/lit/ - Literature

>>10915863
Most ironic last name in literature, isn't it? He crafted fear and hatred.

>>10915863
>Dostoyevsky
>didn’t even yevsky his dosto’s

>>10915863
Is that his real name or was it his pen name? Are there currently people with that last name?

>boccaccio
>doesn't have a bad mouth

>>10915869
I mean, he did write that one love story about finding treasure buried under an estate.

>>10915881
Actually he does.

There's even an adjective in Italian (boccaccesco) after his name that means dirty talk.

someone beat you to it

>Bukowski
>Owes you a buck

>Jordan Peterson
>more like Petersout

>Konfuzius
>actually confuses us

>>10915863
>Updike
>He has a dyke up his ass

>Hamsun
>Ate hams under the moon

>Adorno
>didn´t adore

>>10915863
When I was probably eight there was some Lovecraft book (no idea what it was, whether novel or shorty story collection or something else) that I would always see sitting in a swivel-rack near the entrance of the library. Always assumed it was a pseudonym for a guy that wrote teen romances.

>Evola
>he is an evol lad

>Kant
>actually can

>>10916013
It was this one

>>10916031
>kant
>is a cunt

>>10915863
>grilled cheese
>it's made on a pan instead of a grill

>Houellebecq
>doesn´t holla back

>RL Stein
>not actually Jewish

>>10916051
>cunt
>runs away from masturbation device

>>10915873
Kek

>>10916053
>He doesn't grill his grilled cheese
Sometimes I think Hitler was right - some people just don't deserve to exist

>>10916058
>Stine was born on October 8, 1943 in Columbus, Ohio,[4] the son of Lewis Stine, a shipping clerk, and Anne Feinstein. He grew up in Bexley, Ohio.[5][6][7] His family was Jewish.

>>10915863

>Virginia Woolf
Didn't have a wolf.

>William Shakespeare
Didn't have a spear. Or shake it. Unless "spear" is a euphemism. I bet it was, William, you filthy degenerate.

>William Wordsworth
His words were worth SOMETHING. I guess.

>William Blake
Wasn't one of seven intrepid space adventurers.

>Homer
Couldn't find his way home if taken a long way away and released. Loser.

>William Golding
Was not gradually turning gold all over. William Balding would have been more honest.

>Laurence Sterne
Was actually quite easy-going.

>Emily Dickinson
Wasn't Dickens' son. Wasn't even his daughter.

>Leo Tolstoy
Didn't even know someone called Tol. And would not have consented to be his toy even if he had.

>Robert Browning
Did not invent an excellent range of firearms to supplement his earnings as a poet.

>Emily Dickinson
>Never put her dick in her son.

>>10916289

>Michael Crichton
Was not particularly admirable.

>Agatha Christie
Was not the son of God. Or the daughter.

>Miguel Cervantes
Was not a knight; did not own a van; did not use it to tease hitchhikers by stopping near them then driving off just as they ran up.

>Raymond Chandler
Did not star in a smart-talking feel-good 90s sitcom.

>Walt Whitman
Wasn't particularly witty. More "tedious and self-indulgent", to be perfectly honest.

>Alexander Pushkin
Didn't push anyone, especially not close blood relatives.

>Thomas Mann
Was a man, I suppose. But let's be honest, he wasn't exactly known as Thomas "Lock Up Your Frauleins" Mann, was he?

>Raymond Carver
Did not take pride in having sunday roast with his family and dividing the meat up himself, as head of the household. Drunken reprobate.

>Laura Ingalls Wilder
Was actually quite civilized and soft-spoken by the standards of the time.

>>10916442
...that we know of.

>>10916473
...and this is a good thing!

>>10916042
Hah, I just ordered that.

>>10915947
Still laughing at this

>>10916289
>mfw Homer was Odysseus

>Honoré de Balzac
>doesn't honour his ballsack

>>10916649
No need for potty mouth just because you can't think of one

>Yahwey
>didn't Wey Yah's

>>10915876
>thinking lovecraft had any kids

Anon...

>Gene Wolfe
>Not an actual wolf

>>10915863
>Horace
>doesn't whore his ass

>>10915863
>plutarch
>its not a planet

>>10916733
But I meant other people.

>>10916649
kek

>dickens
>doesn’t stick his long dick up my ass

>Neil Gaiman
>he is not in fact, a gay man

>>10916733
to be fair he was married once but sooner got divorced because he didn't wanted to work.

the few fucks he had in his life hadn't fertilized no known ovum.

>Michael Ende
>His story ends

>>10917614
He definitely is.

>>10915863
God damn it! Every time I see a picture of this motherfucker I about lose my mind trying to figure out what he's hiding behind his lips. Lips are not naturally that taut. Something is back there. Is it an orange peel that he is about to reveal? Is he rolling an ice cube around in his mouth? Is he debating whether to spit or swallow a bolus of cum? What does this goofy looking motherfucker have in his mouth? It's driving me crazy! If someone doesn't tell me what he's concealing I'm going to lose my everloving shit!

> George Orwell
> Or... well, dead

>>10915863
>Clive Barker
>Talks like an actual human being instead of barking.

>King
>is a pleb

>>10915869
to love is to hate anon the only person that truly loves is the one that hate

>>10915899
>lovecraft's actual dad:
AUUEYEGGGAUUUUGHHH YEAAARRGHHH UBUBLBBUBLUUBUBBB BLUBLBULUBUBUB

>jk Rowling
>Not checking these dubs

>>10918155
check'd

>john green
>is white

>steamed hams
>they're obviously grilled

>>10918203
(((white)))

>>10918109
kek

>>10915884

pretty sure he wrote that one when he was like 6

>>10917698

each of his teeth were pillars, unnameable pillars, wretched pillars, and he kept his mouth shut so as not to unleash these horrors of another kind onto our world.

and we should thank him for this.

thank you Marvel's Cyclops Lovecraft

>Poe
>Wasn't a cop

>Bret Easton Ellis
>Is a fag like all people with the last name Ellis

>>10918382
lol hes an actual faggot, as in, he likes dudes.

>>10916819
Could you say... he has no wolf gene?

>minecraft
you mine,but also craft
Btfo all pragmatically unfit author names

>france kafka
>wrote in german

>>10915863
>Junger
>Became 102 years old

>>10916446
>But let's be honest, he wasn't exactly known as Thomas "Lock Up Your Frauleins" Mann, was he?

>William Gibson
>He's writer and not a guitarist

>Giacomo Leopardi
>Was actually a skinny, ill hunchback human

>natsume soseki
>wasn't even sexy

>>10915863
>Tennessee Williams
>born in Mississippi

>Stephen King
Isn't a king. Isn't even a minor member of the aristocracy.

>Edward Fitzgerald
Didn't have a friend called Gerald with whom he got on really well.

>Oscar Wilde
Lived in a house, wore clothes, did not hunt down his prey and devour it still warm.

>Hunter S. Thompson
Was probably a hunter. Probably did own a famous make of submachine gun. Well done HST.

>George Bernard Shaw
Actually had doubts about many things.

>Henry Miller
Never ground a bushel of corn in his life.

>Edward Albee
Wasn't all or even partly insect.

>Ezra Pound
Dollars, francs and lira were his currencies of choice.

>Jack London
Didn't even live in England.

>Saul Bellow
Spoke in a normal tone of voice.

>Eudora Welty
Was not in a sadomasochistic relationship which left her bearing the marks of heavy beatings.

>>10918155
nice

>>10915873
:^)

>foucault
>only fucks guys

>Harold Bloom
>withers

>>10919259
save... the canon...

>>10915863
Best thread I've seen in weeks

>>10915873
Solid.

>>10915947
Solid.

>>10916025
Fucking solid.

>>10916051
Liked it.

>>10916289
>>10916446
Trying too hard.

>>10916442
Fucking solid.

>>10916649
Aaaaand I'm done.

>Karl Marx
>didn't mark shit

or did he?

>Niccolo Machiavelli
>doesn't really make 'ya well ee?

>Sun Tzu
>Not an actual Sun

>James Joyce
>Isn't actually joious

>>10918109
lel

>>10915873
Got a grin out of me

>>10915947
Clever

>>10919633
>Gogol
>l didn't go

>>10916058
You tried.

>>10917614
He is an admitted cuck, though.

>>10918155

>Henry Miller
>Dilly Dilly!

>>10919662
what?

>>10919194
nice

>>10915863
>Hemingway
>(seriously) no way he did his own hemming..

>>10915991
>Adorno
>No adornó ni madres

>Socrates
Crates can't be sewn; if they were, they'd just be bags.

>Diogenes
>had them Dio genes

>claude levi-strauss
>doesnt wear levis

>Edward Said
What did Edward say?

>>10918109
Best one

>Alexandre Dumas
> more of a smartass than a dumbass

>China Miéville
>doesn't write chinese bootlegs of whaling manuals