/lit/ - Literature

>>10434849
flashing lights lights lights lights lights

>>10434849
Training for BUD/S is hard

>>10434862
Not hard enough if you've got time to shitpost.

>>10434849
UUUGH

>>10434870
I’m sick right now

It feels like I always need to take a shit and I'm always anxious

>>10434878
I hope you get well soon anon

I feel apathetic and I'm unable to do the things I used to enjoy doing.

>>10434894
Thanks anon

>>10434849
She's going to ruin me. I can't stop it. I can't stop looking at her. Forget my girlfriend, forget all of this. This stupid Japanese girl represents all of my hopes and dreams, and sometimes I think I want the illusion of that instead of the dirty, smelly reality. Am I really as broken as I think?

>>10434849
I should really get up and make some coffee.

I want to write a series based in space but not heavily focused on technology, seeing as though almost every depiction of space in the MSM has alot of technology, like Star Wars, Star Trek, etc.
I want to give outer space mystical feeling, as if there is something supernatural about it. I was thinking maybe something like Harry Potter, only not on Earth
I'm not very good at articulating my thoughts

>>10434923
sometimes i really enjoy the mental illnesses this place lets fester

>>10434849
I really wish people would reply to my thread. I know it's /r9k/-tier, but I'm lonely and want people to complain with and ask for advice

>>10434849
Why should I even bother trying to write? Not as if I'd be able to finish it

>>10434878
Anyone have the unshopped version of this image?

>>10435086
Do drugs, destroy your computer and phone, write the rest of your manuscript on paper towels you fapped into. It's what a real writer would do.

>>10434963
Here's a (you), pal.

>>10434963
That's what this thread is for

he was just a trookie trooper and he surely shook with fright
he checked all his equipment and made sure his pack was tight
he had to seat and listen to those awful engines roar
YOU AINT GONNA JUMP NO MORE

gory gory gory what a hell of a way to die
YOU AINT GONNA JUMP NO MORE

>>10434936
I'm not crazy. I just love her so much that I want to die.

How do I induce psychic death without drugs or therapy?

>>10435232
Just stop eating and sleeping

>>10435241
That would be physical death. I want psychic death.

SILVER AND GOLD!
SILVER AND GOLD!

Who got a horse in the captcha?
>This guy.

I'm thinking about checking myself in to a psychiatric ward. Any anons done this before?

>>10435292
When I was young. Do it, its the most professional, intensive help you can get as long as you want to improve.

AAAAEREARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGAHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGHHHHH

>>10435292
Robert Walser did it. He admitted himself for schizophrenia, but it's believed he was actually autistic and depressed. Even though he was judged fit to leave, he stayed and wrote in psychiatric institutions for the last 25 years of his life.

I wonder if the constant tension and claustrophobia I feel at sharing a living space with another person is another manifestation of the ego

The idea behind the device is simple. A screen, suspended or floating around 1 inch in front of your face, rectangle shaped, the size of your head. The screen is not a heads up display; in fact, it displays nothing for the user wearing it. The screen is facing outwards, into the public, masses, the cameras. For the user it is nothing but a piece of clear glass. For people looking at the user, it is a screen displaying the equivalent of the stock photo a Facebook profile has, if one hasn't uploaded a profile picture.

When you wear it, you assume complete neutrality. You have become a unit, equivalent to any other unit in the capitalist system. This is an improvement for many people. A person wearing it is not ugly, does not bother strangers with their ugliness, cannot be harassed for it. They will not experience any shame for their ugliness. They are free to go about their daily lives in complete anonymity and neutrality

>>10435483
With a few tweaks and more fleshed out this could be a pretty good barthelme-esque micro-fic.

>>10435483
>only ugly people wear them
>everyone realizes people wearing them must be ugly
>they get made fun of for wearing a stupid screen on their face

>>10435501
They would be so ubiquitous that this would not occur. In the age of instagram, almost everyone is secretly ashamed of their face.

>>10435550
Then why the fuck do ugly people keep taking selfies? No one would wear these because everyone likes to be seen except autists like you

>>10435391
no, if its a lover you are not in love with them entirely (my ex and me couldn’t stay away from one another); if its a roommate congratulations you just figured out why multi-generational households exist and why the only deviation from that model in ancient times were mannerbünds

>>10435559
That's fine. Even if only autists like me would wear it, I can still foresee a spciety sufficiently atomized enough that there would be no social stigma behind it.

Even celebrities would wear it, if even only to avoid the paparazzi.

>>10435627
No if only autistic people wore it, it would be even more stigmatized. At least ugly people can socialize normally. Now though everyone wearing your high-tech paper bag is going to not only be assumedly ugly, but also antisocial.

>>10435086
write everyday faggot

>>10435247
sensory deprivation chamber

I want to be an actor living and working in Los Angeles

>>10435694
>implying being seen as antisocial is an actual problem in cities
>implying people who are glued to their smartphones aren't halfway to what I'm describing anyways

Anon I respectfully disagree with your opinions

>>10435747
They're not opinions and if you disagree with me you're factually wrong.

>>10435785
What are they then? W-what are you?

I lost so hard at the exchange above.
Why am I so immature?

>>10435785
Anon just because you're more handsome than me it doesn't mean you're allowed to bully me

Writing is hard. I've spent 2 days editing a letter of recommendation for grad school.
It still sucks.
Now I need to start writing the statement of purpose. All this ,and their is still no guarantee I'll end up in grad school.

>>10435801
>>10435868
If I saw you wearing one of these ipad masks, I'd invent some sort of new derogatory term for you people, Screeny perhaps? I'd bully you at every chance I had, and everyone else would join in. "There goes screeny!" "Nice facepad, Steve Jobs!" "Everyone laugh at the autistic kid!" You'd become such a discriminated class not even the Jews would attempt to take up your case.

Promotional campaign coming up for my books, hopefully it leads to gaining more readers and getting a few paid sales to go along with the free downloads.

Whenever I see ancient greek, medieval christian or any older culture's art I'm dumbfounded in awe and sadness, these people had an incredibly deep connection to their cultural roots and had an extremely rich mythological background which is reflected in their works of art. Witnessing the art of these people makes it feel like they were magical entites far beyond the lowly animals we now are. I look at myself and feel like a pitiful human being, trapped in this technological memetic hellscape. How could I even attempt to create genuine art when there's no cultural well for me to drink from? Seeking refugee in my judeo christian background seems dishonest af, trying to connect with greek thought is nothing but LARPing, my South American roots were killed off during the 20th century dictatorships and I don't belong to any aboriginal group.
I wish God wasn't dead.

Sometimes when I wipe my ass, I can't get it clean. I wipe and wipe and the toilet paper keeps coming back brown. But then sometimes I wipe too much and it comes back with little red dots on the toilet paper. Now I'm afraid that I've got some kind of neuosis with wiping my ass and I'm going to give myself ass cancer. I don't want to poop into a bag. Is it normal that you should just stop wiping at a certain point even though the toilet paper still comes back brown a bit?

>>10435933
Use baby wipes

>>10435348
What a larping faggot.

>>10435900
Such vitriol, anon!

I quit another entry level job that I hated after 2 months today having only 700saved up

with only a vague plan what to do next

How and where can I make friends who want to hear me?
I wish people liked me

>>10435937
>>10435952
No, then I'd have to keep baby wipes on my person at all times and I'm not that person. I knew an autistic Filipino kid in High School. He was obsessed with Pokemon to the point that he carried around a little picture of Pokemon with him everywhere and he ended up become a Brony when that whole nonsense exploded, to the point that he'd wear a necklace of a plastic pony and make crazy Facebook posts about how there was nothing wrong with being a Brony. One day in a free class where the teacher was out, he started taking pictures with his DS of other people without telling them. He took a picture some girls I was talking to so I had to go over and confront him about it; he denied it even when it was obvious. Another time in French class the incompetent 400lb old Italian lady who was our teacher could not get the class under control. We continued to talk because we all knew this class was a lost cause. But you know what Tagalog did? He stood up and started screaming at us to "just stop it", going on a long rant about how he's fed up with us disrespecting this morbidly obese Italian woman who had no business teaching French. From that day on everyone realized that this innocent little sperg was not so innocent, and was afraid to anger him for fear that he would go Columbine on us.

Suffice it to say, we're talking about autism with a capital A here. And do you know what it was that he carried around with him everywhere he went, for everyone to see? Baby wipes. Everyone wondered what it was he did with them. Did he chronically shit himself and he needed them just in case so he could clean up the mess? Did he have some kind of weird, embarrassing deformity or some sort that required cleaning? Perhaps today I've found out what it was he used those wipes for. But you know what? I refuse to ever be anything like that kid. I'm never going to give anyone the chance to wonder "Why does Anon have those baby wipe?" because I know exactly how far the human mind can run with just that tiny bit of information.

>>10436005
Just use them at home and wipe normally when you're outside, you autistic fuck.

>>10434849
I know that in less than an hour I'll have the obligation of trudging out to a stale, vaccuous Christmas party. Another event where everyone uses the same template-conversations "Oh, so what are you up to!", and "Oh wow I'm sure that's interesting/hard/good/". Everything couched in charitable terms that are designed to suit any and all conversations. I only hope I can keep to my own with a beer to my lips often enough to keep out of the conversations. I'd sooner keep to the edges than have to mingle with people I have no knowledge or or interest in. Its not that I'm a misanthrope: only that I've been strung into the whole event as an unwilling participant. As some piece of almost forgotten, weighty carry-on luggage to a destination that's only appeal lies on seasonal occupations: ones that were foregone in the ill-conceived pursuit of cheap prices. But hey, at least it'll be short. With any luck I can keep her in my periphery and avoid being noticed at all. 'Falling out' has the unfortunate implication of being accidental: and, however little I want to see her, I'd rather not have that belief questioned.

>>10436040
We're never truly alone, Anon.

I've run out of different ways to spell cute

>>10436097
Have you tried kyuut? :3

>>10436097
Have you tried 'Trump'? I think that's pretty synonymous with cute/kawaii. If nothing else it's certainly synonymous with 'winner' and can be defined as 'melter of snowflakes'.

>>10436122
>BLAAAH FUCK GLUMP
Fuck you you Nazi scum we'll punch you because Nazis get punched. Hope you like bike locks to the face sweetie because next time we'll get a real communist like Mr.s Clinton :^)

I'm only 19 and I feel like it's normal to feel this way, but I become extremely frustrated at the fact that I don't know anything at all.
This isn't necessarily in the sense that the more I learn about a particular topic the more I realise how little I know, but more to do with how I just parrot the opinions of others and I'm unable to form any real opinions or articulate thoughts that I believe in strongly, because I always have trouble with defending my own opinions or explaining them to others. Maybe it's a case of me being shit at explaining things, but because I can envision it in my head I think it's more to do with me not knowing enough and not having a strong enough opinion as a result.

>>10436191
you could just be inarticulate and low verbal iq

>>10436194
That's possible. What would I need to do to improve upon it?

>>10434849
>>10434860
I know it's been awhile sweetheart, we hardly talked, I was doing my thing
I know it was foul baby, aye bae, lately you've been all on my brain

>>10436142
Oh no. My one true weakness. Trans fags and wimps in black shirts...

>>10436204
read, think, speak, seek, observe, dwell, dwindle, sneer, pry, snoop, sniff, snort, snub, stay, start, stick, study, stuff, say, see, sight, some,

>>10436321
sneed

Jordan Peterson won't respond to me :(

>>10434849
Gorilla Expressions Could Point to the Origins of Human Laughter. ... Gorillas use the open mouth, no teeth smile during playtime to show that they have no intention of biting. (Scientists call this the "play face.")

>>10436382
>Gorillas use the open mouth, no teeth smile during playtime to show that they have no intention of biting. (Scientists call this the "play face.")
your gf calls it the O face

>>10435916
>2117
>anon posting on 4flan.cuc
>"Whenever I see 21st century memes I'm dumbfounded in awe and sadness, these people had an incredibly deep connection to their cultural roots and had an extremely rich mythological background which is reflected in their memes. Witnessing the memes of these people makes it feel like they were magical entites far beyond the lowly animals we now are. I look at myself and feel like a pitiful human being, trapped in this technological 5D simulacrum hellscape. How could I even attempt to create genuine memes when there's no cultural well for me to drink from? Seeking refugee in my Wojakian background seems dishonest af, trying to connect with Kekistani thought is nothing but LARPing, my 9gag roots were killed off during the 20th century dictatorships and I don't belong to any OP group. I wish Kek wasn't dead."

Livia
For fucks sake, I was trying to be friendly. I just don't have much experience.
It's been almost 6 months and I can't stop feeling pathetic about thinking of you. I don't even know you that well, but I've projected all of my fantasies on you and it's killing me.
Anyways, all the best, and I hope your father dies from his Parkinson's
R

ps: Honestly, don't come near me. I may actually kill you after cobfirming you had a guy before me.
pps: Sorry about the stuff with your dad. I just want you to suffer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7gRdfqOGPI

>>10436497
Good post anon it's good to know someone else appreciates both baroque music and edgy chan girl aesthetics

>>10435483
I like it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7gRdfqOGPI

>>10436500
wrong pic

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7gRdfqOGPI

>>10436500
wrong pic

>>10436440
no that’s not how its going to work its not cyclical its logarithmic progression, stop being a pseud

There's this NEET girl I play online videogames with, today she invited me to go to her place this wednesday to hang around, play videogames together and shit. The problem is last time I saw her was like 4 years ago and I don't know what to do if she's a fat fuck now.

>>10436772
>he doesn't have the urge to plow a fat chick on the d/l every once in a while
No one is saying you have to date her, anon.

>>10436772
>and I don't know what to do if she's a fat fuck now.
thank your lucky stars

He addle liddle phifie Annie ugged the little craythur. Wither hayre in honds tuck up your part inher.

>>10436833
Annie is such a qt name

>>10436857
i weiish i had a liddle phifie Annie ugged the liddle craythur

>>10436866
same

>>10435125

I really struggle with my sexuality. I don't really feel strong attraction to men or women, but it's not that I am asexual. I've felt like a freak for years because I struggle with my orientation.
When I have my erotic fantasies, I don't think "I love women" or "I am attracted to men". The truth is, ever since I was a child I have had this perisistent thought in the back of my head that's says "I wish I was born a female".
Facing that thought just makes me feel more like a freak and pervert.
Unfortunately, I am fucked up in more ways than just sexually: my mother was mentally ill, my father was abusive, I probably have autism and have always felt inferior to normal people.
Any conclusion I could possibly reach about myself is useless and delusional.
Life really is miserable. I know that I am just marking time until I kill myself.

>>10437056
I don’t know become a bisexual trap then
If you realize the female life style is for you go all the way with operations, if not just lift heavy ass weight

i wanna write the edgiest work of literature as possible.

>>10437082
You got a lot of work ahead of you anon
Try soldier turned serial killer rapist and go from there maybe

>>10437089
i was thinking about average /lit/ shitposter actually.

I never wanted to be more drunker than now. I wish I were anyone other than myself or my parents or siblings right now. I always wanted to be homeless on purpose, and when I would see the dejected faces of collared animals scowl at me my perfect toothed grin would spit back at them through my eyes because they could only wonder how I felt.

>>10437082
Too bad. Thomas Bernhard already exists.

>>10437092
then fucking do it faggot

>>10437091
Just go /r9k/ mode, or interview your teenage cousin

>>10437056
Also I want to write a really cool fantasy series.
It's a long-ass saga about a world that is composed of various layers, stratums, mazes, corridors, and labyrinths. It is slowly being pulled apart and deteriorated by the powers of warring physical gods. Eventually it reaches the point that it is completely unlivable and "unravels" into a more linear but less realistic geography. The final part is a race between different idealogies to reach "the end of the world" and gain control over the future. The main themes are "maintaining the heritage and honoring the accomplishments of the people before you, even if that means using extreme measures to protect what little is left" vs "an intuitive feeling that something is wrong with the world and coming to terms that even if you retain knowledge of the past, you must heartlessly destroy every phyiscal object in order to create an uncertain future."

That pretty much sums up my personal internal struggle as well.
Too bad I can't seem to channal depression into art...

>>10437155
Some were meant to create, others were meant to watch.

I'm too old to be a prodigy, and too pathetic to be an oddity. I have every opportunity to be or do something great, and I really do create a lot, but I don't have the discipline required to make anything above surface level feelings come into fruition in my work. I only write semi-coherent in verse, because I get anxious writing anything more than a paragraph. I hate starting sentences with I, and I haven't written a song that starts with I or I've in 3 years. I hate writing more than a few sentences, because I always want to use a millions commas, because I need breaks in my thoughts; semicolons I don't have a high enough iq to use.

I haven't done any drugs in a year, but I did get so drunk at my friends birthday the bartender wouldn't serve me, and I told my friend my goal in life is to convince one bartender to kill themselves. The sad thing is I probably can't even do that.

>>10437209
Jesus you are pathetically self-involved

>>10437232
You are pathetically self-uninvolved, Satan.

im lonely and i want to die

>>10437580
Find purpose.

It's him, it's Chico, the favored hog, the one that we all know and love. The hero pig is presenting himself before - what is so heroic about this pig, you may ask? I shall tell you. I remember once the school was burning and all the kids were going to roast alive. In comes Chico, the favored hog, and he rescues all the kids without breaking even a sweat. Later, in Vietnam, Chico was captured by the Viet Cong and tortured for several weeks for military intelligence. The pig refused to give in, and perhaps dozens of lives were saved - later, it is said he asked with merely the clothes on his back, a knife.. and the heart of the man who tortured him! Yes, this is one pig who's a cut above the rest. After being found by the CIA in the Cambodian jungles, he was flown directly to Richard Nixon's house and given the Medal of Honor. Yes, this is simply a pig who does what he must - and what he must do is heroism. Once, Chico led the authorities in Cambodia to a grove full of bones. So not only is this a hero hog who saves kids, fights the VC, and many other tings, but he also finds Khmer Rouge killing fields previously undiscovered... yes, this pig would simply be called mythical, were he not here before our very eyes. What shall Chico do next, you ask? Few know aside from the pig of wonders himself, but we shall see.

>>10435892
>their is still no guarantee I'll end up in grad school.

>their
I think I've got some bad news for you about grad school...

>look for porn for hours even though i hate it
>have orgasmless orgasm
>all because im depressed and cant feel anything else and at least this passes the time

I don't want to make you love me again. You have clearly moved on and so should I. I thought you thought that when you told someone you loved them it was a big deal.it had meaning. To you it was a hacksaw, used to cut me open,leave me bleeding and exposed, so you could walk way and hope the snow covered my corpse. I am done trying to be somewhat poetic. I want you to stop appearing in my mind. You used me, saw all my weakness, and you used me. why should I be wasting time over you. I only feel dumb for letting you so close, that is why I am angry

I started writing for the first time. I've written no more in my life beyond the typical academic essay. Trying my hand at a fictional novel. I'm only about two days into it but I'm having so much fun and the ideas are just flowing with ease. I already have enough content thought of for a full length novel and still I want to say more. This is so gratifying. I never imagined myself doing this so easily.

>>10437035
Thanks, anon

I feel so demoralized when im at my parents house.

>>10437682
see a fucking therapist, buddy. the shame of talking to a professional is way less than whatever you're feeling now.

I'll never connect to any one, other than in a romantic relationship, and even then It'll have to be some one that fits my stupid fucking standards

fuck why can't I be normal

I live in fantasy, yet there is no point when I can't share it with anyone.

I love people, and I love this world, and I want to share it with everyone.

I love talking to people, and I love making people smile, yet no one cares enough to ever want to hang out with me.

fuck me /lit/

>>10434849
Is there an alternative theme to, "Ja we gotta fight the dargness cuz we're on the side of the light :DDDDDD"
I'm writing an original story and I want a theme with more meaning

>>10435221

I'm not crazy bu-

ANON NO!

>>10437804

Welcome to humanity, enjoy your stay.
You sound pretty normal to me.

>>10437817
i live in fantasy :(

I believe in true love
I believe in God
I believe in Afterlife

You know? :(

I've never had many friends, yet I'm not unpopular. :(

I've always been the "fool", and It seems that it is my eternal journey. :(

>>10437804
read famous writers' diaries

>>10437844
I've thought of it..
Any reason you suggest it anon?

Sometimes I can't even listen to music because I feel like they lived the same life I do.

fucking sucks dude.

>>10437846
I find it easier to connect to them than to people I meet and know in real life

start with kafka's

>>10437849
Idk man, I let books and literature come to me naturally in my life, I don't seek them out.

but I appreciate your suggestions.

>>10437855
bla bla
just read it

>>10437859
i know who he is, and I'm actually afraid of what I'd find.

>>10437859
>>10437872
well over looking my last post, i guess i have to read it. thanks anon

>>10437606
Yeah, noticed that. Couldn't put in the effort to correct that though.

>>10437872
>>10437878
don't complicate it so much

>>10437890

I live in fantasy anon, I've already said this.
Everything is complicated when you see the beauty and wonder in the experience of life.

My mind is a very funny place. I enjoy the struggled of being between the two worlds.

help me out /lit/..... I am a very good writer. I (think) i know this because in my state's final year English I scored results that place me in the top 50 or so out of over 50,000. I can write well. I've always been the best at writing out of everyone i know.

the problem is that I have absolutely no motivation to put this skill to use and I think i'm wasting it. I read in my spare time but never write anything.

Should I try to motivate myself to write something? Or is this something that will just never work. I just always feel this big sense of WASTE of talent

Yoko Taro is /lit/? Or is he just a poser

>>10437781
"Moi ancesta"

>>10437917
Try tro write something.

>>10438003
last night i wrote about 6,000 words on how to write a schoolboy essay but i only did that because i knew I could (and will) sell that to local students

>>10438013
. ie i have no motivation if theres no instant reward/gratification

I want her to miss me but she fucking doesnt and I keep thinking about her all the time everyday

>>10437601
Oh Tommy boy, the callings the callings are pipe

>>10437979

Yoko Taro is very good, but he's more /x/ than /lit/ (aliens, robots, magick). /x/ is just too stupid to have noticed.

I didn't solve anything.

I tried to report an random YA novel's goodreads review for libel against an author with chronic pain issues.

And then when I checked later, the review was removed but there was a sea of negative reviews insulting the book publishing, key points in the book and the central idea for the book.

>>10434849
The more I look back, the more I come to realize that depression has completely changed my life. I used to be big into video games as a kid, but the reason I quit isn't because I "grew out" of them. No, it's because I physically could not derive any fun from them. I used to have a blast playing virus-ridden, lazily-designed strategy games, but now when I play the best in the genre, I don't care. Same with novels - Goosebumps was fantastic, but Hamlet didn't do anything. I burst into tears after watching an episode of Courage the Cowardly Dog once, but as an adult, no television show or film stirs any kind of emotion at all. When you guys express feelings in this thread, I know they're real, but mine are like dry, colorless impressions with no meaning and I'm not sure why I even bother. I have no aspirations, no hobbies, no convictions, nothing. It's like a personal hell.

Lately, I've been studying the teachings of the Buddha, but I'm still not sure this is the right path. If medicine doesn't come around in the next few years, I honestly might consider killing myself. There's no point in living like this. It is a waste.

>>10438736
It might get better. Try changing something if that's bad. Get a new job or go do something that you've always wanted to do.

>>10438736
you haven't found your passion yet.

>>10438015
so do something where there is instant reward/gratification. why do people always deny what they are?

>>10438736
you're stupid and deserve no pity

>>10435483
holy fucking kek nigga lmaoooooooooo

>>10434898
>tfw too intelligent for this world

>>10435232
Vipassana meditation

>>10438736
have you ever done weed? dont

im not a shill but you should try antidepressants, or try to go to some place where you can pet and play with puppies. Go to spa, hottub, jacuzzi

>>10435232
Why do you think you want it?

>>10434929
Drink water

I am tired. I don't want to live like this. I don't care what some jew says anymore, even if he is my friend. I tried. I will go out on my own terms.

>>10439096
I got a cashier job over the summer, and made a few semi-friends with coworkers. I never really connected, though, since I wore a mask at all times just to get through the day. When you can feel neither pleasure nor emotions, actual friendship is out of the question.
>>10439099
Music is my passion. I just don't care about it anymore.
>>10439142
Why?
>>10439409
Never tried weed, no. ADs look like my only hope now.

>tfw guys on like you for your smuts

>>10434849
I have a date today, don't want to go. She doesn't seem that interesting a person. But I know its impossible for someone to be totally uninteresting.

I hate technology For a while I held out in the belief that technological progress was the principle means through which destiny would be manifest. Now, I have a hard time seeing it as more than a heat sink. I have a well-paying job in software. In such company, this is heretical belief - counter-revolutionary in fact. I hate how intelligence has become fetishized. I hate how I have to justify these feelings to myself by virtue of being intelligent myself - that this is not resentment at not being able to hang. I am suspicious of the self-possession of my colleagues. I want out - yet I want my equity to vest first. Our first customer is gonna be in ad-tech, which is the subtlest method of engineering complacency and spiritual poverty. I want Silicon Valley to eventually become a containment mechanism for people’s creativity the way that Wall Street is a containment of people’s competiveness. After I am done I am leaving the US.

>had high expectation
>board is full of insecure, narcissistic manchildren

>>10439525
treat her like a goddess, like a princess, like you two are on a deserted island and she is the only person you have ever seen, like youre in another planet with her looked in a glass cage, woo her as if your life depended on it, give her one heck of a memorable night

Its horrible how guys actually have to 'grow' into their size. i hate itttttttttt... i wish they were big all of the time, and i wish certain men under certain inches woul djust die off.

>>10439537
>having high expectations of 4chan

>t. newfag

>>10439532
first seal broken, we'll see how this goes
>>10439537
>manchildren
you feeling ok sweetie?
>>10439584
she'll never forget his advances are such a stirring call to arms from you anon. a real guardian angel, a light to guide all ships you are
>>10439621
6/10, I've never seen it structured that way before and I like the disjointed "woul djust" at the end. If you'd come at it with a little more velocity, attacked from a steeper angle I could give you another point. You'll get the hang of it someday

>>10439640
;; please stop lol.

thanks for super analyzing my sloppy stream of consciousness typo, but okay?

>>10439646
well it wasnt really stream of consciousness. kinda maybe. itw as more just ranting lol and i dont care because this is a ramble paaaaaaaaageeeeee !!!!!!!

i can write what i want like a diariy nobody will read :bbb THEYRE MY THOUGHTS fuck off! >:0

honestly i don't want to argue, so please don't @ me.

>>10439674
*holds up spork*

>>10439584
>>10439640
>she'll never forget his advances are such a stirring call to arms from you anon. a real guardian angel, a light to guide all ships you are

its a first date, calm cown

>>10438736
same
I dont give a fuck about literally nothing

I need pucci now I dream of women young old teenagers and milfs blondes and brunettes intellectuals and party sluts and big tits, fat asses for niggers, petite cuties with flat chests and shy and cute and pornstars and femme fatals and manix pixie dream girls and the girl next door, and the crush at work in high school that hot and cute and pretty beautiful homely normal mysterious dominatrix and babygirls I talk to women I make them laugh they caress my hair they love me they look at me they laugh at my jokes I undress them kiss them on the lips smell their hair touch their neck and breasts suck on their nipples open up their legs go down on them kiss their pucci lick their juices smell their pubes tickle their feet touch their legs fuck them from behind on top them on top slap their ass cum on their backs fill their pussy with my seed and ass with cum make them suck my penis explode in their mouth feel the heat the warmth of their baked bodies fuck them under blankets get dripping wet and tired fuck t hem in public touch their pussies while people are watching making it irresisitable they want me need me eat me with their gaze fuck me fuck me fuck me

I am a beast

whenever I have bagels at home I split one in half and put butter on one side and cream cheese on the other and eat them seperately to get the best of both worlds (of course on top of that, onion, lox, tomato, avacado, bacon, hashbrown is ideal) but I am wondering, if the cut is lopsided so that one side is much bigger: which side does the cream cheese go on?

>>10440091
And which side do you eat first, or bite for bite?

HOLY FUCK ITS THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR GET IN THAT CHRISTMAS CHEER LADS

>>10440091
the bigger one, since thin buttered is objectively better than thick buttered.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sr1mZ98RiJo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kw55TeRbbgQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_fA-Ls4RXk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVARLQolFk0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvCM3jHLwxU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ZhxvFp8N0o
(starts 1:39

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyFkPd6fEuI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDMX-PZYEMQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Z0BpYU_aFc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoiXvQhWrKY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQS7_xhREKk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_KWFIl_XR4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcFd4m2wa1M

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hEdexzXqcI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpXlCheiXY8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtC9oVyjyUY

Why are we obligated to find a passion ?
Can someone truly not live without at least one ?

>>10440411
literally nobody cares

YOU'LL NEVER FUCK ROMEE STRIJD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S99FCAFNgaA

man, this blows

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJIwFO9A1f8

thinking about how squeaky fromme was a cutie and wondering how charlie could spin so far out of control when he was living the manlet dream with a fully stocked harem of waifus.

Am i arrogant in wondering if i owe some of my depression to my intelligence? How many people who are less intelligent than me wonder the same thing?

Have any of you guys thought this? Like if only i was born stupid i could be happy. Of course i don't wish i was stupid, but i can't help but wonder.

>>10434931
I suggest you read Out of the Silent Planet by C.S. Lewis.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dS65-ZvUSSM

The degenerate life style I've been having was truly a good choice, it even makes me forget the pain for most of the time
purity fags are cancer

>>10440463
stop masturbating and work out you fucking retarded faggot

>>10440463
intelligence is just a tool. if you're cutting yourself with it, you're not using it properly, and you're not as smart as you believe.

>>10440481
Yeah i'm pretty sure that what i'm thinking is just rationalizing horseshit, and i feel arrogant for thinking it. I have seen some people saying similar things though, but it's probably dogshit

>>10440498
it's literally >tfw too smart for gf.jpeg

>>10434849
tomorrow family members i haven't seen in years are going to be here and they're going to ask me about my life, which is horribly embarrassing. i'm an unemployed college dropout who's never had a girlfriend and hasn't had a single friend in almost ten years.

its so hard to choose. i wish i had multiple lives. this world is way too big!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>10440547
agreed. I don;'t want to be a single person. There's too much shit I enjoy and want to do

this is why Im thinking of becoming an actor. in that profession you get to be many characters

>>10434849
I'm watching "Black Mirror" on Netflix, my second time through. Super great plot and character development. I highly recommend.

I'm a failed artist. Truth hurts so bad.

I still don't get it. Why do we have to be good?

>tfw no sense of direction in life

>>10441392
For the benefit of blah blah blah

Ethics are in place mostly to limit behaviour to a sense of what is acceptable and what isn't. The point of this is to create a productive society. The actions distinguished as good and evil are meant to encourage one behaviour which makes you a desirable character, at least from the mean standpoint of the everyman. Otherwise ethics are in place to best benefit a community, the best example would be tipping for the most part, as you are obliged in a sense to tip, it's polite and morally right to do so, it's good even if it's forced. Doing the opposite is frowned upon, from not only the moral but ethical standpoint as you're not following the custom of helping a member of your society (depending on where you live of course).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izVzruuk1lc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xc7aFDppCgY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEl2Ezq-xnA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcSteU9o1aA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcSteU9o1aA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izVzruuk1lc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xc7aFDppCgY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEl2Ezq-xnA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDNKBo9TKWA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0l9xes_bNws

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBqZwg1wqNY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_ISQ-kqopE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x69mB94G4_Y

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pf4UNJqv_-A

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRZtSyLrw5U

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScyrmYez6h0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97iJonCTe2g

>>10434898
it's time, anon

>>10440114
I'll never understand antisemitism

>>10440475
One of the most depressed people I know is a person who works out and dresses nice and is pretty much a total alpha male

meanwhile I'm happy in my physical mediocrity

life's weird

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYUybsRdY8E

>tfw no gf

>>10440529
good luck dude

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98UjjwzJBFE

I'm with my remaining family members, mother, brother and his girlfriend. I feel very lonely even with them. I'm comfortable financially, educated and have hobbies to spend my free time on, but I'm having trouble finding people I can relate to. The ones who take steps towards me are the ones I'm not interested in and I'm not placing adequate effort into meeting new people. Thus I'm alone.

>>10442406

>>10442426
you're looking for others to ameliorate your life. fact is, you're a man now, people look to you. turn them away and you are refusing your role as a community leader and returning to childishness. either way, loneliness is guaranteed: it is the baseline suffering described by the mystics.

>>10440839
New season coming soon.
Black Mirror's great. A bit heavy handed, but it's the closest thing our generation has to a twilight zone

>>10436440
>blag mirrur.jpg

>>10441450
I still don't get it. Why should I be productive and desirable. What stops me from being everything they hate? Would I be happier that way? Or at least less depressed. That way I'd have something.

>>10434849
I am so fucking lazy god damn it
back to work

>>10440107
it'a breddy gud

>>10442352
I've been trying. I can't understand it either. Having a discussion with anti-Semites, an honest-to-God open-minded discussion, seems to only lead to 'you need to read such-and-such a book', or 'you don't understand history' (even though I've been obsessed with history for a solid half of my life thus far), or 'only Aryans will understand' (which I don't even think the Aryans exist even though I see how awesome white people are), or just something completely illogical like 'Jews want to bring in Muslims to kill the west even though Muslims pretty much hate Jews more than whites or Christians. Also both Muslims and Jews are Semites so they're buddy-buddy even though they CLEARLY hate each other.'

I've asked questions, I've tried to use the Socratic method to see where logic and reason will lead the conversation... nothing. Ultimately, in the end, even IF the Jews are a problem (which I'm thoroughly doubtful of), the Muslims are a far more immediate problem that is leading to actual deaths and the widespread fear and suffering of the west.

Also, Trump fucking rocks, America should be damn proud to have him.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00iO7FXWhx8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNTWWLpny90

>didn't like it while we were together
>now I miss her more and more with each passing day
does this lead to suicide lads?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkOiKy6sXfM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbDYtAHTQoE

I guess I am Christian now, just not in any sort of sense others would relate to, understand, or find acceptable

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7vJ2UFbeXA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tKOzYrdO4I

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkmTKZIwM-w

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7QYs6vOvAc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urS8ET0g-YY

>>10439621
When will they learn?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7HdQ1dRV7Q

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4B1ifcWa9o

I made a thread somewhere, but it was almost going to the archive. I bumped it as if I was someone else, but in order to disguise the samefag I didn't compliment what I said, I made some pretty harsh commentary on my original post. Then it was archived anyway and I feel bad for what I've said to myself and no one came to defend me from myself

I can't take the pain anymore and the older I get the clearer it becomes and the more aware of it I become. Being awake feels like being a hollow iron shell with ugly shit scraping at the insides.

>>10434849
Dicks and tits

How do you know if you are truly in love?

>>10443442
"Love" is just a word and you were fooled to think it was a thing in itself. Now you are experiencing something and you want to know if it truly is it. Others may come and say "love is this and this and you'll know you truly have it if this and this standard is met". You may believe them or not, trust it or not.

Think about what your own personal idea of love entails. Not in terms of what it is. For example, you may think "I can only be with someone I love", which then would make knowing whether you are truly in love a good way to make a decision on staying with a person. What you want to know is not what love is, but some guarantee on some other thing entirely.

People don't really know what they are doing in that sense, even those who say they do know it. When people say they are truly in love with their partner and things like that, it is simultaneously a sensation of true love to them and also a projection of an illusion. The proof of their love is that they are able to say it. A partner corresponds and they both say it to each other. It's an illusion, but it simultaneously sustain their relationship. The same is true to other things, not only "love" and not only idealized values like that.

Don't try to figure out whether you are "truly feeling" something. Your feeling is legitimate as it is. There is no true or false there. If you want relief from some sort of anxiety about a situation like this, the only way out is to take it to the other. That is, to consult the world, to address the person you think you love, to talk and to listen. It's not that you'll simply find out the truth about it in this way, but you'll also fabricate a new truth, a new relationship, which will be, like all relationships, complex and dependent on a constant movement of shared responsibilities over what you are saying to each other, whether we are talking about a married couple, a friendship or the guy at the counter asking you what you want.

I'm a 22 y/o gay dude who fell in love with his best mate, was living with him and his girlfriend for years then just packed all my shit up and moved in with a 50 y/o gay guy to get away from them. This dude ends up falling in love with me cooking me dinner all the time, sucking each other off occasionally. I feel bad because I know he's gonna be crushed when I get the motivation to leave. Best mate moved halfway across the country with a bunch of other friends. I feel like my personality has died since living with this old guy. I went from getting 'dux' of primary school to being a useless stoner uni dropout who works at a fish n chips shop. What the fuck. Why am I still so scared of spiders

>>10438736
If you can, travel on your own and talk to strangers. Get far away from where you are now. It might not fix things.

But it can be good and beautiful and really honestly a regenerative experience that might rewire whatever has happened in your head and pump you full of endorphins for extended periods of time resulting in you coming out better off than you were on the way in. Go somehwere where it's sunny, to make sure you're getting enough vitamin d atleast. The talking to people part is essential also. Good luck all the best hope things go well, don't kill yourself.

>>10443442
like how do you not know? ??

People who reply to multiple posts are worst then hitler

Especially if it's to "rate" each persons post as if their opinion means something

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVqbl95Ezv4
merry christmas to all, and to all a goodnight

>>10443513
maybe your sexuality is fake and you never cultivated a personality because being a slutty effette clown was easier??

>>10443597
Merry Christmas to you too.
And I hope you consider stopping spamming the threads with YouTube links. Much of the music is not, I think, well suited for casual listening while browsing the Internet, and if people were seeking it, it's unlikely this would be the place they'd look. Maybe there are other places where dumping classical music pieces would be of some benefit.

>>10443597
Thanks
>>10443629
Nope I like it's comfy

It's been three years since I first had a psychotic break, and the harbinger dreams the preceded it. I spent several years investigating those dreams and basically learned nothing, except that people are assholes and not very useful at analyzing dreams. I also lost everything I had and ever could have had. I don't feel that I'm especially closer to the truth. I don't even feel like I learned much of anything, I'm a lot more confused now than I was when I began. But I am at least no longer infatuated with the dreams, for whatever that's worth.

imagine what humanity would be able to accomplish of sex didnt feel good

>>10443626
Fuck you night be right aye

I feel as if I've lost the ability to think.
I no longer have insights into my own mind. I look inward and it's a cloud, an impenetrable fog; words and ideas flow from it, but I am not privy to the processes of their creation.

It feels like a black box. It receives input and delivers output, but I don't know what happened in between.

All is right in my world
None of the usual worry resides.

>>10434849
Who's my tiny little boy?
Who's my tiny little boy?
Who's my tiny little boy?
Why it's Mr Button!
Who's my tiny little dog?
Who's my tiny little dog?
Who's my tiny little dog?
Why it's Mr. Button!
Who's my crumby little boy?
Who's my crumby little boy?
Who's my crumby little boy?
Why it's Mr. Crappy!
Who's my crumby little dog?
Who's my crumby little dog?
Who's my crumby little dog?
Why it's Mr. Crappy!

This repeats as long as my doggo looks at me.

utterly crushing melancholy

I have been dating this girl for 3 years but I still think of my old roommate almost everyday. I feel like the reality would be so much worse than my fantasy but i can’t ever stop thinking about her. I remember the first time i ever saw her and the way I felt toward her. And I know she felt attraction to me as well.

I feel like I missed out on something

What`s on my mind?
That mix of longing and despair that characterizes my insomnia and depression.
I suppose you might wonder instead what are my thoughts, rather than the emotional surroundings that flavor them.
My thoughts are somewhat pondering on the nature of Life vs. Death that is represented in the two sides of The Force and whether "The Path of the Jedi" would confirm this hypothesis as much as "The Book of the Sith" suggested it.
Somewhat I am thinking about the responsibilities I have tomorrow: Christmas Dinners must be made, Families are to be taken care of, and realising that my role during the holidays and the effort I put in keep me saner.
And last is the questioning that occurs at night that asks if life is not only worth living but whether I or anyone else really is capable of understanding our own place in a cosmic system that is motivated by entropy.

>>10434849
For the longest time, I believed my mother's rules were the way to live. Everything I thought about doing involved my mother in some way. Which led me to stunting my own thirst for knowledge and wisdom to please my mother. But now that I'm 29 (this Wednesday) with no relationship experience and no drive, I can say a women's life is a terrible existence.

So it's this time of the year now. Dawn is at 6am and I hate that. Somehow it feels like this is my real life, and everything I do outside holidays is a facade I put to myself and others. Whenever I'm back at uni or even outside my own cloud of bitterness (because at least now I'm sincere to myself and I identify that it's pure bitterness) it seems to me as if stretching a rope that's tightly tied to a lamppost which is whatever defines me at any given time. Needless to say I chill at the lamppost when I find myself alone. How do I turn this lamppost to something that doesn't cause me so much pain? I've been trying Buddha's teachings but it only made me more aware of this pit I'm in; the solution it proposes is to eliminate any attachment to the post, so it'd be like cutting the rope. Stop wondering about the nature of the rope, the nature of the lamppost and the nature of yourself and see things as they truly are: empty. This is of course the theory of it, and what faith I've developed. But in practice it only boils down to awareness, not actual detachment. Am I doing it wrong? Am I misunderstanding the teachings? I believe I have a basic but good understanding of it though. Maybe it's the path? I need discipline I guess.

Can any of you help? Has anyone been through this? Has anyone got out of it?

>>10444644
"Every time you see a gorgeous perfect unique girl, a girl who makes it hurt you to realize that she isn't yours, just remember: Someone, somewhere out there, is tired of fucking her"

The grass is always greener.

Thoughts on the following?

>https://www.amazon.ca/Conquest-Spain-Bernal-Diaz-Castillo/dp/0140441239
>https://www.amazon.ca/Showcasing-Third-Reich-Nuremberg-Rallies/dp/0752467891/ref=sr_1_25?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1495962078&sr=1-25&keywords=nuremberg
>https://www.amazon.com/Occult-Secrets-Vril-Goddess-Potential/dp/1943494029/ref=pd_rhf_ee_s_ocp_0_4?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1943494029&pd_rd_r=543HR0TJ29W0C6FNG0QJ&pd_rd_w=tdcse&pd_rd_wg=nGgUP&pf_rd_i=desktop-rhf&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_p=3415040082&pf_rd_r=543HR0TJ29W0C6FNG0QJ&pf_rd_s=desktop-rhf&pf_rd_t=40701&psc=1&refRID=543HR0TJ29W0C6FNG0QJ
>https://www.amazon.ca/Philosophy-Blade-Runner-T-Shanahan/dp/1137412283/ref=pd_sim_14_7?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=AQRH0V8SA2QBPDESW0M8
>https://www.amazon.com/Reconquest-Crusade-Medieval-Spain-Middle/dp/0812218892/ref=la_B001HMTNJ4_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1514194940&sr=1-2

>>10435900
>Throws face display in trash
I'd be the guy copying your slang to fit in

>>10435126
Modern age Bukowski.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTTqCacvJQc

>>10434920
>imagine getting head from your own head

I'm a worthless coward whose brain can't even retain enough information to climb out of the pit of stupidity and mental illness I've fallen into.

>>10435221

>>10434849
we need an extremely tumutlous overturning of the current power structures in the next 15 years or our species will go extinct. also we need to take Africa and South Americ for ourselves and oust everyone who lives there into the sea

>>10446675
i sort of agree but it seems impossible. what do we do?

>>10446685
spread chaos and anger with every interaction. encourage hatred for finance, politicians, tech and academia. train a large enough portion of the population to not pay t*x*s or enlist in the m1l1tary, don’t pay back student loans, don’t vote, actively mock public figures and divest from anti-human institutes, bully 20th century discourse off of every platform, attack journalism viciously, ridicule economists and teachers remorselessly, no respect, we decide who gets to have wealth and power and spread the message!

>>10446344
good lord that image

>>10436191
Yea its normal. When you first start playing an instrument all you seem to be capable of is copy other peoples shit, but you play for long enough and eventually you breakthrough and start making your own sound..

Same with thinking. You begin by recognizing its importance and taking heed of those who seem to know what their doing, and over time you read a ton of different stuff and your own unique opinions will begin to shine through. Your 19 and, in theory, maybe have another 60 years to read, contemplate, write and ultimately express your own thoughts. Only through practice and exposure will this stuff begin to come easy.

>>10446720
I don't see this giving "us" (a group that doesn't yet exist) enough political power to set in motion any significant changes, not to mention in the next 15 years

>>10446720
LMAOing at your life desu

Fuck off Samantha

>>10446795
based Samantha

All my modern anxieties are preventing me from dedicating my existence to love, the fulfilling nature of which I have gotten enough of a glimpse of to make me want to discard everything else for it. But I can't.

I enjoy porn more than literature

when i was a child i used to fantasize about murdering my family
once i entered my teens the urge went away
im always worried it will come back if i ever have my own family

>>10446851

Why can't you?

>>10446891
go see a psychoanalyst

>>10446895
first thing im gonna do if i ever have the money to

>>10446894
I feel like I would be embodying a cliché, like I would be "needy" and lead an "empty life" just trying to fulfill the wishes of the woman I love. I also feel like I would "change", and that "staying true to myself" is the better thing to do. All these seem like modern concepts, but I nontheless believe in them

I feel completly dissociated from other people and I can't do anything about it.

I've got €50 left to spend solely on books and I don't really know what to buy.
I was thinking either some tech/computer book but I've already got what I need on that subject, or some darkish fiction genre book. "Take a Breath" by S.K. Paisley kinda caught my attention but I'd like to know if there was something else or any other completely different genre that's a good read.

>>10446913
>I can't do anything about it
How would you know?

>>10446913
try to think that you don't know them at all, even if you feel so much that you do

How do I cure my porn addiction?

>>10434849
If I don't get a steady source of income there's no way I can move in with my gf and she will be accosted by Arabs or niggers in a foreign city. I have to write music or literature to get paid, but I am complete shit and have no understanding of either medium.

Currently I have a character, with no purpose or plot, except to explore the feelings felt by man in the current years of social isolation. How do I express myself in prose?

>>10446959
25 years of life experience and fruitless effort, therapy and medication to improve socially.
.
>>10446965
No matter what I think of them I'm unable to relate to them.

>>10447035
would you be comfortable telling me more about your life? just curious

We persist because we exist.

>>10437828
>I've always been the "fool", and It seems that it is my eternal journey. :(

I can't seem to escape this role, I inadvertently slip back in it after shaking it off. It keeps following me around, all the little mistakes accumulating over time until they end with a crescendo of anti-comedic failure (it's funny for others, but not me) only to start again. People get sick of the fool, so I've decided to be serious and shut my mouth for most of my life.

I once missed my brothers graduation because I took the wrong train to Switzerland after picking up my family at the airport (We live in Germany).

>>10447035
>No matter what I think of them I'm unable to relate to them.
That's my point, don't think of them. Don't try to figure out who they are by thinking. I told you to think that you don't know them, it's a different thing. You don't have to relate to them to talk to them. To talk to them, you must open yourself to what they have to say, to their world as they describe it. It's not about accepting it or trying to get into it, but acknowledging it.

>>10439532
Read the Technological Society by Jacques Ellul if you haven't already. then start a campaign of mail bombs like Ted Kaczynski

Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.

>>10442352
>>10442794
It's really not that hard to understand, making fun of the Jews can be quite funny. I have a blast every time I do it, it's gotten less and less serious, and is more lofty as I've matured.

>>10443371
Link to the thread?

>>10436440
oh boy

I feel like two people. I can best describe it as similar to the way languages evolve. There is a familiar ancestor but sections split, each shaped by different circumstances, one of them is more modern whereas the other is more old and traditional. For the first time they are meeting and the differences are inescapable.
I get by by working through the similarities but as time goes on the drift deepens, long term I dont know what Im going to do.
I dont think their can be a reconcilliation.
>I know it sounds completely fucked, my mental health is shit and Im trying to sort it.
>>Emphasis on trying.

>>10435933
use a bidet stupid anglo

>>10447115
Shh, just let him get his ass cancer.

>>10447053
Well there really isn't too much to tell as there didn't happen many notable things in my life. I went through school kind of unnoticed without being bullied but also without making any friends or similar connections. I grew as the fourth child in a family where nobody really cared about me too much so I was always doing things alone but since I never really cared that was all right for me. Doing things alone like playing video games or imaginary solo activities was all I knew and I thought that's how people go through life. Looking back that was the happiest time of my life. I'm sure other children behaving like me at that time would have been sent to a psychologist to check for behavioral disorders.

Then I graduated with decent grades so I went to university. That's when the problems started. At that time I was like 18 or 19 and finally I noticed that something is wrong with me and suddenly I sensed a whole new world which I had completly dismissed until then: the social world. But realizing this didn't guarantee access to this world. So I saw what I have missed out on my whole life but I couldn't reach it. That's when I started to develope immense anxiety and psychological stress and a little bit later existential dread started. I couldn't go to classes anymore and so I became isolated. Well to be precise I have been isolated all my life but that was the first I realized that I'm isolated and thus it became a problem. So I started to see a therapist who also prescribed medication. That didn't really help though instead I had a feeling of going insane and I also had some psychotic episodes which were the most horror I had ever experienced. These also made me suicidal and anhedonic.

Then I stopped taking medication and somehow I was able to overcome the psychotic episodes even though I'm still afraid that they might come back. I still visit a new therapist from time to time but it doesn't do anything. I'm living with my parents and I help with certain things in the household now so they don't mind. Also I do some tasks for university that I can do at home but I'm not studying seriously. The main obstacle is that as soon as I see other people my mind goes blank and I start to feel very unpleasant. No matter what I do my brain is telling me to go away and every positive aspect of my life immediatly disappears. I guess that's just the way I am. I'm coming to terms with this existence but it still bothers me.

>>10447109
read Set This House In Order by Matt Ruff

>>10438736
You need more complex and extreme shit; read 'The Idiot' by Dostoevsky, listen to Öxxö Xööx (may I recommend https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezj7HIFhPHM).). I say that just because I felt like you felt; but then I read that book and listened to those albums and I felt something again. Now I'm back to where I again feel like you feel, searching for something even better. Though something I still like to do is take walks of one or two hours listening to an album back-to-back that I have never listened to (at least not back-to-back yet). It's mentally stimulating and good for your health at the same time.

>>10443626
No such thing as a fake personality. Your personality can be a proneness to dishonest and performative behavior, but a personality itself is just some emergent generalization of your feelings and actions.

But I can see why it'd be easier to think a personality can be fake, rather than the result of of an undesirable habit.

>>10434849
I stopped reading a month ago and completely lost the track of my life.

>>10447161
A similiar kind of isolation has happened to me. Although with relatives not friends. All of them live far away from us so we rarely meet them. I think it has had a negative impact on my social skills. I have never gone to a psychiatrist, although both my parents have are psychatrists. I have tried to improve my social skills by talking in front of a mirror and sometimes when I meet people I'll have conversations planned in my head so I wont be blank like you are.

>>10434849
my goals are endless but my mind and body are weak. I want to understand everything but I'm in the feeble cage of a single human mind. I need more perspective, like living the lives of a hundred people at once.

I've lost everything I never could have had. Inertia is the enemy of life; each choice predicated on the one before it, funneling down until no future remains, only forward momentum.

I wanted to become a better writer, maybe make something of value. Believing I needed to experience love first, I waited. And waited, and waited, and now nothing but waiting remains. Patience is my only virtue now, not creativity, style, voice. Waiting, thinking, saving a piece of this moment in the hope I can puzzle it together in some imagined future.

I am only capable of exerting energy in the wrong course. The margin for error grows less in every moment; a shift soon will have me reflect from the atmosphere, rather than enter it. Do I risk being truly lost? Do I even know how to lose myself? I only know the intertia, motion, movement; forward, ever forward.

"For all the points of the compass, their is only one direction, and time its only measure."

>>10447265

>>10447699
How old are you anon?

>>10447618
Wouldn't do you any good. What's 100 people when there are billions of the fuckers alive right now?

>>10447223
This band sucks.

>>10447089
What's the first?

>>10447026
Get a day job you idiot

>>10446910
>>10446851
Sounds like you don't actually know what you want.

UND FÜR DIESES VOLK UND UM DIESES VOLK

>>10447699
>>10447872
>26

>>10447089
Heh nice

>>10447962
Oh, huh. Same age as me. I was gonna say that you sound like me four or five years ago. I was stuck in this mindset where I thought I had to spend a lot of time observing the world and life before I could make a worthwhile work of art. But observation is no substitute for participation in the world, and no amount of thinking will ever do you more good than practicing your craft. I'd like to imagine that I realized that in a flash of insight, but in reality it was probably a change in attitude that happened slowly, as I grew frustrated with feeling like I never did anything and never improved.

Anyway, it's not too late anon. Put the work in and you'll eventually see results.

>>10434862
>Navy SEALS actually shitpost on 4chan

I love this country.

>>10447714
?