/lit/ - Literature

>>10642334

Reading makes me depressed now because I'll probably never be able to use what I read for anything. I'll probably be dead in a month or two. Guenon seems better than Evola but I think a large part of that is just that Evola was trying to converse with the intellectual currents of his time, which were fascistic. I wish I could make my video games but I can't even find private space to be able to focus in and will probably never be able to again.

I want to make a YouTube channel where I make video essays and talk about things I find interesting. Think of H.Bomberguy without the measured responses. First I need to figure out how to edit and then get a mic but I already have some essays written

I want a gf just so I have someone I can interact with daily. Spending so much time studying and reading alone tears me apart and my only healing is the few times I go out to meet with friends.

>>10642357

Hbomberguy is a terrible youtuber. He is smug and only makes strawmen out of what he attacks while shoving everyone into the same preconceived bag.

If you want real leftist channels, learn French and watch Usul, Tatiana Ventose, etc. Revolutionary Left Radio is also a model you should emulate.

Don't be a sucker fueling the troll scene and the impossibility of dialogue.

>>10642380
Like I said, I don’t care about the political stuff. I want to talk about things like how treasure planet was the best Disney movie and that sort of think. Similar to the best guy ever but longer videos and no face cam

>>10642334

Once my student debt is paid and I have clocked 3-4 years in the private sector, I want to go back and do the Ulm ENS in Paris.

I want to be fluent in German by that time (I am already fluent in English and French, and can understand Spanish) and to relearn Latin (I did six years but haven't practiced since 2010).

I want to build a reading list of all the important subjects that will make me a whole rounded applicant to the ENS.

I also want to write a novel in the meantime to build my "dossier" and be received at that dream school.

I have about 3 years to achieve all of those.

I went to a family member's wedding yesterday and I've been thinking all day if today's single men, including 'robots' and other people who don't date, are correct in their actions of (voluntarily or not, avoiding relationships) with women.

>>10642391

Get a Yeti mic for about 100 bucks, learn audacity, and start making audio only videos (slap pictures in a video maker and be done with it).

Example of nspirations on which to draw upon: Extra Credit, Dr. Bradley, SuperEyePatchWolf, Digibro.

>>10642334
All political ideologies derived from the enlightenment (liberalism, Marxism etc) say that personal liberty is the greatest good. Capitalists who pretend they're fundamentally different from communists and vice versa are fucking morons who don't realize that both materialist ideologies lead to the degeneration of man, via the maxim I stated above.

>>10642438

What is the alternative? We've been playing with the bones of god since 1517.

>>10642438
Cont.

society is going to keep getting worse until people realize that being good is the end itself. I don't see this happening unless we return to Christianity, or something similar.

>>10642403
What resources do you use to become proficient and fluent in languages? I'm trying to become conversant in German within about a year without taking any formal kind of course.

because the eagles settled for a field goal the opening drive they deserve to lose (dont know who I want to win, probably them though)

>>10642476
>watching normieball

talke it to reddit fag

>>10642438
>are fucking morons
irony, folks

>>10642479
its the superbowl...not understanding how lit drama and narrative and heroics and intellect and body and skill and desire is: doesnt enjoy a high quality war epic crafted in real time some of the most athletic humans on earth

>>10642464

I use Duolingo daily, watch my favourite series in German on Netflix with English subtitles and I have two complementary conjugation and grammar books. Also I have a few German friends but I haven't really tried German with them yet. We are more comfortable in English.

I started in september. I think I can be conversational in June when I go at my cousine's wedding in Germany.

>>10642487
Correct my grammar for me, headmaster.

>>10642492
ya but i bet u get all snobby if someone talks about mma

everyone sweats the main guy from tame impala but other dudes bands are actually better i don't get it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yo4IkYF1wm4

When I was a kid, I went on a camping trip with my family, and I still remember the smell of dew and fresh life among the plants that hung in the air. There was a kind of beauty to it that you can't fully convey in words. Now when I go outside, I just feel the same as always. I still miss that feeling.

Today was a coworker's last day on the job
she is in her 60s, I in my 20s, and she talked to me occasionally despite my antisocial nature.
I'm a sperg that doesn't know how to socialize but in spite of myself, I enjoy it a lot. Talking to old people is great, they always have long winded stories about anything and everything

I wish I could initiate conversation. Fuck, people don't care about the things I care about, what am I supposed to say?

>>10642508
how much do you want to bet? (I dont watch mma)

>>10642716
>I wish I could initiate conversation. Fuck, people don't care about the things I care about, what am I supposed to say?

Talk about what you like. You don't always have to be the guy listening to someone else talk about their bullshit, sometimes you're allowed to talk about things you like.

>>10642611
your head was full of less thoughts then, less tensions, worrys about pulses of times, and expectations and itches: I know exactly what you mean, the vividness of colors, leaves on the ground, green fir trees; the smell of the forrest after fresh rain

>>10642734
I don't have hobbies that most people would understand without a lot of context

I've finally figured out a story that has all the shit I wanted, but now i have to figure out the plot and actually give the story emotional weight and plot details

hear me out

>dude starts working at a failing horror-themed restaurant located in an actual haunted house because it's the only job he's able to get
>the story revolves around him trying to help salvage the restaurant but the issues are worse than just bad food, health code violations and actual hauntings
>the owner built the restaurant on top of a wellspring of ancient evil for the sole purpose of guarding it from entities who want to see it used for destruction
>consequently, the health inspector, the critic and the rich guy who wants to buy the place are not what they seem

for the record, the main character's last name of "Ramsay" was chosen months before the plot turned into this

>>10642334
I want to have a cute asian gf but I'm broke and don't know how to invest in the stock market because the jews are behind everything

>>10642791
you have two options

>take personal responsibility and google shit
>blame the jews for your own idiocy

tell me why exactly you chose number 2

I wonder if I could find that inforgraphic that shows food, furniture, and entertainment for the different classes of society. Also I like hardcovers, I know that most of them aren’t worth the extra cash, but I still buy them.

i'm thinking about getting into lifting, but it feels like a step backwards, i used to box but i felt like i reached the maximum number of punches to the head u can take before it does something, so i gave it up, but i miss the workouts and the competition, i want to do bjj so i can have ground game to match my standup but that shit is so expensive and for some reason getting choked out disturbs me more than getting bashed in the skull even tho the brain damage is objectively less from getting choked assuming they let go once ur out...but it only costs like 20 bucks to join a weight lifting gym, but it just feels like such a step backward to go from training combat sports to just lifting heavy things, plus everybody on 4chan lifts which means if that many betasoys do it, it must be kinda pleby, idk sell me on why i should take up lifting heavy objects repetitively as a way to stay fit

>>10642785
I'd read the shit out of that. Provided that it isn't shit.

>>10642785
>>10642922

it better not be an allegory for some sjw bullshit like the shit under the restaurant is supposed to represent oil or sth

>>10642930
it's a symbolic representation of making the best of a bad situation. Also, it give me the excuse to write copious amounts of food porn.

I'm not sure what task I would summon a servitor to do. Maybe I could have it help me focus on schoolwork, but shouldn't I just be able to do that myself? If the servitor is made of my energy, doesn't that mean I'm doing it myself anyway? It would be fun to draw things.

>>10642936
don't tell me ur that guy who works in a restaurant and so are "writing what u kno"

I wish I could write. I wrote a lot as a kid, and although my writings were terrible, they were probably better than what I write now. I miss the days when I could spend all my time in front of my laptop, convinced I could be like someone like Douglas Adams...I'd kill to be half the writer he was
I was forced to take a break. Over those two years, I evaluated my writing, and found faults in every word I wrote. I was crushed. And as I dismantled my writing, I slowly began to dismantle the iota of skill I had. And then my confidence. And then my willpower

Now my ability is gone, but my judgment isn't. I spend my time crying over blank pages, knowing that nothing I ever write will be good enough. I can't think of my writing as anything other than trash, and these thoughts holds me back from honing my lost skill. I hate it, and I hate myself.

>>10642952
sorry nerd we don't all play dungeons and dragons, wanna explain what the fuck a servitor is

>>10642954
nope, web developer

>>10642959
look at this crappy fucking post, well i definitely believe ur writing is as shitty as u say

>>10642492
>literally niggers throwing balls

>>10642785
>>10642936
That sounds like a really fun thing to read/write about, anon. Do your best!

>>10642492
lol fuck off you crypto-normalfag nigger

>>10642334
Really want to learn bass guitar as I recently got one from a friend as a gift, but i'm so impatient. This impatience also limits me from doing anything productive with my life because all my hobbies are time consuming (i.e. reading). Also this qt in my English class likes me I'm pretty sure but I'm too much of a bitch to talk to her (party because I'm socially inept) and am too scared of fucking my chances up

>>10642963
Thank you. It is definitely bad, but this was just me rambling. Sorry for ruining your thread.

I missed a lecture due to the flu and now I have no idea what the theme of Bullet in the Brain (Tobias Wolff) is. I think it's about how there's more to a person than meets the eye but I'm not sure. This is a desperate cry for help, anons. My brainlet ass should have never tried becoming an English major.

>>10642959
If you guys don't mind, could you share some tips on how to write better?

i wish an attractive young woman would be my girlfriend. i thought being alone would get easier as i got older but it's only made me more desperate. i'm seriously considering getting an escort just to lie down next to me.

I'm coming to terms with the idea that there are no such things as "underachievers." I used to comfort myself with the idea that I was never reaching my full potential, but everybody reaches their full potential by default. If you don't have the awareness and wisdom to realize that you need to expend effort to achieve your goals than you do not deserve to achieve them. Despite this I still booze and smoke a lot of weed.

Man, I had the house to myself today and planned on cleaning house or reading or something but then I just jacked off like 6 times and my dick hurts but I keep doing it anyway
>>10642357
yo send me a link to your channel bro I'll subscribe

>>10642464
Not him, but I use a textbook called German for Reading which really moves me forward with every chapter.

I also use a website called LingQ. I believe there is a free alternative available as well. duolingo is a good start but don't persist past 60%. I actually had to deliberately lose my 96 day streak so I could move on. It was a good decision and I do not regret it.

>>10642368
at least you have friends...

nothing fucking happens in my life please god just kill me in my sleep

I already dont exist

I'm a political science major halfway through my junior year, thinking about going to law school but really torn on it. Any anons with some advice?

>>10643288
I think it's more a matter of losing potential over time. But I agree in that no matter how much inborn talent you have, if you have no one from whom to learn how to be dedicated, you're pretty much doomed to mediocrity.

I want to quit the internet for a while to try to detox from overstimulation and regain my focus, but I have been unable to do so. I get anxious about not staying up to date with news and internet culture. /lit/ and /leftypol/ are the only places IRL or online where I feel surrounded by like-minded people, which sounds pathetic, but I'm sure some people ITT relate.

>>10642343
>I'll probably be dead in a month or two.

Don't an hero anon. What's going on?

I'm about to quit my job and move on a whim. I can't wait for a change

>>10642334
I feel like I don’t understand literature on the same level as everyone else. I can read Shakespeare and absolutely love it, but when people start asking what I thought about how the characters served to compliment or foil another I feel like an idiot. I’m a diagnosed schizophrenic so articulating my thought is though enough, but I just feel like such an idiot whenever people ask me to elaborate on my feelings. I wish I knew how to get better, but its just so hard to organize my thoughts.

>>10644016
I relate to this so much :(

>>10642334
I've been in kind of a funk lately, and the doctor recently diagnosed me with alchohol withdrawals(just psychological). I googled it and the symptoms all fit pretty well. Then I saw that once of them is loss of libido. I just thought I lost my mojo. So I'm kind of conflicted as to whether this is good or bad. All I really know is, ya know..fuck, I just want to want to fuck..ya know?

>>10643206
Try asking in a critique thread sometime, they have better advice.

If I don’t get into the university I want I’m going to kill myself.

>>10643734
I'm planning on getting my BS in poli sci (already got my associates). Why are you considering switching majors?

>>10643981
I did. It was great.

Go for it! Chase your dreams!

>>10642334
I've become so disgusted with basically everything in western society and it's effected me to the point where I don't really enjoy talking or interacting with anyone. I have a girlfriend and I want to have a family eventually, but I live in a major urban area and wouldn't ever want to raise kids in what's basically a place where a mass of disparate human beings are all piled on top of each other and have nothing in common and no common identity joining them.

I want to be more involved with writing, but I know that even if the writing project I'm working on is genuinely good that 1.) There's probably no chance I'd be able to get it picked up by a publisher, and 2.) If it is picked up by a publisher the chances of it being successful are incredibly small. With that knowledge I still work on it nearly every day because it's helping me work through the events that inspired the story.

>>10643734
I did pol sci because I wanted to do law school but didn't; ended up going to grad school for public policy. In retrospect I should have gone the law school route. Sure it might seem like a pain in the ass, might be costly, and might not be guaranteed to get you work, but in the end it'll increase your opportunities in a way that having a B.A. in political science won't. You're probably not going to have a lot of job opportunities simply by virtue of having an undergrad background in political science.

>Why are you considering switching majors?
I don't think he is. You typically do law school after finishing your undergrad.

In your opinion, what is the best public/somewhat free university for a humanities education in Europe?

>>10644625
Self-defeating attitude, friend. It's good that you're still writing though. Re: cities and raising a family, I can't imagine wanting to do it anywhere but in a city. People in rural and suburban communities also have no common identity. In a city though, sheer numbers basically guarantee you'll find some sort of circle.

>>10643981
Yeah, do it. Don't come back here to bitch if things don't work out though.

>>10643882
Internet culture is not worth keeping up with and there are other places to get news. That you feel anxious when you're not online is proof that you need to detox.

>>10643731
Sometimes you have to take the initiative.

>>10644638
Best: Lmu Germany

I tell myself white lies and black truths. I protect myself with delusions of myself. I am not that compassionate. I am not that restrained. And yet I am. I long for chaos, and yet everyday I contribute to the overall order of things. I understand myself well. I look at the man in the mirror every morning with recognition. I have the punch of masculinity, I am a tall drink of water. And yet I can't escape the crushing reality of human agency. I can't believe that I can't effect a kind of vague indeterminate effect onto the masses. I see recognition in the mirror but I don't see it in the face of my peers.

I cannot stand my middle class peers anymore. The attention to clothing, the carefully curated Instagram feed, the endless small trips made with the sole purpose of picture-posting, the furniture in their homes, the things they say, their tastes, their pathetic feeling of superiority over the poor masses. I can't stand it anymore.

People need to stop taking pictures of food.

>>10642785
I honestly wish you the best. The genre isn't really my cup of tea but at least you have built something on it that isn't unsubstantial shit

>>10645036
As a *reader* lower class peers aren't much better, unless you prefer bluntness and endless banter.

>>10645036
You can choose the company you keep

I hate myself lol

>>10643970

Homeless, jobless, massive debt, no friends or family

>>10642415
Anyone have some other video essay type channel recommendations?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jlkt5Q9a9Ek

How far can the will take you? I've got an experiment in mind to test this. Currently, due to a mental illness, almost nothing in life brings me pleasure, and I lose interest in every new thing after a few days. This state naturally promotes the most mediocre kind of hedonism, with an overindulgence in sugar, and more than twelve hours per day on 4chan. Rationally, I should work on some skill in the meantime so I have a leg-up when I'm back to normal, but a failure in my head's reward system prevents this, and I'm back to square one.

What if I do it anyways, though? Enslave myself now to live a happier life in the future, like an indentured servant. Then I wouldn't feel so powerless. I could become a skilled artist despite my condition. Make others happy, even if I'm not. That might be ridiculous, but it's worth considering. Anything is better than this.

>>10645281
where are you? are you a writer? why are you homeless?

>>10645281
you can live in my house if you are a great thinker/writer and help me with my book

>>10642343
>>10645281
if that first post is you, you can live in my house if you can get to new york.

>>10645281
whats your email, make a throwaway email?

>>10642357
Why not just start a blog? It would be hard to find visual material to put onscreen and honestly wouldn't be that necessary for books.

>>10645632
>>10645639
>>10645659

I'm transsexual and people are awful. I'm an aspiring video game auteur. I can't actually write. I am a pretty solid thinker when I have things to think about. I haven't read enough to do more than rehash other people's ideas at present though.

>>10645932

Mataku.no.sainon@gmail.com

>>10645965
how old are you? pretty solid thinker is good. think you can make it to New York? What are some books youve read? your favorites?

>>10646047

https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/66601812-alephwyr

Don't have the resources to make it to New York atm.

>>10645965

i mean...it's not like video games can get any worse.

>>10646070
how did you become homeless? how old are you? any plans or lines of hope of establishment? have you always lived in hawaii?

I desperately want to drop out of my pointless humanities degree but I literally cannot come up with any kind of alternative path to take. I hate just half-assing my life because, at my core, I don't think I'm a lazy person and I know that life has great value but I've just been feeling aimless for so long now.

>>10645036
I gave up on trying to make friends for pretty much those reasons. Relationships are just slightly more complex accessories for most middle class students.

>>10646118

Had to leave uni in senior year due to health issues. 29 years old. No to both the last two questions. As I said, I'd like to make video games. If I had $1000 I could probably commission all the assets I would need to make my first game, or at least build something kickstartable. Right now my only real plan is to try to get that money and to kill myself if I fail.

>>10645541
Far too real.

>>10646137
how much would you have toward a plane ticket? How is living in hawaii, how long have you been there? Were you in school there?

>>10646232

I have about $100 to my name. Hawaii is fine. I've been here a week. I was in school in Colorado. Let's stop derailing the thread now, you have my email.

>>10646169
Are you the same way? We can do it. This is a huge setback, but it's possible. Making music actually feels kind of satisfying - the only problem is that itch that sends you back to 4chan like it's life support, similar to Gen X and TV. Perhaps getting over that will lead to great things.

you are far too simple to truly understand, your entirely unsubtle brute basicness compels your tiny knotted noggin to spedily drive on the all too usual routes, paying no attention to the scenery, or even the fundamental substance of vehicle and road

>>10645541
Why are we like this?

>>10646285
I'm the exact same way, and on top of it all, a nervous wreck and NEET. Picking up an instrument would probably do me some good, only issue is money.

>>10646359
Guitars can be hella cheap

>>10646330
Not sure if you're being serious or not, but unfortunate genetics is the answer.
>>10646359
>nervous wreck
>NEET
Yup, same here. I've felt anxious for such a long time, and despite my best efforts to treat it, that I believe it's a medical symptom coexistent with my other problems. You should really try to get an instrument, though. Save up like $200, wait for a sale, and you can get a very good acoustic guitar to start learning. Having some kind of outlet is important with a life like this. Save up for a cheap portable mic and you can even make an album. Who knows? It's worth a shot.

>>10646441
I'm serious. I feel like if I were born in some poor family where I'd have to grind to get what I want I'd be better at organising my life.

>>10642334
I don't know if she likes me or if she's using me to get to my friend. Allegedly he overheard her say he's cute sometime a few months ago and he thinks she looks at him while we're in the halls in between classes.

Granted I've only been talking to her for less than a week but I'm pretty infatuated with her for some reason. I'm usually pretty quick to fall for girls but I couldn't stop thinking about it over the weekend. I feel like I've been picking up some cues from her when we talk but it could all be in my head. I don't have her snapchat or number or anything but I'm planning on asking her for it sometime this week.

I don't even know man this shit blows

Is there a way to make this non-edgy?

>Character lost his hand years ago
>the stump healed fine save for a scar that looks like a cartoon tongue, but when he’s anxious it sweats a reddish substance he always assumed was blood (its not)

I was thinking of maybe making it look more like hot sauce but i dunno

>>10647323
You could make it comical like sometimes it could erupt like a pipe bursting

>>10646895
Dude just do it, literally what do you have to lose?

>>10647338
Or maybe he has to wear a maxi pad on the stump?

Newfriend here.

I've got 4 different books to read and don't know which to start. They're all very different, but I'm completely stuck.

>Picture of Dorian Grey
>The Dhammapada
>No Longer Human
>Mythology (Edith Hamilton)

Mythology was recommended as a very introductory book to the Greeks.

Someone choose for me and don't bully me for my taste in books that I found in the wiki.

>>10647364
Yeah
>>10647387
Do picture of Dorian gray but also check out the books in this list

>>10647421
I've read a lot of these and actually finished Siddhartha yesterday. It was great.

>>10647387
>Mythology was recommended as a very introductory book to the Greeks
Honestly ehhh don't listen to those, they leave out primary source material by Loeb which is a much richer experience than getting it mediated again by some anglo after its already been translated.
Ovid's metamorhposes is a great long poem detailing the corpus of greco-roman myth, that and Homer are the seminal works, just read those

>>10647421
Stop posting that shitty chart there is a much better one that isn't just N America hs core

>>10647460
Well shit. I guess I'll still read it at some point. It wasn't easy to find a cheap copy of it either.

>>10642777
Go on

>>10646564
This is stupid and false. Born into poverty, just as fucked as you

>>10645112
My main problem is just how these people lead their lives as if there was a persistent camera behind them recording their every move. Every purchase, every action, every visited place seems to be the result of careful consideration. Of course I know poor people and rich people are probably no better, but it infuriates me nonetheless.

>>10647576
Maybe parents gave us too much attention so we're not even trying now.

I can't figure out a good way to introduce this superpower

>user can change how things taste

All my ideas for visual effects either look stupid, gross or edgy

>>10647668
make him take a bit of said thing and then he can change it to what he wants, but his bit is the original taste

>>10647707
bite*

>>10647354
yeah I'm gonna, for now I just need to keep talking to her and establish a friendship. But it just has my head fucked up a lil ya know, and also I'm being a huge oneitis faggot about it

Take your damn clothes off.

Today I read about how you should like someone for who they are, not who you want them to be. I think that was the best advice that someone could give me about you, because I realized how true it was. I wanted you to stop being an alcoholic, to be more responsible about money, and be able to make hard choices, but you'll never be that person.

I always knew that was how you were, and that I wanted you to be better, but you never will be, or at least you won't be because I want you to be. It makes me feel shitty that you moved on so quickly after you told me you loved me and that so many of the things you told me about yourself turned out to be lies; i feel betrayed, even though I knew that you weren't that great and weren't worth trying to be with.

I should really get going on writing my fics but I'm easily distracted by Youtube, 4chan, and Reddit. Writing on my cellphone has worked before, but large-scale changes are difficult due to the small screen and tools at my disposal. The university I just got in will give us laptops (Complementary to students in the medicine career) and I hope that it will be my work station to work my shit in.

Also about the large-scale change. I want to change a battle's location, but that will open a can of worms due to the details and dialogue I've already written for the old one. It feels like I'm deleting all of that for nothing. Though, I could probably just write it side by side in another document, and feel like I'm not wasting my efforts.

There's a story that I want to write first and foremost because I know how to write it, but everyone tells me it's an awful idea and I should do any one of the other, more amazing ideas I've pitched even though I can't assemble them well in my head

I'm not sure how to make the right choice, and if it means stepping out of my comfort zone I don't think I can pour my focus into it enough to figure it out

We think to be heard, not to speak.

Time is ticking.. ticking
My hearts beating
Time is ticking

I'm unemployed and I don't even have the creativity or passion for writing anymore that could at least be a means of staying productive, or an artistic goal to combat "wageslave woes".

Guess I'll drop some acid Thursday and see whether or not I finally kill myself or get my spunk back for life. Each moment that ways on sinks me further away from the light, and I don't even know what the light is.

Good luck everbody here.

I read people like Steve Sailer and the late Jerry Pournelle, who inhabit a world of stable 115+ IQ bulwarks of society, casually bringing up relatives who work in aeronautics R&D or whatever, and it's not a world I recognize. I don't know how they do it.

I want to talk to her and set things straight but I don't know how to reach her. I thought she didn't like me and was out to destroy me and was afraid. I send her an message but deleted my email because of that. I played games because I needed to be sure I was being watched. I try to figure out who's got my back and who doesn't.

I want to sent her a message again but have a feeling I get sabotaged. I want to be honest now. Back in high school I was worried about her, I thought she would do something to herself: that's what I did. I honestly didn't even care that much for love or so, the most important was that she was save. But I still would really like to know her and see where things go.

And I am sorry.

t. Y

>>10648930
:)

Native English speakers are the only people who speak their first language like it's their second language.

>>10642334

generally some type of oily substance, bones (calcium based), skin, follicle, and hair.

>>10649074
>bones (calcium based)
>not springing for the calcium based adamantium coated
shamed for you senpai

>>10642334

I'm a failure and deserve to die

I'm a whole other level of fucked, fucked beyond comparison. If schizophrenia is level 4 I'm level 5. I am a bitmap being plugged into Audacity, a train collision with a USB port. I don't even have the credentials to speak of "my situation". The pain is irrational and specially tempered. I have to become a genius, and am also, without exaggeration, a fucking idiot. The most fucked of street dwellers have more working brain cells than I. My abstract thought is limited to bare bones essentials. I can articulate for the exact reason my world is so fucked and that is that the fracture refracts into perspective, comparison and contrast. The number of people I am to come all incompatible with each other because my genes had no coordination in mind. I typically suck it up and wait another round of hell to go by to immediately blow it all and fuck my brain even worse as soon as the chance arises. I would rather be absolutely anybody on the entire planet than myself except a few serious psychotics who also can't kill themselves because they fear god. It's a crises so continual and far-reaching throughout thousands of years of failed incarnation, the single worst possibility for a person within the infinite vat of things that must necessarily be explored. You'd think it'd all dissociate you, but no. It makes duty, urgency, responsibility and incentive to socialize hyper-charged and yet the prospect of holding on is so failed you can feel your next lives already fucking up in advance so all there is to meditate on is the reality of your eternal impossibility for either death or living, forever.

>>10649133
Elaborate

I'd like to be as happy as this little pup

>>10649140
I need drugs and I need girls and I need to be with my friends in the club and I need to be too plastered to comprehend agency altogether and I need a career that works for money with longevity into the next 40 years and I need something to think about right now and I need a way to temporally transform into the next 5 seconds and I need to slow down and become less objective-orientated and I need to speed up and make every choice 95% correct meaning there are no opportunities I can miss and I need to have a working brain to tell me I don't want most of what I want and I need to stop caring and continue caring as soon as I stop and a fucking lobotomy maybe. The worst is I can't even say this is a genuine feeling, because I'm here instead of doing something to myself to end it all, so even if it describes the last 5 years of my life I'm a bitch to anyone because it's solely my business and no matter what the stakes might be it started with divisive intention.
inb4 nobody cares
Don't worry about it

>>10649151

Doing average in university (think B+/A-overall) so not good enough for grad/med school which is my dream. Dropped out of high school due to depression/family issues. Recently failed an important math exam so will probably drop the class. Fucked up family and severe depression continues to affect me and I have trouble trusting people and opening up to others. Can barely get out of bed most days. Drink a lot. Have alienated almost everyone and just wish I were never born. I'm going to kill myself when my mom dies.

I was thinking about a book I read a while ago where the ending is a guy who's supposed to be satan commits suicide in front of a guard or something before exclaiming 'See you in America' but cant remember it for the life of me.

I thought is was Russian but looking around Im not sure anymore.

>>10649156
me too

Boy I am confused. I am so confused and lost. My emotions spin around like clothes in a washing machine. Some moments the foundation is almost unbearable firm, others it is so bafflingly nonexistence I can hardly believe that it ever existed. Unable to lose this awareness of this vapid cupidity, the fickleness of my own emotions. Deeply disturbing, and it has been for a long time. I have nothing to connect them to. I have failed to establish a foundation. I lack the kind of basic resoluteness that I think that other people have.

Today I was paralyzed by the idea that I would have to endure eternal conscious suffering in hell. I got it from reading Petrarch's secretum. What a sorry book. Desperate for a way out, I went to that christianthinktank site. That was nice, it palliated my mood a little bit, but now who can tell what's real and what isn't? That fact remains that, unless something really strange was afoot, Petrarch lived and died in fear of eternal conscious torment. Eternal! Perhaps people back then didn't understand the meaning of eternal. Well, it's not like we do now. But eternal! Good heavens! That means that after 199 trillion years of suffering, it still wouldn't even have begun yet. A good time to dig up all those oriental fables used to express ineffable duration (the little sparrow sharpening its beak on the mile-cube stone once every million years, etc...)

Wrote so much strange melancholy nonsense in the notes the teacher handed out for us. I'm a little tired of the teacher giving us all her notes and reading off of them with only slight diversions. I am a little relieved, though not in the least prideful, that Being and Time is much, much simpler than I thought it'd be. Looking at my current position from the vantage point of the past... I had always imagined that Being and Time would be truly inscrutable. But I can scrute it just fine. The jargon, in my opinion, serves only to obfuscate some poor poetry and some good common sense, much of it deeply Catholic. All in all, it's really only a more substantive precursor to a lot, a lot a lot a lot, of the bullshit that circulates around lit departments these days. Whatever it is, it's not the un-grapple-able-with behemoth that I once was so afraid it'd be.

I like to bring these things down to my level, but through it all I have the creeping doubt that I am actually doing just that--that I am not actually growing, but simplifying these things to a degree which any real intellectual would find intolerable. But I am not at a slacking school, not really--

There's another objection. There's another awful objection in danger of ruining my mood. My school-chums... most of them, at this point, are years younger than me, so I already have that justification to give up my complains. It is so exhausting to be a super-senior. But there is no real discussion. That is the awful, horrible problem. I perceive this distinct spineless cowardly effeminacy nowhere more acutely

>>10642357
Same...

>>10649261
...than when I look inward, when I look at what I am inside. That subject, the distinction between men and women--what it is and what it ought to be--furnished too much provender for the wolves that abide in my heart... it is something that I cannot express to anybody, anywhere. Not even a single person will understand me, not even you yourself. And yet it strikes me as truthful beyond physical and tangible. You and I are not what we ought to be. Some interloper has struck at the heart, at the heart, at the heart... history herself complains, declaims, shovels disapprobation like hot coails and boiling oil on my head--yet I can't relent! But on the other hand, to connect to my complain about a lack of a foundation, it is ... I have overused and exhausted any of the words which I might have had recourse to use to express how quickly everything slips away when I feel some affection come my way.

I am aware that nobody will understand me in this. I know how pathetic it is, I know full well how miserable and pathetic it is. If men ever had a genuine reason to hate women, it was for this frivolous, despicable, utterly secular obsession with temporal relationships which now overdetermines my own sentiments

I have already read too much H, I can see my writing style devolve before my own eyes

>>10649239
Im going crazy trying to figure out what book it was

One has to have the hardest head to write. One has to fastidiously know as opposed to not in every regard. This writing doesn't presume to know so it might not even deserve the designator ‘writing’. The audacity to claim that one makes sense seems to me awfully naive. I do not claim to make sense. I do not necessarily believe that it stands in the realm of possibility to do so entirely. Random attributes will defer the coherence of subject with supposed predicate. Surely one can break a sentence down into its parts and ascribe the meaning of each of those parts across the whole again and reform the supposed content of the sentence. This trick apparently defines the entirety of the philosophical tradition whether analytic or continental. Supposedly one must rigorously understand before one can have a valid opinion.
How can anyone understand so much and so little. The book ‘regurgitation’ ought to hit the shelves any day to great acclaim. What we know sometimes we do without knowing we know it certainly and it takes some years and years of study to discover again what they already intuited. Someone has given it a lexicon you need to adapt to. Dissension plays no part in the task of academic philosophy. The regime of signs and symbols that oppress the thinker today come labeled under so many titles that one must conquer in order to communicate with one another. Must we ‘communicate’?
Born out of stardust and evolution our task has become to reiterate all that has come hither to fore? My mind reels at the task. It practically begs not to. What kind of philosophy must instigate such commands on its followers… and practically every academician does so instigate. A monstrosity like this rips the vocal chords out of every aspiring philosopher and replaces them with its own voice - its own system of signs and symbols.
Perhaps you hear complaint. Perhaps you think that this one doesn't have what it takes. Allow me to suggest that I don't hold the lash here. In deference to the powers that make philosophy what it amounts to today I have struggled to understand in vain. It has left my faculties weak and powerless. I drift in an ocean of undecidability. Whether this or that might make more sense drowns out my consciousness. What could possibly put a philosopher in worse favor than to have stifled another’s mind? I wish I could say that I stand before you, but I don't really stand so much as cower. What could I think wrong next? I don't think its overstated, but I have suffered this more than one ought reasonably.
If to formulate a stance means to somehow stand over oneself epistemically then I refuse to do so.

>>10649140
Genius is not insanity. Genius is having a clear head with an incredible ability to focus.

>>10647583
Read Simalcra and Simalcrum by Baudrillard

Just dropped out. I feel more alive than I've felt in years. I'll finally be able to cut myself until I bleed out and die.

>>10650090
I just decided to drop out two minutes before I saw your post lol.

>>10650123
What will you do? I have no clue. I just knew that it was taking a toll on my health.

I live in New England and I just really want the sun to come back. I want to lay in the grass and just feel it's warmth on my skin. It was kind of sunny yesterday but the strong wind ruined it. Today it's back to being grey and gloomy.

Anyone live somewhere sunnier they'd recommend moving to?

>>10650262
Croatia is nice during the summer. I'd also recommend New Zealand.

>>10650262
I didn’t know that the British had the concept of a sun, when I went the sky was always gray.

>>10650179
No idea. I want to get a job at a bookshop and maybe see into learning some kind of actually employable trade. Uni just depressed the fuck out of me in every way, it was beyond the joke.

>>10650271
>New England
>the British
hmm

these threads are getting worse

>>10650397
Nice contribution you've made then :)

>>10649140
probably the most interesting man at the party. sell it.

>>10649140
I feel with you dude. I identify with every word you wrote, just so you know

I refuse to live like this.

I fucked my life up real bad. there's no denying it these days, I'm literally retarded. Maybe I'm not low iq but I'm retarded in development

I lack experiences and skills I should have at my age and I don't even know where to start to fix it.

>>10651150
Our lives are very similar.

>>10642334
A while ago I found one of my old report cards from elementary school. The grades were mediocre as they always were, but the additional note that my teacher wrote onto it really hit me.
It said something akin to, "lazy and unmotivated, but capable of much more than he's showing". That moved me almost to tears, when I realized that at some point in my life, someone believed I had potential to become something more than I ended up becoming.

I reek of desperation, and sometimes I think everyone knows. Like a dog that's been kicked too many times, constantly cowering. I repulse myself in every imaginable aspect, physically, emotionally, intellectually. I do my best not to remind people that I exist any more than is absolutely necessary.

On one hand I have no idea why I've allowed myself to get this bad, but on the other I'm not sure I ever had a choice to begin with. I don't remember there ever being a point in my life when I felt like I had any agency or willpower at all. I'm utterly weak, always have been.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dBvcnwjD00

I just want for someone to tell me that things can still be set right.

>>10651343
Also, I apologize for the length and tone of this post. I feel somewhat embarrassed to have written it, but it is what it is.

Reading Lolita, a couple of years ago, made my dick really really hard. I'm still stuck on it today. Whenever someone asks me what my favorite book is my penis always commands me to answer Lolita, but that answer doesn't sit well with normal people and makes me look like an idiot to well read individuals.

>>10651343
You guys are to hard on yourself. You don't know where to start, well good it can be anywhere. If your health is bad start there, if you have no skill set out and acquire one, if it's lack of intelligence start reading non fiction or go and watch lectures or whatever but stop wallowing in self pity. That's the first and foremost the biggest step in recovering from your shamble of an identity. Pick yourself up, dust off, and move forward. All of you.

>>10651379
I appreciate this post.

Oh maaaaan

I wish I had friends. I really miss my ex but increasingly I think I just miss the regular human contact and physical touch that I crave rather than missing her in a romantic way necessarily. I know she's 100% over me now but I can't help but sometimes daydream about what our future could have been. She didn't want to travel like I do but maybe domesticity would have been nice. But I know that I would have managed to find a way to be miserable.

I love art but I can't help but wonder if it's all fucking pointless. I talked to my dad and he thinks that art enriches your life but can't change it. I mostly agree. I think it sometimes can but only very rarely. What's the point though? I get drunk and write about how it's all pointless. I read or watch something and I cry and I feel things but then it's all just over. I just go back to my life and I still have to at some point wake up early again and go to work. Nothing changes. But then maybe it's worth it for those brief moments you feel something, you experience transcendence. But those moments are so short! Does that mean that all the rest of it is just bleak life support for those brief moments? But maybe it's not just about transcendent moments. Maybe quiet contentment is ok too. I don't fucking know. Maybe I just like to think I like art because I don't have friends or a personality.

>>10642357
If you do it post a link and I'll check it out, I love amateur video essays.

Also, I would suggest, alongside the scripted and edited essays, you could do unscripted ramblings about a certain topic.

>>10651613
>I talked to my dad and he thinks that art enriches your life but can't change it.

I don't know, anon. If art enriches your life, hasn't it changed at least a bit? I'm not sure I agree with that. Maybe it's incremental, maybe you don't feel fulfilled now, but looking back you'll appreciate the time you spent doing something you love.

I just went and finished the entire series of Gotrek and Felix novels and i'm pissed at that ending. I already knew what would happen to one of them but not the rest. It's like an explosive fizzling out before it goes off, I guess.
Now I don't even know what to read. I started reading it back around june of last year.

>>10651647
that's a good point anon. thanks.

>people who think morality is derived from nature

>>10652233
>>people who think morality is derived from nature
>people who think anything that ever exists in eternal history can be called anything other than 'nature'

the other pics I debated using

>>10652264

yo wtf is that top he's wearing and where did he cop

>>10652264
>>10652256
>>10652267
>>10652271
>>10652276
We've seen enough options here

>>10652253
>what is God?

>>10652274

>>10652286
surely that which exists, has existed, can exist, will exist, is Of Nature

>>10652350
So you're just arguing semantics?

"I wonder if putting 4 Doritos up my butt was a step to far? I dont want them getting stuck. Okay, lets go do an assflop from a height and break them up nice and small."

>>10652353
What were you doing? When was the word Nature first defined, by who? Were they correct? How many times and in what ways has the definitions changed, broadened since then? Who is in charge of defining definitions/terms? Does the meaning, and concept, 'barriers', distinctions, exist....in...of...as.......Nature.... and the concepts, terms, definitions must drape themselves over the Truth of the Truth of Nature?

So there is a True definition of Nature, that God, or Nature itself would agree with if man did or did not exist, that would be the most appropriate objective definition? As due to the differences between an apple and an orange, the moon and the sun, they deserve different names, nature tells us these are different things? And so what does Nature tell us the term Nature should refer to; you think it is most appropriate to define Nature as: That which man has not produced? (or intelligent beings on other planets too).

Ok, fair enough. So the apple is nature, man is nature? but his creations are not? he eats the apple and it enters his body, so nature is in him, and the energy of the apple goes to his head, and allows his brain to work, so that is some nature in his thoughts, but his thoughts, 'melt that rock to make metal' is not nature. It is a good and fair useful and appropriate and right distinction and there needs to be a word for that, so I suppose you are right.

>>10652557

Broke my neck last year and haven’t looked back since

I want to be loved but I don't feel worthy of being loved.
What should I do?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvEMM0jkyvQ

>>10642334
I really feel like just leaving my life, and traveling around the U.S. west of the Mississippi. Going camping under the stars every night, getting lost in the woods, just spending time with nature. Then when I have had my fill of the world returning to my old life, and look to see if anyone noticed I left.
For a reason I can't explain I imagine this journey ending in my death, though I do often think of suicide so its most likely related to this.

>>10652878
Don't let your lack of self worth be an obstacle if an opportunity presents itself but don't expect love to fix your lack of self worth

>>10650262
Try getting a sun lamp and fill your house with plants. Also try taking vitamin D and getting outside during the day as much as you can.

>>10652878
Watch Darling in the FranXX.

samharris.org/podcasts/forbidden-knowledge/

,

>>10642959
Just write random stuff, without thinking.

>>10645541
That's actually a good system. Forcing yourself to do productive work, even when you don't feel it, is a good move.

Things have been looking up in my life. Childhood and adolescence were storms. My twenties have been chaos, but I have come out the other side tough and wise to the way of the world. I realized which strategy was best. I realized hardheadedness and the joys of labor and love. I work in the morning, and once my tendons have been adequately satiated, I return home to my apartment with my girlfriend. We watch netflix and raise our dog like a child. I feel pain, yes. I cringe at the bills and the chaos of morning streets, but there is no suffering. I am not bitter for the first time in my life, and I see now that the future is blissful, but also that there are limits to this bliss. I know now that you pay for everything. I know now that man is inherently flawed, but everything about life is deciding which payoff you wish to choose. You can live a life of intense passion and you will pay for it with intense misery. You can write with a classical detatchment, but you will reap the rewards of technical splendor. I know now that writing is a stream, a river of words. We slow things down. But we can also drown in the whitewater of of quick waves., ebbing and flowing to a kind of rolling bliss To all of the young guys in here: hang in there, it gets better.

I love how these threads always devolve into a kind of support group.

>>10654874
Basically all of 4chan is for unfulfilled males, so it’s inevitable really.

I have things I need to do but I can't bring myself to actually do it, just like most people here. Instead I shitpost and scream on the inside.

I'm thinking of moving out because I really could use some more independence and meteeing new people as I have absolutely no friends, but on the other hand, living with my parents I save more money. And I'm tired as fuck after work and now my mom is cooking so at least I don't have to spend the remaining 1 hour of free time on making dinner

I hate myself and I wish I was never born.

>>10656282
Food is honestly the most frustrating thing about moving out for the first time. Either you let meal preparation just suck up your free time, or you eat horribly and infrequently which means you feel terrible. Its a pain.

>>10656861
its really easy to put rice in the rice cooker and meat on the stove holy shit grow up

FIVE MORE YEARS OF EDUCATION
FIIIIIIIIIVVVVEEEEEEE YEARS
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

>>10656928
>Rice and meat
Nice diet

>>10657258
Is that Hamlet?

Someone is going to die soon. It might as well be me.

I'd really like to find a literary equivalent of Hunky Dory.

>I watch the ripples change their size
>but never leave the stream of warm impermanence and
>so the days float through my eyes
>but still the days seem the same

The walls were whorled with a thousand shades of white. Jumbled, jigsaw brushstrokes that laid over one another in bumping streams. At first glance they seemed chaotic, and out of place in this neat and careful place, but there was a recognition within them. To Hugo the walls seemed like the windblown snows of a blizzard, or the tangled sheets of a hotel bed in the morning.

>>10657531
You're trying too hard

How's the opening page of my sci-fi novel?

Chapter One: Lost Things
It was cold, in the bone-biting way that only Tundra can be cold. Quint staggered like a drunk against the wind that roared white and blinding around him. He would have been lost long before if not for the pale green line in his visor that marked a steady path towards the drop.

“You’re a damned idiot” he muttered, nearly panting from exhaustion. It’d become a habit lately, talking to himself. It was something old pilots did, a quirk born of long weeks with nobody to talk to but your own reflection in a ships porthole. He laughed at it once, but now the voice in his head felt like the only tether to sanity he had left.

“Damn, damn, damn idiot. How much fuel can you earn for this? Not enough, nowhere near enough. 23 boxes just to get here, another 10 to bribe the embargo. I’ll be begging outside Myra’s temple by the time I make it back.”
The wind blew a gust against him, harder than before, and he fall backwards onto the slick ice. A new number suddenly appeared in his vision, a fuzzy red 13.5 that blinked insistently.
“Shit” he swore around a tongue that felt numb and swollen. The temperature inside his exo was dropping. He promised himself he’d kill the son of a bitch who wired the thermals, then remembered that it was him.

He was getting closer though. The green line was growing thicker, telling him he couldn’t be more than 90 paces away.
12 degrees. He was shivering now, even as his back filmed with sweat from pushing against the wind and sleet.

“At least it’ll be easier coming back” he said, trying to reassure his exhausted legs. A braided cable attached to his belt spooled away into the whipping frost behind him. It would let him connect to whatever he was collecting, but in a pinch it could be used to wind him back to his ship.

11.5

He closed his eyes as he as he walked and thought of being in port. Satrini would be warm, even on the surface, but he’d need a proper soak to get this chill out of his bones. A shy girl would scrub him clean and he’d slip beneath the steaming water until he was red as Momo fruit. Then he’d spend a night in a real bed, soft as jelly with one of the girls that made the port famous throughout the entire Solari.

A sharp beep interrupted his dream. The green had turned into a circle that pulsed softly.
Quint looked around, and saw nothing but the same pitted ice that covered the satellite planet. “Underground, you idiot” someone said.

>>10657483
Jamlet. Nah, I dont know who the character is but its from Titus Andronicus

>>10657546
You're not trying hard enough

I have a massive headache.

I was walking home and approached a railing. There had been freezing rain today, so almost everything was coated in ice. The underside of the railing was covered with little bumps of ice, frozen drips. I reached under the rail to touch one, and it fell off into my hand. So I ran my hand along the underside of the rail for a metre or so, collecting hundreds of these little frozen water drops. They were very pretty and I was so preoccupied with them I stepped right into a foot deep puddle of slush and soaked my boots.

Not a day goes by I don't think about the girl I was in love with from last August. I didn't want to break it off but I had to because my mom didn't like that she was 17 and I am 18 because she thought if something went bad I'd be accused of statutory. I've been contemplating texting a girl from high school that I haven't talked to in nearly a year. We almost hooked up a couple of times and I know she could help boost my confidence but I feel like talking to her again would kill me more on the inside than the constant right swiping to women I'll never talk to already is. Overall, I'm just freaking sad.

>>10658191
>from last August. I didn't want to break it off but I had to because my mom didn't like that she was 17 and I am 18 because she thought if something went bad I'd be accused of statutory
...break it off...not...hey can we still be cool and good friend and wait for less then a year till your 18... instead of..."gotta go..bye...I love you...but so easily will stop talking to forever right now...like...like...totally..literally...the exact opposite of the notebook..."

>>10658357
But when you go to a satellite college and live at home and don't have the means to provide fully provide for yourself and your mom threatens to throw you out over a girl you don't really have a lot of choices. I was given an ultimatum because this is not a perfect world.

If you were God would you think the wicked and wrong doers deserve punishment, would you have them punished, what would it be? Just solitary confinement for some time? Different types of pain while continuously looping video of their wrong doings into their head?

>>10658387
yeah but you could have told the girl the situation, and if your relationship was worth and serious anything more than a turd she maybe could have understood and still chatted here and there secretly online or phone, and 17 means 364 days max... which is a long time...but if its real love...that can be 45 years

Is a person solely the product of his environment?

What's on Your Mind

>>10658425
if the continual internal organizing, considering, thinking, acknowledging, judging, guessing and checking, thinking, count as an environment: and every text and lesson learned in the school everyone must go to, what could this tell you?

There is the inner factor and the outer factor, and sometimes, to your question, the outer is harder to overcome, much bigger and stronger: the ghetto for instance, or the country club, appear to churn out a similar type of person, would this be good evidence that a particular environment have a large influence on the type of person that grows there? Just as particular flowers in particular climates and soil and sun?

>>10658500
But what if all those inner factors, each thought and idea of a man, are simply the products of that which he has experienced and seen in his environment?

>>10642334
I sent a package containing a "love letter" and a CD to my "gf". I'm feeling pretty good even though I'll probably fail my Algebra class.

>>10645965
>transsexual
you fucked up right there.
>I'm an aspiring video game auteur.
what kind of a woman is into shit like this?
Holy shit, I want to puke just imagining you.

>>10658513
that is true, but this is why school, and the totality of human information is so multi faceted, vast, deep, thorough, that a persons inner environment becomes the glimpse of all things from all sides, understanding generally the sphere of the world, and all the spheres of human history and activity that make it all up: the human environment, inner environment, intellect, is generalized infinity, an eternal and infinite and abstract and total environment.

>>10658619
>>10658513
in other words, there is one outer environment, and one inner environment, respectively; the world, and the totality of human information (that all minds have access to)

>>10656928

yeah but I work 10 hour shifts, plus commute

Why did people start using the term "virtue signalling" when "posturing" already existed?

>>10659139
you switched timelines

>>10659139
why do any synonyms exist

>>10652264
what an evocative face. like the luke skywalker of whom mark hamill was merely an actor. feel almost like I've seen him in a dream...

>>10652878
love is not a matter of worthy or unworthy

everyone was made for it, everyone is worthy

>>10658182
Lovely imagery

I'm writing my story without much thought or care into my prose. I just want to get the plot down first then I plan on going back and fixing all of my language. Is this normal?

>>10654073
But how do I improve on it?

so i finally decided to listen to that peterson audiobook, damn, it's like the perfect book for /lit/, helping you think about why you're an idiot through literary analysis of biblical text and folk takes...i wish he would shut up about post-modernism cuz he's no better than an unread shiposter, but in his own area he's good af, but the book has some weird corny jokes that even he (book is read by the author) doesn't seem to deliver with any panache. rather he stumbles over them, but i'm sure he realized if u want to get fuckups to read your shitty book it needs humor as much as literary theory

tl;dr peterson's book is legit good if u actually engage with THE BOOK and not dumb stuff he's said about post-modernism in random interviews on youtube, oh wait, this is lit we don't actually read

>>10658578
End your life, scum

>>10658578
even that guy who made like 500 mil selling minecraft to microsoft got dumped, the girl was nice claiming "she wanted to be with someone with more normal levels of wealth" or something, but god damn how much of a piece of shit do u have to be to get dumped for being too rich lmao

>Commies see me as a fascist
>Fascists see me as a capitalist
>Capitalists see me as a nationalist
>Nationalists see me as a traitor
>Traitors see me as a pseud
>Pseuds see me as a fedora
>Fedoras see me as a Bible thumper
>Bible thumpers see me as a hippie
>Hippies see me as a monster
>Monsters see me as God
How does God see me?

>>10662061
As a pleb

>>10662061
however you truly are. regardless of what others (or even yourself) believe. i dont mean that as a feel-good kind of platitude, more of a statement of his immense objectivism; he has no qualms with you being a commie, hippie, fascist, capitalist, etc. he just sees

>>10662098
>Plebs see me as Patrician
>Patricians see me as a Friend

huh

>>10664002
Shut up

my writing seems to have no voice. I think I would be better off writing scientific journal articles or something. when I read my own stuff later I feel like it's not even me who wrote it. it's not even that I think it's bad but it's not me. I can imitate authors (to varying degrees) but how do I find my own voice? even my journal is so dull

It was quite a big white penis and the ass pounded against it, it was a pleasurable sight, the tall man who was tied and stood with his mouth open didn't believe it, no one really could have believed that such a sexy body could also be that good at giving pleasure to a man, it was a contradiction in itself, nevertheless, penises can't comprehend logic only a women's body. Accordingly, the erection stood, just as the man.

>>10649239
crime and punishment?

>>10643206
Write erotica

>>10654874
>>10654897
this desu

I can't help thinking how we are still just people. No matter what, I fear, we will always just be people, and instead of looking that prospect in the eye clearly everyone has decided to hide and continue in the hope thst things will be better next time. I am so tired all the time.

I worry that we are digging the pits of utilitarianism and it isn't getting closer to the heart of anything, infact all it is doing is a0taking us further into the dark.

>>10642334
If the college I would be entering is going to force me to take their general education credits then I might as well just go back to my old college and graduate from there.

>>10662061
>How does God see me?
through an ancient drone network

>>10642334
People at work say I pontificate. I can't tell if their vocabulary is bad or if I'm just coming across as a pompous douche.

I've had to leave so many things behind in this pursuit of this I can't even identify with anymore. Where are these supposed “friends” that they so claim to be? They never were. They never knew anything about being a person of well refute; all they do is prance in their clothes they feel pride in, wearing the soles of their shoes, the cotton in their shirts, down with every empty night they propel themselves into—and they go home completely disappointed every night, from the bar, stepping over the salt eating away at the pavement, the cold nagging at their step to quicken, and the only respite the wind offers is freezing their mind, keeping the accosting night ahead spend alone in a bed from ruining the walk. I quit drinking, and found out they were merely bodies next to me sharing in the warm haze, repeating the same sordid what-ifs, and plans that go no further than shit talk.
How many more weekends are you gonna spend pissing away? Why are you with him? Why can't you see he's a fucking child? An appropriation of all the things I am? I give you three years; three years until the face bloat sinks in, the reddening of your skin, the belly pushing from the booze... he'll be gone, and so will you.

God, I've been writing for four years yet my ability to write still hasn't improved. Is there a better way to describe an image? Is there any sort of better way to tell don't show? Or do I really have to write the Imperative way of Show Don't Tell? It bothers me madly.

They always keep saying that write what's on your mind or narrate it like you were telling to an imaginary friend.

How do Improve? They say keep reading and try to imitate writing styles yet in the end I haven't made an improvement in both writing and grammar.

>>10665393
what is your aim?

>>10642334
I try to meet everyone else's expectations instead of seeking my own happiness, and as a result my self-esteem as well as my own sense of worth has completely gone down the shitter. I've been taught since I was a kid that I should want to go to college and so I did everything I could to get into the best school possible, but once I arrived I realized that this was a mistake and I wasted my entire life trying to reach a goal I didn't want. I don't know what I want to do with my life and I'm young enough where I still have a chance to turn things around but old enough that everyone thinks I should've decided already. I took up writing, because it's the only thing I've ever been kind of above average/good at. I think I want to be an author. I don't know if I really want to be one but it feels like the right choice. For the first time in my entire life I'm doing something truly of my own volition, and it just feels right.

>>10665406
I just want to write and describe better. That's all. I hope I find some answers

My social anxiety is so bad that talking to strangers cures my constipation.

I am on a small dosage (5 mg) of hydocodone right now and I can't help but wonder if this is what an average fulfilled person feels on a day-to-day basis. There's just a little bit of a spring in my step, I feel as though I could be interested in anything I set my mind to, and of course, there is a general sense of relaxed content. Please don't reply with addiction warnings (I'm running low and have no means of getting more). I want to know if I am deluded or if this is a taste of what my life could become, without the help of drugs.

>>10665423
whos your audience, what is the point of your stories, who are you talking to, why, what do you want to tell them, how, what is important about stories, what is important about writing? You are speaking, your voice will echo on through history, touching the hearts and souls of young children and old men, a story...people..things...places...objects..shapes..feelings...things happen..plot...sentences...craft it...action..drama.. suspense.. mystery...intrigue,..surprise...characters...people...details...movement...motion...rhythem...beauty...subtlety.. nuance..interaction...development...relation...setting up...what happens...and then...and then...why...why.what..when..where..why...who...how...smells? tastes? touches? feels? thoughts? sights? sounds? wonderings? wanderings? love? hate? thinking? people? doing things? speaking to one another? about? why? you? are writing, because? what do you want to say? what is in your heart and soul? are you developing and exploring the world more? and jotting down all your thoughts and feelings? we are all sitting around a campfire, what do you have to tell us?

I hate your boyfriend. He's a fucking douchebag, and you're so stupid that you can't even see it.

>>10665412
going to school and trying to get a good job is the right things to do, you didnt waste your life, you are super young, a month feels long and it is, a year is long, 5 years is very long, 20 years is very very long...llotta life...stable structure... you dont want to be homeless...so, good work is the most important thing

>>10665487
your just jealous he give me that good dick friendzone boy

Woke up at seven,
Woke up at seven,
She's my heaven,
She's my heaven,

>>10665483
This was extremely helpful. Thank you!

>>10665423
you are an artist, and a craftsman, and a scientist. You need to weigh and balance and measure, form and function, shape, line, size, feel, texture, ambience, you need to figure out and create and believe in and pursue purpose and have confidence. you need to be patience, and have abstract goals and set out to explore to meet them, and explore around them, and invent, and leap, and try,

>>10665493
I fucked this bitch before he came into the picture.

We didn't work out... but she doesn't deserve to have this burgeoning image she's getting because she's with him. People's gossip goes round fast.

>>10665452
Wouldn't a normal person feel the same degree of euphoria relative to their average condition that you do now? That is, if fulfillment is a number, and let's say yours is at 5, and hydro adds 2, then you'll be at seven. If normal fulfillment is 10, and a person who is this happy takes the same dose, they will feel the same thing you do, i.e. a 2 increase in happiness. So they would have no way of telling whether or not the hydro brings you closer to their state if you are below it, or raises you above their current state of fulfillment, since the sensation will be the same in both cases, provided the other person doesn't have a higher or lower tolerance to the drug.

In other words, an average fulfilled person doesn't notice the "spring in their step" because that only exists in the mind of a person who is relatively less fulfilled. I feel like if you have to constantly think about how fulfilled you are in order to be fulfilled, it would be more of a burden than anything.

>>10642334
I was upset because I had an argument with a group I've been obsessing over but then I felt better because I realized I have friends, which was tempered by thinking they're "friends-ish", but either way I can talk to them and they see some things the way I do
trying not to backslide
was stressed over trying to get things in order for starting therapy again so I can work through this stuff better and get a kick to leave this group
if you're here (but why would you be here and not scraping memes from /fit/), hello D, you can fuck yourself

>>10665452
Work out and sauna instead bro. Opiates are a gay fucking drug anyway. You feel okay then puke, nothing fun like psychs or stims.

>>10665513
Was your dick too small to satisfy her needs?

>>10665521
>>10665452
were you only able to realize or consider that you needed some drug at all, or that you were depressed, because you at one time in your life were not depressed, at least at one time in your life you had a spring in your step? so you recognized when you lost it, or it wasnt there, or you can just know that feeling slugish, empty, full of anger and hate, is not and should not be normal and good and desirable.. and that it is possible for that feeling to dissipate, and it feels better when they do?

also, no big pharma shilling allowed here....lol, just kidding

>>10665509
That's an awefully homosexual way to describe it.

>>10665551
nah
she was just white trash, didn't read... family of retards.
was like talking to a teenager on snapchat irl.

>>10665558
what part specifically, dont cop out and say the whole thing, and bonus, how would you describe it pro tip: if you fail to appropriately respond to those 2 requests you are the homosexual

I don't get paid enough for my work. I should just work for the government. Do less, get paid more, and pursue something else.

>>10665568
The analogies. Should just tell the nerd to read more.

>>10665562
Just tell me how big it is already.

>>10665612
6.6 inches, and a real satisfying thickness.

girls have called it "perfect"
I have no complaints.

>>10665615
Is it circumcised

I'm a complete mess but I feel like if I tell myself there is nothing wrong with me, I'll actually believe it and it will come true. I actually do believe it now, it's not even hard. I know I can change now, but I still get scared daily. Passing fears that I now realize were never anything more than that.

I can't help thinking about how semantics have rhined everything, and the only real way forward for English speaking people is through the desfructon of language. I also can't help ut think about how the secret sevicd is probably one of the biggest industries in the world, when you think about it, and they have the best out line - got to keep the secret. So if you say anything you are just accused of breaking the secret and that is the problem. But the truth is that the secret service is onky around to satisy old bitter and bored women and men, teenagers filled with spite and self inportance, and molifying the homeless.

I cant help but think how the extremes of social engineering are going to such far extremes that in reality, unless something drastic happens, then we only have a generatiom or two to go till the big assention.

And what is it with vapid peple talking about asention all the time? It seems to me to just be a power grab, when thwre is no power to grab. That is the secret, really.

Also how can a deal be done when thre is only movement from one party, and the other party's argaining position is 'you are ruining everything'? Deals don't work that way.

>>10665521
>Wouldn't a normal person feel the same degree of euphoria relative to their average condition that you do now?
Well, if fulfillment is measured on a linear scale, then adding 2 to 5 is a proportional increase of 40%, whereas adding 2 to 10 is only 20%. So, no (I'm pretty sure this doesn't address your main point but I am too tired now to fully grasp what you are trying to say).
>>10665553
Let's see, I think happiness is not necessarily the thing to consider in my case. I can make myself happy: just put on some tea, hang out with my pets in bed all day while browsing this site (among others), read for a bit, listen to/play music, some light exercise before going to sleep. This has, more or less, been my routine since I left university two months ago (before the end of the semester; I am currently on a leave of absence). But my values have changed; I may have been able to live this sort of lifestyle as a teenager, but now it is accompanied with a sense of anxiety and guilt over all the wasted hours that might have been productive. You might think it would force me to change my ways but I am apparently great at managing it. Perhaps the drug's relaxing effects are just a bonus, and what I truly value in it is its ability to make me reflect on my tricky situation, and how to improve it, with a hopeful smile, instead of a uneasy grimace. Again I think I might have missed your point, and I apologize if that is the case.
>>10665546
I'm a 5'6" 120 lb runt, I would probably avoid gyms even if I didn't have problems with anxiety and paranoia in social settings.

>>10665618
no

Tomorrow's Joe is literature

>>10645965
no wonder your shit is all fucked up
have you tried to de-tranny yourself or have you already been castrated? To reverse this is your last hope

Im bored and I have no one to adventure with

What's a more literary hobby: mathematics or playing the piano?

I really hate my brother and I know I'm mostly just projecting my own self-hate but it doesn't change the fact that he's disgusting in his own right.

I like the way she slurps her tea.

>>10667080
Younger or older?

Holy fuck I just want total societal collapse to happen already. I imagine all my responsibilities erased with one gracious swoop.
I dream of studying the various aspects of the collapse, spying on the gangs that would inevitably form and watching them fight.
I fantasize about scavenging for food at night while being alert. Constantly.

I have power fantasies about gathering a band of survivors and creating a comfy agrarian community.

Who can relate(UH)

>>10667495
move to that big homeless camp outside of seattle and make your dreams a reality my dude! we believe in u!

>>10667512
It would't work. My responsibilities would still exist, and I would not be able to live with the guilt of knowing that I disappointed my surroundings.

Now, if, for example, a nuke falls on my responsibilities, the problem gets resolved automatically.

>>10667529
>muh responsibilities

what a cuck

>>10667539
The whole point of my post was that I wanted to loose all my responsibilities, but if I did so without a reason I and everyone else would hate me.

I had a girlfriend for two months, almost three. I think I'm about to break up with her because my feelings for her are waning. I flirted with another girl and she made me feel understood, and I think about her fondly. I have never been in this side of the relationship, the side that wants something else. Unfortunately, I'm not sure whether I am repressing feelings for my current girlfriend. I did a lot of drugs and had a shit upbringing. I don't know how I feel about many, many things and I'm afraid I am making a mistake. I might wait to break up with her, for now.

I feel like the world is literally turning into a dystopia. The fact that I lack the knowledge and the power to do anything about it makes me feel helpless and almost desperate.

>>10665808

> have you tried to de-tranny yourself

That was the first thing I tried. It didn't work

>>10667625
how did you try? there is very little difference between man and woman, you dont need another hole in your bottom or two meat lumps on your chest to be feminine

>>10667708

I'm not feminine, and have no interest in being feminine

>>10667771
then what do you think being a woman is and means? And why do you think your spirit needs to have a womans body? Why do you think there is such a big difference, that you cannot be yourself in your body? I am asking under the impression that anyone can technically think anything for any reason: I can feel and think I should have been born in a tigers body, and thus furries, and maybe some day dna mutation and stuff: but that doesnt mean I wouldnt be in a sense silly: and there is a large chance God will let us if we are good enough choose to incarnate as the animal/being of our desire, if we rack up enough points. So you just really really fancy the female costume, it is like a pair of clothes you just must have, a style and aesthetic which is far superior and anything short will not do.

>>10667791

It's not about being myself, and it's not about aesthetics. It's about not being physically uncomfortable.

>>10667805
what is physically uncomfortable and what makes the physical comfort? (dont dismiss the aesthetics so quick and easy, I will still maintain that plays a key if not overwhelmingly large role)

>>10667836

It's not that I don't have aesthetic preferences, it's that I think the two things are independent. Physically uncomfortable mostly means my genitals feel alien to me, and I have an expectation on some level that I should be physically different.

>>10667868
genitals feel alien, I mean I dont really know what this entails or signifies. That they should be different. Noone as far as we know asked for any of this, to be given a body, and they did not invent the idea, so everyones bodies and genitals are aliens, and should feel such, people just get accustomed to them, so you have some relation with yours. some people feel their hair feels alien to them, so do different things with it. part of this is maybe with sexuality at all, sexual desire, attraction, arousal, you are bothered by your parts that do this, and ask of you, and believe life would have been better if you didnt have to worry about this package of sensitive items and its at times mind of its own demanding of you attention

Currently reading Moby Dick to my gf

I'm filled with an insatiable longing for the past. Last year I yearned for 2016, and now I sit thinking about how much better last year was to now. I imagine next year, if I'm around, I'll be wishing for those comforting days I'm currently living. Time makes all things beautiful.

>>10667495
I understand what you mean, and have imagined similar things, but in reality, if a societal collapse were to happen, it would probably have very little in common with our post-apoc adventure fantasies. If we were among the, presumably few, people who come out alright on the other end, in the first place.
Things are seldom as imagined, and a 'societal collapse', to someone who has been conceived, born and developed in a society, is essentially the end of the world and such a shock to the system that none of us have experienced. If you miraculously survive, and your sanity is intact after the 'collapse', it will be a dark existence, both figuratively and literally, as there would probably be no electricity, it will be cold (if you're not in a climate that's warm all year round - I'm not), always uncomfortable, always on edge, a painful reality where you have to struggle every day just to see another one, which is also something most people in the so called Western societies haven't come close to experiencing. Exciting? Maybe, if you weren't afraid. But you would be, and should be. Evil men would thrive in such an environment. Everything that is collectively held back and hidden by society would erupt, on every dark corner of a perpetually dark world.
It would be nice to create a community and craft a new little corner of the world for yourself and others. Who wouldn't want that? It's a primal instinct. But there's a field of razor wire in the way.

>>10664866
where do I start

>>10649239
That's Crime and Punishment lad.

Getting the last word before a thread 404s feels so GOOD.

it does, it truly does

>>10668790

The other day I wondered: Why do I know so little about my interests? Then I realized I hate looking up info about the things I like, because I hate the feeling of getting pegged down by some algorithm and having all my interests bundled into some niche for advertisers. I've downloaded the Tor browser to get over this, but it's still unpleasant in some way. I wonder why that is.

>>10669532
Because you're forced to use an impractical and slow browser just to obtain some semblance of privacy. I also care about privacy but I've come to accept it's just a dream nowadays.
Until people come to recognise this problem and the government does something about it, technology and privacy can't coexist.

>>10669672
I was surprised to find on /g/ that there really isn't a good answer to the problem. On Tor, most websites auto-ban you so often that 4chan simply letting you lurk is generous by comparison. For most people, though, privacy means nothing, and even for those who are aware of the issues it's more like a nagging doubt in the back of their minds that they can always ignore out of convenience. Sucks, but I guess if you're not doing anything illegal, Tor is enough for now.