, from the vantage of pure practical reason, which comprehends the moral law as that maxim which may be applied universally in all case and at all times, it is so possible. For, if this act be universalized, not only would each rational being grow absolutely sick of carrots, perhaps to the point that some among them would become nauseous, and vomit, but also these very rational beings would become so enamored with the consumption of carrots, that they would neglect their production; thus the maxim annihilates itself. Thus, I may say with all the objective force of a universal moral law, "Bugs... easy on the carrots."

As Bugs saw the dark figure come twords he muttered the words eeeeh whats up doc ? In a voice that seemed to bypass his ears and go directly to his ears he heard I BELIEVE THERE MAY BE SOME SMALL MISUNDERSTANDING AS TO MY PROFESSION. As Bugs reached down for his carrot he heard the figure speak once more PLEASE LEAVE THE CARROT ALONE I ASSURE YOU THAT YOU WILL NEED IT NO MORE. I'd sooner be dead than not have my carrot said Bugs, WELL I HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS FOR YOU THEN the figure replied. Looking down and seeing his mortal remains bugs asks heeeey am i missing something ? I BELIEVE AT LONG LAST RABBIT SEASON HAS COME.

>>11081530
Man I didn't see your post before I wrote mine. Welsh was the first thing I thought when I saw this as well

They stood, apostates to the race of hares and wholly wretched beyond man's and beast's understanding alike. Beyond them the flaming lidless eye of the sun.
Bugs reckon ye got one of those there carrots I could get off ye.
Shit fire I got nary a carrot left.
He spat.
Why you're crazier'n shit Bugs.

Years later, as Bugs Bunny faced the hole in which Elmer Fudd finally rests with his stomach full of vegetables, he remembered the day he first tasted a carrot. It was that day in which he was sitting on the table with his familly when his father came crashing through the door saying:
"bugs... easy on the carrots".

>>11080327

A thousand bright white suns shone in the night sky
A fraction of the mostly red hot billions there were up nigh
The patterns were up for interpretation but not limited to any one myopic nation
For life is the gift of all, to be shared by all in this nation and others when our
Propagation, that of this thinking advanced
Ape race depends is at risk, literally and
I mean literally with the strength of one
Of Juno’s masterpieces or any other guy. Racism is for the birds or the
Lions. I dont belong to any race or species
I stand apart, evolved creature-like, neither
Indian or chinese but almost siri style
Knock on my door and see for yourself
This world is dying. Global warming is real, the moon landing isn’t, water is in a questionable state in this country, circumcison is bad and women rule over men, look! Look in the mirror! What do you see, and is it the same as what you see reflected back to you on your phone, reading this huge pile of shit i just pushed out and conned you into reading?

>>11080327
May I ask, Bugs, whether your habits have been for the most part aquired by taste?
Acuired! Doc; do you want to know how I aquired this taste? In the art of show business I have been in and out of many studios and sets, these locations were shown to me by my father, and his father, whose name I bear, I inhertieted this role of a pesky rabbit; but my father brought a farm after he left and has since raised carrots from the ground, and I shall be satisfied to leave my sons with a fair share of what I too received.
That was why I asked you the question, Doc replied, because I see that you are indifferent about the types of carrots you eat, which is a characteristic rather of those who have inherited their farms than those who have acuired them; makers, farmers have a second love for carrots as a creation of their own, resembling the affection of a perents to their child, besides natural love for carrots it is for the sake of carrots which is common for all rabbits. And hence, they are very bad company, for they can only talk and praise the nature of carrots.
That is true, Bug said.
Yes, that is very true, but may I ask another question? What do you consider the greatest blessing you have reaped from your carrots? Doc asked.
A full stomach! Bugs replied.
‘A full stomach’, Doc thought, such a blessing cherishes the soul of a rabbit who lives in harmony and freedom, and is the mightinest sway of a rabbits being!
Indeed it is, Doc.
Well, Doc replied, but concerning the form of carrots, what is it? – To speak the truth and eat well? No, more than this? Are there not any exceptions? Suppose one of your rabbit friends has over eaten on the carrots, and he asks for another when he is not in his right minf, ought you or I give him another carrot? No one would say that I ought to give him another or do so. We must speak the truth of his condition, correct?
You are quite right, Doc.
And who is best to do good by our friends and evil to his enemies?
I think so.
By heaven then! Doc replied, bugs, I must then tell you to go easy on the carrots!

>>11087314
Caymoose