/lit/ - Literature

>>11015405
Some anon in another thread recommended Miserable Miracle

Have you investigated the work of William S. Burroughs?

Stop taking heroin.

>>11015416
Care to extrapolate?

>>11015435

Burroughs was such a junkie that he shot his wife in the head while playing a game. He literally whote a book called Junkie. His book Naked Lunch (and the David Cronenberg film adaptation) is an insane fever dream.

>be me
>try oxycodone
>dose every weekend for like 2 months without even realizing it, I barely remember what happened in between
>start feeling cravings at random moments
>losing my mind
>decide to stop
>relapsed a few times
>since then i have literally hold oxy pills in my hands and decided not to take it several times
Did I make it?
I still feel tempted but knowing how crushing the guilt trip that happens after relapsing is prevents me from doing it. I also don't want to feel that physical dependence crash again. The novelty also wears off after some time.
I'm usually a weak willed degenerate so this doesnt make sense.
Of course, I know there are high chances of me relapsing and going down the spiral again.

>>11015465
>Burroughs was such a junkie that he shot his wife in the head while playing a game
How is that related to doing heroin?
How did he get away with this?

>>11015405
A scanner darkly, sci-fi but still about addiction.

>>11015476
You sound like you're on the precipice. If you relapse and continue, you will go down a road where at the end you'll find you have been robbed of years of your life and youthful potential.

I used Oxycodone when I was 20. I'd sprained my ankle and rummaged through my dad's medicine cabinet to find it. It removed the pain and replaced it with a warmth and security I've not been able to replicate. I was in love. It's trite to romantacise past flings, especially clinical addiction to one of the most nefarious substances ever synthesised.

>a few weeks later try it again, there's still 17 in the pack
>4 months go by and i realise i'm down to the last one
>whatever i don't have a problem, it was fun while it lasted
>flash forward 4 months, injure my back - prescribed oxy and codeine forte
>remember the warmth, the security and utter contentment come rushing back. I can feel the warmth filling up my stomach, chest, the back of my throat
>start to doctor shop, if I fail, I go to the local chemist and get a box of strong codeine tablets and take 8-12 tabs at once.
>start taking it at work
>can no longer start taking it every couple of days, now have to take it daily
>parents find my stash - intervention ensues
>I'm taken to an addiction specialist, i realise the gravity of the situation
>mum decides to take me away for the week whilst i detox
>a sickness and need unlike anything i've experienced takes hold - end up weeping into my own vomit for 3 straight days
>successfully kick it,
>meet this girl who has started working with me a few months later
>we fall in love and start to date
>everything is perfect
>everything is perfect
>she is perfect
>but the need is still there
>i relapse
>we continue to date and i hide it from her
>things change, she can tell something's wrong and becomes insecure
>we date for 2 years all the while my addiction no longer becomes functional
>cant hold a full time job, studies are now swept aside
>lie to her and my family about everything.
>we breakup and in a traumatising whirlwind of emotional exhaustion, I'm kicked out of my mum's place
>I still physically cannot stop using
>start suboxone program
>on it to this day

That was at the end of 2014. That's also an example of what can happen if you choose to continue. Get out now whilst you can still maintain actively 'choose'.

>>11015476
I also should say to any dumb anons who are considerating trying opiates to not do it.
They really change you for ever, in a really nasty and pathetic way, is like building something inside your head that will win control over yourself, like those parasites that get on ants' heads.
Sure the effects feel like love and hugs from the purest form of life on earth plus the sweetest physical numbing there is but it will wear off and once that phase is over you are left with the complete opposite, like if you thought you were kissing the most beautiful girl on earth only to open your eyes and realizing she was actually a rotting corpse thats now attached to you for ever.
>>11015606
How does the suboxone program work?

>>11015618
>How does the suboxone program work?
Your whole life revolves around it. I get two supervised doses a week. At the beginning it was every day. I'm on 30mg a day, a comparatively high dose to those who use it to detox (2-12mg).

Now it's not so bad but it still is a profound annoyance at times. Particularly if you're travelling overseas. I travelled to China recently and even with a doctor's note and proper written authorisation, it's not a fun feeling going through customs with a lot of morphine in your bag.

But it has allowed me to live a stable life. I'm in the midst of a teaching degree and work full time for a large IT conglomerate. I don't write any near as prolifically as I should but I'm trying. The cravings are still there but that's the nature of it. Opiates re-write and hijack the reward mechanism of your brain.

Sorry for the blog post.

>>11015652
Dont worry, everytime drugs are mentioned or implied in the OP threads become blogpost general.

- the gambler
- Based on a True Story: A Memoir - Norm Macdonald
- sherlock holmes

>>11015485

He thought it was a good idea to play william tell with his wife when he was high as fuck. Dumbass.

You could always just read his wikipedia page instead of begging to be spoonfed to get the answers you're looking for.

Confessions of an English Opium Eater has the most haunting and compelling descriptions of opium dreams I've ever read. Thomas de Quincey is really a prose master.

>>11015606
>suboxone program
Top kek. Don't lecture people. You're still a fucking junkie. Go to Mexico and do ibogaine and stop paying the pharmajew.

>>11015405
In Search of Lost Time by Marcel Proust
Fucking do it, OP, it will change your life
Read about Proust's biography and his lifestyle before you read

It's my personal favorite

>>11015405
The lost weekend - Charles Jackson
the protagonist is an alcoholic, but the main theme applies to all addiction.

You should check out The Biology of Desire. It does an excellent job at challenging the popular belief that addiction is a "disease," that it's an exogenous force acting unyieldingly on its sufferers rather than merely the product of habitually poor decision making. It also offers anecdata that describes various ways, outside the 12 steps, to treat addiction. Definitely a crucial read in understanding that from which you suffer, my man. Godspeed.

>>11015731
What a hothead

>>11015903
In which volume does he start doing drugs?

>>11015405
even though I´m not a fan of his work, I´d say bukowski

>>11016930
>`

Druggies must be hang

>>11015618
>They really change you for ever, in a really nasty and pathetic way...
Good sentence.

>>11017534
I was just being edgy, but thanks

>>11016179
Not OP, but thanks. This sounds like something I need to read, or at least woud like to

>>11015823
I never denied the fact.
>pharmajew
Jesus Christ you people have become a self-parody.

>>11017689
>Jesus Christ you people have become a self-parody.
I doubt the poster you're replying to used the term "pharmajew" seriously.

>>11015405

A gentle madness. It's about bibliomania. /lit/ can relate. It's a very interesting book.

>>11017956
>he was just pretending to be retarded
Love that meme

my diary desu

>>11018195
are you retarded or just pretending to be?

Infinite Jest was written by a guy who knew nothing about addiction.

Fear and Loathing was written by a guy self-destructing, suffering from mental illness, and glamorising his own addiction.

>>11018518
Big if true