/lit/ - Literature

This is a dog thread now.

The healthy mind is a bundle of permitted vices

I've been feeling extremely alone and alienated for the last two years

>>10260746
Get a dog.

I can't take it anymore.

I have maintained a kind of distanced relationship with a girl in my apartment building for about six months now. We've been on a few dates, but I can go weeks without seeing her or even texting her. As you might imagine, I don't exactly burn with passion for her. I mostly like her because she fulfills a few of my fetishes, so I do find her arousing, but I don't have anything like a romantic attraction to her. She doesn't seem to mind my long silences, either, and when I want to do something with her she's almost always up for it. I've seen her half-naked a few times. We haven't had sex because I'd prefer to remain celibate.

There's a part of my mind that feels I'm being unfair to her, but she seems comfortable with what's going on between us, so I feel no great urge to disrupt it.

After many years of solitude and self moderation seems that I was wrong, that denying my inner self has only lead me into indolence and decay.
Seems that the demon that I was trying to antagonize in a childish a foolish righteous way was indeed the idealization of the best me that I could be.
The funny thing is that when I was younger deep down, buried in the ethical mad soliloquy of mine, the crawling thought that I was wrong was ripping my soul. Sadly due my judeo-christian rising I was afraid of admitting it and so I went into a self-torture hoping that martyrism would cleanse me, but it didn't because is just a poetic tool used to blind the oafs of the futility of their irrational obedience to such foolish squeme.

Have been told that, is just matter of discipline to redirect myself into my full potential.

I don't really see her in a romantic way, but I guess I can see it could end up in that way if we give it enough time. Should I continue with this? Is it not against my ideals and everything I believe to continue with this? I don't want to hurt her. Is it ok to have a practice gf?
I'm probably over thinking it. My ideals and beliefs; I proposed myself to have faith, that it's completely rational to have faith in something, and it has been so. It developed in paying attention to the processes through which my mind-body goes (that is, trying to live at the now and leave aside whatever past -prejudices- and future -worries- can produce).
So, I'm probably over thinking it. I have no reason to stop. I just want a friend and she can be one. Now, whatever happens in the future, my future self will have to live it, not my present self. So until then, I'll keep experiencing whatever this is.
My insecurity is in the intention. What is my true intention? What even is an intention? Isn't it something that requires you to cling to the future?
She has several traits that I like. She doesn't seem to mind silence nor me blabbing and thinking out loud. She is independent and doesn't like people.
I have yet to see her face without makeup but her body is nice. She has big cheeks and what I think are acne scars or acne under makeup. She is thin and smaller than me.

I miss quoted anon. Wherever and whenever you are, may you be freed from suffering.

I feel shame from arousal seeing her stretched so wide

>>10261779
Why would you prefer to remain celibate?

I hate myself, but love almost everyone else. The competence of other people impresses me to no end

>>10262196
I'm Catholic and I'm saving myself for marriage. And, for that matter, since I'm Catholic I also don't believe in using condoms, so if I DID have sex it would have to be unprotected, and I don't want to take a chance of having a child. I'm just not ready for that yet, though I hope to be some day.

Landlord popped in without forewarning the other day and says he's selling the house early next year, and we have to be out soon. In an appalling coincidence, a leaf friend had just moved back to the country and into the house a few days prior. That same friend I have also had homosexual feelings for since we were both 13. Feelings that had for a long time appeared withered, expended, something I'd outlasted. But in the wake of the bad news, and having to face up to the precariousness of my own situation, and the confusion about what will happen to him and whether or not I'll have an opportunity to see him again, those same feelings have returned with almost all the force of adolescent infatuation. As hopeless to the whims of the world, and to my own feelings, as a child again. It's unbearable. Every tender, sad sight tickles and pinches me. I don't know what to do with any of it - any part of myself or the world I'm in.

Fuck me harder! Harder! Faster! God yes! Fill me with cock! I want your cum deep in me!

Culture is a coping mechanism

>>10261779
Jeez, yer a regular fabio, arent ya?

>>10260635
>>10262198
>>10262270
top tier sentiments

>>10262204
I don't know much about Christian morality but what you're doing seems pretty normal, an everyday occurrence. I wouldn't beat myself up over it.

The increased male sexual impulse combined with the decreased male likelihood of getting laid and experiencing intimacy means that most men live in a world of unfulfilled desire. And that alienation is part of the reason why more men snap and commit acts of extreme violence.

Im bored of the old hobbies but if I quit them I'd never see my friends again

Why read poetry about sunsets and nature when you can watch a sunset and walk around the woods

>>10259664
Over the past few weeks I've been realizing more and more how I can't connect on a fundamental level with most people and have a general distrust towards most of society.

This in turn makes it difficult to form relationships, and as such, I prefer to be alone and not try to form new ones.

I've suspected this prior to recently, but it's only due to recent events that have lead me to come to this conclusion so concretely.

In addition, when I'm not working, when is seldom enough, I find I do little besides consume culture. Whether it be music, literature, or video games (in that order typically).

In fact the only events I find I look forward to, are the one day a week my best friend and I both have off (and thus hang out on) and, the 1-2 times a month I hit up my dealer to get some acid.

While this is a cycle I would like to break, starting with just going somewhere, whether in the USA or around the world, to just get away.
I can't leave, because I have court obligations that won't be done with until this coming July.

So until then, I'm stuck in this deadend job that doesn't give me enough hours, struggling to get by with what I have, and also meeting all obligations the court provides for me.

I plan on leaving for Europe after I am done, and following that, moving to L.A. to pursue my one true passion, (however foolish it may be), that of acting.

However given the odds against me, my inclination to abuse substances when times get hard, and my past attempts at suicide.

It's hard to have much faith I'll do any more then fail somewhere along the way.

>>10262309
I know that feel. Try to spend more time with your friend, if you can.

>>10262309
I have a theory that the more intense, difficult, full of anxiety and suffering and strangeness a persons life is the better actor they will be

Do the acting thing
Also if you've had suicidal tendencies in the past, even better
Commit "half" suicide by throwing yourself into a hopeless situation - that of actually trying to do what you want to do

>>10262314
This. One way or another, you will be free.

>You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
>Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
>A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
>Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
>How much can you lose? How much can you win?

The decreased importance of the Virgin Mary in the Protestant imagination is an explanation for the rise of feminism in Germanic countries

Last night I had a dream where I had an android gf who kept trying to escape and one time when I had chased her down and grabbed her I saw her crying and I had to let her go
it was really surreal

>>10259664
I don't know whether or not I should write how my hero gets an army to challenge the kingdom he was to protect, or just fast forward to the battle.

>>10262329
You watch Blade Runner 2049?

The breaking of the old taboos surrounding sex and religion weren’t broken in order that we’d be free, they were broken in order that we may form an entirely new set of taboos regarding race and gender. No prescriptive moral guideline, ancient or new, takes the complexities of human interaction into consideration.

I wish I didn't have anything to lose. I wish I were truly alone. That way, all my life would have sense and I wouldn't have any reasons to not do something.
I wish I were truly detached, truly independent, truly. That way I would have any reason to do anything.
I wish you were dead, I'm really sorry. I can help it. Insomnia and 4chan are what makes me say this. I wish I was asleep, deep in a warm dream made of water.
I haven't had a good dream in years. I can't recall any specific good memory where I felt happy.

>>10262312
I try but it's difficult since he doesn't have a car, and we live 30 minutes apart (not to mention our shifts conflict).
When we had the means to do so we definitely did.
Honestly if not for him, I doubt I'd have made it this long.
>>10262314
>>10262321
Thanks for the advice mates.
You've got a point to be sure.

For whatever it's worth, every single role I've ever auditioned for (about 7), I've gotten.
And 2 roles besides the aforementioned just because people I had worked with previously wanted to use me again, no audition required.

Still though, when you live in a smallish (50,000) city with only a few theaters, it's easy to assume it's for a lack of competition.

And my life has certainly been anxiety ridden, strange, and at times intense and difficult. At least consistently for the past 4-5 years.
Given my (Realistic) alternatives are either becoming a homeless druggy, a vagrant overseas, or working in a shitty job always doing drugs for the rest of my life.
It's easily the best shot I have at getting a decent life.

At least if I try, I'll never be stuck wondering what would have happened if I had attempted.

For years I've been wishing to die. I live a self-destructive life to shorten my lifespan.

Last night I had a dream. In my dream, I had the feeling that I was going to die any minute, and I'm loving my last moments. I was walking side-by-side at a train station with my father, who died when I was 10. I haven't dreamed about him in years.
We stopped by a bench. The bench looked identical to the one I usually sit on when I go for walks in the city. It has a really distinct look to it, so I know it was that specific bench. As I sit and talk to my father, my friends arrive. We joke around, shittalk each other as usual. We're having fun, my father laughs, my friends laugh too. But I could see the sadness in them, they knew I was dying.
Then the talking stops, and I look around the train station. The only woman I've loved, an exgirlfriend of mine walks up to the bench and sits beside me. She takes my hand and we sit in silence. I look at my father and he smiles, not looking at me, just smiling ahead. My friends smile too, with kinda teary eyes.
My ex doesn't say anything, she just cuddles up to me, and I start joking around again. My friends join in. The way we did when I took her to barnights.
Then a train arrives, everyone looks at me, and I kiss her hand and grip it a bit harder. My father says "It's time, let's go," and I wake up.

I was sad the whole day, I'm shaken up. I don't know if shit like this is supposed to make me come to the realization that life is worth living, but I have another take: Suicide is my only way out. I don't want to die knowing the exact time and date. The wait is too sad to handle. Gives me a lot to think about next time I consider pussying out.

>>10262347
I like to imagine myself on a water slide, the tube ones, made of glass, with warm rushing water, suspended in a colorful nebula out in space, which refract brilliantly through the glass and water - a kind of thrill and passivity

>>10262333

Rip off the Illiad and the Bible and make it a decisive single-combat, a duel. You'll get smartie-points for it.

>>10260635
You know, since the last thread got moved (unjustly I will add) after I posted something, I'll post it again since it precedes the thought in my post above.

How are you actually supposed to get over insecurities? I don't know why but it feels like being actually secure and confident in yourself is just permitted arrogance and I'd have a hard time actually buying into it even if nothing was actually against me. It seriously feels like taking any pride in what I do or who I am is inherently wrong.

>>10262356
That would make a really good short story t b h

>>10262358
I used to dream I could breathe underwater when I was a kid. It was like having a deep breath of fresh air after you get off an overcrowded room. It was like breathing in the winter. It was also like not breathing at all, there was no movement of my ribs or nose but the air went freely in and out of my body.
Now that I think about it because you reminded me, I can experience this feeling again while meditating. While on that state of neither sleep nor wakefulness. Just stopping my breathing and letting the air do the job by itself.
The worlds breaths in from your lungs every time you exhale, and the world breathes out to your lungs every time you inhale. This is the way I have to think about breathing, not the other way around. My body does not breath in from the mass of air outside it, it doesn't have that power, it just can't. It's the mass of air that breathes out to me. It's the air which breathes in from me.
Please forgive the tautology of my prose, I blame it on the Buddha.

>>10262309
>realizing more and more how I can't connect on a fundamental level with most people and have a general distrust towards most of society.
Do you know what a dissociative drug is? Stop consuming it so frequently and guess what? Your feelings of disassociation will start to fade. Also, the more you obsess over your feelings the more intense they will seem to become.

>>10262354
this
>>10262427

>>10261779
she doesn't care about your silence because she's fucking other dudes.

>>10262356
b urself

>>10262427
I've always been this way, even before drugs.

I suspect a lot of it is to do with having browsed 4chan since I was 13 (7 years ago).
And as a result, with the exception of TWO people, my best friend and youngest sister, I feel I have to "filter" my thoughts and actions and shit around everyone else.

Everytime I try to be genuine and open and honest with most people, I end up getting pushed away or basically let on to the idea I shouldn't have done that.

Not to mention the latter stems from every single romantic relationship I've been in, I've been cheated on in.
and with the exception of my best friend, I lose contact with my supposed friends.

And the few odd times I get someone to open up to me. (which usually only comes about by me "stemming" my personality around them (and once I feel comfortable enough to open up, like I said, I get pushed back)), I find I can only relate with them on a supericial level and most of their worries, concerns, and thoughts seem extremely trivial and uninteresting to me.

>>10262334
no, but I won't deny the influence of it from what i've heard on here, is the plot very similar?
I kinda wanted to write a short story, but I won't if its completely derivative

>>10262397

I realized the potential and have notes and a half-done draft ready, but I'm not skilled enough to write it the way I want to. I can't capture it with words yet.

>>10262438
>Everytime I try to be genuine and open and honest with most people, I end up getting pushed away or basically let on to the idea I shouldn't have done that.
What do you expect them to do?

>and with the exception of my best friend, I lose contact with my supposed friends.
This is part of becoming a functioning adult with less free time. Don't worry too much until you start not talking to anyone for a while.

>I find I can only relate with them on a supericial level and most of their worries, concerns, and thoughts seem extremely trivial and uninteresting to me.
Imagine if I felt and said the same to you after you opened up in this thread, that would be a rude thing to do, right? It wouldn't surprise me if you wanted to avoid someone like me after that.

Honestly, you should probably learn to be more self-aware before you obsessively self-diagnose yourself with some incurable circumstance.

>>10262449
I don't want to spoil the movie for you, but it does deal with the question of AI companionship and whether or not programmed love constitutes real love. You'll probably find it interesting

>>10262435

Should I also forget about my problems and think happy thoughts and do fun things or nah?

Be urself to u too mate thanks

It’s been a few days since i took my anxiety med and i’ve been feeling kind of jittery lately. Not nervous, but more like my nerves are just on edge. It’s sort of like the cylinders of an engine firing off out of rhythm. A sort of jolt or pop. It isnt very fun to deal with.

>>10262467
Not who you are replying to, but I don't like or respect what you've written in that post.

>>10262467
Be genuine themselves? The second I become comfortable to be genuine, I almost always can feel their attitude and interactions with me change, all of a sudden all of their genuineness is lost and they become more distant, or just come up with excuses if I try to ask if somethings wrong.

I've never said as much to anyone though.
Even if I don't feel that real connection there, I try to look past it and act as if I do.

I'm much more of a listener than I am a talker with most people.

I would never tell someone (even if I thought it) that I didn't care, and it's not a complete lack of caring on my part, it just seems like their problems are very trivial (especially when I put them into comparison with the shit I have to deal with in my life).

I don't say this, and I don't try to belittle them either, I try my best to be encouraging and helpful.

That isn't where the fault lies, that isn't when they stop being genuine.
If all I did was listen, I'd be fine. The more I listen to people, because I'm so good at it, the more they open up to me.

But if I open up to them, (both if I feel comfortable enough to do so, OR because they are encouraging me in some way to do so) afterwards, whether immediately, or shortly there after, they'll slowly drift away from me.

I'll give you the second point however, that is no doubt true.

>>10262379
Wasn't sure at first, but found a way to spin it in that direction. Thank you, anon

>>10259664
test post

>>10262480
>Not who you are replying to, but I don't like or respect what you've written in that post.
Do you disagree or was I just too mean?

>>10262484

No probs m8, thank /lit/. I was inspired by the prolonged dicksucking any author who references the epics or the Bible gets on this board.

>>10262477
Don't try and think happy just don't think at all.

>Be urself to u too mate thanks
your welcome

>>10262483
>But if I open up to them, (both if I feel comfortable enough to do so, OR because they are encouraging me in some way to do so) afterwards, whether immediately, or shortly there after, they'll slowly drift away from me.

I understand this problem. Which has made me anti-social. I don't care to talk to people much. They want their toys, their social drama, their culturally appropriate box of concerns to care about (in order to facilitate smooth social interraction). Well, smooth social interraction is all a bore and tiresome and meaningless.
Which is why actually speaking your mind is so radical and abrasive to most people. That you can't maintain people's attention or interest after the point where you are honest is to be expected.

Just bear this in mind: A true friend is hard to find. Don't you mind people grinning in your face.

>>10262494
I feel emotionally void half the time. When I don't think at all for a long time, I feel even worse for being an empty shell when the thoughts inevitably come back.

>>10262469
Thanks that does sound interesting. I'll try to see it while it's still running

>>10262434
This is entirely possible. Oh well.

>>10262483
>The second I become comfortable to be genuine
What is genuine and why can't you be like that all the time instead of waiting to be comfortable?

>Even if I don't feel that real connection there, I try to look past it and act as if I do.
You have to understand that there will never be anyone who understand you on some deeper level than you understand yourself. No one can read minds so no one can really know exactly how you feel. You are expecting too much from people.

>it just seems like their problems are very trivial (especially when I put them into comparison with the shit I have to deal with in my life).
If you genuinely want to make stronger relationships you probably have to change your mindset. These people may not be as eager as you are to preach about all the hardships they face. You have to be patient with most people. They all have minds independent from your own.

>If all I did was listen, I'd be fine. The more I listen to people, because I'm so good at it, the more they open up to me.
Don't let yourself be used like that that just results in the relationship being one-sided instead of more cooperative.

>But if I open up to them, (both if I feel comfortable enough to do so, OR because they are encouraging me in some way to do so) afterwards, whether immediately, or shortly there after, they'll slowly drift away from me.
You ever tried not caring whether or not they understand your feelings and seeing if something changes?

I'm the only one of my post-grad friends with a full time job. I still kind of envy them though. They've got girlfriends or are still in the college town. One of my friends has been hitchhiking across the northwest from Seattle to Denver. I wish I could afford that freedom. It is nice not being perpetually broke and independent from my parents for the first time in my life though.

People talk about social atomization in the West, but how does atomization for the average person compare to the crippingly solitary life a NEET anon lives? Or rather, to what extent do atomized lives come to resemble NEETdom?

The popularity of things like mukbang or shopping haul videos, or let's play videos, or anything where people vlog the most mundane things (what people call "friendship simulator" videos) makes me wonder about this.

>>10262507
>when the thoughts inevitably come back.
The more you practice avoiding intrusive, bad thoughts like you described, the better you get at not having them return at all.

I was once very obsessive compulsive, and whenever I would have a thought that I knew would deteriorate my mental state, I would think to myself "I don't have time to go through this again, I'll think about it later." Except when I inevitably had it again later, I told myself the same thing. Eventually, this practice helped strengthen my mind against negative thoughts because I was able to consistently overcome them. I hope this helps in whatever way.

>>10262529
NEETdom is voluntary. Social isolation of the average person isn't.

Anyone who watches boring vlogs is far from average. You need to be an autist to enjoy those "friendship simulator" videos.

>>10262543
>Anyone who watches boring vlogs is far from average. You need to be an autist to enjoy those "friendship simulator" videos.
This is empirically wrong considering the huge amount of views those types of videos get.

>>10262519
My "true-self," that I tend to hide in pretty much every public situation I find myself in, thinks the politically correct bullshit in society is awful.
Either you think the same way as everyone or you're ostracized.
So, in order to avoid this, I just keep my opinions to myself, and if directly asked, find a roundabout way around the question.

Hearing my coworkers about rick & morty, game of thrones, trump, etc.
It's very tiring, and I honestly have no interest in any of it.
But I don't say that I don't give a shit in the interest of not pissing anyone off, or myself facing some kind of social stigmatization.

But in addition, because of the court things in my life, because I take drugs I try to keep it amongst those I trust, the majority of "important" shit going on in my life, does not make for good conversation. and I try to keep it private unless I'm with someone I believe I can trust.

and I understand your second point, I'm not expecting people to read my mind. I'm just expecting a little less predictability and more open mindedness.
Which is why my best friend and I ARE best friends. We will talk about anything, and everything, sometimes nothing, we can say anything and know we won't offend each other, tell each other to fuck off, joke about how shitty our own lives are, or the others (such as joking about his alcoholic mother).
But, we both at the end of the day love each other like brothers.

I'm not expecting to have a connection like that with someone new out of the blue, but if I'm talking to someone, and they only act interested when I'm talking about meaningless crap, and not when I'm talking about shit that really matters to me, then I don't see much point in it.
I'm not going to be disingenuous for the sake of keeping them interested, and as a result, they tend to drift away from me rather quickly.

Your third point I feel does have some truth to it. But at the same time, I don't make connections with people by doing meaningless bullcrap, I'm not expecting their lifestory the first time we hang out.
But when the only conversation is meaningless small talk, I find there's little to interest me.

The fourth point, you also are correct.
However, I find MOST relationships I end up in, whether friend or romantic, I end up getting used.
I'm fairly laid back, and I like to help people, and I don't mind taking the back seat to help with others problems. But when the relationships always end up one sided, it's hard to not become jaded with people.

Your final point, yes I've "tried." But I can't do it.
I worry altogether too much. The more I get to know someone, the more attached to that person I become, and the more worried I become that they'll no longer find me interesting and leave me like everyone else.
Which ironically has at least once only made the condition worse, when it gets to the point where basically the only thing I can talk about is how worried I am about such things.

I please too much, and can't not.

>>10262198
This so much. It's morphed into this conflict between my desire to be around everyone I love and the hatred I feel towards myself when I interact with them. I either become incredibly uncomfortable and quiet, or start talking at length about these feelings. The latter of which has only happened with my closest friend who I have distanced because of all this.

It just gets worse the more I isolate myself. But honestly, I deserve it after all the fucking shit I've done. I'll just sit in the corner as a beautiful one.

>>10262529
I can't help but think that the leftist critiques of so many traditional forms of tribal solidarity, like religion, nationhood, culture, etc. contributed to the social isolation we feed today.

>>10262570
*feel today
i'm drinking

Weed jews out of Europe

I do not want you to go. I wish we could have met before. I will be crying 107 days, days that I am away from you. I do not know how can you stand me. Since the first day I saw you I've been dreaming with you. How do you feel? Do you really love me? Do you really meant it? Even though knowing that nothing is certain with me, I swear I will try to be good for you. I want to make you happy as much you make me do. I will miss you so bad. 107 days without a reason to be in the mood for love.

An Akita-Alsatian mix is best dog.

>>10262547
>Either you think the same way as everyone or you're ostracized.
>So, in order to avoid this, I just keep my opinions to myself, and if directly asked, find a roundabout way around the question.
Be honest. It is always better to be ostracized than to be dishonest, as relationships built on misperceptions will never fulfill what you are looking for.

>in the interest of not pissing anyone off
This is something you just must get over. Can you say you lived a fulfilled life if you only ever pandered to what random people think? Offending people is part of existing so you might as well understand that sooner than later.

>Which is why my best friend and I ARE best friends. We will talk about anything, and everything, sometimes nothing, we can say anything and know we won't offend each other, tell each other to fuck off, joke about how shitty our own lives are, or the others (such as joking about his alcoholic mother).
But, we both at the end of the day love each other like brothers.
Try not to compare new people to your best friend. New friends will never live up to the expectation.

>and not when I'm talking about shit that really matters to me
Like I said before you might come off as too eager to unload your hardships onto the expecting ears of people you barely know. This is negative in developing relationships .

>But when the only conversation is meaningless small talk, I find there's little to interest me.
Meaningless small talk is what gets the ball rolling on potential relationships.

>MOST relationships I end up in, whether friend or romantic, I end up getting used.
If you keep having similar results then change your approach.

>Your final point, yes I've "tried." But I can't do it.
In my other post >>10262539 I describe how I've overcome intrusive, negative thoughts. might help.

>I please too much, and can't not.
says who?

>>10262547
Do not expect anything from jobs, they are totally limiting
You have to play a role to keep your job
Don't worry that you can't be yourself at a job, you are not meant to be

Be yourself in every other situation though
You don't need friends, people who understand you
It is much more fun to be honest and have no friends than to be dishonest and have friends

Trust me.

>>10262623
>You don't need friends, people who understand you
>It is much more fun to be honest and have no friends than to be dishonest and have friends
this

A page of water
Beads down from
The pools of a
Flat based moon

They are not the hail
They never have been,
They are sorry excuses for raindrops
So
When you look up
And mistake them for galaxies
Know:
They are but torn pages
Of false circles

I want to encourage suicidal people to commit suicide just because it's basically the closest I could get to murder.
It's not that I earnestly want them to die, but what I really want is for me to be blamed for it. I want to know I'm the cause and that I had the ability to push them over the edge.
There was a thread a few days ago posted on /r9k/ where the OP said he was close to killing himself. Some people egged him on, some told him to kill other people before he did it, some wanted him to not do it. I don't know if he ever actually did.
I really wanted to encourage him, tell him it would be better if he just died. I especially wanted to tell him in my post to write a suicide note blaming an anon on /r9k/ and to write my post number. That would be ideal if he followed my directions, in regards to how I want it to play out.
However, some anons there were also talking about how police actually may sometimes find people who spur on suicides and may try to convict them, so I chickened out. Maybe one day I'll actually do it.
It's really damn edgy, I know.

I come home to my wife's shit cooking. I work a long day, a hard day, when I get home my bones ache and joints sting and all I want is a satisfying warm meal. What my wife makes is shit. Cold, bland, flavourless shit. It makes me angry when I eat it, but I can't show it because she worked hard to make it. It's not as though it's not edible. It's edible. But it's not satisfying. She can't tell the difference. If I get angry she calls me entitled, says I'm lucky to have food on the table at all, or tells me to make my own. She doesn't understand.

Art is distraction
Love is just lust combined with simple fondness
Happiness is genetic
Intelligence is genetic
Nature is amoral
Attraction is amoral
Suffering is inherent to life
You have no value except for what you can provide to others
Life is without meaning or ultimate purpose
Your mother is the only person who will ever love you unconditionally

>>10262356
If you commit suicide you will know the exact time and date. If you wait to die it will find you unexpectedly.

I've got the general framework of a story, along with all the characters and some events, in my head. How the fuck do I translate it to an outline, let alone a novel?

>>10262838
Write the framework, events and characters down then arrange them into the best narrative you can. Then start adding details and scenes as needed. Keep doing that. Eventually you'll have a novel.

>>10262821

Rick and Morty fan detected

>>10262848
what's that?

I'm thinking about how many words get written and posted in threads like these and how many people read them? Not many. Then they disappear. That's just this thread. All the words in all the threads across 4chan, read by a few, then disappear forever. All the words spoken by anyone ever to anyone else at any time. Spoken then gone again, just like that.

>>10262951
take solace in the fact that i'm reading your words right now, and but for a moment you're connecting with someone probably halfway across the world.

>>10259664
My teeth are slowly rotting, my diplopia's getting worse, but I have a cool job.
Maybe I'll be able to save enough money to pay for my treatments before it gets too bad.
Maybe the girl I'm working under will like my work.
I'm finally able to keep a fucking dream log consistently, and my dreams are getting more vivid every night (or at the very least I remember them better). This night I dreamt my father was a bum and we were sitting in an outdoors postal depot of some kind.
My guitar playing is getting better.
It's so, so cold out here, so dry and so beautiful. If only snow would come...
I haven't exercised in three days because I have a cold and feel too weak.

I can't wait to get back to the lakeshore in late december, put on a Santa costume and go write poems for kids on a typewriter in front of the train station

I can't wait to see my friends again and make music with them.

I haven't smoked weed in two weeks.
I haven't got blackout drunk in a month.
I'm smoking less tobacco. But still too much. I should switch to vaping again.
>>10262198
Also this, although it's mainly background noise nowadays more than a real thought.
>>10262270
Yup. I hope I can get well enough and have enough free time to go outside of the cricus again, and face the answer.
>>10262300
Speaking as a sexually frustrated 23 yo khv, fuck you. You're not entitled to "getting laid" or "experiencing intimacy" in any way. Rape can't be justified by "b-b-but I was horny !" I sincerely think you should reexamine your worldview.

>>10262438
Get sober for a month, acquire psilocybin, trip as safely as possible with the specific intent of regaining your ability for empathy.

In a way I feel grateful for understanding how unfair our bodies can be to us, how quickly it can all turn - there really is no justice in that sense, even for the most priviledged of us sometimes (though in my case cash sure would fucking help). The days when my eyesight is better I'm moved almost to tears (although I haven't been able to cry in a long, long time) by the simplest of things. A pidgeon sitting atop Lenin's head outside my window. The last leaves falling through the night air. The wide-open eyes of a cat.

Something is indeed blooming in the garden, une fleur de feu funambule, and time as tea is being sipped goes backwards once again, I can feel it, I can feel it, if I could only focus, if I only had a bit of time to unravel the thread of my memory and make a ball out if it, craft a fleeting artefact...

I love you all anons. Our time here is so, so short. Make the best of it.
Do not forget the tangled webs of time / that the faces of sages carved in stone do whisper
Go it alone
Go it alone

>>10263021
>Speaking as a sexually frustrated 23 yo khv, fuck you. You're not entitled to "getting laid" or "experiencing intimacy" in any way. Rape can't be justified by "b-b-but I was horny !" I sincerely think you should reexamine your worldview.
You misread my post. I'm not saying that male violence is justified, i'm offering an explanation as to why it exists. Nor i'm I saying that intimacy is owed to men, only that a lack of intimacy can be unbelievably alienating.

>>10263035
Fuck sorry about that, it's probably my leftist cuck bias (and a metric ton of projection), but it seemed to me it was worded apologetically (particularly because of your use of the term "snap"). I get what you're saying, though it remains a sociologically reductionist argument ; the premises don't seem very true to me as well. Is male violence on the rise ? Has male sexual impulse increased ?

>>10263048
Violence has been on the rise the past couple years, but it's still far from its historical highs. I actually borrowed my idea of loneliness and sexual alienation leading violence from Bill Maher of all people. After Elliot Rodgers did what he did, Maher had an interesting segment about how inundated we are as a culture with sexual imagery, and how if you're a young hormonal male who sees that sexual imagery everywhere he goes but for whatever reason can't experience it in real life, that leads to some sort of alienation that no one really talks about. It's like a malnourished poor person being forced to work at a 3 star restaurant

People historically understood how the male sexual instinct is tied up to the male violent instinct, but it's something we've forgotten over time.

>>10263069
Have you read Rodgers' manifesto ? The guy was fucked in the head way beyond your average sperg.
I really don't buy the whole idea that overexposure of young males to sexual imagery leads to alienation per se. Frustration, yes, but for it to become pathological and let it affect you that deeply other factors have to come into play.
I've always been high test as long as I can remember, never exercised, masturbated a lot - to porn too (although mostly pretty vanilla stuff), but the real frustration was always emotional - I mean yes, sex would be nice, but it's knowing that you have never been willfully liked enough by someone for them to allow you to enter their intimacy that really kicks you in the teeth.

>>10263069
>It's like a malnourished poor person being forced to work at a 3 star restaurant
Not really. Malnourished poor people, who actually could die from it, still don't go on shooting sprees in the restaurants despite having worked in them for millennia. Jealousy doesn't justify the killing of innocents

>>10263101
Justification and explanation aren't synonymous. The fact that an extreme reaction to a situation exists doesn't automatically invalidate the feelings of people in the same situation.

Rodgers being a lunatic is besides the point. The point is that the alienation lonely men feel is exacerbated by popular culture, not that men who feel like violence is an appropriate reaction to their loneliness are somehow justified.

>>10263115
I'm explaining the feeling of alienation through analogy, not justifying the actions of a serial killer.

>>10262469
WATCH THE ORIGINAL BLADE RUNNER REEEEEEEEE

>muh feel when no /lit/ BF to recommend books to me
>no /lit/ BF to chastise me for not reading his favourite poet and then hand me his well worn copy of said poet's collection
>no /lit/ BF who annotates his copies of books, or reads my annotations and discusses them with me

just need a passionate and dedicated guide for the literary world who will also kiss me sometimes and put up with my naivety...

Amore, salute lucente,
Mi pesano gli anni venturi.

So much stuff has happened in the last few days. I found out that I'm going to a place I've always wanted to visit soon, but I don't feel as happy as I feel like I should. I'm also moving house, but sometimes I feel like I'm leaving too early.
My friends have all been united for a really brief time but now we're all moving away from each other again, and I'm still yet to decide what I really want to do with my life or which direction I want to take it in.

I feel like I'm becoming increasingly overwhelmed but am simultaneously aware that I feel like this is just me overdramatizing everything, as I know it'll most likely work out in the en. It just all feels so oppressive in the current moment.

I wonder if God solely exists because men created it, and actually shaped their terrestrial world in accordance with how they think life should be to be compatible with Its will.

I wonder if one thing having a name is sufficient for this thing to actually exist.

>>10263503
>>>/x/19888134

She's perfect and just barely out of reach.

>>10262383
Real answer? Once you're prolific enough to have an army of sycophants.

>>10263215
>wanting a faggot for a bf

>>10263544

Don't waste any time moping over her and thinking about what could've been. You need to get used to defaulting back onto your own happiness and sense of self after you feel like you've taken an emotional hit over something.

Be confident and motivated with who you are and who you're trying to be and things will have a way of working out for you in time. The law of attraction isn't just a normie meme; it's quite real.

>>10259664
i'm obsessed with korean girls, they're the cutest

>>10259664
Wagecuckery killed my dreams of becoming a writer.

>>10263583
grow up anon

>>10263583
Yeah dude, I'm sure your part time burger king job totally destroyed whatever creativity you didn't have.

>>10263585
>says the unemployed undergrad

>>10263589
I work a 9-to-5, you faggot. I’m literally funposting from my phone at my desk right now.

Some cunt deleted (moved to r9k, technically) the last thread:
>>10259066 and I (the OP) got warned.
Either it's a new mod or somebody has suddenly decided, after 2 years, that these threads are off-topic.
This one might get deleted as well. I'm butthurt because this is the single consistently decent thread on the board. Does the 'feedback' section still work? Nothing new there since 2015.

>>10263592
wow, must be an oppressive, soul crushing job if you're able to fuck around with your phone all day.

You got it rough, man.

>>10263596
>the single consistently decent thread
>oh i feel so alone
>tfw no gf
>oh i feel so bad
>tfw no gf
>i wish i wasn't alone and had a gf
>tfw no gf
Based janitor finally putting you fags where you belong.

Quit my job last week. Kinda regret it.

>>10263592
He's got a point, you know. If you can post on 4chan, you can write. To take two extremes, I think wageslavery actually offers much more creative potential than NEETdom, but maybe that depends on the individual.

>>10263603
But that's not the topic of the thread, retard. Should it also be banned because people write about politics?

>>10263618
>checking 4cuck for a couple seconds every half hour means should be able to write, which requires you to sit down and focus for an extended period of time

Wew, faggot.

At least I’m able to read on the train during my commute to and fro work.

She

>>10263633
is

Met a cute girl at a bookshop today
She had a cute bob cut
tfw no bookshop gf

>>10263633
was

>>10263629
>oh my god I have to SLAVE away for 40 (FORTYYY!!!!!) hours a week
>I have absolutely NO TIME to do ANYTHING

>>10263628
It should be banned, because it's a pointless garbage dump.

>>10263629
>requires you to sit down and focus for an extended period of time
No, that's editing you're thinking of. Writing is what you're already doing, even if it's brief and useless blogposts.

>>10263646
You know what's more pathetic than someone digging through a garbage dump? Someone digging through a garbage dump, all the while complaining about it and denigrating others for doing the same thing.

>>10263673
>You know what's more pathetic
Yes, it's the
>heh you actually posted *in this thread* to tell something to people *in this thread* checkmate kiddo

>>10263800
I think you do, in fact, enjoy this thread. Think about it. Where else would you go to sperg out and try to collect bonus points for your future janitor application?

>>10262829
"I'm doing it tonight" and "I have 3 months left" is a whole lot different. What shook me up about my dream was the feeling of seeing everyone I care about for one last time, knowing there's no coming back.

With suicide, I wouldn't know if that's the last time I meet a person. No drama, no sadness, just a regular goodbye with no implication of not seeing each other anymore.

>>10260635
>The healthy mind is a bundle of permitted vices
What dost thou mean by this?

>>10263905
In the "healthy" mind, what could be attributed to most normals:
Happiness is permitted ignorance
Confidence is permitted arrogance
Love is permitted greed and lust
And so on and so forth.

>>10263915
How would you define 'vice'?
Consider this radical idea:
Lust is a corruption of love
Arrogance is a corruption of confidence
..and so on

>>10263633
has no style, she has no grace
This bitch is 50% of the populace

Queer theory is a fucking cancer spreading inside society. Fuck Judith Butler and her nonsense. You just can't pick a fucking gender like you're "picking clothes from a closet", this is retarded. Fuck this shit

>>10263928
I don't think confidence can exist without arrogance to support it
Love itself is greed, and lust is too

>>10263971
Why not?
>Love itself is greed
Is it? Even love for those who have nothing to give back? Are you talking only about romantic love?

>>10263964
Come on lad, you don't want to be on the wrong side of history do you?

I'm pretty hungry right now. Ask me anything.

>>10264031
explain how this theory is on the right side cause i just can't understand

>>10264278
I'm against it to, it was only a jab but nevertheless it's an argument these people sometimes spout.

I tried drowning myself when I was four years old and I often think that I succeeded and all of my experience has been a sort of dream. I have also been obsessing more frequently over the idea that all of existence is within my own mind and that every other person is just a fragment of the whole that is me. If I'm right then living is essentially just masturbation and if I'm wrong then I'm wildly deluded and not really fit to live. I had resigned myself again to suicide two or three weeks ago, yet here I am.

I feel like I accidentally got dealt into the hidden game but without anyone explaining the rules or that I'm playing or telling me what's going on or anything. People keep having expectations for me, apparently, but I don't live up to them, but nobody will just tell me what they want or expect from me.

>>10259664
i´m not sure where i´m heading in life

>>10262488
check'd

>>10263635
a

this world is a whore and i dont want to pay

>>10263503
Hol up.. so you sayin we wuz gods?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hvwr1-haDqk

>>10259664
I'm suicidal

>>10260635
Fuck you, stealing this.

>>10264380
lol get a load of this guy

I don't think the only value in life is pleasure, and I believe that suffering has value, but I can never articulate how exactly it does.
It feels wrong to say it doesn't, but I've yet to aptly explain why it does have value.
Anyone have a good reasoning for these beliefs?

>the derealization fog is back
no no no no NO NO

I've not masturbated in 6 days and now my dick hurts and I have to pee every 5 minutes or so

No person but the singular first-person.

Nobody will read my NaNoWriMo novel and now I'm sad

>>10265493
>guy
nice try lad

based jannies engaging in overmoderation encouraging the faggots on this board to fall for every cheap pathetic bait thread that comes their way, secure in the knowledge that daddy janny will delete it soon and so they can sperg-reply to it all they want, thereby providing those shitposters with positive feedback and encouraging them to post even more bait threads, flooding the board and decreasing the overall quality of all discussions by introducing the looming threat of anyone, for any reason, introducing any kind of bait at all, which every retard here will gobble up like a starving dog because they have no self-control from being babied all damn day, and also encouraging jannies to engage in even stricter moderation to the point of going overboard, deleting actual legitimate threads with good conversations in them, just out of fear that they might have some kind of shitpost hidden in their subtext and god knows you can't trust the literal children that inhabit this board to restrain themselves from replying to a shitpost
absolutely based

I don't know what to do.

>>10262546
The difference between 1 million and 1 billion is staggering - so the huge amount of views these videos get still doesn't represent the 'average'

>>10266360
News flash, there are Hundreds of thousands of videos with over a million views each on YouTube alone all about vlog type stuff.

college is really shitty
i wasn't prepared guys
also my retinas burn and getting a gf is hard when everyone is already dating someone else

>>10266577
Does that news flash come with a source? And implying? X amount of people who are interested in 'vlog type stuff' or 'friend simulator' is ___% of the population (/male) of age bracket 1, and 2, and 3, and 4 = _______

>>10266578
look guy
90% of college girls are unironically sluts, just chill out for a couple years and focus on making good friends - the kinds of friends you'll keep for your entire life. If you're lucky you'll meet a good girl anyways, and if not well so what. Male (and female tbf) friends you can rely on >>> low-tier gf who is unreliable.
are you a first year student? What makes college shitty?

>>10266578
>and getting a gf is hard when everyone is already dating someone else
open a good restaurant and/or strip club

Te extraño, papá. Extraño estar en tus brazos, extraño jugar contigo extraño tenerte ahí --para mi. Extraño escucharte hablar de carros, de tu trabajo en la agencia de Christler. Extraño ponerte atención. Extraño que me compres carritos de Hot Wheels cada vez que ibamos al super mercado. Extraño hacer una pista de carreras con gis en el piso de la casa, papá, y jugar a las carreritas contigo. Extraño admirarte, extraño que seas mi héroe. Extraño esa vez que me compraste unos tenis igualitos a los tuyos pero de mi talla. Extraño escucharte hablar de los Beatles sin parar. Extraño oírte tocar la guitarra. Extraño bañarme contigo y que se me hiciese gracioso que tu pecho y panza pareciesen una cara caricaturesca. Extraño que me dejaras subirme a todos los carros de display de la agencia donde trabajabas. Extraño esa vez que me intentaste explicar sobre administración sobre una servilleta.

Extraño tenerte en mi infancia, porque en mi paso a la hombría ya no te tuve. Y ahora estás conviviendo conmigo en este mismo mundo, bajo este mismo cielo, pero en otra parte. No te conocí yo siendo un hombre, no sé quien eres en verdad. No sé que cerveza te gusta, no sé si te cogiste a tu amiga que estaba buenísima en la preparatoria. No sé cuales son tus principios, no sé cuales son tus ideales. No sé que tipo de persona eres. Eres un extraño.

Te extraño, papá.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHqal-5YMX8

>>10266577
100s of thousands of videos with over 1 million views? that must mean that 100s of thousands of millions of people have seen these videos!! :^)

Marxism is going to come back and it will replace the self destructing capitalism

>>10266607
yeah freshman
wanted to take a year off but parents said fuck you and forced me in, now i'm probably going to bomb first semester. Next semester though i'll know what too expect so i got this
> i mean i could fuck sluts and even the girls with bfs but it would be immoral to do that (started getting /fit/, in otter mode)

I won't forgive myself; nor will I accept the forgiveness of another, not even that of god...though I long for nothing else in this world.

>>10266641
what did you do?

>>10266622
you sound like you'll be fine tbqh, gap year is for nolife rich kids
first semester is definitely the hardest, study hard for finals and you'll get over the worst of it. It's much easier to face down once you're used to living away from home and once you know what's coming next.
gl with your gains bro

>>10264027
i mean romantic love isn't even love. It's just a feeling, an infatuation.

>>10266644
Squandered life and love, all for nothing, all from cowardice. I see that now at the end, but it's too late for amends, and even were it not I refuse to make them. Mine is the end I deserve, none will have me now, least of all myself.

>>10266654
thanks
i'm not really sad just stressed, unlike the rest of /lit/ i don't have the time to experience existential dread

>>10266678
okay dude calm down
if you are in your 20s you'll be fine, just interact with people and you'll find someone to spark that love you once had.
you dooming yourself to solitude and unhappiness is just dumb in the fact that you're going to put yourself through hell over past mistakes
i'm not saying forgive yourself but don't send yourself to the gallows, live and learn

>>10259664
It's ok to spew my shit into the void here right?

I messed up in my last years of high school and killed my chances at getting into a good school, now I'm in community college and I hate it and I'm still doing as terribly as I was.
I don't have any ambitions or hopes or passions, I feel defined by what I consume, I've never produced anything of value in my life and I'll never feel as though anything I do is adequate enough.
I'm starting to hate my friends even though most of them are good people, I don't feel like I can talk to them about anything.
I'm afraid I'm falling back into the melancholy that I thought I escaped, that I've carried with me throughout most of my life.
Sometimes I wonder if I like sulking about all my problems, because I never do anything to fix them.

>>10266798
>>10266798
>Sometimes I wonder if I like sulking about all my problems, because I never do anything to fix them.
bingo
misery is recreational
as long as you're miserable you aren't productive
productivity is difficult and painful
and I don't mean getting a macjob or whatever
real productivity
doing what you want
or learning what that is
or becoming able to pursue either

I won't write you, I'll SHOW you.

>>10266820
Will I ever caress the soft flesh of the female form?

>>10266808
>misery is recreational
I like that a lot
Thanks, for real

>>10266832
Pray you don't, for I was a much happier man before I was ever involved with women.

I longed for it, but every time I have tried, I always end up falling harder then I thought possible, and getting used & abused, and cheated on.

and yet, because I try to be optimistic, and I am rather weak willed, I keep coming back to try again, only to get hurt once more.

Had I maintained romantic and physical disconnection past the age of 17 I would be pursuing my dream right now, not facing court charges, and not having depression and anxiety.

What should I masturbate to tonight?

too many things happen

If time is just us moving through the fourth dimension, then we're really long 4D noodles

>>10266846
that video of Natalia Grey where she tries to convince you to eat your own cum

>>10266859
>those sagging boobies
Yuck

>>10266846
https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph590366285abce

>>10266885
OK, I can get behind this one. Thank you Anonymous.

>Be me
>Study English at college
>Class on modernism
>Really enjoy the reading
>Jump to this afternoon
>Starting our final book of this semester
>Prof decides that since we started with our toes in realism we should end with our toes in post-modernism
>Sure, whatever, how bad could it possibly be
>Have to read Samuel Beckett's triple decker turd
>Reads like one of Will Smith's kids wrote it
>Can't even write a sentence
>No paragraphs
Somebody please tell me what I'm missing

>>10266915
Everything. Absolutely everything.
Some people just aren't into Beckett.
God damn what a fantastic author he was.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crTNJaTur1U

I think we're living in some variation of Fahrenheit 451. People can't have an opinion that wasn't fed to them by Buzzfeed or Fox News, reputable newspapers or magazines are ignored in favor of two-minute videos and infographics on social media, political discourse is being dominated by partisans who are more interested in being witty, provocative or clever rather than interesting or insightful.

Journalism is losing value thanks to that aberration known as "New media" and people who would rather read an article about having sex with a Native American girl while high rather than say, a report on the Myanmar genocide. Universities are being treated less as an institution of higher learning and more as an ideological battleground. People are jumping to the defense of rapists and sexual harassers just because they have the "correct" political opinions. You have an entire demographic group (NEETs) with no long-term goals and who only seem to exist to play video games, watch Netflix or mindlessly browse the internet.

alright it's raining now, really well and heavy raindrops, the perfect sleep noise. i didn't get my diary entry in today. here it is, then

today i was at peete's again just reading some, low off a drop in mood, the adderall nearing the end of its cycle, so i was very tired--taking in caffeine but it makes me more tired afterward. working on the essay some. it's fine enough.

i want to make out with a guy, and have him fuck the shit out of me, all passion and throes, thrusts, the works. slobbery wet kisses, the strings of saliva beading between our faces, him the control though: knowing what to do, where to bite and pushing his fucking hands into my hair and moving me bodily and him in control. tickling burn of nervous energy and testosterone, and we're fucking, and it's degrading: pushing my head into the matress--whimpering, eyelides squinted, blushed, yelling out something ludicrously humiliating--him just laughing and asking what i want like a fucking child and slamming himself into me. thick shoulder muscles. triceps. thick back muscles, too.

and i'm sitting there and finished up my drink; the sky that depressing gray that comes during winter, which i ought to be used to by now, but tonight it's so dark and throwing my mood in a fucking chasm. so i ask chris the barista guy (he knows me well enough and i think he knows it and means it when he tells me to have a good day) if working the corporate facade of politeness and smiles is difficult after so long. he says he's quiet and introverted most of the time but working here, the staff tell him, is like acting and i buy that a little: mostly sounds like he's in the gutter through his shift though.

so i leave and i'm sitting in the car and i just start crying. brutal. and probably it's loneliness and thinking about the dream, whatever shitshow of hormones the anti-deeps might've fooled around with, it's the likely culprit. but whyever i do that i just unload; and i never cry ever. but for some reason it feels really good. everyone around me is working so hard and they deserve sympathy, because it seems like nobody is super happy--for the love of christ, i know i could benefit from it--what with routines and facades: chris, ma, and the whole fucking neighborhood up in arms. i'm just delirious. so i loiter in a guitar store for a few minutes.

i don't want to play guitar anymore because it makes me sad: one of these instrumental fahey-ripoffs is the imaginary boyfriend. i play it working through the process, toying with rythms ideas chords whatnot, but after everything i'm just exhausted because all these songs are about imaginary situations and things i want. so i'll take a break from that.

now the rain sounds i'll go to bed--i'm fucking tired--and hopefully i'll have a dream about a cute guy maybe so that i can hug something. i need to buy a new bodypilow from target my spine's killing me during the day.

well shit it stopped raining. probably i won't be able to sleep now

I'm debilitatingly normal. It's pretty alright, I'm not too much about anything but at the same time I'm not worried about too much about anything.

1anons that like the classics
2ducky boy wants to write big
3writes from the midwest sticks
4anons are his market
5perhaps i cant turn these anonson?

1Wrote about madness
2wrote a colorful world
3wrote about love and sadness
4the highest of high fantasy
5but its not childrens fantasy so no one like ㅠㅠ???

Thoughts?

>>10262383
>How are you actually supposed to get over insecurities?
You never do, you just learn to live with them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvN2dZFROYM

Distraction is not an interest external to a primary pursuit. Distraction is a fear of engaging a primary pursuit for whatever reason.


Apartment: A box people can leave if they want
Apple: a fruit that tastes better sliced
Banana: a fruit that goes bad and turns black
Cigarette: tobacco wrapped in paper
Delaware: an American state
Door: a device for closing or opening rooms
Hail: cold hard rain
Hair: tufts of straw on a man or lady's head
Jail: a box people have to be in
Jungle: canopies, biodiversity, thick forest, tropical air, lots of sounds
Killing: unwinding a ball of yarn without being asked to

>>10266670
I agree. Too bad English has only one word, 'love', for several different concepts.

There's this girl I know whose birthday is coming up. She's going to have a small party at the end of the week and I've been invited to come. It'll just be something small, maybe 10 people or so, but I'm looking forward to it. The only problem is, I don't know what I'm going to give her as a gift....

The apartment complex she lives in has a large, wrought-iron gate at the front. When she first moved in, it was always open, so she never needed her key to get in. Thanks to a complaint, security now keeps the gates closed most of the time. It's no big deal, she just has to keep her gate key with her now. But I've watched her fumble around with a key chain while sitting in her car, trying to unhook the key so that she can open the gate without turning off her car.
I want to get her a gift that'd be useful... maybe I'll get her one of those key separators.

A few days ago she told me about some of the thoughts that plague her mind. She told me about how much she hates herself and how she deals with the pain by taking up vices. She told me about how she hates the image she sees in the mirror and how hard it is for her to develop an appetite for food. She told me about how she burns her feet with matches and I watched as she tried to hide the pain she was in when she sat on those burned feet the wrong way. I listened as she told me about standing on the top of a parking garage one night and thinking about what would happen if she jumped off.
I want to get her a gift that'd be useful... I want to give her my eyes so that she can see how beautiful she really is. Maybe then she could love herself the same way that I love her.

I guess I'll go buy her that key separator.

>>10267326
Be the friend she needs you to be. Give her your eyeball on a keychain.

>>10267265
>Apple: a fruit that tastes better sliced
Absolute bollocks
>Banana: a fruit that goes bad and turns black
They go black before turning bad

I'm so obsessed about getting a gf, I feel like I'm missing an huge piece about the human life. This is so absurd, somethimes I feel like I'm destined to die as a vir**n...maybe I should write more and think less about this

Before winter struck earnest, I would wander by the river and stare off into a small lake. I found benches perched overlooking an old cemetery, with names and memorials crawled into their flesh. It struck me as a terribly beautiful way to live out death, because forever their being was entwined to that moment, in this place, and the time that they lived. They were truly remembered by some, but others left mountains of mushed cigarette butts and carved hieroglyphics of their artifice into the very edifice of another’s memory. I sat on one of these benches the day before snow fell, and though the name is forgotten, “Get at ‘er” rang true. I felt this was somehow significant of something, so as I wandered up the cold hard beach, I found a rock; peculiar not because of location, but because of essence. It was polished, yet rough hewn, simple but layered, something small and utterly meaningless but also eye-catching and alluring. I took this rook with me in the pocket of my jacket, and found an old red checker, or perhaps a poker chip, a few steps away. This beach, overlooking the cemetery, had a certain significance I couldn’t place, and while joggers plodded by, they all thought it odd that I was kicking leaves in the fall.

>>10267528
Why didn't I think of this?

>>10267326
Why not burn your palms, then massage her feet; as the ichor and detritus coalesce your mutual humanity will ring true. The popped pustules of pain and sorrow will blend and meld into a shared pain, deep catharsis. When she pulls away and asks you to stop, gently lean down and give her tender kisses so she may kiss you back on your battered appendages because you both suffer the same aliment in different aspect. You suffer from a lusty, haughty desire to live something lost, and she suffers from a dreary apathetic desire to drift into ease.

Together you will forge a bond that lives beyond time, and the infection you share will be one of true love, living and nurturing your very beings. Then, when the time is right, remove your pocket knife and trim some free flesh. A feast of shared flesh lurks palpable just beneath the surface. After all, isn't that what every girl wants?

>>10259664
sex

>>10268059
Ah young lover, it seems you're lost, but I have just the thing to wrap you in the folds of rapture, and send you off to sweet bliss.

If your flesh-lust finds you wanting, why not indulge your fantastical mind in scintillating fiction? You strike me as the type to censor your thoughts, to mediate your desires, and to force ideas that may-or-may-not exist out of your mind for fear of capitulation. This is not what I want. What I want is for you to touch pen to paper, and scratch out an odyssey of your teenage plight. Terrible is the weight you bear, but bear witness to the consumption of self in the catalog you create. Tell me a tale of trial and error, of success and failure, then together we will drink it in like absinthe over a cube of sugar. In our shared delirium we will laugh and cry as one, but in the end, our shared fate is mutual.

We are brothers of the knife, and in this life like our next our plight is to carve a swathe into those who can't comprehend; to sample the nubile flesh of creation. It just takes time, nurture it well, and when you feel the hunger, revulsion is the first step to blissful, bloody mouthfuls of human meat.

>>10268185
>>10268154

you are too dumb to love me

>>10267030
Truly NEETs have the right idea.