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/lit/ - Literature

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11012964 No.11012964 [Reply] [Original]

Okay writing my fantasy novel, I come here for tips because 4chan is the nexus of hate on the internet, so If I can make something you guys like, it MUST be air tight.

Young hero get's a flaming sword
(It's a weapon forged by angels who thousands of years ago fought off an army of demons and helped early men develop and build a society...until man did something that angered the angles and they abandoned them. the major religion of the world is that when the demons invade again the angels will return and save everyone)

There is a princess, 14 years old, most beautiful girl in the kingdom and she is betroth to marry the much older (45) king of the country, she hates this and runs away.

Hero finds out the sword will eventually consume if he keeps using it, it's burning his hand when he pulls it out.

Hero meets up with girl, falls instantly in love with her and says he will help her get to safety.

The two travel for a while, across the continent exploring the world, developing their relationship. (To hide her, and get around problems, hero tends to lie a lot, like, he's actually really good at lying)

The King keeps sending soldiers and mercenaries after them, and the king has this court jester who is more then he seems

As hero fights with the sword, more burns start to develop going up his arm. As the wielder of the sword there are prophecies

Having the sword says he's the great hero that will save all of mankind from the calamity (when the demons return)

They meet up with a paladin, a divine warrior of the angels, he can detect lies whenever they're told (And our hero is a liar, so this puts them at odds) They get along okay, he wants to help, after all our MC is the great hero who will stop the apocolypse

Together Hero, princess, and paladin deduce that the king doesn't want to marry the princess, he wants to sacrifice her to start the calamity, and his jester is part of a dark order of sorcerers that want to start the apocolypse

Princess gets kidnapped by the jester (he uses his dark magics to capture her)

So Hero and Paladin agree, we have to go to the kings castle, just kill everybody and get her back and stop the apocolypse

they get to the castle, kill EVERYBODY, the sword's fire is spreading through the castle as they cut their way though dozens of gaurds.

We find out that the king wants to STOP the calamity, and the jester kills him, the girl is needed for a ritual but not the ritual the king thinks, the jester wants to start the calamity.

Hero and Paladin find the king, he's dying, says that the girl needs to die to stop the calamity. Paladin can sense he's telling the truth and says we need to kill the girl. Hero is having none of this, beheads the king, then has an epic final battle with the paladin, and kills him.

>> No.11012967

I hope this is bait.

>> No.11012975

Jester is about to do the ritual (i'm not going to come out and say it, but i'm going to imply that he's going to shove his dagger up her pussy and break her hymen, THAT is what really starts the apocalypse)

Hero comes down to the dungeon, stabs jester in the chest with the sword, saves the girl. and the two leave, castle in flames...

and hero doesn't tell her that yeah you being alive causes the apocalypse, and he remembers something he told the girl earlier in the book "No body is good at lying, lying is just really easy"

that's book one, I have tons of ideas for this to be a fantasy epic, what do you think so far

>> No.11012995

>>11012964
Is this one of those knight, knave, spy riddles?

>> No.11013009

>>11012995
No it's a...hmm I'm not sure, okay I'm going to smoke then lay out how i see the series going, it's the fall of a hero. the hero, Braun, becomes corrupt and falls, HARD loses everything he's ever fought for, and then has his final moment of redemption

>> No.11013010

>fantasy
Why not write something good. You'll never come close to Wolfe anyway so why even try.

>> No.11013033

>>11013009
The arc reads like a knight, knave, spy riddle.

>> No.11013078

Beyond cliche, what r u trying to say? the heroes story for the 5 millionth time

>> No.11013219

>>11012964
yes but what is your ideology?

>> No.11013373
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11013373

First stories thread? First stories thread.
Post yours, no matter how cringe-worthy.

>> No.11013392

>>11013373
Your story is absolute shit OP. You should hang yourself for considering anything in the fantasy genre.

Welcome to 4chan, faggot.


Will there be dwarves?

>> No.11013395

>>11013392
I'm not OP, faggot. Post the very first story you ever wrote.

>> No.11013409
File: 1.63 MB, 3264x2448, 3CBD7D13-F327-4A2D-82E7-03796B5EEB9A.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
11013409

>>11013395
My first story wouldn’t fit, junior.

>> No.11013432

>>11013409
Greentext it into several posts. This can be a fun thread.

>> No.11013446

>>11013373
the first full length story I wrote was for a creative writing class that had anonymous story submittal, it was about a guy who crept on girls from birth and abducted them if they had premarital sex, then he'd amputate their limbs and keep them in boxes under his bed and rape them on a rotation. The story follows his last girl, who he broke into his lover, one night she wiggled out of her box and covered the breathing holes on all of the other girls' boxes at night so she'd be the only one for him to love. The story ends with him pulling her teeth out with pliers, forcing her to give him a bloody blowjob and shooting her in the head as he came.

*tips fedora*

>> No.11013452

>>11012975
>Jester is about to do the ritual (i'm not going to come out and say it, but i'm going to imply that he's going to shove his dagger up her pussy and break her hymen, THAT is what really starts the apocalypse)
holy guacamole
also >>11013009 dude weed lmao
might you be underage?

>> No.11013458

>>11012964
My advice for you is to grow up

>> No.11013485
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11013485

>>11013432
Don’t have time to greentext the summary for 4400 pages 214 chapters. Going to bed. Gotta get up at 6 to work on the new book. Trying to finish new novel this month. I fucked around Too much and slept in when I should have been working
Pic related:

>> No.11013491
File: 145 KB, 886x650, no_presents_this_year_by_domigorgon.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
11013491

>>11012964
It's unspeakably terrible. It's just a steaming pile of incoherent dead tropes and worn-out ideas that makes a Conan comic look like original literature, and your last D&D campaign sound like Joyce. You'll probably get a best-selling YA fantasy trilogy out of that offal.

>> No.11013504
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11013504

>>11012964
>Young hero get's a flaming sword

>> No.11013509

>>11013491
>your last D&D campaign sound like Joyce
That sounds like a downgrade :^)

>> No.11013533
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11013533

>>11013504
>Not summoning a sword of light which is the literal incarnation of a god which embodies all that is pure and good to vanquish all evil and who is actually not exactly a god but the soul of the sun, which is made of pure light and heat.
I'm not OP. I used that cliche too When I was 11

>> No.11013620
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11013620

>>11012964
*pees all over your dumb fucking thread* Now your thread is covered in PISS idiot. I guess you'll have to delete it and start a new one HAHAHAHA

>> No.11013633
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11013633

>>11013620
>Earlier
>13 posters
>After this post
>13 posters
Hmmmm...

>> No.11013750 [DELETED] 

>>11013504
it was his dad's fire sword though. He never knew his dad, because he died fighting in the Elf wars [/spoiler]or so we're led to believe wink wink

the sword is given to him by a kindly old hermit who was once a good friend of his father's

>> No.11013782

>>11013620
>*pees all over your dumb fucking thread* Now your thread is covered in PISS idiot.
First post to elicit a real laugh from me all day.

>> No.11015280

>>11012964
>Young hero get's a flaming sword

You posted your idea once before, didn't you? And got shat on. What made you think it'd be different this time?