/lit/ - Literature

you were attention whoring on reddit, and I started chatting you up. you reacted positively as I knew you would, but when I asked for your kik you stopped replying. I paniced and jerked off onto a picture of you, which you found when I asked for advice from my guy friends on how to rekindle our conversation/romance.

when you first replyed, I got angry and I snapped at you. I’m sorry for that, it was inappropriate and I hope you won’t hold it against me. then I realized I had gotten exactly what I wanted and tried to restart the conversation, you said something unfunny and then I asked if you’ve read tarnsman of gor and you stopped responding.

if any of this sounds familiar, please read this, and know that I wrote it from my heart:
I wanna help you. I want to make you into something really fantastic. because right now you’re nothing. u’re not funny, u try way to hard to be funny and you’re just not funny at all, and you’re an attention whore, but you’re not willing to fully whore yourself, right now you seem like a more self-conscious, uglier, less slutty, less funny, less popular brittany venti. which is amazing because brittany venti is unfunny and ugly and tries way to hard and is only barely enough of a whore to be as popular as she is. right now you’re nothing, you’re worth nothing, but I want to help you, i want to take the empty husk that you are and burn off all your deadwood (which you won’t enjoy, it won’t be pleasant to have your deadwood burned off but that’s because you’re something like 95% deadwood, and you need to have it burned off if you want to grow as a person), and build you up and teach you things and make you into a perfect erudite slave, a kept woman who all the other women in our suburb will look at and say “how does she do it all?”. I will make you the perfect cooking, cleaning, cocksucking machine that subconsciously you know you want to be. you wake up orgasming from a dream where you’re nursing twins and your hair is in curlers. i know you do because every woman does. I can turn you into something really beautiful. I can take the you that inside you know you want to be and make that the outside you. through intense heat and pressure I will make you an industrial diamond woman, but you have to allow me to push you to the absolute limits of your body and your mind. pm me your snapchat and we can begin the journey to something truly special.

>>10750460
pia mater, arachnoidea mater, dura mater, skull, periosteum, loose connective tissue, aponeurosis, skin

>>10750461
kek

>>10750461
This reads like the start of some 50 shades satire

I'm so goddamn full right now lol

what's on your mind

>>10750482
I also just ate a fuckton. Yesterday I barely ate anything and now I assume all of my blood rushed into my torso to help in digestion. My hands are almost numb and I'm kinda lightheaded.

I'm useless at everything and only slightly less useless at writing

>>10750460
How can you blame something?

I wish I could make my body sleep more often. I usually only get tired after 30 hours of being awake and even then I have to drink relaxing tea or something to actually sleep. After that I sleep for like 2-3 hours and then don't sleep again for another 30. I hate this not so much from feeling tired, I usually don't feel tired at all. I just hate having to be conscious so long without a break. I wish I could turn my mind off more often.

>>10750521
Honestly, you should talk to a doctor. That's so little sleep you could really be messing yourself up.

I'm just thinking about how pathetic I am, how little I know, how I have no professional abilities, no language abilities, no /lit/ abilities, no stable source of income, no perspective and no will.

>>10750521
Every day I go to sleep at different times. But I'm depressed, so I guess that's normal.

i really want to leave my church, but I am having an existential crisis as I do not believe in Atheism. I do not believe that a God has created the universe and neither has any of my prayers really given any results. However, I still feel a great feeling in Church, which could be placebo or whatever, since through my whole upbringing I've been taught that going to church and praying is the right thing to do. I feel borderline brainwashed. I have serious conflicted feelings about the whole case, and I feel like no teenager is suppose to have these crises at such a young age when they're also supposed to focus on school and find a place in the community.

I haven't told my parents anything, but they 100% believe that I am a wholehearted Christian. They think that each time I do something nice, I do it because I learned it from church, or read in the Bible that that was how I am supposed to act, but in reality it is just me being reasonable and want others to have a good time.

I still believe that the church can make others behave fantastically. I am afraid of leaving the church as I have a little brother who is using me as an idol, and afraid that he will do the same and somehow get lost in a bad community. The church is able to teach some really good morals and rules for life, but they also be followed easily without a god.

I hate praying for signs, as I only over analyze situations, and end up finding God out of thin air. Because of this I've tried to also look for signs saying I should eave the church, such as how many times do I stumble upon a person that is strongly connected with the community outside of the church, or how many times somebody from the church asks me to hang out vs how many times somebody outside the church asks to hang out.

Thanks for making me write this, it cleared up my mind a little bit.

>>10750562
same here
how are you planning to break out of it?

>be me
>be an ugly beta 27 year old male with no friends or social experiences since school, no female attention ever, never been to pub, club or party
>too ugly and not normie enough to pass job interviews for better jobs
>become the ugly loser loner nobody talks to within one day of all my jobs
>have fully taken the blackpill / lookspill and know I will have a life ten times harder than any normie's
>feel like a cuck when working hard because women and Chads get everything handed to them
>being outside is demoralising because people seem disgusted by me but being inside makes me feel like my youth is gone
>get lied to by a society that wants to use me as a disposable battery

It's warming up, said the man as he made love to a woman in a snow bank. Temperatures rising, she replied.

i hate the fact that i dont have friends and will probably never have

there are three electric guitars and twenty voices and it's the middle of the night
god I have made a terrible mistake

>>10750576
based london poster

everything hurts and i want to die

>>10750489
>all of my blood rushed into my torso to help in digestion
holy fuck that's what happen when you're full?
what if you just eat till you're satisfied?

>>10750580
8/10

>>10750629
fag/10

>>10750631
fag/got

>>10750497
>>10750521
>>10750562
>>10750576
Start by cleaning up your room.

I am so intelligent and sophisticated the only thing I want is to make my weewee feel good inside a womans mouth

"You like Bing Bong?"

A wizened spectre sidled up to Dave as he wandered through the tenements lost to his own inner musings. He stopped short and stared at the creature. A native of this country,a hawkers of illicit wares judging by his furtive attitude and knowing grin. "Bing Bong! Is good,is close by. You come,yes?" Dave did not reply,trying to maintain an outer indifference despite his inner recoiling. But he was trying to find a lead to a thoroughly dangerous organization in a foreign land. Maybe this was a Godsend. From one of this land's darker Gods.

"What is Bing Bong? What are you trying to tell me?" The creature cackle in incredulity.

"Bing Bong you no know? You lost,friend! I show you!" He pointed toward a corner down the block,where scattered lights and odd undulating noises of patrons drifted through the stifling night air. "You go there. You learn." And Dave nodded once and drifted toward the tumult. How illegal could this be if it was set in a public venue? He reached the doorway and peered inside. The creature faded back into the street.

It was a large establishment, confined in the bottom floor of an apartment complex a few stories high. The windows above were dark uniformly,shuttered tight seemingly for years. There were no windows on this bottom tier,just plastered concrete painted with tattered posters and dust. The interior was of another sort. Well maintained wooden stairs led down into a swirling miasma of tables fashioned of round brown wood,lit inadequately by a small brass lamp in the middle of each. These crowded around a low stage with an ajoining catwalk jutting into the center,footlights flickering at intervals about its length. A long bar hugged the wall to the left,and a second layer of tables rimmed the stage grotto on the right. Dave opted for a stool at the bar,and after catching the eye of the thin and sinister bartender,disregarded him after receiving a bottle of beer. He surveyed the patrons casually.

The figures huddled over pots of coffee and fanciful cocktails were mainly men,countrymen,natives,the local fauna,and the usual suspects. They whispered to each other in twos and threes,with suspicious glares,pointed remarks,and unspeakable plots. Dave watched the small insectlike waiters in their crisp white uniforms darting about through the rolling smoke attending to them,and felt glad the bar had a clearer atmosphere. The glint and glows of huka pipes were glittering like stars across from him at the upper tables,and their cloying scent churned with the incense to make a fog of the floor by the stage. The backdrop of the performance area wasn't a curtain,but a stylized peacock,it's tail spread in a hemisphere to conceal the inner mysteries of the entertainment. It was well conceived, the image cunningly constructed from colored sequins, and opened like a fan. Yet another incongruity of this place:serious money built these fine walls,and also maintain it. Why do this in the middle of slums?

The question was unexpectedly answered by a lady.

It's so cold, like that chicken I bought yesterday, lifeless piece of meat. But its my grandmas leg, still attached to her, part of a human being. But it feels dead, bad blood flow, part of getting old, inevitability of life. Her eyes still open, still looking around, more and more detached everyday, empty like a newborns, on a wrinkly excuse of a human. I hate touching it, feet became a bloody mess, nails hurting toes, cold blood on my hands must change patch. Expression of physical pain twists her sour face, the only emotion left to her, judges me, im really doing best I can. What for, so when she evenrtually dies, we can pat our backs and say we did everything to acomodate her? So we can have a couple of weeks of her agony to witness. "If we put her in a senior home she will be dead within weeks, I saw that on tv!". She would thank us for it, if it was true. Time to change her diaper.

The pieces of inspiration I need to create something that will define my generation are right in front of my face, and in all of our faces.
But it is with this ubiquity of inspiration we come to feel that the work will inevitably come to fruition from someone else.

Dave turned suddenly at the voice. It belonged to a young lady of breeding and genteel bearing,decked out in the hoop skirt and frills of the Articifer class,the dress pale green with accents of lavender lilacs ,and Dave seemed to recognize her. From the hotel? She regarded him cooly,edged with contempt,all while monologuing between puffs of a cigarette held between gloved fingers. She blew smoke at him like an angry dragon,and began.

"They call it 'culture',their national heritage. They praise it's artistic expression, and snigger into their beards when the gullible parrot their own praises of it. They congregate in back alleys and dark dens to indulge in it,this so called art. I just call it vile." Another stream of smoke poured forth from her like outrage,washing over Dave. He only squinted through it and sipped from his bottle.

"Culture. Art. And we find ourselves turning a blind eye away from such monstrous offense for the sake of political correctness and convenience. We tolerate these little pecadillos because we want their resources, their profits in our own pockets. We are no better than they are." She surveyed the room,drawing deeply on her cigarette and scowling at all she saw. She turned to Dave,the smoke now seeping from her nostrils as her eyes hardened to steely daggers,contemplating him. "Surprising to find someone from the Institute in such a den of vice. Or maybe no surprise at all." She snorted. "Typical,really. Decent men let loose in a new land with 'differing moralities suddenly become unwound,lascivious and finding themselves wallowing in the basest perversions. This so called culture."

She paused then,awaiting Dave to grovel at her feet for being found in such a compromising position,to bewail his shame,and repent quaking from her superiority.

He ordered another beer instead.

I've become convinced that there is no meaningful distinction between dreams and reality. The world is likely just the afternoon rêverie of some advanced being.

Had a funny idea for a thread but it earned very few replies. It's disappointing because it really did make me laugh and I thought my friends on /lit/ would appreciate it--but they rolled their eyes and moved along

I think the problem might have been there was too much effort put into it. Or rather, the effort I put into it was too obvious. 4chan posts, and artistic products in general, I suppose, are more beautiful and entertaining when the author is barely visible. If the reader can't easily imagine that they themselves could have just written out such a post, I don't think they're inclined to react strongly

"Are we done for now,m'lady?" Dave opened after a healthy swig. Her arched eyebrows offered no verbal rebuttal, so he continued. " As much as I am in debt for your concern for my morals,or possibly my lack of them,I find myself confronting a few select questions. Firstly,since I wandered in here in all innocence and out of curiosity, perhaps you can explain what imperils my soul in this place,and secondly," his smile creeping out of his studied aloof demeanor, "If this place is indeed so terrible,then what are YOU doing here?" Her eyes widened,and her brow furrowed. Her mouth opened,and Dave could imagine her next utterance curling on her tongue like a whiplash,but both of them were jarred to immobility by a booming voice suddenly looming out of the swirling smoke.It seemed at first to be a dense black cloud with a grinning set of teeth floating at its center. It was a beard,and above this black thatch a pair of amused eyes contemplated them both. "You came to seek the Bing Bong! You have found it. It will take hold of you. Bing Bong is LIFE!" The teeth grinned,disembodied. The lady,taken aback at the sight,tried valiantly to rally herself,and armed a scathing reply. But too late:a cord sounded from the stage. A drum beat out a rhythm, followed by another. A wailing razzing tune screeched it's way among the percussion. The whispering among the tables was staunched,and a murmur of anticipation rose with the primal beat. The peacock fan collapsed and rose above the stage,revealing shapes hidden just beyond the reach of the scant light. The voice next to them boomed:

"The Bing Bong...has BEGUN!"

I'm tired, said the tread as he rolled down the highway.

I hate my communication class. All he does is complain about trump and the government and it just becomes tiresome

>>10750568
>but in reality it is just me being reasonable and want others to have a good time.
>being "reasonable"
>wanting others to have a good time

You have been spooked, my man. Your mother was right.

Wondering if I've become a misanthrope or if I'm just cynical. Literally everybody in my life except for a few people has let me down in some way, despite not having any expectations of them besides believing that they're going to fulfill what they promised.

Despite this, I still place some trust in people, just so I don't completely obliterate the chances of finding some of the very rare trustworthy people in this world, but at the end of the day, I know that I can expect no-one else to carry me but myself. People are just too busy with their own lives to bother with mine, and I've accepted that.

It's a funny thought that to do anything you have to deny everything else. You hit a bullseye by aiming for it and also missing everywhere it isnt. I would like the idea of an instruction manual based on what not to do to do something. Instead of a manual instructing a person to turn on a computer by hitting the power button, it should instruct a person to turn on the computer by not become a doctor, not draw a picture of Dickens or not hold a large aquarium. And if anyone asks why you would be holding an aquarium, it would be the same reason why you should not hold one to turn on a computer.

>>10750460
can't decide what to get from the chinese place and i'm getting frustrated. i'm a terrible decider food orderer person.

yeah uh yeah uh yeah uh
start with the greeks
2 +2 equals five
explain to me polynomial equations
vitamin c vitamin c
yeah uh yeah castlevania

>>10751580
Are you a terrible decider food orderer person because you can't make a decision or are you a decider food ordered who does terrible things, like drown a sack full of kittens?

>>10751631
the first one + ocd. i have to buy a specific number of things and the total price needs to add up to one of my agreeable numbers. usually the numbers don't want to add up right and i just end up getting stressed out and losing my appetite.

>>10751519
Excellent. I will combine this with another idea and craft a fantastic novel.

>>10751358
Not sure what you mean by this, care to elaborate?

>>10751663
You should make your agreeable numbers 0-9. Then you are covered.

>>10751672
But at what cost?

>>10750460

When I came home from a night on the town yesterday, my internal monologue was repeating "kill yourself, you should kill yourself" for hours.

are these carrots making me pee more? what would cause that? I'm still drinking the same amount of water.

I really really really really really like prostitutes

>>10751762
Does the carrot have a gun against your head demanding you pee more?

>>10751736
it's usually number combinations and 0 is not one of my agreeable numbers and 9 can only be an agreeable number if paired with a 2 or an 11 it's not a terrorist thing though

>>10751762
Are you getting an excess of any nutrient? Your body might be trying to flush something out

>>10751773
You probably only like them as friends because you're a fucking queer

>>10751783
That's exactly what a terrorist would say

>>10751782
no carrot is currently unarmed but giving looks that could be judged as threatening if not subtly malignant
>>10751785
the only thing dietary changed this past week is I've been eating a handful of carrots a day but it seems like forty minutes or so after eating them I piss buckets

>>10751755
That's normal, friend. Everybody is thinking it. When you walk around outside, I would say a good 90% of people you pass are thinking about suicide

>>10751816
imagine being this delusional.

>>10751832
You're the one with the problem, buddy. Everybody else in class has already found the solution, we're all just waiting on you

>>10751762
nigga, carrots have juice in them. ever heard of carrot juice? that's it.

>>10751849
>You're the one with the problem, buddy.
What problem is that?

I keep getting encouraging rejections from literary journals. I keep getting told that my writing makes it to the final editorial round, or that it receives more consideration than most stories; but in the end it all gets rejected.

It's like I'm missing one, single thing. Like I'm almost there, but not there yet, and I have no idea how to cross the last bridge. It's maddening, because I'm trying to figure out what I could be missing, and I keep wondering if I'm going in the wrong direction.

>>10752555

I'm working on creating a YouTube channel and I'm insecure. I'm currently a full time NEET and I want to grow out of it, a YouTube career is where I'm feeling the most attraction towards but I've been grinding 4 days already trying to create the first video.

>>10753150
Have you been published before? Editors are timid people and want to see proof that others share their opinions about the quality of your writing before signing off on you

>>10753181
Take comfort in the knowledge that you're doing something meaningful and worthwhile for the world around you

>>10753190
I've had three short stories published, and only one of them in a venue of any note. I've also had a poem accepted to a somewhat wide-circulation magazine, but it's not actually out in print yet.

>>10750461
This was extremely depressing to read. ;-;

>>10750463
Oh you. ;)

>>10750641
GoT = gaem of throne
Lololoollllolol

>>10751280
>make thread about relatively obscure writer
>archives with no replies
;-;

>>10751939
Erectile Dysfunction

>>10753193
Love you anon.

I've started watching the filmographies of the greatest directors of all time. Recently watched 2 of Tarkovsky's. The most recent one "The Mirror" had a lot of poetry in it written by the director's dad, and it got me thinking again about what bothers me. I suck at poetry. I read the words fine, but I don't understand the direction it takes most of the time, or what it means overall. It really makes me feel like an autistic robot. How do I get better at it?

>>10750460
a hat!

>>10750562
Fuck I wonder if I posted this while blackout

>>10753155
>>10752956

I recently got rejected for a grad program with the implication that if I worked on a few things I can get in after a year or two. This means I have to move back into my parent's house this fall after graduation. Not sure what I think about this. I feel like a bum.

Also, considering dating someone, but wondering if its too late since I will be leaving uni soon. Long distance would be a bad idea, wouldn't it? Should I accept it wouldn't work out?

>>10753364
I can't help you with poetry, but what movies/directors have you been watching?

>>10753590
>what movies/directors have you been watching?
After enjoying The Lobster (2016), I was told to check out Buñuel and Pasolini. Watched "The Exterminating Angel". Then after consulting TSPDT's greatest director's list, jumped around from Kubrick's "The Killing" and "Paths of Glory" to Tarkovsky's "Solaris" and "The Mirror". Watched 2017's "Three Billboards" in the middle of that and realized how basic of a film it is in comparison to the all time greats. Leaves a lot to be desired. Which also tells me I should look for satisfaction in literature instead of films/TV.

>>10753590
how do u "work on a few things" once u finished ur bachelors but aren't in grad school?

what jobs can math majors get?

>>10750461
are you a grill as well?

>>10753786
I'm trying to go to seminary so I need more involvement in my church. Academics weren't the issue.

>>10753772
I didn't really like Three Billboards either. Try the rest of Kubrick's stuff. Barry Lyndon is one of my favorite movies. See if you like Tarkovsky's Stalker as well. Avoid going straight through TSPDT's list, because you can get burnt out.

>>10753772
>>10753896
Three Billboards was my favorite film of the past few years, which says a lot about the state of the film industry.

>tfw all anyone in real life ever talks about is "capeshit 17: nyc gets destroyed again"

>>10753802
You could try to go into academia, but its very very competitive and plenty of extremely qualified people fail.
You could learn some applied stuff and go work in finance or optimization and things like that
You could learn programming and go work in data or networks and things like that
You could treat your degree as a certificate saying that you're smart and talk your way into a lot of jobs

It's a pretty versatile degree desu

>>10753896
lol kys christfag
>>10753802
finance is the big money maker, academia is going to be a slaughterhouse

>>10750663
That photo always reminds me of Half Life, either the first or second, and he kinda reminds me of G-Man. I wonder what archetype he is, roughly speaking.

>>10750482
Same

I ended a 24 hour fast in. Chinese buffet
Bad idea

But I’m going to eat normally tonight as I have work tomorrow.

I will eat again tomorrow evening after work like our forefathers did in their hunter gatherer phase.

>>10750568
>However, I still feel a great feeling in Church, which could be placebo or whatever, since through my whole upbringing I've been taught that going to church and praying is the right thing to do. I feel borderline brainwashed
I went through the same feelings. Yes, it's a placebo, yes you've been a bit brainwashed. It will feel strange, and uncomfortable, and like you're doing something wrong, but that goes away with time. Today, I feel uncomfortable in church, and the whole concept is silly.

>>10750460
I feel like my life is going nowhere and the choices I've made so far won't amount to anything. The fact that I've resigned myself to follow this road that will inexorably lead to mediocrity is something I find very frightening, moreso than the actual prospect of mediocrity. The ambitions I once held are slowly but surely being shoved aside by complacency and procrastination.
I'm going through the motions, feeling utterly blasé about anything that my friends would marvel at in childlike amazement.Feigning amzement for fear of being ostracized by my colleagues fills me with self-doubt.
The fact I'm even experiencing this thing you'd describe as existential dread or whatever annoys me as I equate it to emo, woe is me, milquetoast defeatism you'd find on /r9k/

Enjoy my ramblings

>>10753958
just a modern man in a world slipping to matriarchy. gotta get out there and challenge yourself, re-awaken that zombified part of yourself. if there aren't tall enough mountains, build one. then fuck that mountain with your penis.

Is how I feel about myself the only worthwhile evaluation of myself?

>>10750460
>am first time lurker in /lit/

How can you determine what is real, if you need other people to do it, how do you "prove" they are real. How would I then go ahead and analyze what I've found beyond the illusions.

Is the best way of living, when you stop asking what questions to ever thing as a small kid, to remove all kinds of instincts so you can live a life of continuous why and how questions with the least amount of bias for possibilities, and a better way of thinking outside the box also known as creativeness

i was gonna fappit and opened up like 20 tabs of porn but i just couldnt get into it, i haven't fapped in literally a week i should be quite horny by now, idk man

>>10754493
Wtf man same here though

>>10754346
All you have is a bunch of images of the external world, your only choice is to try and make some sense out of that mess.

>>10750460
Im looking for edgy reactionary political work, like evola, except not some pagan faggotry. Any suggestions?

>>10754605
evola

I own a 50 years old paperback edition of Plato's dialogues and the retards used endnotes instead of footnotes. Whenever I have to turn all the pages and search for the note I'm scared of fucking destroying the book and I'm sure it will crumble down in a couple of rereads.

>>10754611
literal pagan faggotry

>>10754605
https://www.gutenberg.org/files/1140/1140-h/1140-h.htm

>>10754656
>https://www.gutenberg.org/files/1140/1140-h/1140-h.htm
why should I read this guy complaining about statues and prison systems?

>>10754656
>>10754605
actually we can do better
Occasional Discourse on the Negro Question:
https://cruel.org/econthought/texts/carlyle/carlodnq.html

and
Shooting Niagara:
http://library.umac.mo/ebooks/b31692436.pdf

I have no desire or energy to do anything but I feel assailed by boredom all the same, what's wrong with me?

>>10754605
You need to look for stuff that defends monarchy and the genuine, temporal power of the Church. That is as edgy as you can get in our world of secularism and liberal individualism.

I recommend De Maistre.

The only way to successfully revolt against capitalism and keep bystanders from being hurt to a minimum is to have theft riot, where we just go around and steal things, from candy bar to Gucci bags, TVs to cars, he'll just taking toilet paper is good. As long as you take what you want without paying for it, it is a peaceful protest as long as no one is hurt physically by the theft. Insurance companies will be forced to pay for damages and everyone except the corporate bigboys will be relatively fine. Now I just need to find a place where I can spark a riot that follows rules.

>>10754804
wrong. the only way to revolt against capitalism is to free yourself of the desire they instill in you to consume their useless garbage

>>10754804
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MYZxgeDHRM

wow man nice stoner tier ideology, pass the bong bro, oh btw blacks do that shit all the time and it never has any affect on capitalism

>>10754705

I too am in the throes of a sort of prolonged period of ennui. I keep trying to tell myself I am not above genuinely experiencing the basic pleasures of life that have brought better people than myself joy, but it's hard.

>>10754804
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qi8KJ0boov8

wow man nice stoner tier ideology, pass the bong bro, oh btw blacks do that shit all the time and it never has any affect on capitalism

>>10750460
I want to get back into reading classical work with an emphasis on poetry.

>>10754804
>>10754814
>not being an accelerationist

>>10754814
Yeah but they want you to BUY the useless garbage. If you just take it it breaks the fundamental rule of capitalism, thus shining a light on the simple exploit in the system while also showing other flaws of it, like wastefulness

ideas that are proposed for the sake of originality are retarded and dangerous

>>10754814
>revolting against world-historical processes
I too run screaming into the ocean and punch the waves in impotent fury

>>10754819
shutup borgman, no singularity for you

>>10754837
Nobody wants that, at least, I don't. I hope we accelerate fast enough that the system rips itself apart through the sheer onus of its unbridled productive capacities well before that happens.

>>10754826
lol when I read that in Mitchell's voice. Anyway I realize I can't alter forces set in motion and established long before I came into being, but I can at least bleet like a sheep and not just chew the cud when the wolves come to cull us.

>>10754844
That's pussy talk, no revolutions would have ever happened if people thought like that

>>10754842
well in order for that to happen I think only expansion onto other worlds where new systems can organically grow out of the ruins is a necessity

>>10754853
you're right, gonna hope the prophesied one is born in my lifetime so I can see him or her shock the system via giant hammer
oh and call me a pussy again and I'll fucking end you

>>10754855
Why couldn't new systems arise out of the ruins of this world?

>>10754876
the world will all likely be dead or dying and we'd need to give it time to recover if possible. it's going to take a lot of resources to fuel capitalism to its breaking point

We like to see a relatively understandable chain of events in lives of people we adore and detest, equally. Our minds are inclined towards seeing uniformity. When a criminal repeats his crime, or a hardworking individual gets a promotion, our minds like these happenings as they follow a uniform trajectory; our minds can expect these things to happen.

But when the inverse of these things happen, as when a downtrodden criminal improves himself and becomes a valued contributor to society, and when a hardworking individual mentally breaks down and commits petty crime, these things simply do not compute as easily in our minds. We find it hard to come to terms with these happenings as they are not uniform in nature; they are unexpected.

Camus would argue that we can fight this innate desire for uniformity, which then would probably extinguish our desire for meaning. However, our goal should only be to achieve what we alone believe is right. Hence, it follows that man should follow a uniform trajectory. People who deliberately perform activities that are not a part of their uniform trajectory only deceive themselves, as they are unhappy with their lives and need change. A person who is content with his life at the present moment should not feel the need to act out of his uniform behaviours.

I’m sick of pretending like everything’s fine. I’m scared. I’m panicking. I’m stressed beyond belief. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I can tell I’m spiraling towards failure.

i wish i could hit the reset button on life.

>>10754890

You're fine.

>>10754905
I wish that was true.

>>10750521
exercise more often

Chorus!

I have no release. I feel so sorry for myself.

Neon Genesis Evangelion is beautiful aesthetically but disgusting philosophically

We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

i just fapped to a tranny so fucking hot i stopped self-inserting as a tranny and started imaging fucking a cisgirl's vag instead, then busted an equal to or better than actual sex nut, wow man

You have gone away to the mountains for the next few months and left me here, but when you thought of things you'd have to leave behind you did not think of me. I thought of writing you a letter, and then you just sent a message online instead. The whole group fawns over you, but I know your real worth. They are still stuck in your orbit. I drifted out of it long ago.

And yet, you were the one to come to me and apologize, were you not? It was an apology for a lot of different things, but it was mostly for how you treated me. You never said sorry, but you apologized all the same.

So how is it, in those mountains that seek to shake you to the core of your soul? How easy has it been for you to destroy every vision, every insight, and every theophany they could possibly afford you?

Saturn, why do you have rings?

>>10755022

Elaborate

All great art begins with the essential Truth it wishes to convey, and it is then crafted with Signs that convey that Truth. There is no real art without Truth, and the Signs, therefore, cannot exist independently of the Truth. But the Truth is not directly perceived, or at least not easily. Rather, the Signs allow us to find the Truth; they lead us to it. Thus there is no "art for art's sake," because even the artists who espoused that philosophy were committing themselves to a Truth which was reflected by the Signs of their art. Art is not an end in itself.

WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I WRITE

I JUST WANT TO WRITE FAPFICS BUT ALL I DO IS STARE AT A BLANK GOOGLE DOC.

I HAVE IDEAS FOR SPRAWLING EROTIC NOVELS BUT I WRITE BITS OF THEM AND THEY'RE TOO BORING AND NOT SEXY

I HAVE IDEAS FOR STRAIGHT UP SEXY SMUTTY PORN AND I WRITE THEM AND THEY'RE JUST BORING BECAUSE IT'S JUST THE OLD IN-AND-OUT WE'VE ALL SEEN A THOUSAND TIMES

I GET AROUSED AND ACTUALLY START ENJOYING WRITING SEX BUT THE WRITING PROCESS IS TOO SLOW AND I'M IMPATIENT SO I SWAP TO PORN AND GET OFF AND THEN GO BACK TO WHAT I WAS WRITING AND IT'S ALL CRINGEY AND SAD IN THAT POST-COITAL WAY

SOMEONE TELL ME THE SECRET. SOMEONE TELL ME HOW TO MESH THEM TOGETHER. SOMEONE TELL ME HOW TO WRITE SEXY STORIES THAT STILL HAVE EMOTIONAL CONTENT AND CHARACTER ARCS THAT I ALSO ENJOY WRITING. SOMEONE TELL ME HOW TO MAKE THE 50TH TIME I'VE DESCRIBED A COCK GOING INTO AN ASS FRESH AND ENGAGING.

H E L P M E

I CAN'T EVEN WRITE SHIT.

I JUST WANT TO WRITE PORN

>>10750497
Why is Charles Darwin's life so fucking comfy?

>>10755371
>tfw i write super long erotic emails to send to casual encounters posters on craigslist but then i get off to my own writing and delete

Lord, Lord, me want do great things for benefit of others. Me going to continue til death do depart. No anxiety, no sadness, and no fear, and now comes hero's journey.

>>10755416
same here but oops its 3am and ive shitposted away another day

Lord, Lord, me want do great things for benefit of other. Me continue path til death do depart. No anxiety, no sadness, and no fear. Here go journey of hero.

>>10755425
Much miasma fills the air.

Ever since my current relationship started I just think of a way to end it. Almost two years have passed now and I still think about it. I love my girfriend, or at least that's what I say when asked or whenever I feel like it must be said, but the truth is I just don't know for sure. We have almost broken up three times now. Everytime it happens I end up in a position where I just need to pull the trigger, say the words and it would all end right there and then. But just when I'm about to say so, I look at her eyes, and fuck me I just can't. I look at her and she's like a scared child, I can see how she hopes for me not to say the words. I get lost in this view and start to rembember being happy by her side, and somehow I begin to speak, but the words I say aren't the ones I had in mind. I feel like I have no control over my actions and I just keep talking until her sad glance turns into a smile and without really knowing how or why we've fixed the things between us. It works for a while until the cracks appear again, all the little details that make wonder why I keep doing this or why would anyone do this. Maybe this is how relationships are, maybe I just don't have the balls. Probably I'll just forget this feeling by tomorrow and remember it by tomorrow's night.

i wish life was more simple, why does everything have to be so difficult

This life is a bad dream and I've become borderline solipsistic in recent months. Can't wait for suicide.

>>10756021
What makes you say life is difficult?

I bought a bunch of Foundation books by Asimov, published by harper collins; but this publication series with the matching covers is missing "Forward to Foundation".
I am upset that I have a single book that does not match.

>Went to Berlin
>Drank liters of beer at day, woke up every time problems
>Returned to home
>Drank a few pints of beer at a local pub
>Felt like shit, headache and almost to throw up
>Woke up 6 hours ago, still feeling bad

Why is beer in my country so fucking shitty and low quality?

>>10756392
*without problems

>>10756021
But It is easy you are just too young to realize that besides hardship won't last forever

nothing can satisfy me
has anyone here left their life behind and moved somewhere else completely to start over?
how did it go?

I just want a new qtgf to cuddle up with on the couch with, both with a hot drink in hand, with Alan Watts on in the background or her listening to me read out loud from whatever book I am reading.

P.S. Regardless of what /lit/ thinks of Watts, he is entertaining as hell to listen to.

>>10750460
I've been writing books for roughly 1.5 years. I'm averaging roughly $60-120 a month. Not only am I going to continue writing but I think I'll only stop either when my heart and lungs stop working or when my brain stops working. I continue to increase my average income.

I will someday be a full-time writer, and it will be good.

>>10756573
Are you the guy that sells self-published post-apocalypse pulp on amazon?
link to your books

>>10756583
Yeah, I'm the shill, but I write more than just post-apoc stuff. Action ('Firearm Valhalla'), erotica ('When her No means Yes', and 'To Take what is Needed'), non-fiction ('Delicious Addiction of Oppression and Outrage', and most recently 'For the Safety of Students and for the Security of our Future'), and I've got plans for both comedy and historical fiction. The latter will be primarily Military-based historical fiction, and I'll doubtlessly draw upon my pretty decent first-hand experience in historic firearms ownership and handling.

www.amazon.com/author/jnmorgan

To be honest I make more money from ghostwriting and writing custom erotica, so it would seem that before my sales can really take off I'll need to alter my marketing methods. Firstly, something that is very much needed, is to pay graphic artists for custom cover designs. The ones I have now, well, they were free so there's that benefit; I've made hundreds of dollars from my writings without having spent a cent on them, but clearly there's still a lot that I have to learn. There's so damn much involved in self-publishing. Oh yeah, and I'm also soon to start a short story or novelette that I'll be submitting for traditional publication in a compilation book which will include stories from various other writers.

>>10756609
Seems interesting, good luck with your future works. Are zombie related works still selling? I thought it was a fading genre

>>10756609
Oh, I just checked. My 11th book is so damn new that it's not even on my Amazon page yet. Here's a link to it. It's a non-fiction and is I suppose my own critique on the concept of arming teachers? I think it might be an essay but I'm not sure. I consider both arguments, and though I have a slight bias FOR the idea, I actually came up with a definite NEGATIVE aspect of the idea that is inarguable, sadly. Still, I explain how I might go about implementing such a concept in a way that would maximize effectiveness while minimizing potential risk and also taking into consideration that different teachers, though they might be willing to get training to be armed at school, might only be willing to partake to specific degrees.

I think I might have gone too far in how the armed teachers would deal with the crisis of a school shooting, also talking about perhaps inviting local Police to all the schools that partake so that they might go through and provide advanced training to those teachers who might consider a bit more of an OFFENSIVE role in defending students rather than a DEFENSIVE role, which I suppose would be to stay in whatever nearby classroom they find themselves in with students and keep their sidearm trained on the door in case the shooter shows up.

Anyways, I'm still giving a lot of thought to the matter, but I've got a fair bit of experience with firearms so it's not like I'm just thinking of things in terms of videogames; I'm not that detached from how firearms function in the real world and what it's like to be around gunfire. I also mention that 'condition 3' would probably be the safest bet, providing the optimal combination of safety but also readiness. 'Condition 4' would be to have the pistol without either magazine or a round chambered, and well... I go into more detail in the book. I could go on for paragraphs more.

>>10756637
... here is said link, for fuck's sake.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07B27STTM

>>10756624
Thanks, I appreciate the kind words. My zombie books are the best-selling ones I have, but nah, they're not really selling anymore. Might very well be a fading genre, certainly doesn't help that Walking Dead has incorporated a Muslim character from what I hear. Though then again I guess I shouldn't judge; I incorporated a couple Muslim characters in my book series before Walking Dead had done it with their TV show.

>>10756609
>writing custom erotica

what's that like?

>>10756710
Pretty fascinating, and an fantastic opportunity to try writing about unfamiliar things, unfamiliar events, and unusual individuals that I probably wouldn't normally write about. Hearing of different fetishes and the like is also very interesting, I dabbled in writing about fetishes in my 2nd book which I had written in November 2016; When her No means Yes. It gets VERY little attention, and who knows, maybe rightly so, but I did get a pretty favourable review a few months ago which was very nice. I plan to read that short novel sometime and perhaps edit it in the process, I don't know what it'll be like; might find it cringy or maybe I'll think that it had gone pretty well. Only time will tell. It seems the custom erotica I've been providing, though, has been quite well received even though I sometimes warn them that it's unfamiliar territory for me. I'm glad they enjoy my writings.

The love of my life lives about 3 hours away for work right now. My birthday was the 20th, so she scheduled her vacation to be with me for this entire week. I know I should be focusing on the coming work week, but since she left this morning my heart is in a rut. I like to keep specific boards open to encourage myself to be more like my ideal self, and I'm just now diving into /lit/, because I feel like it might help whenever she's away.

I'm 27 now, and she was my high school sweetheart, went to prom with her, though we never got serious. Life happened and fell together, my soul mate, my everything. My heart was dealt a ridiculous blow when I found out for the years we weren't talking, she was feeling the same way. Unfortunately, work has us separated (thankfully not too far) and whenever we part, it takes time for my heart and mind to stabilize. Sometimes it doesn't stabilize at all.

But I really need to focus on work and bettering my life and finances. For myself of course, but for her if for nothing else. The thought of her and our impending life together has to be enough to keep me focused on what's most important.

Feels good to send this out into the ether. If anyone reads this and happens to think of some literature I could dive into, that'd be great. Just digging heavily into philosophy.

Does any of you have a pdf of this book?

>>10755360
It depends on what your definition of "art" is, m8. If by "art" you mean the physical medium and symbols used in the conveying of their message, then yeah, there's no art for art's sake, but the generally used term for that concept is "piece of art" or the "artistic medium", what "art" means, at least in the way I see it, is the conveying of the truth in itself, and in that way of seeing it, then the delivery of information is art in itself, and it is possible that an artist can start this communication for money, fame or whatever, but it's also possible that he is doing it just for the sake of delivering his message, therefore, art for art's sake is a possibility.

>>10750460

>I told one of my friends about the book I'm writing and he said he wants to read it

Abhaya's wrath fell upon the hoarde as I studied this fresco. It foretells the moment of a great battle, where evil and good will meet in equal strength. There is no victory in this war; only suffering for those who thought themselves kings.

i took my teenage-tier posters and some photos off the walls today since having them made me feel like a manchild and now i'm a little more empty inside so i'm going to have a drink

ahegaoanalanorexicauntbikiniblowjobbunny girldeflorationfrecklesgarter beltlingerieloliconlong tonguemonster girlnakadashiprostitutionrimjobscarsistersleepingstockingssweatingswimsuitunusual teethurinationx-rayzombie

Right now I really don't understand how people have the will to go outside and live their lives. Or do anything. I just want to read. I'm so scared.

>>10757618
Now push this word salad through the Joyce grinder.

i was really smart growing up and being riddle with adderal/vyvanse everyday probably helped. i wrote so much everyday and all of the adults told me i should be a writer. fast forward to age 19 and i quit all of the meds and have been stuck with a permanent brain fog ever since. i can't write, i have to force myself to read. my head feels cloudy 24/7 and it makes me want to kill myself. i'm 22 now with nothing to show in terms of lit or intellectual gains. i finally have insurance again so i'm going to try to get back on meds to fix it but if it doesn't work i'm just gonna off myself.

Why are super rich people either super attractive or super ugly

>>10757880
I used to feel the same way as you except for the meds. As a teenager I used to be a pretty smart boy and artistically talented, but by the time I hit 18 my mind became clouded by brain fog, all I did was power through it for years, forcing myself to read and stay focused and create more art, reading the classics, getting some excercise; and I didn't even notice it but it eventually went away. Try forcing yourself into a habit and doing all you can before hooking yourself on drugs. I think one of the things that helped me was getting deep into the greeks, having this one thing that you have explored to the deepest you can and you understand clearly really helped me out, I think my clarity of mind expanded from that one specific topic and started shaping my whole mind into its likeness or something like that. I'm not memeing you into starting with the greeks, do what you want to, but exploring something until I saw nothing but crystal clear images did help me inmensely.

Back when I was a kid, I used to read, nothing really special.
Reading gave my imagination "fuel"
In no time I was creating my own universe, characters, events.
When paired with great music I would spend all night just thinking, having adventures with imaginary friends and overall having fun.
Now, like 15 years later, no matter what I do, I just can't bring back this "flame" that I once had.
I know this is stupid, but this got me through some of the toughest years of my life.
Does anybody feel the same?
If so, did you reclaim this "spirit"?
Please, share your knowledge with me!

Wait, do stupid people even have thoughts?

>>10754971
Interrupting my train of thought
Lines of longitude/latitude
Define/refine my altitude

please notice me

I don't have a single talent, and thinking about always being average joe #57566753 makes me want to kill myself. I'm not asking for much, I just want a single fucking thing I can do well. I would rather be bad at everything and average in one thing, than average at everything.

>>10750460

Sometimes the urge to die is overwhelming and other times life is so beautiful that I can't help but want to live forever. I guess this is an ok way to be

>>10750460
What's the point? I'm going to die. The world is going to end. The universe is also likely going to end. Why bother, and how do I get rid of these thoughts?

>>10757980
>altitude
> not “attitude”
You’ll never make it

Something's wrong, but I can't tell what. I don't know how, but I just know. Everything seems different. Different how I can't explain. Thing's are not the way they should be.

>>10758076
Those aren't the lyrics, tho.
https://youtu.be/G7avr_N9Anw

How do I resensitize myself to life? I've become and empty husk of a "man". I've been on chans since I was 10 years old, and I fear the effects are irreversible. I really don't think kids should grow up with the internet, my age group is the first to never know a world without it, its fucked me up for sure. I mean, I guess loners and losers have always existed.
When I grew up, I was that super ugly, but funny kid that everyone was cool with, but Ive never had a close friend, besides my younger brother and dad. When I got older and hit puberty, I guess I turned really attractive to women, and so by the time I was in 8th grade, I had the pick of any girl I wanted, they'd practically throw themselves at me. I was really popular at the time as well, everyone in my city that was around my age or a little older, knew me even if I didn't know them. I played football and soccer, and was super athletic, the coaches from other teams would offer me to go to camps and train with their teams, shit like that. I've always been deemed " intelligent" (I don't think it really means anything, day in day out I feel like a fucking pseud). I score in the top 1% on all national tests, and I've never studied a minute of my life. I think all of this undeserved admiration from people paired with my eternal self loathing made a weird mix of self hatred and arrogance? I've never grown up with discipline, I've always been allowed to be independent and I've never tried for a thing in my life. I've basically coasted for the first 17 years of my life. And yet, despite all of this, I've only become more isolated, and I have no one to blame but myself. Despite all of these girls who try to be in my life, I've never kissed a girl. Despite all of the guys who try to befriend me, I've never had a close friend except for my elementary school buddy, but I haven't talked to him since I was little. Ive kicked all of my old degenerate habits (cocaine, weed, drinking), and i felt great after a month, but now I feel even worse than before. Every day I dread waking up, that's the only emotion I ever feel. I don't feel happy anymore, I don't feel anger anymore, I don't even feel emotional sadness? Idk what to call it, I just feel nothing. I want to be moved by something. I used to find purpose (maybe it was fake) in 8/pol/, but after the election its all gone to shit. I guess its a good thing, its led me to challenge many of my preconceived notions, and I'm starting to reread a lot of the old books I used to read critically. But the more I read, the more I get the feeling of being a pseud. And I only have a year until its all over, my childhood will be over, I'll be an adult, something I've always dreamed of, but I now dread. How do I become a child again?

tl;dr drunkposting underageb& loser has squandered every opportunity he's ever been given on a silver platter, and has isolated himself from the ones he cares about, asking fucking 4chan of all places how to live a genuine life

>>10758163
are you me?

>>10758163
sorry for incoherence I've relapsed on the drinking today (you can probably tell)

>>10758190
its weird, huh, how we can only find acceptance in a sea of faceless anonymity, in one of the most hostile and unaccepting places in the world. I can only relate to you guys, all chantards are my /bros/ and I don't know whether to curse chans or if I'm in debt to them.

>>10758163
Same desu

I'm debating if I should start reading books at the library. When I buy or borrow books I just seem to procrastinate forever before actually starting.

>>10754971
>>10757980
I unironically think this is the best song ever written in the history of popular music

>>10750460
I really fucking like you, Christina. But I have no idea how to talk to you without coming off like a creep.

>>10758163
I hate the US government, but I hit 18 I'll probably join the army or something. Not cause of any patriotism, I kinda wanna just go and kill shit (not civilians, but Ill do what uncle sam needs me to do :^)) maybe I'll make a few friends along the way. Is that foolish? Probably. Its not like I'm doing anything else with my time.

>>10758163
stop masturbating

>>10757951
stop masturbating and watching porn immediately

I am a pro masturbator NEET with no friends and I went out to a volleyball game with a group I found on facebook today. It was alright. I had fun

it was also bittersweet because I realised how much I need to work on myself before truly being good socially, but I will never catch up because I wasted so much time already

its like a scar, will never go away

>>10750460
I need to start running again, I gave up 1 week in

>>10758449
I was doing pretty well but then winter came and I'm pretty sure I've lost all my progress now. Going to start again soon I think. I improved a lot strength-wise over the winter though, which was nice.
>tfw arms have actual definition now

>>10753181
The more you do it, the easier it will become as you grow more confident and skilled. You got this!

>>10753181
You might as well just give up now. This will just be another one of the tens and hundreds of projects you've started and never finished.

>>10753964
When people say stuff like this I feel like they're simultaneously me (a man) and the women I'm close to.

I'm not sure why.

>>10758397
Everyone I know who's been in the military has talked about "those guys" who join so they can kill people, and not in a favorable way.

>>10754826
Best response in this conversation.

>>10758553
rrrrrrrrreddddditttt

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUBvYYsM-lo

>>10754871
you're a pussy

>>10758223
Both of those tbdesu. It's sorta like the Stockholm Syndrome.
Your problem, just like mine, seems to come from the addictions we have chosen to pursue. The paradox of hatred and acceptance at the same time is exactly how this place feels about you and your derailings, and you seem to have adopted the same mentality. You should seriously leave this place and infinitechan altogether. Honestly what you have written got me thinking: is it possible that all you ever longed for was a community and paradoxally, yourself ended up rejecting it because of the chans? No idea, anon, I'm walking on thin ice here. Unironically go to reddit, dude, or pajeet-uora, or whatever other forum you may find, because I doubt you can get detached from the internet at this point. It may be hard to assume an identity of yours after 7 years but that's kind of what you need to do if you wish not to merely remain one of the anonymii and become anon once again. But the MAIN reason you have to do it is the lower level of nihilism and passivity going on there. Just like you, I don't think that my achievements are too great, but in the commoner's eyes they're stellar. What I'm tryna say is that you will never enjoy life as a whole if you don't value things. And I mean, the slightest things, such as a bird shitting on your jacket. You will never be valued in an anonymous setting. In fact nothing REALLY IS valued here, every discussion is ethereal, not even remotely tied to the ground, it flies and it never comes back, and nobody really gives a damn that it ended because it wasn't more than what it was, and another one will always come.
And mind you, anon, you're already damaged, and for god knows what reason, fixing things is harder than damaging them. So have patience with yourself. Baby steps.

>>10754493
>>10754551
Same here dudes.
I kinda had an experience last week and since that nothing else is gonna satisfy ya feel??

I'm nearing 30 and I haven't accomplished a single thing, experienced anything special, nor do I have any noteworthy skills. It feels like I'm doomed to a life of mediocrity which will ultimately end in a regretful death.

Attended mass by my own volition for the first time in several years today. They changed the Nicene Creed and all the responses in 2011, but I keep accidentally saying the versions I learned in childhood.

>>10759012
>>10759012
what would you consider special? do you have done some fun things or felt joy a few times at least? also what kind of skills do you consider noteworthy?

kinda need a shit rn lol

>>10759248
I like to squeeze a turd out of my asshole, good for you.

I'll take a shit later, personally

>>10759012
You are like most men ever

I'm tired

I want to live with a group of writers for a good 2-5
years, but I'm not sure where to look.
I'm serious, by the way

>>10758739
I agree wholeheartedly man, and yur post resonates wit me a lot. I thought about it and no shit, all I really do want is a community. I think its the reason that so many people take up extreme ideologies (also can be applied to things like chans) they look for that sense of community, but with this place, community is easier to join, no one knows who you are or cares about you in any way, so yo can blend in. This is kinda cringe to admit, but after a lot of soul searching, I suspect the reason that I've been drawn to shit like fascism and ns is because I've never known or been friends with other white people, besides that one guy from elementary. I've always been regarded as an other, and I couldnt fit in culturally with the people around me, so at first I tried to adopt their culture, but it just wasn't for me, so I isolated myself, and it created a lot of self induced bitterness. I've never hated people because of who they are, but I've always gotten shit for being white, and it made me angry for a long time. I think I've overcome that anger, but not transcended it. I don't have a passion in life,I think the closest thing would be my love for nature and the natural world. In another time, maybe I'd be some mountain hermit. Matter of fact, I think we all would. I don't like to blame things on others, but I think a large issue in my life is my back of discipline. When I was young, I did everything too early, and so my parents figured that I can handle myself. I think humans are weird, we will rise to any occasion that you throw at us, but we are also too weak to feel content without purpose, and a big part of purpose is structure. I never had structure, and yet I value self reliance as well as giving oneself without question to a collective. I think a big part of my chan addiction is that it simultaneously gives you a cause to get behind (topic of the board, board culture, board specific Memes) and allows you to be an individual (anonymity allows you to say and share anything that you want without repercussion). Its like a dog, you can say whatever the fuck you want to it, it doesn't even care, you just have an unbreakable bond. But to be anonymous 24/7 kind of destroys your sense of self, and at least in my case, has made me lose sight of important things and life and neglected them. I don't know what to do in my life man, I don't want to be a wageslave. Maybe I'll go be a game warden or some shit like that. Sorry again for incoherent drunk posting, I usually just lurk so when I post I get swept onto tangents and write stream of consciousness style kek. I appreciate the (you), more than you guys would ever know

>>10758163
stop browsing chans you retarded manchild

I just turned 18 and I want to actually contribute to the world and live.

I'm seriously considering the military but I fear coming home without a job.
I read Seneca's Letter to a Stoic recently and I feel the need to change myself.

What advice could you give a young man? I have no father and feminine advice is something quite different than a brother's.

>>10759760
don't do anything on an impulse.

The Regout Archives have been proven to be false time after time, there is no particular (or solid) reason on why we should keep studying them.

>>10759760
>military
lol no my dude, you don't have to die on the middle east to prove yourself a "true" man.

the meat and dairy industry are pure evil
i wish to escape moloch's grip on my soul
hoping for war so we can start over

>>10758163

stop watching porn
start reading philosophy

>>10759771
To what extent?
>>10759791
It'd be an opportunity to band with a few good people and to explore something

>>10759760
I'm in the same boat as you man, what are your passions in life? I don't really have any, so I figure that the military might be a good place to start figuring out something to do. My biggest goal in life is to overcome my bitterness and start a family, I'd do anything it takes to make that happen. Do a lot of soul searching, think about where you do and don't want to end up in life, work so that you don't become what you fear and you'll be okay I figure. Don't take anyone as gospel (especially, im actually younger than you) think critically about everything and come to your own conclusions. Don't blame anything but yourself, but use that blame as fuel to better yourself.

>>10759815
let me guess, I should start with the greeks

>>10759840
Also ( I'm the poster above, I've posted a few times in this thread) I imagine the closest bond that you can have is brotherhood, blood or not, and I too am looking to the military hoping to find it.

>>10759760

i'm of the opinion that the military would be a good place to develop discipline and get a good crash course in firearms and other physical aspects, but to die for any modern ideal right now would just be sad

>>10753150
a written acknowledgement of your faggotry in said journals

I think it's time to give up. The good thing about living in burgerland: I can buy a shotgun whenever I like.

>>10759855

i started with decarte and aristotle in school. didn't learn much there, or even the point of philosophy. then i read a lot of weird modern philosophers like rei, icycalm, nick land, peterson, GOONAN. i'm only just now getting into the greeks. they are more difficult (and insightful) than people admit.

I've spent far too much time daydreaming and fantasizing different types of lifestyles, and I'm unable to settle down and decide the one life I want to live out. The food I ordered is taking too fucking long. These headphones are inconvenient. I'm running out of time. I don't know what I want.

>>10758163
>>10758225
>>10758397
>>10759760
>>10759848
>bunch of lonely, lost teenagers on /lit/ ranting about not knowing what to do in life

One of you should start a discord group to support one another.

>>10759879
If you're gonna die, go out with a bang. Not in the comfort of your own home. Die for something. Or better yet, live and fight for something.

>>10759848
My "passions" are, I would say, writing, reading, mathematics, and sculpture. Those are what I've studied everyday for the past 10 years, at least. I'm a published poet which is something, but I do fear that I will become too attached to my label.
I respect your goal of a family; I do not feel I can say I want that yet, especially because I have not felt that sense of determination yet. I feel I've found my own soul, but I don't know what to do with it yet in the 21st century, almost as though I'm too unfamiliar with it.

I propose, from a young man to another, you work out while you're still young.
Where do you live?

>>10759858
>>10759864
I could be romanticizing the military, but I do think it beneficial. I agree that dying for America's cause, though, would be pathetic today.

>>10759889
Might not be too bad of an idea tbqh

>>10759880
>peterson
is that the "clean your room bucko" grandpa that/ /pol/ dislikes?

>>10759892
I want to die as quickly and painlessly as possible. It doesn't matter what I "die for," anyway, because I will be dead. The point is to die.

>>10759922

yeah. most of /pol/ loves him tho

>>10755196
>Passively self-inserting your autogynephiliac fantasies in your porn
>Not being a real man and imagining fucking the tranny or better yet the real woman
Stop submitting

>>10759895
It makes me proud to see others in a similar situation to myself get things done in life, no matter how humble they may be. I feel as though there isn't really anything to be salvaged of modern 'culture' in the 21st century. I think the Epicureans, (unless I'm retarded and its not them, I'm a bit of a brainlet) had the right idea. We should form our own communities and live how we want, on our own terms, a romantic notion that I don't know how it would work out, but you catch my drift.
I just want to let everyone know who reads this, not in a reddit way, but I feel like 4chan has allowed us to be intimate with eachother in a new way. I believe in all of you faggots, though I may never know a single one of you. Were all gonna make it.

And to answer your question, Im an AZfag, how about yourself (pls no NSA)?

>>10755371
write the erotica in full and don't let yourself fap to porn until you finish, then after you fap, proofread the finished fapfic for repetition, stupid shit, and cringe.

>>10759923
Well, if you can't be talked out of it, kid propose that you go and find something that will allow you to die in your sleep, so that your loved ones at least can get a good look at your face when you pass.
But still, its reddit I know, but there's a lot of shit to do in life, why not give it all a shot?

>>10755196
Link

>>10755707
Speaking from someone who has experienced that sort of relationship, break up with her and run like the wind immediately. She will find someone else and so will you.

>>10759943
>We should form our own communities and live how we want, on our own terms, a romantic notion that I don't know how it would work out, but you catch my drift.
I'm actually planning on doing this, gather a bunch of people who wanna create a comunnity, make everyone save like 10-20k or something and buying a big patch of land to make our own thing. I don't care if doing it is near impossible. At least it gives me something to strive for so I don't kill myself

>>10759941
It's not even that, I can tell you what it is from experience because I have the same thing. Autogynephilia is a psychological coping mechanism of heterosexual men who have never had a proper sexual relationship with a woman. One has no exterior female sexual object, so one makes oneself the sexual other. Hence the common refrains of mtf transsexuals or unrepentant autogynephiles who say things like "something feels lacking when I think of myself as a man," that something being understanding of oneself as a sexual man, as distinct from a sexual woman.

It's really a terrible mental illness and probably incurable, as far as anyone can tell. I'm in therapy for it and the best they can say is "lol just don't feel guilty about it and you'll be fine." Every night I hope I die in my sleep.

>>10759966
I've thought about this ever since the first Namibia threads were posted on 8/pol/
It truly would be the life, I would truly rather live in grinding poverty with my fellows than alone in a mansion.

Kek, that reminds me, my dream once was to live my life as fast as possible and then kill myself at 25. I've still got a while to go eh?

>>10756483
It can work if you make endless realistic preparations and make sure that you carry them out. It's certainly cathartic to leave all the baggage that's been holding you back in your current locale but you have to make sure that the baggage and shit doesn't build up again after moving.

>>10759943
Delaware, on a little, humble slice of the Chesapeake.
I like the community idea.

>>10756907
I would suggest The Unbearable Lightness of Being

>>10757951
Going to therapy for my undiagnosed depression certainly helped
>>10758002
Hi

I will one day reconcile the fractures of morality and reality, subjectivity, phenomenology, epistemology, god, atheism, free-will, and human nature.
There's currently no modern and truly cohesive argument/proposition except "muh feelings", and, religion/god/divinity that truly upholds ethics and morals (or reality itself). "muh feelings" or divinity might be correct (the concept of divinity as holiness/sanctity) through pure necessity, if there's no other way. Some philosophers got close, or maybe they did but have been ignored/not fully understood. Perhaps my job won't be to find something new, but, as said: Reconciliation and Synthesis.

I'll see you when I'm done.

>>10759897
What would you name it Anon?

>>10759991
I've always dreamed of moving to New England, I'm partial to that sort of weather and the small towns and e sense of history. My family had lived in Boston since before the revolution (a man who died in the Boston massacre had a brother from whom I descend from, I'm so Anglo I even have a coat of arms). If you ever get a chance, come to Arizona during the spring time to see the prairies up north bloom, wide open country with little to no laws.
Every time a chan tries to set up a community, a lot of issues surface and the plans fall through. I'd love to see one work though.

>>10760038
Im not so good with naming things, Chanopolis maybe? Uncreative but I've a special place in my heart for the Hellenic world

>>10759958
I will never even live a full mediocre life. I would be content with mediocrity if I had some of the pleasurable experiences normal people have: love, children, sex, family, friends, etc. But to have none of this and still be unremarkable in more or less every way is too much. There is nothing to look forward to, nothing that I'm even good at, except whining like a worthless bitch. I might wait until my parents die to off myself, so they don't have to deal with my death on top of all else they confront, but that's the absolute maximum of my lifespan.

>>10759970
I was going to post some hateful shit but in all honesty I hope you will be fine and learn to accept yourself for who you are. You can still be a self-sexualizing trap and contribute to society, despite what others on here would say.

I'd rather look the kid from Gummo than have the painfully average nondescript baby face I currently have.

>>10760057
Get yourself together, man.
Move to Philly.
Buy a loft.
Start a noise band.
Get six or seven roommates.
Eat hummus with them.
Book some gigs.
Paint.
Smoke cloves.
Listen to Animal Collective.
Start some type of salsa company.

On a serious note, I too fear going out with a whimper of mediocrity. Ever since I was a child I was told to live life as if I were in a book. Do some crazy shit man. Go be a merc. Be a pirate.
I too worry about disappointing loved ones, or to put the weight of myself on others. My dad told me that a mans life is the most solitary and lonesome of lives. Solitude is where man can find the greatest strengths possible in his soul. U just have to think hard enough. I believe in you faggot

>>10750461
I forgive you Robert :')

>>10760082
As repulsed as you are by what I am is as repulsed as I am by what I have become. I can't accept something I know in my heart to be a deviant abomination (me). I'm at least glad I didn't go through with the gender reassignment and HRT, but the fact that in this country people with severe mental illnesses are actively encouraged to mutilate and disfigure themselves kills any desire in me to "contribute to society." I wish I could accept what I am but that idea has died, mainly with the realization that I'm a heterosexual self-condemned to a lonely hell of revolting autoeroticism.

>>10751773
lost my virginity to a prozzie in amsterdam

never got her name

I'm at the crossroads: the interstice between eventual success and potential perdition. The jalopy I'm riding is currently composed of one part motivation and two parts complacency. The battle is broiled in silence, but rages nonetheless. I read several of the posts above and see individuals involved in the same conflict. It's frustrating because the solution is so blaringly obvious: just wake up and do the thing. As simplistic yet lapidary as Nike's famous slogan. To read about these late-teen wunderkinds skyrocketing to fame, fortune, influence, adulation, and legacy wretches me inside. On one hand it encourages me to try—if they can do it then I can too. People clearly like me even if I don't sometimes myself. But on the other hand it makes me want to resign, throw in the towel and doubledown on the sunk cost that is wasted time—too many years down the drain, too much inertia built up rendering me increasingly motionless. And still: I know if I simply step out into the abyss of accomplishment, mired in risk and luck and the allergen known as hard-work, then I just might take flight. Something all shots you don't.

I just want to be the Efren Reyes of something. And if not that, then then Rauschenberg will do.

I must love being nothing. How horrible it would be if I were something... I must love my nothingness, love being a nothingness

Yesterday, I shit all over the island. The island in my kitchen. When I designed the house, my wife insisted on having an island. An island in the kitchen. So I put an island in the kitchen, and now these many years later, I've taken a shit all over it.

>>10750460
An appearance. Politically rousing, quite, in the odd manner only brought about by facetious appeals to abhorrence, namely those invoking its name -- his name. Quite odd, it was thought, by the man; so too orange by those who had seen him. Fabric tore by the mechanism of his lardery -- fine, fettered and feathered fabric, woven in a manner of colombian, or perhaps panaman, descent. This hispanic resemblance brought tself further into a strange paroxysm with the headwear -- that of a "sombrero", the tradional straw hat of mestizo farmworking festivals. Quite. Odd.

The man himself hadn't a notion, nor recollection, nor faint, dim slight sliver of anything in his mind. He was blank, a tranquility ruptured by his disturbance upon realization of his being. His calm countenance shattered, he thought it well to collect himself and apply a method of inspection only natural -- rubbing himself in odd places. He came upon a bulge most unlikely; after a brief period of "OwO", he realized it was not an explative, but rather a fine montblanc wallet. A closer examination revealed $20US, a debit card with no markings indicative of an identity, and a note. Written in an inky black, it demonstrated quite the proper use of the english language:

'Though you may believe yourself to exist in a state or manner
currently coinciding with your perception of self, it clearly
must not be true; this meaning to say, of course, that
one such as yourself has no true knowledge of
his own descent -- more rudely, you are
unknown to even yourself, and
know nothing."

Thus, the man had his first inkling of a notion, and, denoting his devotion to commotion, he noted:

"Wut?"

>>10760413
fug i misspelled expletive

Has anyone ever developed an intense love of humanity due to reading WH40k lore?

>>10760503
it made want to fuck aliens

>>10760235
i am you

At this point, I don't think I am attracted to any woman that doesn't have the potential to be my wife.

i fucked up again, i have no responsability at all, i can only blame myself for being so careless, theres a low chance nothing happens and i end up not hurt, but my life never follows the easy way, so i'm gonna get fucked, and the worse part is i'm not paying this shit alone

I had a strange dream last night. I did something vile to a kitten, but i don't remember what exactly. I remember i left it to it's own devices in the wild, in the middle of the winter, maybe that's all to it. But then i suddenly felt overwhelmed with dread and fear that i will eventually suffer the divine judgement for this deed, and i went to seek the kitten. I found it and i sheltered it in my home. Very peculiar, considering i don't believe in God nor in Karma.

>>10760235
I'm taking this, in quotation of course, could you give me your initials?

>>10760654
We are all believers in our dreams.

>>10760585
same with me, i don't care how hot they are if it's obviously not going to last there's no point in investing the time, if i get too horny i can just jackoff

>>10750497
All of these 100% took 1 hour naps every day at 14:00 or 15:00

>>10753150
A good word from a writer.
Send excerpts of your stuff to writers, and ask for help.

hell ya niggy just got my tax return back, like 2 gees, what should i blow it on?

I kept the heating on last night. The bed was body temperature. I woke up with my hand on my dick, completely covered in pee... I'll always remember to pee before I go to bed from now on

>>10760937
Pay off my student loans

>>10760968
autistic neckbeards gonna be trigdigged but i'm thinking about coppin an iphone x to read on, ebooks and pdfs on those look like one of those amazon tablets, so crispy but without being bright, comfy af

>>10760888

—ALN

>>10760235
>jalopy

stopped reading right there

>>10760888
>>10760980

it sounds silly, but my full initials are actually: ALAN

use whichever one you want heheh

>>10760982
then why did you reply

if i don't read posts i don't reply to them

why are u so stupid

>>10761002
its called punishing anti-social or low fitness behavior with denigration and ostracizing. social selection pressure that shreds unfunny, weak and stupid people. ignoring is something low fitness people do because they don’t have the energy or status to justify punishment and there’s a risk of being at a loss after the exchange from retaliation or ineffectiveness. the more alpha you are the more you can afford to regulate behavior and set the tone or tempo for a social group. Priviledge of being better than you, go ignore people like a passive aggressive prey animal. It doesn’t work on people who are nearly or are your equal. Which means you won’t be depressing their fitness, they’re still in your environment doing something that affects your success and might be bad for the group and you’re too weak to make things right, to make your displeasure known. Some larger creature will have to do it for you. How does that feel? chad is mommy to your dipshit little impotent child, you leave a mess and he cleans it up. but unlike mommy chad is actively cutting you off, diverting flows of energy, seizing large bundles of opportunities from your landscape. What a sad tiny existence you’ll have to lead. Just barely subsisting off the few seratonin boosting incidences where you and a group of other cripples can push down some nearly dead husk of a human and get the tiniest affirmation of security within your all too dangerous and dynamic environment. Go now, continue being withholding, agreeable, short and indirect with your dealings im sure there are no consequences for your lack of ability to affect states in others, to focus anger into a negative mental state that damages your rivals, to seize someone else’s psychic food. Little tiny bug

>>10760986
What about just first letter of each of your names? Unless that is ALAN, some write first 2 letters of two names. As in AlAn

>>10760974
Get an something else to read on. Phones are really not ideal

>>10761048
But ALAN is the first letter of each of my names. My parents are dumb and named me four names that spell out alan as initials. Kinda funny kinda neat

>>10761045
How is using the word 'jalopy' antisocial or low-fitness behavior? Last time I checked, unsolicited hostility is anti-social, and not reading a post before replying is low-fitness. Is this your way of asking to be punished anon? You wanna talk about it buddy?

>>10761055
yeah but i always have my phone with me, and i do currently read on my dinky little iphone se now when i'm commuting or bored at work, but the iphone x is fuckin huge, it's almost paperback size

Does anybody here make good money as a tutor? My shitty part-time job is ending because the store I work in is closing. I make some money as a commercial writer, doing copywriting and editing and so on, but I need to supplement my income and was thinking of giving tutoring a try.

>>10761072
the only person i've ever heard say jalopy irl is my mom, but from what i understand it appears frequently in faggy beat shit, so i figure you're just going to do some kerouac larping to which i say "pass"

>>10761092
sounds like someone has mommy issues

But seriously, if you think the inclusion of any one word in a given text invalidates that text without even investigating the context of it then you're just dumb as hell. Like Earnest Goes to Disney Land Dumb. Given the right context, any word is acceptable. Cuntmuffin, balderdash, instantaneity, selfie, gender normative behavior, Heretofore, rofl, and sonder all have their proper use. Assuming otherwise is—well, I don't know how else to say it—fucking retarded.

Have letting the world know every time you decide to ""pass"" on something.

>>10761092
sounds like someone has mommy issues

But seriously, if you think the inclusion of any one word in a given text invalidates that text without even investigating the context of it then you're just dumb as hell. Like Earnest Goes to Disney Land Dumb. Given the right context, any word is acceptable. Cuntmuffin, balderdash, instantaneity, selfie, gender normative behavior, Heretofore, rofl, and sonder all have their proper use. Assuming otherwise is—well, I don't know how else to say it—fucking retarded.

Have fun letting the world know every time you decide to ""pass"" on something.

>>10761236
>big ass wall of text
>angsty tone
>beat vocab

i need to see no more, sorry to rustle u

>>10761246
>calls five lines a wall

You know this board is for people who read, right anon?

the grug meme is so fucking funny i dont have anything to share this shit just makes me laugh every time i see it

>>10761317
oh man it really is. i fuckin die every time i see a grugpost

i didn't do anything productive all weekend

I joined a random discord to have some social interaction, but it just made me feel more alone.

>>10761355
Yeah, me neither. Might as well do something now though.

Lonely as I may be, at least I'll always have 4chan.

>>10750460
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PSP2Adz5j8

I'm continually surprised that a) I can't stop being fake irl & b) any time I attack someone on this site it turns out to be projection. I've learned of my darkest corners by illuminating others'.

Ultimately, identification is a choice, and none of it needs response. Except the parts that lead to loathing.

>>10759725
Just woke up, anon, I'm glad to know that helped you...if it did that indeed. It made me really feel like I matter. In fact just now I'm beginning to understand the tripfags and how unimportant must they feel compared to the average anon to be attentionwhoring this badly
Anyways, this is gonna be the last post I'm doing on /lit/. I don't think that I'm gonna miss this community for all it's done to me, I honestly hope you do the same. You're still young enough to make your career choice, better focus your energy on that instead of drunkposting here. I'm only 1 year older than you and sitting in the same position, currently a NEET, but based on my past achievements, I might go to med uni. Also, wasn't stream of C that style of writing where no punctuation was involved? Your post seems pretty coherent, or maybe it's just because I can relate so much to you. Hope to see you on reddit, if any of us will ever go there. I hope you haven't disregarded the second half of my post either because I thought it was the most important. Every minuscule detail shall be enjoyed. And unironically read Infinite Jest, Peterson and start with the Greeks-in order to, ironically enough, purge yourself from the chan influence for once and forever.
Honestly this made me wonder even further: are Peterson and DFW memes on this board because they represent the foremost resistence to postmodernism, and are the memes the very same mean to dismiss those 2 that DFW warned us about? By diminishing their meaning through irony while at the same time inflating their importance? I'm kind of a newfag as you can tell, and even though I'm leaving this board and not gonna post again, I'll come back a week later(gonna force myself to) and check on warosu if anybody has answered this.
Anyways, adios, /lit/.
>>10761747
I feel the same about the projection thingy. I came to the conclusion that ultimately there is no hypocrisy, and every hypocritical situation, like every paradox, has a deeper principle of the self underlying it. There is no such thing as the double standard, just the same standard influencing 2 polarly opposite behaviors in two different matters which are taken as of the same kind by the society, but not by the self. And the self knows it better so next time, just listen to it and assume what you did instead of dismissing it in front of the society (if you do that) because doing that means implicitly to lie to you-I mean to the observer of the self, who is just another member of the society.

>>10760974
Nice bait.

Ever have one of those mornings where you just can't stop fucking farting and your entire apartment is filled with hot awful farts like a sauna?

I don't know where they're all fucking coming from

>>10761740
awful

>>10762156
it was on my mind

Kafka asked his friend to burn his writings and therefore there is a good chance that Kafka does not want anyone to read his writings and people are going against his wishes everyday.

>>10762160
Kafka very definitely didn't mind everyone reading his writings. He knew Brod wasn't going to burn anything

>>10762160
If he'd really wanted them burned, he would've done it himself.

>>10761765
I'll catch you around man. And yeah, maybe I'll leave this board, and chans altogether. It'll probably be good for me. Re reading my old posts makes me cringe haha. I appreciate you talking with me, I really do. Fare well, friend.

>>10762313
I don't know though, its kinda cosy here sometimes. Maybe something really wants me to stay here, but its probably just fear of change.

>>10763795
hella gay to be honest