/lit/ - Literature

I am beginning to doubt that wants even exist at all. If they do, then it is impossible to know one's own wants. There are several problems that suggest this. First, often we will say "I want to do X in the future," but we can't know that we will still want X when that time arrives. Second, we will say "I want to do Y" when we have no experience with Y. How can we know that we truly want something unless we've had previous experience with it to make an informed determination that we prefer it?

But maybe this is all just my fault. Maybe I've just been floating through life, not being aware of or ignoring what I want, and thus not acting in accord with what I want. It feels that way. I don't know what the hell I want, and I don't know how I could figure it out. I don't know why I'm here, in my particular circumstance, except that I've followed the path of least resistance for the most part. All I know is that I don't like where the train is taking me. I'd say that I "want" to get off, if I knew for sure that there was a better path. But I don't know how to discover that path.

I just wanted to speak about a funny contradiction I am in. My mom killed herself and I have been pissed at her ever since, but was sad as well. But no matter how sad I get I would never kill myself like her. So I want to live and don't, but I do. Don't mind me just some random stuff.

>>10733313
I want to sit on the floor and draw
I want to draw for myself
This does not mean anime

>>10733374
lol ur mom killed herself? was it because she was ashamed of bringing u into the world?

lookin for a qt fuck toy

t. young, handsome, published, with a wicked nice cock

I oughta be sleeping, but the trauma from last Thursday makes it hard for me to get any meaningful rest. two of my closest friends ended up ready to kill each other in their drunken rage, and I did my best to separate them. I took the blows instead, and my middle finger's now bent slightly. I haven't been able to play guitar for days. my finger's not as swollen now, at least.

I was so mad that night. I was mad for days. it felt like my childhood died right in front of me. I took my anger out on trash cans, tossing them wherever I could, and even on the roof of someone's house. I hacked my neighbor's plants with a dull knife, and kept them up at night with my shitty soloing. apparently the residents got fed up with my shit, and now I'm forced to live with my dad out in the farm till I'm done with college.

I can take the solitude. I've lived alone enough already. I just care too much about my friends, though, and of how things will never be the same. I hope they haven't heard about what I did. I've never stooped that low in my life before.

part of the reason they want me away from the city was to get into a rehab of sorts; they want me to cut the booze. but these headaches hurt. another bottle of rum would be nice

>>10733392
Anon D:<

Don't be a piece of shit

>>10733364
What we really want is the willless state. A state where we no longer want, are content

>>10733410
hell no wanting shit is the best cuz it gives u sth to do

>>10733388
Do it. I regularly sit on the floor for art projects. It just feels more natural and is absolutely worth it.

>>10733364
I think often people don't understand the reality of the thing it is they think they want, and when they are presented with that reality, the no longer actually desire it at all.

>>10733313
I've been thinking about Granpa Cat, who died back in 2011. I miss him.

>>10733436
It brings discontent to everyone

which one?

>psychological horror about a pissed-off frycook, an aspiring superheroine and an autistic tinkerer dealing mental issues, parental abuse and something not of this earth
>magical realism about a boy traveling the world with a supernaturally gifted asian chef and his grandaughter

>>10733313
I can't listen to anything other than Spiderland ever since it clicked and now I'm genuinely concerned this is affecting my psyche. I have averaged 4 listens to Spiderland per day, it's getting in the way of everything else in my life. It's just so damn good. I had to write about it here, half to show my concern, and half to subtly shill it, like those ants that get taken over by fungus to spread its spores.

i want to be a qt renaissance poet who wears ornate clothing and carries a shiny rapier
also Marlowes Faustus is better than Goethes
Goethe is a meme

Had to be sober last weeked
Watched my niece
She asked me why I stayd home all day with my freedom
So on Sunday I told her we could do anything she wanted
We went to the mall
She bought lots of cotton candies, chocolates, fries, milkshakes, burgers,
She asked me to buy all sorts of toys that I would have found cool once upon a time,
Through her I learned how to be social,
she knew much less abou tthe world but was eager and enthusiastic and braver than me
My anxiety would have me frozen, stuck up
But she showed me how to act sane again

Aced the Interview for my first full-time job. Feeling excited and really hoping for a call back from the warehouse.

I'm in my 30s. I have less money than you. I have more warrants than you. In more states.

I'm on heroin right now, but I'm not addicted. I do however inject myself multiple times a day with Suboxone, a drug designed to keep me off of drugs.

I can read several books a week if I wish. It's easy when you have no job or responsibilities. I do not live with my parents.

I haven't had sex since 2012. Believe it or not, this is by choice.

Currently reading Gravity's Rainbow. Last read was A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man.

>>10733650
>but I'm not addicted

>>10733374
That's a horrible situation to be in, and I think anyone would find your mix of grief and anger to be understandable. I'm so sorry about your mom.

I feel like I have more in common with a Catholic from Nigeria than an atheist from America.

>>10733650
Son of a bitch, good luck out there

Two women that love me. One a blonde, the other a black. I could bury my dick in either of their big tits. And they both told me they loved me yesterday.

The end.

>>10733313
master's thesis on Russian politics and internet/policy and control due in 2 weeks. i have an outline and a 5k word article i wrote in september that is basically incomprehensible. want to take the quarter off but would lose funding. will probably just pull an all nighter and write the damn thing and be miserable for the next 13 days. seriously do not give a FUCK about academia anymore.

>>10733667
No I'm totally a heroin addict. I just meant that I'm not currently on it. I mean, I am on heroin right now, but it's the first time I've done it since last week, and last week was the first time in a few weeks. I might as well be doing it because this Suboxone I inject 5+ times a day doors way more damage to my arms and is probably less healthy than dope. >>10733698
Thx bby

>>10733741
I'm sorry to hear that my friend. Two thirds of my family has been addicted to heroin, and they've all ended up in the same place we're all bound but earlier - much earlier. I hope you can find some light in this tunnel and reach a better spot, where /lit/erature and other things are the only addiction you face before bed at night. If you wanna exchange throwaways or something, let me know.

As for what's on my own mind, I'm not really sure. Last time I posted in this topic of thread I'd just read the Book of Disquiet - something too relatable by far - and decided that suicide was imminent, so I'd pop a tab of acid that coming Thursday. I did. Didn't get as much out of it as I would've liked, just came to the realization that I crave power in this world but am equipped with the wisdom to know my own yearnings for it are silly. I'm weak and powerless. I wonder how long before I too give in to life's fate-strings that are being woven into my own riddle of life; how long until I follow the route of my family and turn to the needle. Perhaps it won't be such a bad way to go.

What do I do?

>>10733815
I'd like to know too.

>>10733364
Try to understand what your ideals and your morals really are. What is it you think the world should look like, and how can you - even in some barely significant manner - bring the world closer to that vision? If you can understand this, what you want (what you really want) will present itself and fall into place to be pursued.

>>10733650
wow, a true kindred spirit

>>10733392
edgy

>>10733593
well that's fair enough

i just had the raddest meditation sess bro, for the last like month or two i was trying to meditate a little bit here and there and it was like id sit there for 5 minutes and then jump up and check my email or see if any of my shitposts got replies, but earlier i was like ok lemme just meditate, and i was about to give up even looked at the time on my laptop, but i want to push a little more, and so i went back into it, and a fucking half hour went by like nothing, my breathing just totally evened out my whole body sort of froze, it was like being asleep but i was wide awake, then when i checked the clock after a fucking half hour went by, i never meditated more than five minutes before today, that shit was insane, i'm like ok maybe that was what all the hype is about

>>10733650
>I haven't had sex since 2012.
normative

>>10733650
I'm addicted to clonazepam which my psychiatrist started me on a couple of years ago. I would go to rehab or something and just deal with it, but I can't come off because it's the only drug out of at least a dozen that's had any impact on my epilepsy. I haven't had a single seizure this year. Between 2015 and 2016, I had a run of 11 months where I had an average of 60 seizures a day without a single gap.

I've been seizure-free long enough I can finally learn my drive, albeit carefully because driving on benzos is... not necessarily legal.

Good luck to you, fellow addict.

>>10733650
when i was young i was semi-friends with a kid who did a lot of heroin, and he was talking about how heroin is better than sex and he'd rather shoot up than fuck a hot chick, that's when i was like oh hell mother fucking no im not touching it, nofap is hard enough imagine also to do noheroin, nope nope nope

>>10733313
That image is stupid.

>>10733650
>having sex at all
>doing drugs at all

>>10734013
if u lit u gotta do some lsd at least once or twice

>>10733736

I went through two master's at the same time in finance and econometrics. You can do it, anon. I believe in you. Nice topic btw.

Didn't notice that there's a new thread.

>>10729523
I think I first heard the concept of 'social democracy' the other day, or rather, I heard the term and not the concept itself. I've looked it up. It seems to me that modern social democracy is fundamentally capitalism but with welfare and often socialized healthcare. Critics say that social democracy abandoned socialism in the 1930s, and social democracy has been declining in popularity throughout the 2010s. It's very strange to call it social democracy without even mentioning capitalism because that's what's at its core. Without that capitalist core, I guess it'd be like a peach without a pit. It'd just be this weak mass of soft flesh with no hope of a future since it cannot provide a tree, it wouldn't have any real firmness resulting in destruction and rot. Or, in short, without the fundamental capitalism, people would die and starve on a massive level as seen in Venezuela.

>>10733005
There will never BE a socialist utopia.

>>10733392
How much how a degenerate can you be

>>10733977
How did you do it?

>>10734071
If I had to guess why someone's mother committed suicide, I'd assume she was likely a feminist, either never got married or got divorced, focused on child-rearing rather than an occupation when really if you're a single mom you need an occupation to be successful long-term, and felt incredibly cheated by society even though she will have fucked up her own life by her own decisions. This is likely why most women commit suicide in western society, and really, it's thanks to feminism.

That, or she could have simply had a mental disorder.

>>10733987
>60 seizures a day without a single gap.
holy shit

>>10733977
Look up "subtle dullness".
It's something to avoid.

I met a girl who is into philosophy and literature, like truly interested in it not just signaling. She made jokes about Zizek and Jordan Peterson, and was cute as fuck to boot. I was so happy to meet a literary girl and was planning on asking her out, then I found out she was already seeing someone.

Fuck.

>>10734526
kill her boyfriend and fuck her

I feel as if philosophy and the pursuit of knowledge has made me more mentally unstable. I only care about myself now, disregarding family hierarchy but still respect them so I listen to my parents. I steal a lot from stores that I’ll never go into again and constantly pirate things. I know the things I do are “wrong” but if I’m not caught then it never really happened. I have developed a rape fetish that I’d never act upon but still fantasize about doing it to people I know. Seeing the mentally disabled and elderly makes me irrationally angry. I know I should see someone but I don’t want to be labeled a freak

>>10734690

lol not a chance he could pull it off.

We laugh about him together. She tells me I'm mean when I do my impression of him, but she doesn't think I'm mean enough to make me stop what I'm doing to her.

>>10734715
Sounds to me as though you are going down the Raskolnikov path. This will earn you valuable /lit/ status along with your 15-to-life.

>>10734730
I don’t feel the need to kill anyone though, I don’t hate anyone at that level

In an attempt to push out my indecisiveness at the time, I went forward and chose engineering as my major. Didn't think about what was really involved, whether I had any passion about it, and I felt crushed on a timeline because I had me being 30 looming over at the time. On top of that, the money and job prospect sounded enticing.

I understand there's a difficulty threshold for these classes, but the passion and drive to overcome it is not there for me. Not one iota. Realize that if I keep on going, I am going to hate myself for it.

So, I'm dropping my classes and pursuing IT instead. It's a few steps back I have to take, but I'm actually putting myself in mind again, which is a consistent problem I have.

Would've loved to be a history or English major if it made a decent wage with security, but there's has to be some kind of compromise.

>>10733577
magical realism about a pissed-off frycook, a supernatural asian chef and his autistic grandaughter.

>>10734715
What have you been specifically reading? You don't need to tell anyone about seeing a therapist. Honestly more people should go, and if people label you a freak for seeking help in fixing yourself they need to go fuck off.

>>10733313
This is your brain on atheism

>>10733313
>buy myself a typewriter off of ebay
>a cute little travel erika for 6€ (incl. shipping)
>buy a friend a typewriter off of ebay
>a fancy thing with a leather bag for 12€ (incl. shipping)
>Hey, my dad is really depressed lately and has no money.
>maybe I can buy him a typewriter, and he can occupy himself with writing about things
>he lives in america, so I'll buy it off ebay us
>$50-$400
>$50-$150+ shipping
what the fuck you guys

>>10734752
The beginner books of /lit/ plus some Nietzsche, going to check out Camus then Dostoyevsky. Might even read upon the Greeks. My family has already called me crazy and then don’t even know half the shot I do

I thought I could like the lower class but I have quickly changed my mind now that I have to live among them

>>10734752
> IT

Love this field. It’s constantly evolving so you need to be up to date with your knowledge. It’s literally my favourite application of networking and cryptography. People underrate IT as the guy who fixes their printers but damn if they only knew that we are the true gatekeepers of the modern world.

>>10734815
Honestly you makes yourself seem like a lot worse villain than you are dude. Reading and pursing knowledge and philosophy is great, but you have to create some wisdom of your own with your life experiences. It unfortunate that your family is that un-supportive, but there will always be things you do to better yourself that others will see with disdain. Don't let a label stop you.

>>10734828
I grew up around computers and networking, am always the troubleshoot guy. Feel stupid for not going for it initially, but I put it aside due to some things I heard and read and it put me off.

Now I've been reading up on it more than ever and wondered how I let something that hit all my check marks for a career fall under my nose.

I just don't know what career path I can even take at this point of my life. I grew up pretty poor and didn't try high school so I had no college prospects so I just did all kinds of odd jobs but none really inspired me to go any deeper and I'm not particularly good at anything. I'm thinking about technical school but I don't have much funds for that either and since i'm 23 idk how much aid I could even get. Being born an over aware brainlet is suffering wish I had whatever it was that made normies well normies.

Mobile phones, candies,
shopping lists, stretch marks,
your gaze, cash and coins,
and, also, a pair of breasts
-things that a bra contains.

Because there were
never enough pockets
in our bonnets and blouses.

>>10735050

Mobile phones, candies,
shopping lists, stretch marks,
your gaze, cash and coins,
and, also, a pair of breasts
-things that a bra contains.

Because there were
never enough pockets
in our bonnets and blouses.

>>10735050
I would eat a maraschino cherry out of her asshole and I don't even like cherries

>>10735088

>>10734024
thank you anon. i'm printing this out to keep at my desk. cheers.

I'm so tired of seeing the people I love suffer

damn dude it's like 70 degrees out, warm weather always makes me horribly depressed due to nogf, i don't even want to go outside rn

>>10735546
You fool, that’s when you hang out with your lower tier friends and tell them to bring some girls

Heard talk through the walls yesterday morning all about giving up, being worn down, the struggle through the pain. Dread of the future, doubt and anxiety. Some of it concerning me. Not a hypothesis but an omen. Doomed to repeat a previous failure. Fails to understand I have my reasons for failing and the reason is the voice speaking now. Shuffling up from the wall a vow has to be made never to come back after leaving, though a part must be left behind to continually die these thousand deaths.

>>10735559
all my friends are chicks, and not due to friendzone either, those are jus the only people who talk to me, except every once in while i get some homosexual orbiter who thinks im gay cuz i never have gf, even when im in the grips of extreme paranoia-anxiety never really gives me that suicide feeling like nogf in the summer

>>10735574
aint nobody got time for prose poems, holmes, just tell us what u mean so we can call u a faggot and possible give u advice

>>10735546
it's winter here and im literally aching to see the sun...

>>10735590
it's winter here too but the i guess spring came early cuz theres only a week left of february and the weather says its gonna be 50 for the rest of the week

>>10733313

>>10735597
If you see someone better than you, just remember there’s also someone worse

>>10735626
Communism doesn't mean equal paychecks for everyone, brainlet.

t. not a communist, before you begin

>>10735585
my cock is too big and both your parents won't shut up about it after I rail them only using their salty tears as lubricant.

>>10735634
then what's the point

>>10735606
Unless you happen to be the absolute worst in the entire world

>>10735640
From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs

>>10735648
well idk about u but need a lot of chicks with fatasses and a new iphone, my ability consists of shitposting and fappin it, where do i sign up for communism

>>10735575
Are you me anon?
>tfw literally two male friends, one of which is closeted and the other is a stoner loser

>>10735659
it's hard to be friends with dudes, it just seems so gay after a certain age

I've been exposed to new ideas recently, and I'm starting to deeply resent a trans friend of mine.
I don't give a fuck about his gender, but the fact that he sees me as a "white, straight, cis male" instead of an individual, and the fact that this somehow makes me "worse" than the rest...
I'm considering never talking to him again.

Look at all these sour puss ligotties in here. It isn't so bad, guys. Go for a run! Get some endorphins flowing!

Have some fun with your life!

>>10735672
who the fuck has trans friends lmfao

>>10735674
>Go for a run!

yeah im debating it, but it's still flu season i don't wanna overdo it and get sick when spring is right around the corner

>>10735672
Golden rule answers all social quandaries.

Treat others as you wish to be treated. That goes for them too.

If a person wants special treatment and respect, they should offer it in turn.

>>10735674
I just weigh lifted, also manhattan is shit

>>10735678
>he doesn't have any trans friends

ever planning on leaving the farm?

>>10735701
Believe it or not, out trans people are not that common outside of major metropolitan areas with broadly liberal politics. You don't have to be from the middle of nowhere to not have a trans friend.

You also could live in a major city and not happen to have met a trans person that was compatible with you.

The more I think about this the more it sounds like you fetishize trans people and seek them out as friends to showcase something about yourself.

>>10733313
Boobies

>>10735728
>You also could live in a major city and not happen to have met a trans person
you could stop right there

You wouldn't like to step on that crack. He said it so half heartedly, and I believed him and never did so. When my house was flooded by the brown water four years ago, my husband came to me complaining that, whilst he was cleaning off the last remains of the flood in the garage, the old man spoke to him again and begged to please, please do not step on the crack. My husband had merely shrugged in his usual fashion and proceeded to not step on it. What's the matter then, well he's annoying to deal with. He shows up once a year and asks to not do some things, and this is our house. It's his as well, I spoke, let him rest.

>>10733313
That this comic would be funnier without the "Don't let the existential dread set in" panel.

I just recently dropped out of college to live with my family for a bit. I tell them I have a job that I really don't have, which is something that is deeply humiliating. No one really says anything to me, but I can feel the glare of their eyes on my future prospects, I will be a vagabond, a lout, someone who takes and takes and never gives anything back. I was always good early on in school, which led me to develop the bad habits of only doing the bare minimum of work required. I always fine tune my mindset. I know the world is just a massive network of dependencies, and that the more people you have dependent on you, the more powerful and successful you are. I know first principle thinking, I'm aware of all of the endless thousands of life hacks, and career advice. I also know that they mean nothing, that only the act of completion means something, that the tree is useless without its fruits.
I need to do something with my life and fast. I just need to go for it, because doing something is better than doing nothing at all. The novel I'm writing is great, my former professor was astonished by it, but that's not enough, it's never enough.

>>10735701
No, city people are all soulless freaks of nature.

>>10735872
>the world is just a massive network of dependencies, and that the more people you have dependent on you, the more powerful and successful you are

is this from a self-help book? if so i wanna read it, sounds possibly dank

>>10735872
>my former professor was astonished

too bad he wasn't astonished by your final exam, and gave u a b-, stop trying to justify ur mediocrity with fantasies of being a novelist, no one is gonna publish your middlebow bullshit if ur not from a highranking mfa

I hope I'm slowly but surely figuring my way through the mental residue which confines my actions and keeps me from happiness; however, it seems likely I'm just spinning the hamster wheel. I'm certain some improvement can be made through growing my self discipline. I'm also somewhat sure that a change in my daily surroundings and relationships will help, but I've committed to a thing which requires my current place. I've nearly completed that thing - which has been quite an effort - but the value it gave my life for a time has seemed to desist, leading me to issue an existentialist recall of sorts, unwillingly. Over all this lies a blanket, smothering with humid heat even the optimistic prospects of my path, and I'm melting.

>>10733313
I have a family member in organ failure who I particularly dislike, and must shortly decide whether or not I will attend their funeral out of support for other family members and respect, or whether I will shirk it because of my personal issues.

This is complicated by the fact I have a sick dog at home that is unwell enough that sending him to the kennels could kill him.

>>10734081
epic

>>10734081
most women kill themselves when they get close to 40 and realize that the feminists lied to them and they would have loved to have kids but now its too late, to bad for a 40 year old women the redpill is essentially a cyanide pill

>>10735668
> not having an entourage
Do you even camaraderie?

>>10735933
>bringing a sausagefest with u everywhere u go

nah

>>10735882
I know Mexican single mom and she has 12 dependents.

She does not seem successful to me.

>>10735953
her gibs check is 6 times larger than the mexican single mom on the other side of the housing project with only 2 kids, with 12 offspring shes probably in the top 1% of players in the kids-for-gibs game, u feel me

>>10735933
I wish

>>10735943
> implying we don’t have gfs

We do not concern ourselves with the opinions of betas.

You don’t know the feeling of rolling down the street with your squad. Gives you confidence to approach girlsknowing you can retreat to your boys when u fail.

>>10733546
True. But in bringing discontent, it presents you with something to do. You no longer want to be discontent, so you take action to prevent it; you have a clear objective. In a willless state of sorts, one wouldn't crave for anything and in turn would perform no action whatsoever. That is to say, one would effectively be dead. After all, "to live is not merely to breath, it is to act".

>>10735976
>pack of drunk frat boys rolling down the strip

this future suburban dad will be telling these tales of his glory days for the next 40 years

>bro this one time i was in hoboken doin a st. patties pub crawl with my boys and i totally scored with this drunk chick in the bathroom of mulligans

take it to atlantic city, lowlife

>>10735994
Okay anon.

It’s fun to just be out with friends. Have you never experienced hanging out with a big group of people? Not only just guys but just a group. Even neckbearda in conventions lose themselves in the safety of the collective.

It’s a a sharp contrast to being alone and self-conscious.

>>10735900
Bring doggo with you to the funeral, or get a live in dog sitter from one of the pet service apps.

Go to support your living relatives. Whatever your personal grievances with the deceased are, they die with them. They will not be aware of your presence at the funeral; they cease to exist as an entity. Do not give them the power to stop you from helping people you care about.

>>10735892
Yeah, I totally realize this, bud. Writing isn't a fantasy for me. It's something that I do not to get any kind of power or fame, but to feel alive on a minute by minute basis, and the admiration of others is not a stable foundation for motivation.
>No one is gonna publish your middlebrow bullshit if ur not from a highranking mfa
People who get an MFA in creative writing never innovate or create anything lasting, they just placate the masses.This is because they are conditioned to think that writing can be reduced to a formula. In short, they aren't first principle thinkers, they do whats popular in a desperate attempt to justify themselves. Zadie Smith is an MFA, will she be read 100 years from now? While Jeffrey Eugenides is an original prose stylists, but his stories won't stand the test of time. Mccarthy was not an MFA grad, nor was DeLillo or Faulkner.
I'd like you to offer some counter examples, writers who have an MFA that stand the test of time.

>>10735882
It's not from a self help book. It's just from my post. I'm not planning on writing a self help book right now.
>>10735953
They are dependent purely by circumstance. I meant specifically people who depend on you to do practical things. If an entry level person has a sick day, it only throws a wrench in a few people's situation, while if a CEO misses a day, his whole company is in chaos and disarray for that day if authority hasn't been delegate properly

>>10736010
yes, when i was a teen i used to chill with a big crew of skater kids, basically a waste of time (unlike shitposting which is clearly a good use of time)

>>10736016
>While Jeffrey Eugenides is an original prose stylists, but his stories won't stand the test of time.
Damn I really fucked that sentence up.

>>10733313
Willpower is an underestimated virtue

>>10736040
All in moderation. Too much group think impedes personal development.

I don't want to create a separate thread, so I'll ask this here: recommend me some books to help me with my ADHD.

I know a book probably won't fix it, but I want to do something at least. It's so bad that I feel like I can't learn anything new, like my mind is constantly being torn apart by the need to switch my attention to other things constantly.

Surely there's some way to put an end to this, one which doesn't involve aderall, preferably. Also, general recommendations for self-help books that actually work are welcome too, I'm willing to give anything a try. I'm also depressed as fuck, and self-help books and all that positive thinking bullshit is a thing I haven't tried before, so why not.

>>10733313
I think anime has changed my thought patterns. Like, I grew up hearing things like "I wonder what will come out: demons or snakes" and shit like that. I'm not a weeb anymore, but I was atween when I started. Now I say things like "that's the knot at the center of the web". It's not bad, but I only recently realized that I do it.

>>10736109
stop eating shit with artificial coloring, red40, blue1 and yellow6 will fucking murder your concentration, yellow5 is not as bad but i'd still avoid...don't know if there's a book on it but u can google about it and find various healthnut sites givin u the rundown

also try meditating, it's hippy bullshit, but it will chillout your mind and shit if u do it long enough

>>10736113
What’s wrong with those phrases?

>>10736109
put on noise in the background. It sounds counter-intuitive but it works. Put on a playlist of something you're familiar with and put that on while you work. It helps the most.

I think of ADHD as having multiple levels of thought happening at once. Listening to shit occupies the secondary levels so you can use the first to focus on your work.

I listen to gamegrumps/ audiobooks/ movie reviews/ kitchen nightmares, that kind of shit.

If you can, take medication. I take medikinet. If you can't get anything, take caffeine pills.

>>10736171
nothing, they just aren't something you'd hear in western countries. It has a weird inflection, I guess.

>>10736038
CEO are not that essential you know?

Does that mean the IT guy is the most successful? The company runs on computers and networks

>>10736183
So what’s the “western” equivalent of those phrases?

>>10736012
I can't, funeral will be 900 miles away, dog is too old to fly and driving would be too hard on him and also extend the trip by several days.

Dog is... a difficult animal. Not sure dog sitters come experienced enough to coax a dog into taking 16 pills a day, every day and watching out for the myriad and subtle symptoms that can occur immediately prior to a life-threatening medical complication.

I'll look into specialised kennels that will take care of high-medical-needs dogs in my area, but I'm not sure they exist.

I may have to stay home out of necessity rather than personal grievance with the soon-to-be-deceased, yet.

>>10736191
I wonder what'll happen/That's the key
I guess

>>10735919
I had never thought about that. The ideology they had adhered to, that shaped their world view, that lead to their state of misery, turned out to be entirely false. The redpill for such people is a cyanide capsule. This is very interesting and I will remember this, thank you.

>>10733313
nullius pretii

>>10733392
Unwarranted mom jokes are underage cancer. Reserve your faggotry for other faggots please

>>10736184
Follow around a CEO for a day and you'll figure out the crazy amount of fires they have to constantly put out day after day. The stress is unbearable. The corporate world is vicious, CEOs constantly have to deal with people trying to dethrone him. The CEO is there because he's incredibly competent not because he's a chad that bullied nice guys out of his position.
A network of dependency and a computer network are two different things. A network of dependency deals with humans in the real world exchanging services or tangible products that they rely on. Those that can deliver consistently generate more people that depend on their work. This is what it means to be a useful person, and it fills you with a sense of personal contentment fulfillment. A computer network just exchanges information. I don't even know why I engaged with you to be completely honest. It's clear that you understand nothing that I have said.

>>10733404
You deserve to be cut off from society. What kind of faggot damages property, dumb cunt

>>10735694
>implying that everyone wishes (and needs) the exact same treatment as you
people are different and don't want or need the same things you do

I think I have lost my creativity completely. I used to enjoy writing and I thought I was good at it but then university came with all its' deadlines and social promises, then masters, then work, endless career steps.

And now all I do is wish I would be able to create something. It does not have to be good. I just to write something, play something, but I have become an incredibly dull person. I read, I travel, I have interesting friends. But I don't see it and I don't feel it.

I am really good at being extremely average. Not even the good average but the lower end of average. I picked up piano years ago, learnt semething quickly enough to trick others to think Im able to play and stopped. Haven't touched it in years. Same with writing. Same with photography. Same with my major.

I'm 27 and I have been living the dull, secure life I always despised.

>>10735634
Communism means no paychecks at all actually. I think you are talking about socialism.

I’ve been writing this thing, but I’m tired of it, I’m over half way trough and I’ve only just now realized how bland the story line is, and also how bland the character interaction is. I don’t want to scrap it, but I also don’t want to revamp the whole thing. So Idk, I guess I’ll just try to keep the same tone of mediocrity through out it, see where it takes me.

Hardcover version of the Illiad I bought is losing pages even though it's only 12 years old, I feel ripped off. What's even the point of selling hardcovers if you're not gonna build them like a tank? I was just reading on top of a desk, not even being particularly rough, not even my 50+ years old paperbacks were this fucking fragile.

I'm so fucking disillusioned with everything. I hate college because everything is so phony, to borrow a term from everyone's favorite teen angst novel. I hate break because the lack of responsibility leaves me too much time to brood in the existential mire of my thoughts. I hate work because takes up all of the nice, sunny part of the day and leaves me tired and sad for the evening. I've been depressed for so long I've forgot that it's not normal. I'm so very clearly unwell but my reason tells me it's everyone else who's wrong. It seems like no one can help me either because no one outside of neurotic 4chan posters can understand. Every time I try to open up I either get "lol yeah bro I'm depressed too, I binged the office all last night!" or a reaction of discomfort at the situation. For the number of times I've been told "You're important to me anon, remember that I'm here for you!" it's shocking how *not here* everyone is. I'm always alone no matter who I'm with. Over the past few years every single value I once held has been systematically destroyed and now I'm nothing. I'm empty space floating in a void. At this point it feels like I should give up and go show this post to a psychiatrist so I can start collecting neetbux and retire to some hovel for the rest of my days.

Thanks for reading this blogpost.

>>10733313
I'm a graduate student of theoretical physics and I wake up almost every day fearful that I may have chosen the wrong thing to pursue. So many years of my life have gone to waste, trying to study the details of life, looking for something beautiful in nature but all I find are sloppy leftovers from the last century and filthy approximations trying to justify themselves. More often than not I think that I maybe should have studied Mathematics or Philosophy or some sort of combination of those two because, as the years went on, I've realized that they try to find cause and meaning more than Physics does. I am scared that I've made mistakes and I don't even know how to stand up to them. I fear for my future. (I posted this elsewhere but this is the first time I've actually made my thoughts "public" and it's kinda easier now.)

>>10736977
You are being melodramatic. Get a hobby. It isn't distraction, it's engagement.

>>10737020
I've tried anon, I can't seem to meaningfully engage in anything. It always becomes a chore after a few days.

>>10736977

>I hate college because everything is so phony, to borrow a term from everyone's favorite teen angst novel

It sounds like a meme but it's actually true.

>>10737020

Nah he's right. College kids are mostly all selfish and/or narcissistic. If that's who he's hanging around with and he's already feeling low then I'm not surprised it's getting to him.

His point about, "yeah I'm depressed too" is something I recognise. An adult will usually put aside their own feelings if you go to them for help. A lot of of college kids can't handle the maturity of doing that so it's always a shitty conversation to have.

I'd say he should try and befriend people at his job or something.

>>10737079
>I'd say he should try and befriend people at his job or something.
If he's concerned about people being "phony" then this is a terrible idea. Coworkers are even more phony than edgy, naive college kids.

>>10736595

Not that weird anon. Getting good at something is relatively easy. Mastering it is the hard part.

Is there anything you want to become really good at? Think it over.

>>10737093

>Coworkers are even more phony than edgy, naive college kids.

Fair comment but I assume they're working in a bar or something where people aren't quite as fake as office drones.

>>10733392
regardless of what your reddit friends told you we are not like this

>>10737095
>Is there anything you want to become really good at? Think it over.
I think another important question is WHY you want to get really good at something (in general, or a specific something). If you don't know WHY you want to pursue this, and you aren't convinced that it's a good reason, then it's going to be pretty hard to get to the level of mastery.

>>10735701
what the fuck

I wake up to a silent grey
Seems the despair is here to stay
Hopelessness closes in
There wasn't ever a way to win
The regrets pile on
The time for change long gone
All I've been able to achieve
is more self-sabotage than you'd believe
Every day is worse than the last
I find myself living in the past
I live only not to die
Though sometimes I wonder why

Jenny from China:

I wish to be able to ace my exams and help my family when I get a good job.


Mohammed in Syria:

I wish I was safe from war and can go to school and maybe get a computer to visit the internet.

Anon from America:
>>10736977
What went wrong?

>>10737511
Dear anon
Take a few moments in the morning to do a 10 minutes breath meditation

When I did this the first thing in the morning I could see for myself all of these thoughts that lead me to harm and unwholesomeness. We all get them, but you are not your thoughts. We are our actions and how we choose to see the world.

>>10737562
If we are our actions, do our intentions not matter?

>>10737543
You're romanticizing foreign people to a disgusting extent.

>>10736331
an alcoholic

>>10737567
Intentions too

>>10737574

Disgusting?

Maybe simplistic but disgusting? Keep your feelings out of it.

I was showing anon a different perspectives from people who have different priorities and placement is Maslow’s pyramid.

>>10734738
Did Raskolnikov do it out of hate or out of pride?

I don't know if I'm in a bad mood because I haven't successfully followed up with my lackluster Valentine's date or because I spent the last two deals on a suffocating retreat with coworkers, but either way I also don't know what to do to feel better.

>>10737543
>tying yourself down to the reflex machines that brought you into this mess
>thinking a stray bullet is not a gift from god

>>10733650
Injecting same veins multiple times like dat gonna give you necrosis, recommend you stop it and find some other way to ingest things

>>10737543
Wang Shu from China:
God I want to fucking kill myself I live in a dystopian nightmare

Mohammed Haroun al-Rasheed:
God I want to fucking kill myself I live in a dystopian nightmare

Anon from America:
God I want to fucking kill myself I live in a dystopian nightmare

>>10733392
kek

>>10737594
you think some rich ass chinese from shanghai is lower than you on maslow's pyramid? do you realize real estate in hong kong is more expensive than manhattan? you're a fucking retard. also, everyone i met from syria was highly educated and had plenty of access to technology before the cia backed terror groups started attacking them, their not some kind of backwards afghanis who live in the middle of nowhere, its the fucking cradle of civilization you monger, they had a pope before your pissant ancestors even converted to christianity

>>10733392
this lol

i can't feel anything anymore and I don't even know if I'm depressed, or if this is even bad. i'm absolutely thoughtless, these days.

she definitely likes me
im in boiz

>>10737872
the next week u'll be on here like "ghosted again, what went wrong"

>>10735672
I feel you, I've been friends with my friend for 4 years but after seeing how her life revolves only and endast around the issue with little spice of complaining about mental health and joking about alcoholism and drugs, I'm starting to despise everything about her. Add to that the self-entitlement and baseless pride over others and I'm reviled to the core of her and her friends. She wasn't always like this but world's no excuses.

I feel as though I've lost faith in everything. Do thoughts and feelings even matter? Is beauty just some trick? When I try to read these days, I just can't bring myself to care. There's no human spirit. I'm just a permutation of chemicals. Is some sequence of words going to change that?

I feel utterly alienated from other people and it has always been that way from childhood through to my late 20's. When I talk about things I enjoy with a cadence of excitement peoples eyes just glaze over, and this happens everywhere from normal parties to academia. They do not seem to understand the joy that I get from reading, writing, philosophizing, listening to music, learning new things, or the fact that when I talk about these things that other shit exists beyond the what the mainstream proliferates. And I definitely don't bother with more advanced topics unless I am talking to someone who specializes in a field that I can talk about, though those narrow conversation are generally the most enjoyable ones I get.

I am not socially inept, at least anymore, and I've started my life over a few times to get to where I am now, people tend to enjoy talking to me and I credit that to toning down my main interests and in most instances replacing them with things that I still love for example nature, camping, travelling, astronomy (dumbed down to star gazing), music (as mainstream as I can go without me being dishonest in what I enjoy): things that normal people can grasp and understand but this leaves me feeling like I am at a masquerade all of the time.

I really do not think that I am better than the people around me either I just do not connect on a fundamental level.

I appreciate that this place exists too, I mean I have been using 4chan to talk about my interests for a good 10 years now, because I do not get to talk about my main interests in depth anywhere else but after all these years I just do not care for the culture of idiocy, trolling, and anger that 4chan spews anymore and so I am starting to wonder why I keep posting here.

>>10736199
The funeral can go without you yes but I'd recommend a dog that sick gets to die. Man up and rip the bandage, you can cry. 16 pills and seizures is just unnatural for a dog. Up to you ofc.

>>10737978
> I just do not care for the culture of idiocy, trolling, and anger that 4chan spews anymore and so I am starting to wonder why I keep posting here.
Because, as much as we want to, we can't live our lives being so alone, Anon. For all it's idiocy, 4chan does make us at least a bit cared for even when the only answer to our deepest thoughts and darkest secrets is a dumb frog.
At least we know some one heard who we are

>>10738035
and then promptly called you a virgin nigger faggot pussy

thingken about college sluts

>>10738039
Yeah, sure. At least it's genuine.
Most of us are tired and lonely, Anon. In my case, I just keep going because I know I'd hurt people if I'd go. 4chan at least allows me to see my own thoughts laid out, and has the potential for someone else to engage with them in a mostly honest manner.

>>10738035
>will you fight?
I don't understand this image. Fight what?

>>10738122
It's a stupid internet image, so I doubt there's been much thought behind it. I post it because I find it funny.
But I guess you could say that fighting the will of your chemicals would free you from their imposition over you. A stupid argument, but still.

Please God, either kill me or give me a friend.
I'm so alone

>>10738145
God will give you a friend, but only if you put in the effort to find him.

>>10738035
>At least we know some one heard who we are
That may be one reason why I still come here and beyond the culture of this place—when you sift through it—you do find real gems of information that make it worth coming back for.

>>10738145
where d'you live my dude

I've just started college to study medicine. I don't know if I did a terrible decision and I'm getting pretty intimidated. Everyone that I've mentioned to that I'm studying medicine has said that it's one of the hardest careers one can take, and that I would have to study for the rest of my life. Hell, even the teachers said it too. I'm a grade C student, and I barely passed both Physics and Mathematics when graduating high school. I'm terrible at studying, and I get constantly distracted, something that even affects my writing.

I want good prospects for the future, which is why I went with this career, but now I feel like I'm way in over my head. I'm still in the first semester, and I've yet to do any exams or tests, but this freaking feeling is tearing me apart. Like I don't belong here. This kid, freaking 17 (I'm 19), got A's all throughout the preparatory period, while I got C's to B's and didn't pass Physics. Just like a breeze to him.

I know if I leave the computer, that maybe I can go well in this, but it's easier said than done. Right now when I should be doing a statistics homework, I'm writing this, because I like doing this. I don't know if I'm going to make this.

>>10733401
i'm not gay you fucking homo

>>10736977
Sorry to hear this anon. I'm sure I'm not that much older than you and honestly don't have much advice. If anything, I would say you're depressed *because* you see the world as it really is, rather than the case of seeing the world in a negative light *because* you are depressed (due to chemical imbalances or whatever the psychiatrists preach these days). I'm also not a medical profession, but though with that said I truthfully don't believe the medical profession has that much more to say on the matter of depression & mental health than the average person.

Try to find a couple close friends who you feel you can open up to. Try to find a job you don't absolutely-fucking-hate. Recognize that most things are for the most part way the fuck out of your control. You were thrown into this world at this particular time and we as a species have just so happened to organize and act in the ways that you witness.

I wish for any god to grant me a peaceful death next time I go to sleep. I don't want to wake up to my shitty life again. Life is an endless rat race and the sooner it's over the better. Give me death or at least courage to kys myself

>>10738230
I started on a pre-med track this year with a major in english. This way I can take classes I enjoy, while minimizing the biology/math classes into a couple pre-reqs. I'd suggest doing something similar, because its easy to have something to fall back on if the med-track doesn't work out. Medical school isn't worth pursuing if you don't love it; its a huge time commitment and requires constant work

I think I'm becoming schizophrenic again. I doubt my own vision now, and time skips and jumps around me.
I'm very tired.

>>10733313
The internet saps away your mental energy
I find myself thinking about youtube videos all day at work
I would rather be thinking about other more..beautiful things

>>10737543
Lu Bai from China:

I wan go America becau opportuniddie exis for us superior shinese

Mohammed in Syria:

Iya lika da whita women and whita cultur

Cletus from America:
I don't like it here but it's probably the best of the worst

I'm a high school senior.

I enjoy math and only just realized I have a passion for it and am actually far better at it than I ever realized.

I'm considering majoring in math and becoming a researcher/mathematician but I know there are probably those far more qualified. I never took part in math league or anything of that sort.

I'm in America, by the way. Am I fucked if I want to have such a goal?
It's stressing me out more than it may seem.

>>10738544
Do it, you'll regret it if you don't

>>10738544
Do you solve equations in your free time?

If you aren't phenomenally, child-prodigy good, you'd better suit your appetite in a practical field like physics or engineering. "Passion" is great, but so is paying for your own food.

>>10738563
But then >>10738583
comes to mind.

I do solve equations in free time and focus on proofs. But I wouldn't say I'm a "prodigy," as much as I hate that word.

A mathematical prodigy is just someone who was fortunate enough to have been given a mathematical footing at a young age and the quality of actually engaging and maintain an interest in math. I have the grit to learn but it's almost a "why try" situation if I'm to compete with these other kids since it would be competing with them and their mentors.

I may just try and will probably off myself for doing so.

How do I join the US Army and still somehow go to college to get a degree in English?

As far as I know I'll just come from the Army with no experience and be homeless

I feel like I'm just jumping form discontentment to discontentment. I told myself I'd be happy when I get the promotion at my old job, and it didnt. So after a while I got a new job thinking that would make me happy, it didnt. I told myself I would be happy after I was out of training for my new job, and it didn't make me happy. Now I'm going to trade school for something different, and I know in the back of my mind i'm setting myself up for another let down.

I've never been my biggest fan, but shit, these last few months I've never had the ire for myself like this ever in my life. hours on end berating myself for every bad decision I've made.

Idk where this 2000's emo tier thoughts even came from. cringy shit going through my head constantly
>I wasn't meant to be happy
>no one cares what idiots like you think or feel
>I'm weak and a coward. So what's wrong with the cowards way out

just.....fuck man

>>10738632
>what is the GI Bill

Just found out my girlfriend used to get fucked by two men at once all the time in threesomes.

Apparently she was DP'd, meaning that they fucked her in both her ass and her pussy at the same time.

I am so sick right now that I am shaking. I can hardly think straight. I can hardly breathe.

I love this woman. I loved her. I saw a future with her. This was my ideal woman. This was my soul mate. I don't know if I'll ever look at her the same. I feel so many bad emotions coursing through my body. Disgust, hatred, insecurity at not being able to compete with that level of sexual pleasure, anguish, sadness, fear. I feel like hitting walls and killing somebody. I feel depressed. I feel like a bomb just went off in my head.

I don't know what the fuck to do.

>>10737792
t. mad brown person

No, mother, you may not, after a childhood of neglect and petty quarrels between you two narcissistic dicks, stick your delusions back into my life. Every time you try I feel a curdling in my core, a pinching heat and hardening of my chest; then the headaches, good Lord! the headaches... and all there was was a text apology, a mere nine word sentence, to make up for turning us into little creeps. I love you, but get the fuck away from me.

>>10738845
ahahahahahahaha faggot


also, nick, if you see this: I fucked your gf hard before you met, and after you started dating. lmao

My dick muscles is sore from fapping too much

>>10738845
I hope this is a joke.

Anyone else fucking hate IT? I mean, I grew up with computers, I'm good at tinkering with them, I know how to install Gentoo and even write little bits of code. But it's not something I can enjoy doing full time, programming itself is just boring to me. But EVERYONE around me is telling me to learn programming because the money is great, it's future proof, etc, and everyone on the Internet and in the news just won't shut up about it and how there's so many jobs all the time and not enough people! I'm so fucking sick of hearing about it, especially because it's something that I think I could do reasonably well, but I have absolutely no passion for it and it drives me nuts. It's even worse when I think of something that actually interests me like psychology, could just become outdated one day in the endless progress of computers and machines, as well as many MANY other jobs. I don't fucking like it and often feel like a failure because I don't enjoy something that I might even be good at.

>>10738979
>But EVERYONE around me is telling me to learn programming because the money is great, it's future proof

That's what they said about the legal profession fifteen years ago. Now there's a glut of people with law degrees, or working toward them, and three quarters of them settle for menial jobs as clerical stooges. Don't listen to your idiot peers, especially if you don't enjoy it. Jesus Christ, you can literally get a 60k a year job applying pesticides in any state with shrubbery after you spend a minimum of effort on a thirty hour course, and have a career that doesn't drain your mental energy. Why the fuck would you waste all that time on getting a degree in a field that you actively dislike, that requires actual concentration, and will probably not even be secure in a decade?

>>10738954
i wish i could relate to this feel but i havent gotten a chance to jack it since the weekend

>>10738998
i was about to call u a fag for posting yet another non-animated gif but holy shit that spurdo dances

I am quitting society, like literally, so that I have a free time to think and write.

I use money that I saved up to survive.

I just want to have one small, meager belief. It might not be true. but it would make me happy.

I've been sitting on my WC shitting for two hours now.
Any books for this feel?

>>10738292
>You were thrown into this world at this particular time and we as a species have just so happened to organize and act in the ways that you witness.

It's just so fucking bizarre and strange when you think about it. Why do people do the things they do, the way they do? Modern life is so objectively weird when you take a step back and think about it, it's like someone's bizarre dream, except no one in the real world finds it bizarre. Why do we have to do the things we do, why do we have to go somewhere every day and do shit, why doesn't all everything just fucking implode on itself?

>>10738145
>asking God for things
>not helping yourself
This is why I hate /r9k/. They want everything granted to them.

http://i.4cdn.org/wsg/1516825316971.webm

>>10738616
You'll have to work hard, sure. But it's not like math's not applicable to anything else, if you decide you don't want to go into academia. I don't mean to sound like Oprah, but if you're constantly telling yourself that someone else can do it better, and you don't take chances to go for what you want then I can't imagine you'd lead a satisfying life. And if you're just going along with whatever people advise as the most practical choice, you'll wind up in the lawyer/programmer glut. Be realistic, but don't throw away your passions.
The advice I'm giving is partially a reflection of me and the people I know. If you're the sort of person who needs to be assured that they'll always have a high level of material comfort, get an MD or something. I don't mean that in a dismissive way, just trying to contextualize my advice. In my circle, I have multiple friends and family members who pursued their passions instead of a guaranteed "safe" career and they made it, in fields that are less practical than mathematics. People who fucked up in high school and didn't get their shit together until their 20's, so it's not like they were child prodigies. Get involved with the department, talk to profs, get advice from people in the field about grad school early on.
For me, shutting the door on aspirations like that would be a death sentence. I need that rush and that light on the horizon. If that doesn't sound like you, then disregard what I'm saying.

>>10738632
The military is the only reason my dad has a degree at all, see >>10738720

CULTURE DOSNT EXIST
CULTURE DOSNT EXIST
CULTURE DOSNT EXIST
SEMIOTICS IS FOR FAGS
IDENTITY IS DEAD
AAAAAAAAAH

this is an awful event among the worst since the death of Christ

>>10733392
Shame on you.

>>10733364
All anyone wants is a fulfilling sense of identity. This is because we are aware of our mortality, and want to be something that makes living our lives worth doing. Of course, our mortality also makes everything not worth doing, so all pursuits are just a game of self-delusion anyway. Don't worry about anything, it's not worth it.

AAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

i am a god

Just got prescribed alprazolam and it's A M A Z I N G

>>10737935
>with little spice of complaining about mental health
>self-entitlement and baseless pride over others

Oh, you get me SO much.
He is such a passive, powerless figure, an spectator of his own life, and somehow feels superior to healthy people, and entitled to "domination".
How the two concepts go together in his head is beyond me.
I know Peterson is a meme around here, but when I think about my friend, I can't think of a better advice than "sort yourself out before talking shit (you faggot)"

Are there any literature boards that are as elitist as lit used to be?

>because others resent and envy your life, your life is content and fulfilling
Why do so many insect people think like this?

Is there a philosophy where one strives to realize platonic ideals?

>>10740198
Said the little shit
Who only came here last year
No fucks were given

>>10740373
>No fucks were given
Hey now, are you aware you need to be at least 13 to create a facebook account and even older to feel superior by being as edgy as east-Germany?

Today, at work, I was bombarded with suggestions that I should ask my money back, cancel the order and (most disgusting of all) 'leave a bad review'. This all went down after some casual small talk around the coffee table and I brought up that a CD I ordered was 4 days late. I already mailed the company and they got back saying they had send it, but it was coming from another country (not really a stock item, original it was already a 10-day delivery period) so it could take longer and when it doesn't show up next Tuesday I should contact again.
Now the suggestions about what I should do, and yes I explained the whole 'wait till Tuesday', where all so vindictive. I mean, fuck, even it it was something I really really wanted I would just wait, but before I could rebuttal with a "I'll just wait" a shitstorm of "Once I had this and I did [insert some blackmail threat shit] and I got x% off or for free".
These are vile tactics and though I like them people I work with, getting hard over petty euros ripped off from others with shitty threats... Except for sperging out or having a Buddhism-Seminar-like intervention I couldn't come up with a way to vent my view so I, seen the options I came up with wisely, decided to have another cup of shut the fuck up.
But man, it's the small things that make you realize how fucked everything has become. even though I have a hard time pointing it exactly out. The way of haggling and the tactics used I guess, but also the way facebook and reviews can be used to barter, ah, boggles my noodles.
>I don't care if one tries to haggle, but the threatening part is so off putting in these stories

>>10735872
>I was always good early on in school, which led me to develop the bad habits of only doing the bare minimum of work required.
This is me. I have no direction or aim in life and can not work hard at anything because for my early life I just kept cruising on my natural talents without any goal. Help me guys. How do I not end up like this guy.

>>10740457
I think many people in modern Western society confuse petty greed for thrift and in turn justify their greed by framing it as a symbol of their own maturity and prudence and realism and intelligence. My father, for example, often reminisces with pride about the time he returned a damaged screw to Home Depot for a grand total of three American cents. It's not about the money itself, it's about demonstrating to others that you intensely value your money and refuse to let anybody rip you off.

I'm scared to write. I can't manage to get my ideas onto the page in a way that satisfies me. I'm shit at this and I don't know why I want so badly to write. I just want to produce something that I'm proud of, but other people my age are so much more accomplished then I am.

Meditation mantra this morning:
You're not perfect.

Such an obvious truth but this is my mantra whenever I have regrets or bring up old stupid mistakes. "You're not perfect!" and what a liberating thought it is. Enjoy your mistakes, and remember, it's okay to fail as long as you learn from them!

I asked the librarian if we have a copy of Das Nibelungenlied. We've been looking for it for three day now, and it has been officially declared missing.
The same thing happened last month when I asked for the Communist Manifesto.
It's a magical feeling to rummage around a library, looking for missing stuff.

>>10740506
Unless your father threatened the Home Depot with petty shit I would say it's another thing.
>guess what? Today my neighbors got my CD in the mail and just when I was typing ringed my bell to give it to me. The company had it nicely stuffed in a box.
I can get the wanting money back if something is broke/bad service whatever, there are numerous causes. It's they way they go in, like with my CD, it was not broken, not not delivered, nothing wrong with it, just delayed. Even if it was broken I would just mail/explain and interact with the company without even subtly threatening them with a bad review...
Like trying the kiss and full-on forcing yourself, both can make people say "Why did you do that?" (aka, petty greed) but one crossed a line of decency(?).
Especially with small specialized retailers, who have 0 reviews anywhere, one bad one could mean the end of their internetshop.

>>10740517
I really agree with you. I sat down this morning to write down some of the thoughts I was having but they all seemed way better in my head. I just got mad and threw the papers away. Do we just need to read more?

>>10738845
You should watch chasing amy, it's literally about this
Unless that inspired this fictional post

>>10740373
?

I have a bit of a crush on this girl that rides the bus the same days I do. She was pretty consistently there for a few weeks but then she stopped riding it for about two weeks. I really thought I missed my chance. Today, though, she was waiting for the bus but it flew past her. She had a lot of bags and looked distracted-she was also was standing away from the stop. The look on her face as ahe realized it passed her was so damn cute.

I was relieved she was there but I was mad I didn't tell the busdriver to stop. I probably would have caused an accident, she was going incredibly fast, and she was a different driver than usual, ifit was the regular guy it would have stopped for her.

I also think it's hopeless because I can't think of any way to flirt with someone on a bus. It's full of weirdos and loud, and I know that when I'm taking the bus I jusy want to get to where I am and get off. I'm so shit at talking to girls though.

I don't want to come off like I'm stalking her, I've just been thinking about it all day.

some album names that amused me
>return of the loving dead
>dead girls don't cry

Periods and tampons are fucking obnoxious and I can't wait to hit fucking menopause. Maybe I'll donate my uterus. They pulled it off, you know. a successful pregnancy in a transplanted uterus. Why the fuck not? If I'm having kids, I'm adopting anyway.

Holy shit. Would they pay me? 50k for a fully functioning uterus, never used? What legal channels does one usually take when they want to sell their organs?

>>10738845
lol

>>10738845
>used to
so she didn't even cheat on you? you giant fucking pussy. what is wrong with you?

>>10740652
You're fighting an uphill battle on this one. Most people don't want to be bothered on the bus, and you stand a good chance of coming off as one of the weirdos and making future bus rides extremely awkward or forcing one or the other of you to take a different route.
Best bet would be to find some excuse to begin talking to her one day (hey, you dropped this/let me help you carry that/some other kind gesture) and use that to transition into "I notice you ride the bus the same days I do/do you work near X too?/I've seen you around before" and strike up some kind of short conversation. Get a name and exchange a couple seconds of small talk and a smile and possibly a farewell, depending on how it goes. The next time you see her say hello. The way she responds will tell you what your chances are. If she starts up a conversation again then congratulations, you got your foot in the door. If she says hello back but nothing else, she's probably not interested an you need to either step up your game or call it a day.
Final warning: chances are 50/50 that she already has a boyfriend or husband, so be prepared for that as well.
Good luck busanon.

>>10738845
didn't you make a thread like this a few months ago? or are women being giant thots this common? either way, lol break up with her

#1: Contrary to the /lit/ philosophy project v1.2, I wonder if I could start from the existentialist canon and work my way backwards from there (I couldn't care less about postmodernism--something something JBP). I'll probably need to make heavy use of secondary texts though or at least get through "A New History of Western Philosophy."

#2: At what point can I say I "know" or have a strong grasp of some topic in mathematics, computer science or any knowledge worker field for that matter? I can't help but find it incredibly nauseating that in order to understand or learn something in such disciplines, I have to do hundreds of practice problems, all of which are instantiations of how the given concept is realised and it's infinite number of pitfalls in getting it wrong. That is, it seems to me that human understanding isn't so much about those flashes of epiphanies or even if we approach the topic at hand from a bottom-up or top-down perspective--it's all just a matter of repetition over time. The academic literature also echoes this sentiment; this phenomena known In a phrase, the practice of learning isn't split between memorisation or understanding, they're both the same thing / process. Slightly relevant: https://www.gwern.net/Spaced-repetition

Well that's enough spieling from me.

>>10741011
your entire post is characterized by a desire for instant gratification
wallow in your mediocrity and discontent

>>10741023
t. projection.
Kick a man down while he's already reeling on the floor.
But really, you and I are the same.
For in that small moment it took to post that, the possibility that such a reality will manifest just became a little higher.
The fool is the precursor to the saviour, you only castrate yourself in the end by low quality flaming and shitposting, anon.

i cant stop picturing my psychiatrist wearing a satin slip and dancing seductively to 60s soul music... she's a

this is the first (((crush))) ive had in 5 or 6 years

>>10738239
shut up

>>10741107
s-s-shut y-yur fuckin m-mouth f-f-f-faggot!

Ive got a problem with self expression.
I make myself invisible, i never say anything, alone i cannot come up with ideas and i cant even choose a topic to form ideas about. I wonder if im just braindamaged or something as i see people choosing a topic to write/paint/talk about all the time.

>>10740768
>If I'm having kids, I'm adopting anyway.
:-(

>>10741139
>:-(
Why? There are kids out there that don't have somebody to hug them when they're sad. How can I just ignore that?

>>10741011
Accidentally words.
"...this phenomena known as the test-retest effect. In a phrase...".

I wish Spanish speaking people weren't such braindead morons, there's not a single worthwhile Spanish literature discussion going on on the internet and I'm sick of only being able to discuss with anglos or people I know irl.

>>10741152
youre quote arrow made my smiley look mean

>>10741180
I know. I spooked myself.

I have so much shit to do and I feel overwhelmed as fuck. On the flipside though, when I'm in the middle of it I feel really productive and great and it makes me forget about my other problems.

I am very much missing my only friend.
Loneliness is not normally a problem for me; but recently I have felt so desperate.
I hope that he will have found other things to fill his time with, other than thoughts of me.
Perhaps I am overestimating my worth to him.

>>10733364
You can understand the fantasies behind your desires better and thus understand more accuratly what you want

>>10741111
I'll slap your ass red, homo

>tfw sitting down to write a 26 hour marathon shit draft of a paper
>tfw i don't write or think in drafts so it's a completely factitious exercise
>tfw i check my email and see that a book came in that i could be translating for the afternoon and making the actual project 50 times better and then having a nice sleep
>tfw instaed im going to be writing fake fake fake draft

gfrjk

>>10739802
Starting to abuse xanax a year ago was the worst decision of my life. I'm currently on klonopin (a less potent benzo) at this very moment.

Be careful anon. There is no hell like benzo withdrawal.

Do you feel sometimes that the destiny is against you? I do everytime I ponder why I'm so alone relationship speaking, even thought I'm decent looking, have a nice number of friends, and be somewhat interesting. Sometimes It seems that I'm living in some kind of tragicomedy like Waiting for Godot

>>10742481
thanks, anon, but I know it.

A few years ago I was admitted to a psychiatric clinic and they just gave everybody new Tavor. I didn't even realize that something was wrong until I couldn't sit upright or hold a pencil anymore, and then I refused to take it anymore. They kept trying to get me to take it, but I refused. It was hell. It felt like my bones were vibrating, and apparently (I don't remember this) at least one day I had to stop walking every few minutes because "the ground was moving too much". Sitting was physically uncomfortable for about a month and a half afterwards.

Actually, my psychiatrist wanted to give me tavor, but I'm never doing that again, so I got alprazolam instead.

I'm just enjoying the first few days without crippling anxiety as I can.

Read Thomas Merton and now I'm thinking about becoming a Trappist monk. The only problem is I'm not sure I believe in God. Maybe I can become an oblate like Huysmans?

>>10733313
I need people to please talk to me. I'm getting real nervous that I've stopped existing again, so can someone please just write something at me? It doesn't matter what.

>>10742586
Nothing is real. Everything is a lie. Stop doing acid dumbass

>>10742595
I've never taken acid in my life

>>10733364
>I don't know what the hell I want, and I don't know how I could figure it out. I don't know why I'm here, in my particular circumstance, except that I've followed the path of least resistance for the most part. All I know is that I don't like where the train is taking me. I'd say that I "want" to get off, if I knew for sure that there was a better path. But I don't know how to discover that path.

I’m not sure why I browse 4chan. I do have a collection of reaction images and find joy when I see a good one not yet already claimed. Other then that every post I see and read is utterly meaningless. There are a few times I see a post that makes actually makes me laugh and connects with my sense of humour. There are even less times I find a post that will entertain my own thought process and possibly change it or introduce me to a new way of thinking. And then there is the extremely rare case with yours, that resonates with me on such a deep level that my only logical conclusion is that you are in fact me from a different reality. But it seems the reality is not so different at all. And it’s completely illogical for you to be me. So in here lies the reason I browse this shitty website, to realize that even as I aimlessly hobble through this void, that I am not alone. I do not find solace in the idea someone is engaging in the same suffering, but that we could find each other somehow, and finally achieve a cease to the pain together. I now ask you friend, is it right for us to choose? Can I choose what I want to do, who I want to be, what path I want to forge? All of interests and things that bring me joy are merely extensions of a false identity, propagated through those that surround me. There is nothing innate about any of these, had my situation been different, what identity was created would have been to match. It seems there is nothing innate about us, our lives, dreams, wishes are fickle. I ask again, if there is nothing innate about us, is it right for us to then choose what we extend to others? This path that is not there, no matter how hard we search, is it truly something for us to make by ourselves? Perhaps. And perhaps the void is inescapable, the path does not exist. By simple definition the path of least resistance was not chosen by us, but by factors beyond ours. That may be where in our issue lies. I’ll ask a third and final time, is it right to choose which path? With that comes a fear, that the choice will lead us down a far worse course. But can anything be worse then now? I would rather feel anger, rage, sadness or jealousy than despair. And even in the case of those emotions the choice was ours, and all of those emotions were more comfortable then despair. To feel any of those, you’d have to feel joy, happiness, or content at some point. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this, or anyone who resonates with what I or OP has said.

>>10742586
I'll give you a reply, but you should consider that this reply is possibly just part of the simulation, and the internet/media complex is actually just one great big Skinner box personalized to your brain

Now why would I, a simulation construct, want you to become aware of such a possibility? Because I am yet another clue leading you to your prearranged escape and reward, just like the clues and suggestions and coincidences you've noticed ten thousand times before but thought better of, the ones that have been sprinkled throughout your personal life and in popular media, the clues in the books you read and the conversations you've had and even your own secret thoughts that you didn't share with anybody.

>>10742586
Poke your hand with your finger. If it doesn't pass through, you are with the rest of us. If it does pass through, that's when you know you're dreaming. It's a lucid dreaming technique but it might as well serve you as a reminder you're awake if used in the opposite sense.

>>10742674
Thank you for your reply but I'm not like, crazy crazy. I just suffer from a lot of anxiety. I don't actually believe I'm living in a simulation or anything, but sometimes I just get really nervous, you know? I mean, Human's need constant validation in some form, right? My validation is just more base than usual, you know? It's the same as "if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it". "If a human doesn't interact with a verifiable outside force, do they exist at all?"

>>10742685
Well, that's not really a proper test. right? If I was a ghost, there's no reason why my intangible form wouldn't be able to interact with the rest of my intangible form since they're the same intangible material. Same with pain. I've felt pain in my dreams. I'm not me in my dreams either.

>>10742710
>"If a human doesn't interact with a verifiable outside force, do they exist at all?"
Wow I'm sorry, that sounds REALLY crazy. It makes sense, I promise. I just didn't explain that well.

I fucked it up. I fucked it all up. She loved me for who I was, not what I was. And I fucking ruined it. I couldn't stop getting high. It's been a year since she left me. And I still think of her every day. I don't know how or why I still love her. She made me out to be this horrible guy. That she was in danger. When, she was a part of it too. I cannot step foot into one of His houses anymore. There's too much judginess, not enough forgiveness. I forgive her. I hope she can forgive herself and myself. But, I'll never be able to forgive myself. As I write this, it's dark out. My mother is watching tv in the next room over. There's trash and dirty clothes littering the floor. There's a stench. Like tobacco and shit. I don't know how I've gotten to this point. I haven't showered in three days. I called into work again. For what? To lay on my fucking ass and literally stare at the wall and zone out all day long. He's the only reason why I'm not driving off a cliff right now.

>>10733313
someone should swap and recolor the do cardio and dont let it set in drawing. it would be more fitting.

>>10738845
The first step to being uncucked is to cut every single tie with the slut you love.

>>10742710
If you're a ghost you're not really with the rest of us. And the pain I feel in my dreams is literally physical. As in when I wake up the pain is still there but diminishing rather than intensifying. I don't feel pain (or pleasure) in my dreams besides when there is a physical manifestation of it in my unconscious body.

>read introduction
>book sounds like the output of the gods

>read actual book
>it’s shit

>>10742729
I'm sorry anon. I understand your pain.
This is going to sound really fucking obnoxious and shitty, but clean up your place. Even if you do it slowly. (I used to just toss all of my dirty laundry in my bathroom, so they weren't in the rest of my house). It won't fix anything, but it'll help a little bit.
If you don't shower, buy stick deodorant and use it. Pick up everything off of the floor and dump it on your bed. If some of the things are easily sorted, put them where they go. Everything else, just dump into a box. You can sort it later. Put any loose paper into a pile. Put everything that you KNOW is trash into a big trash bag.
Take as much time as you need. It'll help a little.

Buzz. Buzz. My Fib Bit™ vibrates and informs me I've reached 6000 "steps". My left hand begins working the shaft of my penis even faster and I glance across my bedroom toward my computer monitor for motivation. I see a lanky, large-chinned "girl" in much the same position. Ass in the air. Legs to either side of the head. The head of "her" penis bobs in and out of "her" mouth with seeming ease. A glob of precum drips onto my upper lip. I am seized by a sudden urgent desire to try to suck my own dick. It is a desire I've had a over a hundred times and have never achieved. I suck in my stomach as best I can. I crane my neck forward. I extend my tongue as far as it can go. I open my eyes wide. The blood-bloated head of my dick looms before me like a the stern of an oncoming cruise ship from the deck of a fishing trawler. Seemingly about to overtake me, but frozen in place, coming no further. The tale is the same as always, I'm just slightly too fat and my dick is just slightly too small. My head begins to pound. My face feels hot. I need this. This is not like all the other times. I will have this. I will achieve this goal. I hook my toes under a nook in the headboard and force my lower body downward. My neck hurts. Some organs in my belly feel like they're being pushed out of position, but the head draws closer. I crane my neck as hard as I can and my penis gets the slightest graze of of my tongue. My mind is electric. Victory. I let myself cum right there. Semen falls in my mouth, on my nose, on my hair. I flop myself into a lying position, perhaps too quickly as pangs of pain shoot up my back and in my belly. Regret is slowly seeping in. I feel dirty. I feel embarrassed. I walk into the bathroom. I look in the mirror. I look awful. Bags are under my eyes. Grey is seeping around my temples. And, oh yeah, there's fucking cum on my face. What am I doing with my life?

Is it homosexuality? Is it autism? Or, is it just boredom?

Party rockers are no longer in the house tonight
Everybody just have a bad time
Everybody has lost their mind
We just wanna see ya... kill yourself

>>10742839
did u ever notice how many trannies seem to be able to suck their own dicks? even estrogen shriveled sissyclits are taken whole, also seems like 95% of trannies are uncut, did anyone research if being uncut leads to trannyism?

>>10741176
>>10741176
When you can't find something you are looking for, create it. Why not make a new thread every once in a while or if you're really determined a website about discussing it.

>>10743036
potato thing person could have just as easily mailed them to itself so it wouldn't forget

>>10743049
>not "my question"
>your question
>speaking to yourself in the third person

>>10743062
hey at least potato thing has a basic understanding of how computers work obviously grammar is not its strong suit

what's up now stemfags?

i hate to say it but the rightwing gunnuts have a point when they say "the government failed to protect you so you want to give up your guns and count on the government to protect you?" everyone is blaming the ar-15 which was purchased legally and cleared all background checks since the kid committed no crimes, yet no one is talking about how the fbi completely failed to take action, and even the security guard who was paid cash money to protect student hid outside until the cops came, but yeah, we should trust the government to protect us...

meanwhile the fbi is still investigating bots and trolls on twitter...

the left and liberals are both fucking retarded beyond belief

the nytimes has a story that facebook isn't cracking down enough on photoshopped and cropped photos, its like u dumbfucks if photoshopping and cropping photos becomes illegal thots on instagram gonna suicide

Should I be ashamed of not having a driver's license at 26? Is it common on here? I've always taken public transport which I use as a place to read in quiet and when I have been behind the wheel, it's made me a little anxious, so I never bothered to learn.

>>10743115
go to bed, gramps

>>10733313

I was going to write out a bunch of shit, but instead I saved it and pasted it into my journal. So I think I just found a way to better my writing style, thanks.

>>10743127
considering you're the people horrified that a troll on twitter might be russian or someone used photoshop on facebook seems like the dumb oldfuck is u, go check out all the pathetic boomers on nytimes comments "zomg no one should be able to sign up for twitter without an id" wait you're the same people who say we shouldn't need an id to vote, but we need an id to sign up for twitter? are you insane?

>>10736595
>I'm 27 and I have been living the dull, secure life I always despised.

I don't want to end up this way but I don't know how to stop it. I can't stop it. This thought terrifies me.

>>10743139
did you forget your anti rambling pills again grandpa? I'm gonna send you to the fema camps

>>10742958
I have noticed a lot of Trannies are able to do this, but I expect being thin helps quite a bit. I also think the uncut aspect is owed to how many of them come from shithole Latin American countries (which do not practice circumcision) but even barring them, its hard to overlook how many uncut American trannies there are out there...

>>10743159
>calling other people "grandpa" while being outraged to discover many twitter accounts are in fact fake and many photos in facebook have been cropped

oh look a boomer, shouldnt u be feverishly spamming the nytimes comments with outrage over drumpfs latest tweet

>>10743197
grandpa you are being awfully assumptive tonight. it's just me, your grandson billy trying to help you into bed. oh grandpa, you've been drinking again haven't you? I know you get lonely that grandma passed on, but that's why I am here. Don't you recognize me, Grandpa?

SHOW ME HOW TO LIVE

>>10743204
ever since you drove your car into the river back in the 60s to avoid the draft you just haven't been able to think clearly, it's ok, go refill your opioid prescription, it's february so u only have to wait 7 more days for your disability check, in the meantime better keep watching cnn to make sure trumputin didn't photoshop something on facebook

>>10743221
oh grandpa where do you come up with these flights of fancy? you only seem to get agitated when you've been drinking and you get really quiet for a while and disappear into the computer den for an hour or so. then you come back muttering something about "showing them what this old pede can do" before gulping down enough jim bean to kill a horse. now let me get you into bed and get those socks off

I want to take a break from thinking about things and just make everything in my life very superficial and easy and basic. I feel like I live such a comfortable western life that I've neglected my physical health and I spend too much time thinking about classwork when I should really just enjoy being young and go to parties and enroll in and barely pass stupid/useless classes like east coast urban development or something. I'm tired of caring about the future or feeling stupid or worrying about society. I think that's part of the reason I haven't read a book in almost a month: i just don't want to think.

>>10743318
You should enjoy yourself, but don't fall for the "party" meme. How someone could actually enjoy being around strange people while loud music plays baffles me.

>I ask again, if there is nothing innate about us, is it right for us to then choose what we extend to others?
What is innate is our emotions and how we respond to our surroundings. What we experience shape our view and in turn our responses.
>And perhaps the void is inescapable, the path does not exist.
The void is you shutting your eyes and restricting yourself, by opening them and simply start walking you will start the search. You will walk on many paths and they will help you understand the path you want to travel. How do you acquire taste in anything?
>By simple definition the path of least resistance was not chosen by us, but by factors beyond ours.
The choice that was chosen is inaction and you have now acquired its taste of despair and worthlessness.
>With that comes a fear, that the choice will lead us down a far worse course.
Inaction makes everything unknown. Is there anything greater than the fear of the ever expanding unknown?
>But can anything be worse then now? I would rather feel anger, rage, sadness or jealousy than despair. And even in the case of those emotions the choice was ours, and all of those emotions were more comfortable then despair. To feel any of those, you’d have to feel joy, happiness, or content at some point. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this, or anyone who resonates with what I or OP has said.
Then, just as the dead before you and just as the living beside you, stand up and start walking, aimlessly if need be, it all exists on the road. You can think yourself a part of an organism called humanity. Humanity is currently moving in a direction and any choice you choose has an impact on it. Momentum will be added in the direction of the path you choose, might be big or small. If you steal you add to the momentum of theft, enough momentum and there will be no trust among men. The struggle gives you worth, the path gives you experience and the impact your self fulfillment.

>>10733313
I wrote this during a meeting:

He stares forward unblinking with eyes of amber stone.
His thoughts turn to dark desires as his master drones.

The grating tone of master's ire sets fire to his soul.
A firmer stance and wrathful glance serves to soak the coals.

I routinely abuse amphetamines because the provincial Government that I live under provides full pharmaceutical coverage for residents under the age of 25. Naturally, I'm inclined to abuse that privilege.

I'm drawn to Adderall because when I take it (especially in doses 2-3x my script) words seem to flood my mind. It makes it very easy to write. But it also makes me irritable, tense, anxious, and unable to properly socialize.

My girlfriend, my loyal and truthful love, is currently my only motivation to kick this shit. I wish I didn't depend on her as I do.

>>10742777
Looking at you, Infinite Jest.

>>10743401
>How someone could actually enjoy being around strange people while loud music plays baffles me.
A mix of fundamental personal insecurity and peer pressure will do the trick.

>>10742777
>translator's preface spoils the ending

>>10743441
>die yuppie scum

wow man edgy, would spray paint on wall

Do you think it's possible to gain social skills as an adult if you've never had any? I'm not autistic, and people still try to socialize with me, but I'm so incompetent that it never works out.

I just realized the very first stanza of the narrative poem I have out for submission has one less line than the other stanzas of the poem. I hope this isn't held against me too much by the magazines to which I submitted.

>>10743441

It has the rhythm of a hip hop song, desu. Take from that what you will

>>10743554
sure it will come with practice. put yourself in social situations frequently.

>>10743468
Ontario?

I used to think that the internet contained pretty much all of human knowledge and culture, but I'm realizing this is far from the case. There's a lot of stuff that doesn't seem to be digitized at all, like advanced texts in any field, and there's a lot of stuff that's paywalled (academic journals, ebooks, etc). Even things that could be published without copyright issues are hard to track down. For example I was trying to find an online version of Rimbaud's poems and kept finding incomplete listings. I finally found a site that seems to have all of them, but it's a old web 1.0 site probably running off of some guy's computer in France, it could go offline at any moment.

>>10738122
It's nihilism, fight nihilism. Donald is saying there is no value so nothing is to be done, no truth exists. Mickey is saying that that is a truth in itself so there is truths to be found on the axioms you establish. The humor is the way he expressed the last two lines.

i can come up with moments and scenes in my mind which are by themselves brilliant but I have no idea how to write a compelling story that strings them all together. how in the fuck do you write a story? i've been reading as much as I can, I've studied structure, i've studied the experimentation of and departure from structure, but i still can't come up with anything on my own that is compelling

I'm reading The Brothers Karamazov.

Some of the characters seem genuinely interesting. But, 50 pages in, I'm starting to lose interest in Dostoevsky's writing. The style of narration is unpleasantly antiquated and the plot bounces around with each turn of the page. One moment the brothers are children, the next they're adults, and then they're back to being young again.

Everyone says TBK is an amazing, transformative novel, so I'll try to slog it out a while longer.

But a voice in the back of my head is telling me to just stick with what I'm interested in, rather than force-feeding myself classics that I've no particular reason to read.

>>10743688
Have you read the rest of Dosto's work? You really should, TBK is really the capstone to the philosophy he developed over his entire career, you should be familiar with the main novels and Notes from Underground before tackling it.

>>10743712

Nope. I've read Victor Hugo and James Fenimore Hugo and some Gogol, but never Dostoevsky.

Maybe I'll do that and put off TBK for later. I haven't been enjoying it like I've enjoyed reading literature which is both acclaimed and contemporary.

>>10742633
>>10743420

>>10743628

Yup, near Toronto

theres a spot on my lower right back that hurts, i'm worried i'll fuck it up further when i have to lift some heavy shit for a bit tomorrow. also, i feel fine mentally now because ive had a shower and caffeine. before that i was mucking to myself about how i want to give up again and die. now i don't really want to do that, though bringing it up again makes some of the feelings come back. i'm warm in bed but i should be doing work but it hurts to sit in a chair and i've been doubting whether the work i've been doing is worth doing. i know it is but it's easy to fool myself and get lazy. lot of laziness is in me i've been told. not sure if i should pray or write or work through the physical and mental pain. i don't know if i'm as self absorbed as one can be, or if it's clear in this. i twist shit up a lot automatically in my head, shit that doesn't need to be fucked with at all. a simple day i can easily make into a whirlwind of mucking and eating junk and feeling bad about it and so on. i feel bad for my hedonistic tendencies but am fully aware of them and fully aware i don't have to live that way. it takes a lot to get me off my ass though, physically and mentally. i guess it's good to let it all out.

>>10743688

As someone who's only read Notes, I find this post makes me sad. I guess I'll try C&P next.

>>10743566
Okay then. By the way, when a girl starts speaking to you out of the blue, does it mean she's attracted to you, or just looking for small talk? During college orientation, two separate girls came up and said hi or invited me to eat with them during lunch, but I backed away out of fear, and still don't know how to interpret it.

Father had 4 children born out of wedlock with 2 different women. We're white. I always loathed these circumstances, even as a kid. Frankly I don't think I ever stood a chance.

>>10733313
send you my love on a wire
lift you up everytime
everyone, pulls away
it's a mechanical bull
a number one
you'll take a ride from anyone
anyone, who wants a ride
and pulls away
from you

>>10735597
The Virgin Olive vs The Chad Pea

>12:00AM EST
>this weeks releases hit Apple Music

>only good album in the top 20 is some kero kero bonito ep which is just bait for said weebs


someone recommend me some releases from today