/lit/ - Literature

>>10732267
I use Spark Notes.

>>10732269

>>10732267
learn to greentext you fucking newfag

Whenever I make lunch for my gf I make a nice creamy soup just for her. One time I came into it and got really aroused when she complimented how it tastes. Now I cum into that soup every time when I make it.

I make stupid or polemic questions for which I already know the answers during classes so that I can change the course of the professors speech to something that will please me.

i dont have any sins :^)

I've murdered several drifters and left their remains in the eastern Long Island pine barrens.

I have been in a hole all my life and I just can't get out. The confession in that I don't even know if I want to get out.

Somebody left a table in their garden yesterday. I backflipped through it and now I'm scared that they are eating dinner on the floor

>>10732374
Cute

>>10732301
kek

I fapped to eating pussy of my waifu

>>10732287
kek
>>10732267
I'm a fat fuck

I haven't fapped in 3 months
Not even nofap, just don't feel like it

I am not actually Thomas Pynchon

>>10732267
I shit on authors and books without having ever read them

Forgive me father for I will sin this weekend.
I plan on wearing a diaper, shitting and pissing in it and conclude my session by jacking off and cumming.
I know that I will be consumed with immense guilt and shame after I cum.
I am a sick man

>>10732267
I refuse to see a psychologist because I think they'll diagnosis me with some crazy shit like sociopathy. I already take ADHD mess and I don't want more pills to swallow man

I have Infinite Jest on my shelf, but I've never read it

>>10732308
but you are an inherently sinful creature, and yet you claim not to be which is a lie

nice sin loser

:^)

>>10732269
Is using Spark Notes bad?

>>10732434
same. Are you working on it?

>>10732628
no... i'm too lazy to go to the gym, which is 10 blocks away. Even if it was right next to my apartment, the fear of the people judging me there keeps me from going

I like Cliff.

>>10732553
try to get diagnosed with anxiety or something, those pills actually help a lot and if you don't need them you could always flip that shit for profit

>>10732567
you and everyone else on this bitch of a site

>>10732447
feels

I feel like most "intellectuals" today are actually just sophists claiming to know what virtue is.

I think that Infinite Jest is a great novel until you read DFW's other works and realize the book's style isn't exclusive to his . The book doesn't go on and on because it's trying to blur the lines, it's because DFW thinks that the style is enough in itself.

>>10732810
I occasionally get this feeling about myself, thanks for giving me the words to describe it. I know I've got a long way to go before I can see the top, if it helps.

I think Infinite Jest is only a great book if you haven't read any of DFW's other work. The gimmicks seem so cool (and meaningful) until you realize that he does the same thing with the rest of his fiction and then some in his non-fiction.

>>10732636
Same problem. I've started skipping dinner, though, which I think will help

I don't buy books
>based libgen

>>10732475
this is a test from otherworldly entities to see if a human male can maintain eye contact with this scene presented before him

>>10732267
I have cancer. I'm tying from a brain tumor that operating on would have an 85%+ likelihood of leaving me severely mentally handicapped for the rest of my life (currently 24). I have chosen to die with dignity and my family hates me for it. They offered to pay for the operation, house me, send me to rehab, all of it. I refused. I will not be incapable of doing the things I love. I like camping. I enjoy reading immensely. I like driving, biking, surfing, anything that keeps me moving and/or lets me see things. They want me to cut myself in half and live as half a man.

But I will die on my own terms. Next month I will drive to Alaska to wander into the wilderness, read my favorite book, OD on sedatives, and die quietly where I please with my favorite book with my daughter's picture as a bookmark.

I don't feel bad about this. Should I?

>>10732652
holy fuck who the fuck takes a picture like that what a pseud

>>10733882
why do you have a daughter at 24? That's a seriously bad move, friendo.

I don't even read, I just come here because this is the last board on 4chan with an oldfag-mood. The rest is infected.

>>10733869
I failed.

>>10733882
The potential to live is always there Anon. Personally I've come close to death a couple times and believe strongly that if there's even a 1% chance in living I'd go for that instead.
Will yourself into surviving and you will it's not bullshit if you make it.

On our anniversary my wife made a nice three course meal, put on a new pencil dress, did her hair, make up, and lit up some candles.

She shouted "honey, it's ready!" from the bottom of the stairs, and waited at the table for me to come down from my study.

I was busy shit posting and playing games so I told her I'd be a while due to some important work. Took me a whole 45 minutes, by that time the food was cold, and I noticed a tiny bit of make up smeared around the eyes. She'd been crying. I ate the food, said "thanks for the card" and went back upstairs.

She committed suicide that week. Nobody knows this ever happened, all our friends and family think we were great together.

>>10733933
I actually had a daughter at 19. My girlfriend had her when I was 19 and she was 20. I have a decent job as a bookkeeper and doing the payroll for a t-shirt company that also sets up gigs for athletic events in my city and does some distribution for minor other businesses in the area. I get paid well and my salary is enough to raise a child on.
But Claire died in September of last year. She would be five on March 20th. Her mother left me in January and wants nothing else to do with me because of her grief. I don't blame her.
I actually thought about going through surgery to have my tumor removed when I learned about it two years ago. I have an enormous life insurance policy that I set up on the day after Claire was born, in the case that I died in a car crash or something my daughter would be set up to have a healthy childhood sans her biological father. Now though, there's no incentive to have an almost total guarantee that I will be handicapped for the rest of my life.
I don't have Claire of Jennifer anymore and my family is very religious and upset that I wold throw away God's gift to me over at least trying to save it. If God exists, then fuck Him. I'm going to die on my own terms with the one human being that loved me unconditionally until her last moments in a hospital bed clutching my fingers and wanting me to keep telling her limericks about the adventures of her stuffed deer toy Starbuck.

It actually feels good to tell strangers, for some reason. Thanks for grabbing me for a response, anon. +1 karma for you.

>>10733991
you are a fucking scumbag

>>10733972
I appreciate it, anon. But my time is closing in and in March I will be on the great journey to find out what's next, if anything, when you close your eyes for good.

I hope there's stars where we're going.

>>10733991
I'd put you between Uday Hussein and Joseph Stalin in the ranking of worst human beings to ever grace the planet

I'm a pseud, and not very smart at all.

>>10733995
>>10734002
He's larping

Last year, I went traveling for the first time. I ended up on a tiny island in southern Thailand. There I met a beautiful woman from Paris, who was also traveling on her own. We spent three nights hanging out, drinking, making out, but we never ended up having sex. After 3 days, she insisted on parting ways. We realised we both planned to go to northern Thailand later, and agreed to meet there (inshallah).

When we met again about a week later, it was clear that she had spent the interim having sex with a guy in Bangkok, and refused all of my romantic advances. We still hung out for two more days, until the guy from Bangkok (who was there from India, for work) flew up to the north as well. There was an awkward moment in her motel room where we were all gathered, and it was clear there was only room enough for two of us... and I was not the one who would be staying. I left, defeated, and never saw either of them again in Thailand, although I continued to talk to Paris girl on the phone.

We all left the country three days later, by chance, as our visas were all expiring. She went back to Paris, he went back to India, I continued my holiday onwards into Iran. She and I continued to talk on the phone. After a week she began to send me messages like "I regret friend-zoning you in Thailand", and sent me very dirty home videos of her sex life. She soon left for a spontaneous trip to Brussels, where she found free accommodation with a man she immediately began to fuck (which she happily reported to me).

I became incensed. She told me in Thailand that the reason she never slept with me was because she was committed to India guy. But her behaviour in Brussels made it clear that she had no real commitment to him. This fact, coupled with her flirtatious messages at a time when we were separated by entire nations, plus the rejection in Thailand to a man from India... it made me go insane. I lost my mind. And soon, I began to plot my horrible vengeance..

>>10734027
I'll admit to samefagging but that did really happen.

>>10732267
I smoke DMT last weekend. I also take LSD occasionally. I don't smoke or do any other drugs, but psychedelics are great. But I do feel sorta bad about it now because I feel like I've been abusind them recently and I don't wanna go insane.

I relate with Holden Caulfield. Also,
>>10732475
GODDAMN

>>10734066
yes a woman has fun with men and she selects which men will have the privilege to give her free sex besides the free non-sexual entertainment

anyway, you did you duty as man to keep her amused, I hope you are not sad from this

>>10733882
>>But I will die on my own terms. Next month I will drive to Alaska to wander into the wilderness,
that nice. people who do not die from suicide are people who are discovered, sooner than their death, by normies, then normies claim it is their moral duty and their job to re-animate.

I can't stop jerking it to cuck porn

>>10734108
>>10734103

sorry, that was only part 1 of the story
i felt too bad to write the rest, the actual sin part

>>10732267
I used to read for hours without getting bored but now I can't even finish 5 pages without getting distracted with something
How do I fix this /lit/ ?

>>10734129
Set a daily min limit for reading like 30 or 40 pages, and don't do anything else until you're done reading.

>>10734066

After Paris girl returned to Paris, I was still in Iran, still flirting with her over the phone. I realised if I shortened my holiday, I had just enough money to fly to Paris and put a new end to the story that began in Thailand. She said I could live with her in her family home for 10 days if I did fly over. The implication was that we would get together if I did, and so after turning it over in my head for a while, I pulled the trigger and booked the tickets.

Within 30 minutes, she changed her mind. She began talking about how she would try to find me a girlfriend there. And I realised that she had no romantic intention with me again. But now it was too late to turn around, because I couldn't get a refund on the tickets.

So, once again, I was the ultra cuck. But I wasn't too disheartened. Life experience had taught me that women tended not to be attracted to me in the beginning, but given enough time, could fall madly and painfully in love with me, once given a chance to get acquainted with my apparently deeper qualities. They never reach the hidden black heart at the very bottom until it's too late. And so I made a resolution: I would make this fickle woman fall deeply in love with me just for the fuck of it.

Within 2 days, I was flying out of Iran and into Paris, to live in her family home with her very nice family for the next 10 days. Could I really worm my way into her heart in this time? We were about to find out..

>>10734129
Go to library, no internet, no phone, and create some barrier that prevents you from just getting up and leaving.

>>10733882
>I don't feel bad about this. Should I?

Absolutely not. If what you say about the 85% probably of being mentally handicapped is true, you're making the right choice. Becoming mentally impaired is another way of dying anyway, you would no longer be "you".

I think you're doing the right thing. Would you mind sharing your favourite book?

>>10734177

(I'll try to speed this up)

>I arrive in Paris
>Girl tells me she is committed to India guy
>I spend 5 days acting platonic
>Girl still ends up resenting my presence
>I give up all hope, don't want to spend the last 5 days of my travels following a girl around who hates me even as a friend, so tell her I'm going to just move out to a hostel and do my own thing for the rest of the time
>Suddenly, she flips again, afraid of losing me
>She asks me to stay, and the vibe becomes romantic again
>We begin making out and drinking together every night like we first did on the island
>But still no sex
>Did I mention this girl is sex crazy?
>She meets a lesbian girl from Tinder, leaving the romantic situation between her and myself very ambiguous
>Tinder girl joins our crew and we all start hanging out at clubs and Paris girl's house
>We end up going to a swinger's club together
>I think, great, I'll finally have sex with Paris girl for the first time, even if it's in a weird af place
>WRONG
>I instead watch her get gangbanged by three complete strangers while my dick remains too horrified and impotent to take part
>She had never even done this before
>I leave the club traumatised, she walks out saying she had fun
>This was my second to last night before I had to fly home, and I realised that this ultimate mega cucking was punishment for all of my sinful intentions, and I would have to return home a total, shameful failure
>Actually, nope.jpg
>On the last night, the three of us book a hotel room together, and we take turns filming each other doing sexual stuff
>Finally, Tinder girl catches on film the moment when Paris girl and I finally have sex
>And it's the most beautiful 2 minutes of footage you'll ever see
>The day of my flight, it's clear that Paris girl has finally been won over by my relentless persistence and indomitable overcoming of all the cucking she put me through
>We part ways at the airport with her in tears
>I board the plane
>And I didn't feel a damn thing

>>10734066
>>10734177
>>10734212
This is why no one should associate with thots

>>10733882
Why not just have the operation and sign a contract saying that if it's unsuccessful you have the right to youth in asia?

>>10734129
Part of the reason you lose interest may very well be due to the fact you're not committing to it in any meaningful way that preserves proper pacing and meaningful advancement of a story. By reading it in such miniscule fragments there is no interest to be created to warrant your continuation of or inmediate return to the text because you don't give your mind enough to actually salivate over. If you read more it might actually create a feedback loop from positive rewarding experience.

>>10733997
I hope so too Anon, I'm going to still ask you not to do it because I just barely talked a friend out of suicide a few months ago.
Get that surgery. Get better. Get running. And you'll make it. Please don't do it, we have more potential as people than we'll ever know suffering only means we can rise above.

I used to go to /r/badphilosophy before i realized it was just bitter losers and should be renamed to /r/philosophyidontlike

sometimes i jerk off to female corpses

>>10733994
Sorry anon-kun and goodluck with the rest of your life.(no matter how short it may be)

I’ve only read genre fiction

>>10733944
I read but I see what you mean. It's like everyone is fishing for a new epic screencap to post on their Facebook meme pages. Disgusting.

>>10734122
yo wtf finish the story

I started reading camus when I was still 15-16 and never had heard of the guy before, I just found him.
And when a teacher asked me what I had read over the summer I said "Resistance Rebellion and Death by >Cam-moo"

And she corrected me but I insisted it was camoo and then she shut me down with an encyclopedia (this was pre-wikipedia) and the whole class laughed at me.

They laughed and laughed.

>>10732593
t. self-loathing wretch

;)

>>10733997
Happy death! No more worries...

>>10734090
Who doesn't relate to Holden kek? Beside the getting laid part. Are there seriously people who don't daydream obsessively?

>>10732267
I never read the foreword.

>>10733882
I don't know you or your whole story, so I will not tell you what you should or shouldn't do. However, you should read Seneca if you haven't already. He gave an interesting insight on death and suicide. It may help you.

>>10732301
Do you also eat it yourself? Or do you simply cook for your gf?

>>10735667
>I never read the foreword.

This is a Patrician trait

>>10733882
i think that this is the right thing to do in your situation, i would do the same

>>10733882
I don't think you should ever feel bad about what you know is right in your heart of hearts. There's a lot of pain in the world, and if you feel like you'd rather have a nice, dignified, end on your terms, you have every right to do it.

I don't know what you're planning on doing, but I think perhaps that you should leave a package for your family behind to be delivered after you're dead so they at least know what happened to you.

>>10734078
so then, just stop for now. you can always take them later.

I bought another 2 books today, my unread-and-intend-to-read pile is prob close to 50. I prob read ~4 books/year and who knows if I'll ever finish the pile :^)

>>10732475
Good God

>>10733882
You've got my support, anon. Make sure your life insurance covers is structured in a way so you can leave your kiddo some fat dough. Suicide often leaves beneficiaries with null, so perhaps rethink your mechanism of death you set them up.

>>10735667
I too am guilty of this

>>10732267
https://youtu.be/Y-ooCnZviZ8
I only watch porn with a good cumshot. This video somehow influenced my development of that taste.

>>10735481
>didn't greentext it
perfect

>>10732456
Large if Legit

>>10732475
Well played, anon. You've managed to distract others from your most grievous sin with the allure and promise the milk of life.

>>10733882
Well, anon, my suggestion would be to live as long as you can, if not for yourself, then for your daughter. The last thing you want is your daughter growing up wishing she would have known you better and the knowledge that her father took his own life rather than spend more time with her. While she may understand your decision at a more mature age, she will question it growing up and it will have a profound and mostly negative impact on her emotional, intellectual, and mental growth.

t. someone who's mom killed herself.

>>10732267
I still have a key to my ex-wife's apartment and I occasionaly let myself in while she's at work and take a book. She's such a fucking pseud that I know she doesn't read them. She hasn't noticed that I took her Rockwell Kent Moby-Dick.

>>10732790
>>10732447
Unironically eat less soy products

>>10733869
You failed the test of the otherwordly entities, but you passed the test of the sloots in the picture

>>10733882
kill yourself

>>10733994
How did she die, anon? It sounds strange that you're dying young and she died much younger. Was it some form of cancer or tumor as well? There may be an environmental factor you could work to uncover before you die

>>10733882
15% chance is still a pretty significant chance. Don't just assume the majority chance will happen. In dice games all the time we roll for things hoping to land on the 6, and sometimes we do get it. The probability of that 6 is about the same as your chance of staying mentally unhandicapped. Why not wait to see if your role gets lucky, and maybe pay a hitman to kill you if it doesn't work out?

I'm a graduate student of theoretical physics and I wake up almost every day fearful that I may have chosen the wrong thing to pursue. So many years of my life have gone to waste, trying to study the details of life, looking for something beautiful in nature but all I find are sloppy leftovers from the last century and filthy approximations trying to justify themselves. More often than not I think that I maybe should have studied Mathematics or Philosophy or some sort of combination of those two because, as the years went on, I've realized that they try to find cause and meaning more than Physics does. I am scared that I've made mistakes and I don't even know how to stand up to them. I fear for my future.

>>10733933
>oy vey why are you having kids at prime child baring age!?!?

>>10732267
I am literally The Superfluous Man.

>>10737000

At least you didn't waste your life playing vidya by yourself. Passion and meaning aren't automatic processes. It may have taken you longer to realize there are stronger callings for you, but that doesn't mean you're locked in. And if, for financial reasons, you are indeed locked in, nothing is stopping you from studying them in your free time.

Looking back on the past with regret can only lead to self-pitying.

>>10734122
Faggot

>>10737343
he is saying, with due cause, that despite the utility of physics it does not properly acct for the scope and intensity of subtle detail or flux nature of reality and it seems to be bankrupt of meaning or truth value despite again its miraculous accuracy. the system works in so far as we concern ourselves with its range of possible insights but it does not actually encompass a grand enough or focused enough picture of the world as it is, to properly pick up where maths and phil left off in the late 19th century. Thus, despite again the enormous technological benefits of physics and engineering they are bankrupt of the higher knowledge that the highest iq adults will yearn for.

>>10734582
C-can I have that little friend seeking frog?

>>10733882
dont kys. you'll probably get stuck in some low vibration hellish dimension. go to india, tibet or central asia and seek healers/shamans

every illness is curable. you don't have anything to lose by trying do you?

>>10733882
>having 15% chance of living
>choosing a 0% chance of living alternative
Kek at people saying that this makes logical sense. But if you really wanna off yourself dude, please do, you have the right to do it. Just don't pretend that it's the better choice lol

>>10733882
die a beautiful death you legend
I'll remember you

>>10733882
suicide by cancer.
kys

I want a war to happen

>>10737518
I think you're likely to change your mind once you get what you wish for.

>>10733882
Ignore literally every poster telling you to PRESS ON and SURVIVE. They have no clue what they're dealing with here.

My father had brain cancer. Survived 1 and a half years. My GF is an RN that deals with brain tumor patients all of the time.

Don't fall for that survival shit. Die on your own terms. Brain cancer is the most vicious, ruthless disease you could ever imagine. It erodes your brain, you become a ghost of yourself. Nothing makes sense, you forget everyone's names and faces, you forget even what your own life is, who you are. It's a terrifying way to go out. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. A few months after my dad was diagnosed he became a stunted, lobotomized man-child that would frequently shit his pants, masturbate in the living room, try to hotwire my car, and frequently forget his family's faces, accusing them of trying to gaslight and poison and kill him.

So many people only see survival rate, they almost never look at actual quality of life. Quality of life for brain tumor patients is beyond low. It is torture. It is Hell in its purest form.

Fuck your family. Fuck literally everyone that looks down at you for living the life you want to live. They have NO fucking idea what it's like, and you are completely in the right for wanting to die on your own terms.

I just beg of you, do not let them get to you. Don't survive with that tumor. Die how you want to die. Die on your own terms. Die knowing that, in your final moments, you will escape the horrible torture of brain cancer, and you will die free.

Your plan is solid. I highly recommend going to a place as cold as possible with as few clothes as possible. Even if the sedatives wear off, freezing to death is actually quite peaceful.

You have my deepest condolences. I wish you nothing but the best. May you go peacefully.

>>10733882
I wish you the best of luck with whatever choice you make friendo, what is your favourite book that you were going to read?

>>10737622
the medical industry can't clean out your bank account if u kill yourself, they can only extract max value if u barely cling to life for as long as possible

>>10737622
>a stunted, lobotomized man-child that would frequently shit his pants, masturbate in the living room, try to hotwire my car, and frequently forget his family's faces, accusing them of trying to gaslight and poison and kill him.

did he shitpost at all? sounds like a typical 4chan kid

>>10735460
How’s it supposed to be pronounced? Your way of saying it was on Wikipedia

>>10737735
probably the only thing about that situation that sincerely made me laugh, thanks anon

>>10737687
Seconding this, please post the book, so I have something to remember you by, Anon

>>10736509
Bruce lee and Japan disagree..

>>10737789
>bruce lee
fair enough but that dude ate a ton of meat too
>japan
hahahahahahahahahahahaha could you get any less masculine

>>10732267
Frequently while reading difficult philosophy, treatises, or political theory, my first thought is trying to decipher what the fuck I'm reading, and my second thought is always "I'm gonna be so much smarter than my friends."

>>10734066
reads like the intro to a shitpost/ adventure novel
pretty good feeling a strong 6 on this one

>>10732267
i'm a 23 year old STEMlord, former NEET, and I haven't a single book cover to cover since 2004, and I frequently get into arguments on here over books I've never read, and I supplement my lack of knowledge through the archive and googling.

i'm finally reading richard buxton's complete world of greek mythology and adler's how to read a book, though.

>>10737805
This.
What really brought me back to reality are the IQ studies on reading literature, where no amount of books read increase IQ by more than a single point, and we're talking hundreds. They really don't make you smarter.

>>10732567
This is so relatable

>>10737827
They really don't, and the philosophies I've read almost never come into daily conversation. I've never really gotten into an indepth conversation about the soul, or universal morality, or justice since I started reading seriously.

However there have been a couple moments in my life where I WAS involved in conversations involving those EXACT SAME THINGS, so I guess it's a small comfort to know that I'll be prepared if those rare opportunities come around again, I'll at least know more about what I'm talking about instead of having dipshit impromptu rambling TED talks about nothing that I know about.

>>10737789
>Bruce lee
>172 cm (5 ft 8 in) and weighing 64 kg (141 lb)

>>10737827
>the IQ studies on reading literature, where no amount of books read increase IQ by more than a single point, and we're talking hundreds
s-source?
please delete this
i want to read so I can be less of a dullard

>>10737860
>Would still drop kick you and your mum and your pa.
>A billion of them are going to take over.

>>10737800
Nothing more masculine than being a kamikaze.
You wouldn't last the first round of Takeshi's castle.
They make better electronics than muh Chad americans.

>General Tojo II when?

>>10737861
why would reading increase your IQ? Do you know what an IQ test is?

>>10737878
one of the subtests on most IQ tests, the vocab test, which is by far the highest g-loaded one, should be improved by continual reading.

but I guess that's wrong, and I suppose it really is 80-90% genetics and 20-10% formative years.

>>10732267
I want to have sex with my grandma.

>>10737890
it's jus jenetix bro

I smoke weed everyday for 1 year when i was 22, now i feel my IQ got down, the guilty it's huge

>>10732553
>>10732667
Can confirm. I had psychotic symptoms and take 2 pills now and my life is 100% better. Mental illness is no big deal. Be honest to your doctor and they will put you on the right meds.

>>10737962
Yeah. Fuck you.

I didn't start with the greeks

>>10738054
I'll build on yours: I intend to avoid the greeks forever.

>>10737735
kek
literally me as a retarded teenager

>>10737767
I got it wrong. In class I said "Camuss" and not "cammoo"

>>10738060
u dont know what ur missin
>>10737937
pics? gmilf?

>>10733882
>>10733994
Slow brain death is a torture, I agree with this man >>10737622. My grandmother on my mother's side had dementia and my cousin's husband's mother got Alzheimer's. It truly is the worst way to die. Apparently Alzheimer's patients eventually forget how to swallow and drown in their own saliva. I would definitely kill myself before anything like that happened, I support your decision, for what that is worth, as it's coming from a faceless douche on a pernicious anime imageboard.

I would take some good music, also. But that's just me.

>>10734112
I'm going into the Alaskan wilderness in Spring. There are few more remote places in America than that with that kind aesthetic value. I doubt anyone will find me before I die, which is the point. I think you're supporting me, which I appreciate.

>>10734295
>Because my family would fight tooth and nail and pour hundred of thousands of dollars into lawsuits to try and get my body in their custody if it fails. I won't be a vegetable; I'll be retarded. I won't have the ability to defend myself legally and anyone who would defend my case for me would have to be appointed by the state and more than likely unable to represent me as well as I need to keep my family's grubby hands off my life.

>>10734550
I don't want to be Charlie Gordon, knowing that I was once a (not to be self-aggrandizing) quite intelligent human being, and being totally unable to capture what it means to enjoy the power of my own creations and the creations of others. If this surgery were not go EXACTLY as planned, I would be left with an IQ of something like 79. The odds of full recovery even if everything goes exactly as planned are in the 20th percentile. I will not let them do that to me. Call it pride or foolishness, but this is my body and my brain and none of my family, no doctor, no lawyer, no psychiatrist, and no fucking brain tumor can take the me away from me.

I appreciate your kind gesture, but I am not willing to bet on a 15% chance that I will not live in misery and be unable to kill myself afterwards. I will go on my own terms. Having no control over my daughter dying was enough. I will not be robbed of my own choices too. +1 karma for you though, if it means anything.

>>10735092
Thanks. I plan on making it short and sweet, should I be able to make it to Alaska.

>>10735696
I'll have to invest in some works by him in the next few days. Which ones do you reccommend?

>>10735885
They might actually refuse to keep it once it was found out that I left to die. They're already mad at me because I refused to get the surgery. They even talked to a few lawyers to see if they could sue me or something or force me legally to do it, but it's not that simple here I guess.
I'm lucky that they can't take my power of attorney away from me. They tried, saying I wasn't mentally capable of making decisions for myself because of the tumor, but I passed every psyche exam they put me through and was granted my basic human right to decide.

I'm not going to leave them anything. The only human being alive that I'm leaving any of my things to is my ex Jennifer. Half f Claire's everything came from her. If I can't will it to Claire, then it's Jen. Nothing else for it.

I eat in the library

>>10732636
If you start to lose weight, it going to feel better that read 100 books.

>>10735941
I would, but Claire died in September. I've made Claire's mother Jennifer the beneficiary of the policy.
I think lost in the wilderness and decomposed beyond the point of facial recognition is enough to cover my bases on the policy. I guess they could argue I went to die, but the only people I'm telling are randos on the internet, so there is legally nobody who knows my identity that will know the cause behind meeting my ultimate fate.

>>10736472
Refer to my reply to >>10735941

I would have gone through with the surgery for Claire. I planned to until she died. I would have gone through any suffering or hardship to be with her and make her happy however I could. I had dreams about watching her graduate from highschool and college. Finding a husband or wife. Having kids. And if I was handicapped and unable to provide for her adequately, it would have hurt me, but at least I would be able to give her love. That's all I cared about. If nothing else I wanted her to feel loved her entire life. And she was, as short as it was. Dearly.

But I appreciate your concern and thought. +1 karma, anon

t. a now-crying former father

>>10733882
You should not feel bad friend.
God be with you.

>>10736527
Working on it, anon. Gotta prepare.

>>10738612
Forgot pic.

>>10734078
It's literally impossible to abuse LSD. Quit being a pussy.

>>10738587
never hurts to try

>>10732297
>

I just bought L'anomie

>>10732267
>I barely read, the only book I've read in a while being fall of reach
>Despite the fact I write every day, it's usually little more than a paragraph and is usually just /m/ nonsense with a focus on mechanical designs because I'm secretly salty about my inability to draw
>I think philosophy is a waste of time
>I actually have no idea what you fuckers are talking about half of the time, despite being an English major

>>10736557
She was born with an almost total fusion of two vertebrae in her back, TH5&6 I think. The bones formed, out those two were somehow connected, like none of the padding and separating tissue were there for just that one joint. She had a hard time doing some things and she couldn't lift anything heavy without feeling pain and stiffness between and sort of under her shoulders, but otherwise she was a healthy, beautiful little girl.
She got overzealous coming in from getting groceries with Jennifer and I and fell backwards off the front steps carrying an armful of baguettes for her favorite garlic bread. She fell backwards and apparently fractured the fused vertebrae, putting her in unimaginable pain and causing what the doctor told us later was semi-permanent paralysis from her chest down.
We took her directly to the hospital and they ran a bunch of tests to figure out what she'd done to her back. They said she could make a recovery and walk again and be functional. Nobody said she was even remotely close to death.
After a day, she had seizures because there was blood getting to her brain through the tear in her spinal fluid sack. They operated and said she was good to go. Three days later she was so weak they said trying to clear her brain of whatever wasn't supposed to be there would kill her. Like a 100% guarantee. She was so weak and frail I don't think I would have let them if they said they wanted to try anyway.
All she wanted while she was there in bed was Starbuck, her stuffed deer toy I made her and named after a god from a book. I would tell her limericks about how clever and fast and cool Starbuck was. He jumped over the moon. He outsmarted the fox god, Bundi. He outwrestled the bear god, Onko. She loved him.
She died in her sleep while I was still coming up with limericks about Starbuck. I think she died dreaming about him. I hope so. Starbuck was her favorite thing in the world after Jennifer and I, I think.

Fuck now I'm crying again. I hope no parent has to go through what we did. Nobody deserve it.

>>10736681
There's probably less than 1% chance of full recovery. 15% is partially-handicapped chance, while the 85% is basically retarded. My memory will be fucked, a good deal of my higher-order thinking skills will more than likely be gone as well. I'm not willing to lose myself to surgery. I'm going to die on my own terms as I am today, not a dribbling idiot who can't even remember how beautiful his daughter was when she smiled at him.

>>10737420
>I'm going out on my own terms. I'm too cowardly to shoot myself, but that seems like such an undignified way to die regardless.

>>10738571
You are an enormous source of inspiration for me. I can't imagine what you must have gone through. Yet even though you suffered through so much, under the bludgeoning of chance, your head is bloody, but unbowed. There is nothing that brings me more hope than seeing a man like you accept his life and his death with dignity.

>>10737622
+2 karmas for you, first and foremost.

You understand exactly what I feel. I'm sorry to hear about your father; I wouldn't want anyone to go through that on either side. I know that no father would want to be a burden on his children without even the capacity to show them love and make them feel worthwhile to him.
I'm not letting anyone get to me before I can make my move. I have told nobody in person my plan. Not even my best friend of ten years. I'll probably call him once I'm in Alaska, but I'm still iffy on that one. I know he won't tell anyone if I ask him not to, but it seems sort of like breaking principle to do it, even so.
I'm going in the spring because Alaska is absolutely beautiful in the spring time. Life is literally waking up to be alive again, as corny as that sounds. I want to die there. I will die there. I'm taking enough sedatives to put me out for good, so there's no possible way for this to fail, even with murphy's law. The only thing I'm worried about is somehow getting into a wreck on the way there and being hospitalized and my family coming to get me. It scares me. But I'm going to try my damndest to make it.
I have to. I will. Thank you again, anon. The long march is soon.

>>10737687
If you want me to, I'll post here before I go so you all can make fun of what I choose, because that's what /lit/ does. Middle of March is when I leave. Less than a month away. Do you want it timestamped or something?

>>10738793
Man, we won't make fun of you. This is your death tome. I'm just curious as to what you'd want to read before you cross the river Styx.

>>10738166
What music do you suggest? I'd prefer something quiet and peaceful, but I'm open to suggestions. This is the most peaceful thing I can think of.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JByO5bWHfHM
It sounds like a dirge for angels. I wish I had shown it to Claire. She would have liked it. She liked pretty voices like her mother's.

Until a week ago I thought Joseph Conrad and Joseph Campbell were the same

>>10738612
Anon, I hope that something like >>10738627 happens when I finally get there. That would be a dream come true, being able to be whisked away to see my daughter one last time before whatever's next. Or maybe even be with her. I don't believe there is, but I hope there's a god and all that so I can beg to see her again. +1 karma for you.

>>10738786
Where is Starbuck? Maybe take him with you
>try non-thc canniboid oils at least, seen enough msm stories of low percentage prognoses coming through (usually with the parents being sued) -- hail mary, looks worth a shot at least

>>10738811
beautiful song you posted.

not that anon, but I have a soft spot for piano/violin instrumental songs. Maybe those would be good songs to listen to as you pass on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Du27IkFfUE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bN-uD43ig0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYRV-CjeBEg

>>10738828
i'm the anon with the cancerdad, and we actually tried cannibanoid pot oil. when he was dosed he was easier to deal with, but i mean, WE were the ones that did that sort of drug stuff, not my dad, and considering that anon's family is super-religious i bet they'd all be straightedge as hell too, so... doubt that it'd be worth it

>reading for intellect
who the fuck does this

>>10738856
nobody, since it can't be done
you can only read for knowledge

>>10738703
shiggy

>>10738856
nobody is stupid enough to think books will make them smart or knowledgeable

>>10737687 (me)
>>10738793

Up to you really, If you do end up timestamping I will be sure to come back and look.

>>10732267
My baits are getting better and better to the point they are legit arguments now.

I want to stay a virgin until I die

>>10738779
Sometimes life deals you a shitty hand. It's up to you to have the strength of character to play with that hand rather than cry for new cards. In my case, I got two shit hands back to back, but I'm going to play what I can and walk out while the chips are down.

I hope you live your life with integrity and find happiness and success where you go. And if you can't find any, I hope you can make some. Carry on, anon.
+1 karma for you

>>10738808
I'll post it then in a new thread before I leave for Alaska. Just so I'm not making a "listen to how I'm going to die thread, what should I make the topic of it?"

>>10738828
Starbuck is with Claire. I tucked him under her left arm and told him to take care of her wherever she was going. Leaving him with her in the end was the single hardest choice I have made in my life. Starbuck was the last piece of Claire Jennifer and I had, the only anything that Claire even remotely cared for with any passion.
But, Starbuck was her favorite toy. He was always with her. He was always there for her. He still is. And that's how it should be.

>>10738831
I like them. They sounds sort of fatalistic though. Like I'm walking down a tunnel into the end, rather than just seeing it. Thanks for sharing.
+1 karma for you

>>10739272
you should use this shitpost as a novel idea

>>10737861
it increases knowledge, not IQ. don't fall into the IQ dick-measuring meme, you'll be unhappy and won't do anything.

>>10736509
This “Soyboy” meme is getting out of hand, and honestly, it’s just REALLY fucking ignorant. I have been lactose intolerant since I was a child. I literally shit myself in 2nd grade once. I grew up eating loads of Soy and rice based versions of dairy products, soy milk, soy ice cream, soy cheese, you fucking name it! My parents didn’t force them down my throat either. I LOVED the Soy foods immensely. I am currently Six Foot fucking Four. I have a massive fucking beard, and a decently sized 7 inch cock with visible veins. I am attending Oxford University, studying for a PhD in Classics. After that, I'll be part of the faculty with around 67,827 gbp starting fucking salary. Who is the SoyBoy now maggot?

>>10739287
lol

>>10738925

>>10739287
ya but having another term to go with cuck is important, its sort of like in rap sometimes shit doesnt rhyme with motherfucker so u have to say fuckin faggot instead, like soy and cuck give u more options for ur shitprose, hopefully the alr-right tastemakers will give us one that starts with a vowel next

>>10739294
i might steal your life story for a novel.

>>10739277
If anyone wants to, they can. It's not like I have IP rights to my life, since it's on the internet already.
That would actually make me happy. In a way, Claire would be immortal. Forever golden.

>>10739299
I only ask that you keep Jennifer and Claire's names. You can just call me Al if you want.

Also >>10739301 applies to your post too.

>>10739305
i really do wish you a peaceful transition to the void anon. i'm very sorry that things worked out for you the way you did, you seem like a perfectly good young man, and life just isn't fair. you have my sincere condolences my friend.

>>10739311
Life isn't fair. You live with what you have. I had a great childhood. My dad died before I graduated. My mom lives in another state. I got my highschool sweetheart knocked up. We had the greatest joy of my life. I got a brain tumor and my daughter fell and broke her spine. She died from complications. My sweetheart left me out of grief. Now I'm going to drive to Alaska, park my car, walk into the blooming wilderness, and go read until I die.
It's been ups and downs, but at least it was mine.

Such is life on Earth. Thanks for the thoughts though, anon.
+1 karma for you

>>10732267
nigga u just posted this in /b/

>>10732297
Workout at home

>>10738578
kys

>>10739287
>going straight from work as a PhD candidate to faculty
>at Oxford

>>10732267
You are SO fat.

I don't know if I'm going to make it through the year.

>>10740502
but it's only february!

>>10732267
If they're long enough, I put the fanfiction I read into goodreads.

>>10732267
Since I have joined the military I have only finished a single book. And it was a garbage one, snow crash. I've been wanting to read Kafka and murakami but I simply lack the time and patience.

I'm getting increasingly irritated and perplexed by threads asking where to start with an author, people having some book on their shelf asking if it's "okay" to read it as their first by that author, asking for charts on how to get into an author. Where does this phenomenon come from? Are people asking these sort of things just sheep who can't do anything without the internet holding their hand, has Peterson made a video saying that's how you should read, do people want to make threads simply for some sweet (You)s or what?

>>10741468
Which of those threads should I start with?

>>10740509

I lowkey whish I did what Ray Bradbury did and read/practiced writting for 8 hours a day for 4 years instead of going to uni.

I am as confident in objective morality as I am in the existence of the external world.

I'm not all that confident about either

>>10738723
>I barely read
Then read more?
>Can't draw
Then start drawing?
>philosophy is a waste of time
It makes you a better thinker, or should
>no idea what you fuckers are talking about
Usually pseudo-nonsense. Disregard most posts

In the past two years I've bought probably a hundred books and read about 10 of them, and I'm constantly buying more all the time. I wish I could just sit and read all day like I used to.

>>10742286
Stop buying books and start reading? There isn't any point if you don't read them, right?

>>10742276
>>10742321
>I do the thing
>LOL DON'T DO THE THING!
sometimes i wonder why are you even saying that. like do you believe you're changing anything, giving advice or do you just wanna reply for the sake of replying?

>>10742374
For the sake of replying? You said that you buy more books than you read, and seemed bothered by it

>>10742434
I'm not any of the anons you were replying to in the first place

>>10733882