/lit/ - Literature

just got done fapping and it's only 8:30, i feel like i still have the whole night ahead of me to do productive work, so stoked

>>10062916
I would like to be a writer who can make a living from it but I know that I'll likely end up living in a homeless shelter if I try that so I just fill myself with resentment and after three years I'm going to graduate with a degree in accounting which I've breezed through but hate what I study. One part of me wishes that I tried to feed this passion because it's never left me for a day. I'm going to become an accountant for my entire life and want to kill myself because of how much I dislike doing g it.
I've been told by my friends that if I loved writing so much I'd have created novels just for myself at this point and I didn't need to get anything I love published if I actually loved it and I came to the. Conclusion that they're correct because I've never gotten over five thousand words and because of this revelation my life has been spiraling down. I used my money for books on garbage out of a sudden bout of impulse and have been identified by my professors already.
I have likely delayed my graduation by six months and have nothing to show for it, not even a badly written story. We often think about how my life would've been if I decided to write full time and I came to the realization that I'd have been worse off than I am now, or at the minimum at the same level of depression but in a worse off place.
I do t k ow what my future holds but I've decided two months ago that I'm going to write a thousand words a day and today I can proudly say I hit sixty thousand words. Thank you everyone.

>>10062916

I started the iliad a couple weeks ago but had no idea who any of the gods other than Jove were, put it down to see if I could find a list of who was who (In a sort of Jove= Zeus way) , but I never found anything and I haven't touched it or any other book since.
Feels bad.

I confessed to a girl while I was drunk.
I don't remember if she friendzoned me or not (we haven't talked about it), but that act gave me a lot of courage to do more stuff. Now I want to start a literary magazine.

i think i'm actually going to quit /lit/ and not out of some feat of willpower, more like it's not that good anymore, ya ya i know it was never good, but like i no longer feel like im shitposting with smart people, i mean there's one or two left, but mostly it's just kinda normie tier shitty idk man

>>10062916
money and vice-versa

>>10063365
i see u

>>10062916
At first I thought that that ayy lmoa eye was a mummified vagina that had shot out dust because of how old it is.

>>10062916
Generally people want to forget the wrongness in the absolute denial of communication involving human interaction. And this is the very foundation of the police. The omnipresent force that, if any of their number are so inclined, can abuse, backed by the a power of millions that might as well be god-like. Basically a giant gang that cannot be contended with, a godlike presence, not benevolent but randomly aggressive, perfectly willing to end your life you should you voice your desire for a human level of interaction that didn't involve the threat of lethal force. Being pulled over by a police officer is to enter a world where your liberty is temporarily absolutely forfeited. You have one of two options: die or comply. This is an affront to human life. At least in ages past people would simply barge into your house and murder your whole family, but if you were so inclined you could exact revenge with sheer force and intent. Muster a militia, an army, and annihilate your transgressors. No such thing now. It is an absolute malevolent entity bent entirely to control, to extract every ounce of dignity from human life with absolutely no exit.

Coming up with a creative process is hell. Every time I get to work on my short story I often will type an entire four paragraphs, after which I'll delete most if not all of it. Right now my short story is, coincidentally, four paragraphs long; I started it 5 days ago. In the past, the way my story would be structured just came to me and I could knock it out in a day or two. Those stories weren't just B.S nonsense stories akin to what you'd probably find on fanfic.net but according to my critic, being my English professor, they are good stories.

Maybe it's just the fact I quit writing them for a while but god, trying to write them now is hell and cringe-inducing. The fact I can't write as comfortably as I did a couple of months ago brings me into a minor depression.

>>10063573
That's just not knowing how to write. It's fun to dream up stories, but when you get down to it you don't know yet how to put it on the page. Keep at it. It will not be as good as you like at first, but as painful as it may be to acknowledge, this is your skill level at the moment. You will improve as long as you face it and plow on.

>>10063607
(Meaning that your critical skills improved more quickly than your writing skills. It happens to everyone. Keep at it.)

>>10062916
I thought this was a picture of a porcelain face laying in a pile of dust from its shattered half

>>10063489
Keep crying little baby
>My freedom becomes complete only when it is my — might; but by this I cease to be a merely free man, and become an own man. Why is the freedom of the peoples a “hollow word”? Because the peoples have no might! With a breath of the living ego I blow peoples over, be it the breath of a Nero, a Chinese emperor, or a poor writer. Why is it that the G... [German] legislatures pine in vain for freedom, and are lectured for it by the cabinet ministers? Because they are not of the “mighty”! Might is a fine thing, and useful for many purposes; for “one goes further with a handful of might than with a bagful of right.” You long for freedom? You fools! If you took might, freedom would come of itself. See, he who has might “stands above the law.” How does this prospect taste to you, you “law-abiding” people? But you have no taste!

>>10063489
real edgy fag, fuck the police but of all the many times i've been arrested there was never a time i didn't deserve it, then when i finally stopped, you know, committing crimes, suddenly i never got arrested or so much as harrassed by the cops again, amazing how that works

>>10063873
This is what an intellectual catamite looks like

>>10063362

>>10063885
fuckin busted! damn

no but i never said cold turkey im just sayin my posting is sort of petering off

actually i quit /lit/ for a year once, which considering how good it was back then and how shit it is now, i kind of regret it, but maybe if i quit again for a year ill come back and all the redpill kekistan fag shit will have gone out of fashion

>>10063891
I dunno man, your initial comment really bummed me out. I really like this place, or what it used to be, I just want people to be happy here.

I used to write a fuckton of erotica on websites that catered to my depraved fetishes. I've given it up, mostly, but sometimes when I'm trying not to fap but have managed to arouse myself I'll open up a Pastebin and write out something, only to close the tab when I've finished. It's actually pretty helpful for defusing things.

And before you ask, I'm now a much more devout Catholic, so I'm in theory on permanent nofap now.

I'm reading Thoreau right now, but he's surprisingly tough. The given topics and his opinion on them are clear enough, yet trying to parse lines in Walden one-by-one leaves me with middling confidence at best, and total confusion at worst. His thoughts zig-zag and turn around with such frequency that it's not pleasurable to read at all - I only do so for the ideas. And this is unique to Thoreau; I can read Shakespeare and co. just fine.

Oh well.

>>10063972
post us a hard one and let us be the judge

I want to go back when we were 14 years old and we used to be and to do everything together and it was all of it innocent even though sometimes our conversations were about curious sex, I find them now, cute. I have compared our old conversations with the current ones and what happened with us? I do not want to say we are a pair of degenerates now but I feel it like that. Do not you remember or freaking everyday chat about freaking doctor who? Or when you used to tell me about your problems with your family and how you used to cry in front of me because you were sensitive to everything around you? Or when we used to be so dependent of each other? We made goals. You did not talk about how many people you have screwed or what new drug have you tries or how depressive you were. I miss you, I know you are not coming back but what a good time. I miss me too,I should not be so hard on myself maybe I should just open to new experiences as you did. But even though I have tried it, I really can't, it just does not feel right and I do not feel good.

>>10063985
it said post whats on your mind not ur fuckin diary

>>10063985
Too many typos, sorry I'm on my phone and feeling sad

>>10063989
Fuck u

>>10063985
>>10063990
Bitch nigger, I'd give my left nut to retroactively experience mutual sexual love during my sexually formative years. It really makes me angry that this is something you think to complain about

>>10063972
Read his journal on the side. Really illuminating.

Oops! I did it again!
Oh… oh baby…
“Oh for God’s sake!” I hear someone yell.
Parenthesis.
Eighty-two! Four!
The number cocaine!
I do math!
Oh God! Jesus Christ!
Make it stop!
“Why are you looking at me?” the young woman asks.
Oh God… this is hilarious!
Tape recorder.
I am keeping a record.
Somebody get me some God-damned scrolls!

I want to be an author who creates worlds people find fascinating and whimsical, and characters people like and talk about.

I know neither of those things are very likely because I'm a nobody with no connections and I'm poor as dirt, living in bumfuck nowhere.

I have no future, and I am well aware of it. I can't even get a job as a cashier somewhere.

>>10064035
>want to be an author
Write

>>10063315
go for it, m8
you have it in you

>>10064043
i am
i have a book that is nearly finished
that doesn't mean much though, because i know it won't get published, so the best i can do is self-publish

>>10063984
"Much it concerns a man, forsooth, how a few sticks are slanted over him or under him, and what colors are daubed upon his box. It would signify somewhat, if, in any earnest sense, *he* slanted them and daubed it; but the spirit having departed out of the tenant, it is of a piece with constructing his own coffin, - the architecture of the grave, and "carpenter," is but another name for "coffin-maker." One man says, in his despair or indiffetence to life, take up a handful of the earth at your feet, and paint your house that color. Is he thinking of his last and narrow house? Toss up a copper for it as well. What an abundance of leisure he must have! Why do you take up a handful of dirt? Better paint your house your own complexion; let it turn pale or blush for you. An enterprise to improve the style of cottage architecture! When you have got my ornaments ready I will wear them."

Context: It's the end of a passage detailing his refutation of household ornament and luxury

The point is clear, but his style isn't, and I don't get what the last few sentences mean at all. The whole book is like this: Ideas mashed together in a sort of staccato that ruin the flow by forcing you to read things two or three times just to grasp them. I've read several novels from the same time period, but it's never been such an issue.

>>10062916
I'm feeling pretty apathetic about everything but >>10063996 has me sympathizing. I didn't have any form of sexual/romantic contact until I was like 20+. How are you supposed to develop into a well-adjusted member of society when you've been almost entirely excluded from the most formative cultural/acculturative practices we have? How not to be a neurotic autist? And why are there so many of us?

>>10064049
ya u rite, it sort of gets fuzzy at the end there

>>10064054
the worst part in my case i know it was all my fault, there were a few times in my life when i was on normie track but i always autism out and become a recluse n shit

>>10064054
I'm 28, and I have never.
Simply put, you can't. You cannot develop into a well-adjusted, normal, socially successful person if you are your entire life left out these formative social experiences.

>Why are there so many of us?
Many reasons, but they can be boiled down to poor parenting.

I find myself wondering why my reasons for writing are so autistic. I have precious little interest in getting published, but have a hazy intention to do so within the next three or so years.

For me writing is a cognitive exercise, a means to get the brain going, to flesh out my representation of the world, and deepen self-understanding. The thought of it as a craft and the role of the writer as tradesman hardly arouses any response on my part.

I think it's a shame because I do believe some of my stuff is genuinely good and is better than a lot of the stuff out there, and could withstand critical scrutiny. A talent kept to oneself is a talent wasted.

>>10064061
>You cannot develop into a well-adjusted, normal, socially successful person

the worst part is with gay rights and gay marriage and shit you can't even let people believe your gay cuz some big titty bitch will ask u to bring your bf to the christmas party or something, so now autistic people are even more isolated and weird looking, face it, outside of tech no one gonna promote a weird dude who never gets laid, and even inside tech since the "tech bro" replaced the neckbeard even tech is getting too normie

>>10062916

I want to die.

>>10064057
Yup. I skimmed through a few later chapters, though, and the prose is eloquent. The first chapter, "Economy", looks to be the only one with that style. Weird, but I guess that's that.

>>10064054
>Why are there so many of us?
What >>10064061 said, and lack of socialization with people your own age. Also the idea of monogamy.

I want to die every day. Stirner is great for escaping the delusion of morality, but once that threshold is crossed, I find nothing on the other side. Not in the sense of "oh woe is me there are no answers," in the sense that I cannot find a single human being who really understand the concept of a union of egoists. I mean, I used to have male friends with whom I could have an honest and intellectually stimulating conversation, but I've lost touch with all of them since they moved on past college and I dropped out and moved home. I don't find meeting people within a pretense, like school or work, to be fruitful anymore, and all the people I meet spontaneously are goddamn philistines who are only interested in material gain.

It is getting to the point where I only find contentment in the glutting of my rage. Perhaps the collective impotent rage of ourselves and the 52 million Chinese men denied access to sex will amount to something

>>10064114
nothing wrong with material gain my dude, just because youre not getting any ass doesnt mean u cant hoard shekels

>>10064118
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it, I'm not at all interested in it as an end in itself (like the shekel hoarder).

>>10064054
>>10064061
I didn't have sex until right after college. Girlfriend came later than that even.

I slowly figured out how to socialize and now I'm super likeable.

(I highly recommend The Fine Art of Small Talk by Debra Fine.)

>>10064124
Thank you for the recommendation and perhaps I'll read it, as I could be much better, but it isn't like I don't know how to socialize. I do. I just failed to attract anyone in High School due to low self-esteem, failed to do so again in College due to depression, and then failed to move into the real world and so I no longer have any opportunity to meet female peers. I don't remember the last time I spoke to a woman my age.

I'll also say that failure to make a network of friends leads to failure to attract women. I always only ever had a few buddies and had a bad habit of self-isolation to avoid humiliation.

If I did I wouldn't be in this thread

>>10063972
That's how I feel when reading Thoreau too. It's not until a few pages that I start enjoying his writing, it's so hard to adjust to.

>>10063915
Be sure to ask St Angela of Foligno to pray for you

>>10064124
Similar story here. I eventually got /fitlit/ in college and entered into society after some difficult humps. Currently have had a girlfriend for 3 years and am ostensibly flourishing in grad school, but I fill often feel weirdly unfulfilled and frustrated about my (lack of) early formative experiences and can't help but occasionally sperg out while socializing, which is starting to become an awkward chore again.

>>10064148
>awkward chore again

i was actually listening to the smiths today for the first time in years, not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing

>two lovers intwined
>pass me by
>heaven knows i'm miserable now

>>10064135
I'm shy so I had to learn how to socialize but probably the key factor in getting decent with women was that I was willing to try to make friends and talk to girls. One of my girlfriends I met through a new friend who wanted to set me up. Another I met from going to a triple birthday party where the only person I knew was my sister. (She and two friends shared the same birthday.)

It's hard to get out of your comfort zone and I definitely fucked up doing it sometimes but it worked out eventually.

One of Fine's ideas is that you never know where your next job, your next friend, your next girlfriend, etc is going to come from so you should talk to anyone and everyone.

>>10064061
>Many reasons, but they can be boiled down to poor parenting
We're responsible for our own actions. Hey, we might be a bunch of sad fuckers but at least we write books.

>>10064212
i can socialized normally at this point but i just never learned those queues like how to escalate to fucking or whatever, i mean sometimes if it's totally obvious the chick wants dick, but like when i can tell a chick is down im just like idk

>>10064220
there are a couple instances where i was literally in chicks bedrooms and didn't fuck, god im retarded

>>10064212
I don't remember the last time I met a new person. It is so rare I talk to anyone in real life. It's a mess and I don't know how to fix it because my life is so stagnant, nothing ever changes. I am very worried about my future because of it, but I've made such a mess of things by not forming a network that I feel like I can't move forward. I am constantly alone.

>>10064214
Yes, we are. But so much of our early, formative years, our parents were responsible for putting us in situations where we can learn to socialize, encourage us to socialize, encourage us to do things that will make people like us. If we don't learn that from them, who will we learn that from?

I know that I will only put forth my best efforts when I am afraid of failure, but i am too afraid afraid of failure to put forth my best efforts.

>>10064224
get a job, beyond a paycheck it's like joining a little clique, that can get you started

>>10064228
I wish I could. There is no opportunity in this town (13% unemployment rate) and I'm basically unemployable anyway.

I'm sorry. I don't want to just sit here and blog about how I fucked up my life. I'll stop.

>>10064232
sign up for classes in something somewhere, even if you already have a bunch of degrees, just do one for fun, or if you already have "useless" degrees, do a more vocational one, etc.

daily deal on audible is 2 hour reading of aesops fables for 99 cents, cop or not?

>>10064220
>>10064223

It's not easy by any means Anon. It takes practice to catch the hints, and even then some women are more cryptic than the enigma.

The only thing that helps is exposing yourself to experiences like that. You won't quite understand why, but you'll get the hints after a while.
I know it's easier said than done but don't be afraid of failure. That's how you learn.
Every social person has a few humiliating stories about dating or relationships. It's nothing new, shit happens.

>>10063362
>normie tier shitty
You seem like you're a part of the problem

Your best bet is to leave 4chan in general. Recently someone on biz was asking how he could get traffic to his BuzzFeed clone and he didn't even know about Facebook ads. He was too stupid to google "how does buzzfeed get traffic", too out of the loop to know anything.

On this board people talk about submitting work. I just saw one smart guy mention using live journal or Reddit instead as a better alternative.. how have you people not heard of Medium or thought catalog?
Post on Medium, shill, leave detailed comments on other related posts, gain a following and you'll have all the weight you need to submit whatever you want. Probably to another online publication that probably also runs in Medium, like the Awl.

4chan is full of idiot children that would gain more by spending their time elsewhere. Where? I have no fucking clue. Maybe outside.

>>10063489
Clearly listens to Peter Moleyneux

>>10063873
I've had legal run-ins too. I don't have them anymore but I still think there are problems with the legal system in the first world - at least America.

There is no equality in the eyes of the law. If you can't pay to play, then you get fucked with a public defender. On one occasion my public defender's assistant (that's who often represents you in a busy district lol) was coached by the DA on what to say, right in front of me. Cops also planted evidence. On another, my accuser didn't show up to court - just me and someone that supported my side of the story. My public defender's assistant still convinced me to take the charge. She said I couldn't do otherwise. I was 18 and didn't realize that was a lie.

Whether or not I was guilty doesn't matter. If I would've had money to pay for a lawyer, I would have no record. Everyday people with money get away with crime. High level executives involved in systematic white collar crime are notorious for never being charged.

There's even a name for the prosecutors that continually fail to charge them: the chickenshit club

https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/07/05/books/review/the-chickenshit-club-jesse-eisinger-.html

Health insurance is also sub par if you don't have a great plan, but then again I think that's more a problem with the medical field in general. Lot of baggage there.

Taxes and things like car registration.
Historically they've had a candle tax, and you needed a liscence to make candles. Times haven't changed. You need to pay just to drive your car, and if you decide not to drive it for a year you have to pay like $60 for that too.

I remember the first time my dad stole from me, when I was very young. I was really into collecting coins. I almost had all 50 for each state, and a few coins from other countries. One day I woke up, and they weren't were I placed them the night before. I panicked and searched the entire house. I was very upset. My dad confessed later to using them for gas money. A line had been crossed, and it wouldn't be the last time he would steal from me. I gave up that hobby shortly after.

I'm bored out of my mind. I should just got to bed but I'm not tired. I don't feel like reading either.

The other day I got so bored in class that I started hoping that an active shooter would burst into the hall. . .anything to relieve the monotony.

>>10064514
Stop LArping as a troubled artist.

>>10064515

?

I'm going to do it. I'm going to drink coffee black for the first time.

Wish me luck /lit/

>>10063362
The sooner you accept your hatred of your outlets and your behaviours stems from your listless and directionless life, the quicker you can just come to grips with the nature of existence.

Which is nebulous malaise.

And eventually death.

Having a girlfriend is hard work if you're an insecure fuck. Even though you know she loves you and you love her your mind does wander. You wonder what's she doing. Who's she with? Does she make you as much a priority as you make her? Should you artificially cut back how much you care for her? Is that behaviour toxic for the relationship? Does it set a precedent for her to start caring less and less. It's amazing how I can ignore a text sent by my friend but with her I have to pick up the phone and reply instantly. She makes me lose control. It makes me feel weak and dependant. I want to be anything but. I need to find patience. I need to give her a chance to miss me. Not because I want to but because I should. I should make her miss me. Not by caring less. Not by being unavailable. How do I do that.
It's 6 AM and I haven't slept so I'm sure this post will mostly make no sense

>>10064583
Stop with the romantic idea of her. She's not yours and you clearly should chill.
Eventually things will get better for both of you (she feels it btw, it's not yours only)
>been there, done that

>>10062916
God, I wish I had that much cocaine at the moment.

>>10062916
I wish I was a chad that everyone looks up to and that I was with the girl im crushing on who probably thinks im a psychopath
I wish that i could very easily be very efficient with my time so that i could accomplish whatever needed to be accomplished to a good quality and quickly, so i can become successful, and then become a master in sort of everything and cultured too

But

How does Ayylien know what cocaine is.

When Sufjan says "I know you won't get very far" in Djohariah it also means "I know you" - the inference of Mind through interpersonal relation - won't get very far.

>>10064114
hello r/incels

>>10062916
I feel like I'm flying over the sky, like I'm floating over the ever gazing sky and the clouds are far beneath me.

I can spread my wings and fly away for I'm an owl, I cross the midnight and among the horro of the darkness I feel the wind cutting on my wings, feels good man.

I'm in love.
She's not that pretty but she's interesting. I love her attitude, humor and future plans, but the thing I love more than anything is that she's the first woman (and person) that makes me feel inferior and weak. She is better than me at anything, both academically and socially. When I'm with her I feel like trash, but she's also the only person that's been able to fill the empty void of loneliness that devours my soul. I'd love to stay with her forever, but she can easily choose someone better than me.

I've been diving into Buddhist literature and sutras and am totally captivated by it but I can't reconcile throwing away thousands of years of ancestry to end my line (I'm the last male in my family) and live celibately. It's tough brahs

How do I stop having a nostalgia for a time I didn't live in. Anytime I look at old America or old Europe I just get this gut wrenching feeling in my stomache as though I long to go back.

At fourteen I fantasized about my life today. Today I fantasize about my life at fourteen.

>>10067456
fuck you i never asked for these emotions

i'm facing a dilemma.
>i want to rekindle my interest in reading, to make sense of and clarify my worldview, to become articulate and well-reasoned, and finally to forge the principles i desperately need at this point in my life.
>i want to put myself out there, to treat my social isolation, to make new friends and connect with people, to have a social circle i can turn to when i'm lonely, and to cure my autismo and join the normies and be just happy

but these two paths contradict each other. what to do?

>>10067341
Try not to be insecure anon. It's holding you back. Just go out and do your best and it will all work out ok.

>>10067475
>but these two paths contradict each other

Do you actually believe this?

>>10067456
i hate that this made me feel this feel and also the feel that I couldn't come up with a feel like this feel
FUCK YOU

>>10063285

waiting to fap until roommates go to bed because I don't want to be interrupted, I am too jittery to do anything but shitpost and am also bored of shitposting

oh god oh god I am mentally ill kek happy xd face what's up youtube? Sitting here rocking in this bed typing on this computer you know what it is. uhm thinking about sam hyde and genocide and genetic determinism and you know i am on that crypto game. I am now seeing in my head a lovely woman from behind in a big field of tall Mexican grass.

>>10063328

dude ffs it's on wikifagia, also shit translation

I'm about 2 weeks into ny recovery from depression and I'm feeling great right now. Everything is going much better, I'm in a better mood, and it seems to me like the sky is the limit. I just hope I don't fall again.

>>10067530
I don’t understand how this comment is constructive, or encourages the reader to think more deeply about anything. It appears to me that this comment’s only purpose is to display the cleverness of the author. Unfortunately, despite the collective efforts of the commentariate, we do get infiltration from those who are apparently determined to give the impression that they are incapable of parsing an entire piece of writing and reading it as a whole.

As has been previously noted (regular readers will be aware) we (that’s the “Royal we” — fellow commenters, occasional contributors such as myself and the moderator team) are engaged in an ongoing attempt to keep the quality of comments at its former impeccably high standard. Sadly, this is more of an effort than it should be.

And as a writer, it is rather tiresome having to try to explain to the occasional numpty who happens across a post basic reading comprehension skills, how to follow an argument when it is constructed long-form and the ability to master data interpretation.

And I’ve just caught up on all the subsequent comments on this page. All the other commenters have managed to make coherent and intelligible contributions that furthered my understanding or gave me something to think about, because they took the trouble to type more than a single sentence. I don’t agree with everything that’s been said in other comments. Quite the opposite in a couple of cases. But at least I understand what was expressed and the intention behind it.

>>10067341
Distance yourself from her.
>>10067523
Don't jerk off tonight.

>>10062916
I wish Robert E. Howard had lived longer.

>>10067533
whatever this shit was was written by a total utter fag! how banal it is to be picky about quality of posts on a, forgive me, Venezuelan Pork Sausage Conclave. Small little bitch pussy ass hoe nigger gook spic kike slopehead zipperhead negroidus maximus potentious minimus tonegongee marmalist, gengkus?

>>10064514

Iktf senpai. i also know that feel when drugs were the perfect cure but can't afford them anymore

>>10067484
i only have the time and the willpower to focus on one

>When, by an edict of the powers supreme,
>The Poet in this bored world comes to be,
>His daunted mother, eager to blaspheme,
>Rages to God, who looks down piteously:

>'Rather than have this mockery to nurse
>Why not a nest of snakes for me to bear!
>And may that night of fleeting lust be cursed,
>When I conceived my penance, unaware!'

Fuck.

Sometimes I wish I didn't have a job so I could focus on my youtube stuff. But, maybe I'm better off this way, because I feel I could easily fall into sloth if I didn't have a reason to get up every morning. I'd probably become a weirdo hermit in less than a month, like I did for an entire year after I graduated. Maybe I ought to have a live-in girlfriend. Maybe if I wasn't alone, I'd avoid falling into a hedonistic spell of too much drinking and jacking off and no work getting done. I'd have someone to keep up appearances for. I hear you shouldn't look for a romantic relationship to fix something about yourself, but the thing I want to fix is a sense purposelessness and loneliness. I need structure in my life. I need a routine. I have a work routine covered, but once I get home, its hedonistic sloth until I go to work the next day. Its unhealthy. I need a grill to tell me to pick my clothes off the floor and to give me a reason to leave my house.

>>10067596
Post your Youtube stuff and I'll subscribe and watch, don't really feel like doing anything else right now

>>10067374
There's no need to become a monk or be celibate to be a buddhist. Though different vehicles handle this differently. In vajrayana buddhism you can be a practioner of the highest caliber and have a family, there's no problem, everything in your lifes becomes practice.

>>10067456
Put that in a story, anon. It's gold.

ALOOORSSS DITE MOII SI ELLEE EST JOLIEEEEE PLUS JOLIE QUE MOIIIII

Everybody is stoned except me. Also the phrase "As is my wont."

>>10067623
Thank you very much.
>>10067459
>>10067489
Glad I could help.

>>10064135
it's even worse when you realize, years later, how many girls you'd have gotten that were obviously into you, but you were just too autistic to notice/care because you couldn't wait to get home to play wow/league all day

>>10067532
I hope you find happiness and sadness and all the other emotions that you forget when you have depression.

Today in my head I wrote a facebook post about how I became a billionaire by trading meme coins and then debated if I should post it and be LARPIN christian gray irl

>>10067982
btw I forgot to mention that I'm a neet and have 0 on my account

I'm incapable of appreciating/deriving an emotional response from art, particularly music and painting.

>>10064539
How the hell was it?

>>10067623
I tried to draw Kafka. pls r8.

>>10067456

No no no no

Black rain in our lifetimes

>>10068158
nice.

I feel inhuman. I can never simply act in the moment, allowing the my judgement to carry me through. I'm always analysing the meta. I'm not even intelligent either. Not that I'd want to be, it seems pretty shite.

I think I'm going fucking crazy. I had a feeling of either awakening or sinking into a dream last night, I don't know what it was but I felt intensely wakeful, conscious, aware. The meaning of everything had changed suddenly and irreversibly and there was no reason that I should exist, and it mattered nothing that I should cease or continue. I was aware of some residual desires, or things that had once been desires turned to objects which no longer held value. I stood and watched the wall for hours like this, I woke the next morning returned to normal from the floor. The whole thing must have taken place from 6pm to 2am. What the fuck happened? I thought nothing of it at the time but it is seriously out of the normal behaviour for me.

>>10067891
The worst fucking feeling. The feeling that I wasted my entire fucking high school life on some shitty MMO and on people I would never even meet anyway.

>>10062916
my scalp my skull my brain(?) my liquid cup it’s underflowing zero spillage

>>10067998
then why do you partake?

I'm grateful to have my girlfriend staying with me for a fortnight but I feel immensely frustrated that I can't stick to my usual writing routine while she's here. Stuck jotting down occasional notes in my pad, it's like I may as well be away from the computer entirely. Not that it's her fault I struggle to work when there's someone else in the house.

I'm really happy with how my plot's coming along, the individual threads are really starting to tie together nicely.

I have one minor conundrum in that I want to use minimal or no punctuation in the dialogue to produce a sort of flat-effect to the way the characters speak but it feels too much like I'm just copying a gimmick from McCarthy.

>>10068158
Very Kafkaesque.

>>10062916
>be straight male
>have really gay dream where all i do for the whole dream is kiss various cute guys
>wake up without an erection
Anon's assorted noggin joggers no. 99

>>10067341
this hit waaaaaayyyyyyyyyy to close to me and now i feel like shit

why can't I just fucking die
just one drunk driver pls aim at me

>>10063315
Holy shit, are you me bro? Everything you said describes my situation right now, just change writing to drawing.

>>10062916
I can blast out writing pretty quickly but I'm pretty sure the stuff I'm interested in writing has no audience and I hate editing. I'm thinking about masturbating, when I masturbate I often think about killing myself.

Whats the point in even writing in the first place? whats the point in doing anything unless you really feel like you HAVE to do it? I'm so indifferent to everything. I don't even bother edging much any more, I've lost all commitment to the one thing I'm an expert at according to Malcolm Gladwell's 10,000 Hour Theory.

I had a sign from god the other week telling me to stop listening to anything other than classical music and that if i did this my life would improve but I didn't do it and now god has forsaken me.

I'm a virgin and I've lost interest in ever having sex or ever having friends.

>>10068734
But what if drunk driver make u paralysed instead of died aye? Make for existing to be more suffering?

It's a sad world we live in where any attempt to try and escape it can leave us trapped and more miserable than ever before.

this girl sending me so many mixed signals i am going insane

I have a hard time discerning whether my sexual preferences, which are almost entirely dominated by paraphilia, can be called actual preferences or not, or just impulses. There is something deeply horrifying intellectually about everything that arouses me. But it's still all that arouses me.

I believe I have normal to above average drawing skills. 10 years ago I could copy video game character drawings decently.
I'm not good at programming but still managed to create a small video game in openGL and c++, a language I didn't even knew how to program when I started.
I believe I have above average music talent. I played guitar during middle school through high school. 2~3 years ago, I created a couple of music tracks in a shitty online software for the video game I created.
I believe I have below average to normal writing abilities. A year ago i started writing a 37k word story for a creative writing class that demanded only 10k.

I have written a book, produce pieces of music, programmed video games and written a book... and I still I don't feel like a human being worth of living. I still feel empty, longing to find that set of mind of accomplishment and happiness. Sometimes I wonder if arts don't make you feel whole then maybe I should stop being myself and drink like a Chad, flirt with girls and maybe I'll find someone who does make me feel that way.

>>10068785
Ha ha ha

>>10068791
Sympathy handjobs from nurses

>>10064429

GO fuck yourself.

I want to tell you, my head is filled with things to say.

>>10062916
I have a problem with a story I'm writing: How to get across that a man in a spacesuit also has to wear a catheter while in the suit, because he can be in it long enough to need it, without getting weird about it. Of course, I thought about just explaining that, or, if I'm trying to appeal to the type that found nothing wrong with GRRM's drinking and shitting scene, just having him put it in, and use it. Maybe I could make it funny by having someone use it, and that's how it's introduced? This is more vital than you might expect.

>>10062916
I once had a dream where I received a blowjob from a porn star in my room. While it was happening I noticed that some guys came in and started setting up cameras, at which I became somewhat uneasy but I assumed that it came with the territory. Then some other guys came in behind the first fellows and started loading all my electronic equipment - my computer, my TV, - into boxes and carrying them away. Turns out it was a well-planned robbery.

>>10062916
i broke a tooth and had a crown put in
it hurts when i bite down
i know i need to get it fixed but i'm too embarrassed

>>10062916
I have a problem with a story I'm writing: How to get across that a man in a spacesuit also has to wear a catheter while in the suit, because he can be in it long enough to need it, without getting weird about it. Of course, I thought about just explaining that, or, if I'm trying to appeal to the type that found nothing wrong with GRRM's drinking and shitting scene, just having him put it in, and use it. Maybe I could make it funny by having someone use it, and that's how it's introduced? This is more vital than you might expect.

>>10068804
If you would love her, then... try to clear the air, I guess. If you wouldn't, and she's just being a ridiculous flirt/tease, ignore her. Hope that helps.

>>10063315
I look forward to hearing the rest of this success story. Good luck.

>"this will never work"
>"never say never. that's what i always say"
>"you never say that"
>"never say never"

is my writing good

im being sucked dry by a succubus. i nofap for 10 days or a week and bam, wet dream empties my spooge against my own will. it isnt fair

>>10069230
if you're having trouble getting it across without it being weird, then why do you need to get it across

>>10064539
Personally, the lingering bitterness is better for keeping one awake, in my opinion.

>>10067341
Dammit, now you got me thinking of this one girl I loved, but it never went anywhere. I don't want to think of her like that, because that'll just drive me crazy, since (swear on my life this is true) she lives a few states to the west of mine, so it was always hopeless. We just met somewhere for like a week, but there was something about her. The real juggling act here is that I have never told her how I felt/have been trying not to feel pretty successfully, but not well enough, and we're Facebook friends.

Advice: Don't be afraid. You must have SOMETHING on her. Improve how you can, and good luck anon.

tfw i could heem every here

>>10069415
Write about why you are choosing not to masturbate. Give lots of opinions about people who do.

>>10067545
Me too. If only his father chased him to his car, or something stopped him from pulling the trigger.

>>10067891
That sort of happened with me. There was a girl that I'm pretty sure was into me in Senior year, (but the fact that her best friend was officially named the Class Flirt made it a little difficult to figure out). The problem was, I respected and liked her as a person, but I just couldn't bring myself to love her. I don't fully understand why to this day.

>>10069510
it's because you're a faggot

The most upsetting thing for me is when people act without thinking, or consider actions in the immediate short-term only. For instance, my mother is 50 years old, yet her diet consists entirely of snack food and candy. I can't stand watching her gorge herself, because it simply doesn't make sense. She's educated, she knows it'll improve almost every facet of her life if she quits, yet she doesn't. It's a form of giving up in the worst way.

On the reverse, there's nothing more admirable to me than analytical people. Not your run-of-the-mill STEM grad - just anyone who approaches life critically, and uses all their knowledge to make the best of it. For this reason, I'm irresistibly drawn to good critics. Taste doesn't even matter; If they've got rigid criteria and stick to it unfailingly, that's the best. I've met about 5-6 people like this in real life, and admire them a lot.

As of now, I'm more the former than the latter, but I'd really like to change that. I'm young. I'll do what I can.

>>10068667
>wake up WITHOUT an erection
That's the key here.

>>10069434
So I don't have to answer any stupid questions about "But Anon A. N. Anon, how did X get from here to there, in another time zone, without using the bathroom?"

>>10068902
a (you) is a (you) no matter how small

tybb

>>10069525
>I'm irresistibly drawn to good critics. Taste doesn't even matter; If they've got rigid criteria and stick to it unfailingly, that's the best.
I wonder if you understand fruitful criticism:

>As long as you believe in the truth, you do not believe in yourself, and you are a — servant, a — religious man. You alone are the truth, or rather, you are more than the truth, which is nothing at all before you. You too do assuredly ask about the truth, you too do assuredly “criticize,” but you do not ask about a “higher truth” — to wit, one that should be higher than you — nor criticize according to the criterion of such a truth. You address yourself to thoughts and notions, as you do to the appearances of things, only for the purpose of making them palatable to you, enjoyable to you, and your own: you want only to subdue them and become their owner, you want to orient yourself and feel at home in them, and you find them true, or see them in their true light, when they can no longer slip away from you, no longer have any unseized or uncomprehended place, or when they are right for you, when they are your property. If afterward they become heavier again, if they wriggle themselves out of your power again, then that is just their untruth — to wit, your impotence. Your impotence is their power, your humility their exaltation. Their truth, therefore, is you, or is the nothing which you are for them and in which they dissolve: their truth is their nothingness.

>>10062916
>Tfw I can see that the future of my country is doomed to ethnic conflict because liberals are all selfish sheltered brats who never actually go outside of their immediate social circle and experience what life is like for different ethnic, religious, and language groups.
>Even when it comes to their own
>They're just going to import people from around the world thinking they are like them, but in reality that is just a childish way to view to the world
>Yet this will not matter to them, because at this point their views are based solely on partisanship and an inability to escape from the consumeristic and egocentric mannerisms they have been taught
>None of them desire peace, none of them desire understanding, none of them desire the truth, all of them desire a sanctimonious social status and do so at the cost of everyone just so they can justify their faux cosmopolitan aesthetic. > This same aesthetic, where they fantasizing about being anywhere but where they are by trying to be "international", is the same spirit of escapism and self centeredness that keeps them from actually understanding other walks of life and people

>>10069556
I don't understand your quote, or its relevance. Is it simply saying that the truth is subjective?

>>10069571
>liberals are all selfish sheltered brats who never actually go outside of their immediate social circle and experience what life is like for different ethnic, religious, and language groups.
The greatest irony

>>10069590
where? are you making the unfounded assumption that anon is, for whatever reason, projecting himself onto ideological opposition?

>>10069584
No, I'm saying that if you criticize on the basis of a sacred truth, i.e. a "rigid" criterion, you'll only engage in servile criticism. Rather criticizing mother! on its own merits, and noticing e.g. that the film simply deconstructs Christianity to reconstitute it as ecology, one criticizes using an ideal schematic, and only notices (like the plebes on /tv/) that it "shits on Christianity."

>>10063891
You are the problem. Faggot.

>>10069590
It really is. It's like this egalitarian manifest destiny, where they desire to go out into the world to "integrate" all other cultures into their own, whereby they are unwittingly desiring the destruction of these cultures to find a synthesis between their own and the other. Which does nothing, really, but create a monoculture based around their snobbish consumerism and secularism.

Every praise they make of other cultures is done through an inherently eurocentric value system, and every enclave of these forward thinking "progressives" are usually incredibly hypocritical , as many times they end up gentrifying other neighborhoods and calling for the destruction of traditional lifestyles in other countries, even in their own.

>>10069556
>>10069609
you're a moron

>>10069647
Valuable post right here

>>10069609
That makes sense, and I agree. Perhaps I should redefine "rigid criteria". Instead of using a strict set of guidelines to judge things (ex. good music has good melodies), one should adapt their guidelines to conform to the object of judgment, and work from there, the "rigid" part of that equation defining a unified approach to choosing those guidelines and afterwards committing to them. So to judge a piece of music, we'd start by figuring out its intentions, and critique its success on whether or not it meets them.

Of course, the flaws in a system like that are everywhere. For starters, it's difficult to piece together an artist's intentions in the first place, and many wouldn't even say they had some. Devising a true, one-size-fits-all method of evaluation is near impossible, so for now, simply adapting yourself to the work is the best option, and in place of a ratings scale, either recommending or not recommending.

Would you agree? I'm curious if any substantial work has been written on art criticism, now that I think about it.

>>10069737
I agree. For instance, I wouldn't spend anywhere near as much time analyzing "Guardians of the Galaxy II" as I would "Get Out." Whether or not one is a "better" or "more entertaining" movie than the other is irrelevant, to me. I track the ideological assumptions of the film in their evolution on screen. So, "Guardians" doesn't merit much attention because the ideology it contains is not developed much during the film, whereas "Get Out" takes a more detailed and analytic to its ideological subject matter, so it's worth more attention. I don't think the latter was just "muh evil white folks."

>>10069516
Really made me think, anon. Assuming you're being remotely serious, I'll tell you: no, I am not.

>>10069516
I second this. It's either that or you just have some anti-social tendencies my dude. Might want to look that up

>>10070191
I'm the same guy that posted >>10069488.
But let's see if there are any other armchair psychologists in the thread.

>>10068158
you have to be over 18 to post here, fuck off you edgy little cunt

>>10070513
wat

I didn't deserve this

3DPD gf is asleep in the bed behind me. I should stop drinking her gin and join her in bed but... internet.

I'm going hell

>>10062916
That gif of an alien doing cocaine is awesome.

I have never liked someone first, now I'm doing it and I feel like fool for this person.

>>10063315
you must find a way to keep afloat, or the pressures of the world will overwhelm you. Don't let the circumstances of your job override your passion.
You can get a job and write man, you can sacrifice the career hierarchy bullshit for you passion.

Stop watching porn.

A polyester fabric tiger from Las Vegas

>>10072008
why would someone watch it in the first place?

everyone over the age of 18 knows it's not good for you

>>10068158
bretty good :)

>>10072013
Well most people who watch it, including myself, started watching it before they were 18, and didn't realize how bad it was, at least from a physical/psychological perspective. A lot of people thought it was natural to watch, or that porn was just a healthy way of "exploring your sexuality" or something.

>>10072025
Of course I fall in that category too regarding age since thanks to the internet it's so easily available

The only thing that really surprises me is people who lack the willpower to stop watching for even a few days but I guess they're in too deep

Regarding myself I still watch it once per week and to get out ut of my system and that's what bothers me. Hopefully once in the future I'll have the strength to call it quits but it's usually just connected with how busy you are really or how much time do you have on your hands

The wandering mind can be a very dangerous thing. On any given day, there are an assortment of hobbies, errands, and chores that I COULD attend to, but I CANT address all of them. My wandering mind can sway back and forth by the minute, going task to task without applying full concentrating on a single one. This would stress the fuck outta me. Rather than even consider all the possible tasks of life, I expend my energy with precision and focus. Attend to the most demanding and necessary tasks, and regard the expedience and quality of work. Time and worries breeze away by the power of the mind at focus.

Who wrote the rules of /b/?
Is it bad to think entirely in memes?
I've got 121 IQ. Why am I still so stupid?
Is it really worth going to college when I can get a comfy minimum wage IT job.
What is the point of having a higher credit score? Why would I want to get into debt so I can get even more into debt?
Is it just me that has had their literature experience ruined at a young age and was put off reading real books for a few years?

I'm pooping at work right now and the guy in the stall next to me is chewing something, what should I do? That's very unhygienic

>american lit course in EU uni
>american exchange professor
>asks us what we read by american authors
>everyone lists King, Hemnigway and Salinger and how they love them so much
>*Plebdetector starts beeping*
>it's my turn
Uh, I read John William's Stoner recently.
>Prof looks at me oddly, reassures multiple times wether he heard right. Proceeds to link me with stoner culture. Tell him that's his name, to which he asks if there's a series ofnovels with this Stoner indivual or just one.
I was so surprised at his reactions after all the buildup he did. But I should've guessed when he said "I like everything." and "I only speak one *index finger up* language."

baby needs to fuck

I wonder if it's human nature to always strive to be like someone who isn't you, or we are conditioned never to be content with who we are.

I'm out in vacation in Dpaon and I really want to get laid
This KV status at 23 is making me crazy...also I got nothing to read at the beach and it's kindq boring

>>10067891
Yup. Grew up thinking girls didn't see anything in me, but looking back, there were at least 4 or 5 that did.

Books I'm interested in, and probably want to read, sooner than later; just hit 500+ books on goodreads, not counting duplicates/books about the same thing (to-read list is almost 700).
How in the world shall I read it all? And I'm not even reading everyday. No wonder all these important intellectuals are all above 45...

Some idiot asshole solved NP complete and the hard problem of consciousness

>>10068158
Bretty good, needs more shading on the face to create depth, it has too much white space where there would realistically be shadows unless he were illuminated by a really bright light source.

>>10072712
Cause 120 IQ isn't high. (I'm the same) Like a third of people have an IQ of over 115...
We're just smart enough to comprehend things easily, but not smart enough to create/discover anything important ourselves. At least I 9/10 visual memory...

>>10068769
Lol just paint bro.
Like here's my "eyez" I called it just now

need to get my archers up to 700 bow proficiency
need to mine more ethereum so I can buy a clip of a lithuanian girl instructing me how to hurt my cock and balls
also have my eye on a small penis humiliation clip and loser therapy from nina chrome
shes really cute
gonna listen to her tell me I'm worthless every night before I go to sleep, going to punch my balls and squeeze them till I get the long lasting ache I feel and get sick to my stomach

need to increase my pain tolerance and stop fapping to sissy shit because it stops me from smacking my cock and balls to ballbusting videos instead

>>10074990
anon...easy on the pornography

He who knows the How no longer needs the Why.

>>10062916

Left class to go into my overnight job. I'm married and had an affair for a year, which I have recently came clean to my wife about. Miraculously, she is willing to work it out and things are going well. I still feel the same sadness I have always felt though, and now that sadness is compounded with extreme guilt. I'm sitting in my car outside of my job, still have an hour left before I start work. I just want to go some place completely dark and silent, outside, so I can smoke Camels and think about things.

>>10069503
Kane is the good shit. Great taste anon

>>10062916
Jews. A Jew. That's what's on my mind.

>>10075698
To defeat the Jew you must become the Jew.

>>10075700
Wait what? And do I know you?

I'm sad.

>>10075725
I don't know, are you the Jewish conspiracy guy that pops around /lit/ every once in a while? What Jew were you talking about?

>>10075817
No I'm not. I think there are more of those desu.

I wasn't talking about any Jew really, just a semi-shitpost. Although technically it's hard not to think of Jews indirectly because many of the machinations in our life are Jewish.

Anyhow, you reminded me of a few of my Jewish friends who occasionally jokingly suggest I convert to Judaism.

>>10075834
Why do your friends want you to cut your dick?

>>10075868
Nefarious plot to make sure I don't make pure Aryan uebermensch children and instead put my Teutonic genes into the Jewish genepool. Two birds, one stone.

>>10062916
Once upon a time OP was a faggot.
>>10075817
>the Jewish conspiracy guy
>the
Everyone on /pol/ is a cross-boarder. There's only so much truth one can consume each day without going mad.

>>10062916
I got scammed by the university I got into, and was forced to spend a year taking exclusively online classes. I never got to sit in a classroom until this semester, so I'm a full year behind everyone else here on making friends and finding things to do on campus.

I've done okay so far, I've got 2 really good friends now, but my major problem is that I have no motivation to do any of the assignments I'm given.

I'm the most focused and active participant in all my lectures and talk to the teachers about the material after every one, and I'm so excited to learn when I'm in the classroom, but when I leave I'm back in the same position I was last year, alone at a desk with some clinical, boring busywork.

I just spent two semesters doing nothing but staring at a screen doing pointless assignments as they came to me, so whenever I'm left to teach myself the material I just can't bring myself to do it anymore. I've got 3 essays due Friday and I've already failed to turn in a lot of assignments, If I don't do these I don't think my grade can recover, but I just feel to depressed to care, so I don't know what I'm going to do.

Since I quit smoking I've been eating more. I put on weight. I still have no ass.

What constitutes real problems? I spend perhaps too much time here writing when ever I have a depressive episode, but according to some people it doesn't matter.

my mentally unstable mom started a facebook argument about the flag bullshit and my family is reacting in an equally petty manner, I want to put their egos in check. Going to find a therapist who I can pay to listen to this bullshit.

Is adding post apocolypic elements to a cyberpunk world too much?

Everyone that lives is an instance of a broader type or archetype, a template that, by the nature of finite combination, produces the same types of people over and over again. Life is deterministic. I think of Arjuna and all the enemies arrayed against him, and I realize, every dumb bastard thinks they're Arjuna and not one of the many nameless enemies who are destined to be fed ignominiously into the maw of eternity. I have been looking for some compromise between piety and willfulness but the answer is probably, quite simply, that such a quest is superfluous. People have always accused me of being unrealistic in facing consequences, and I have always countered by pointing out that it was them inflicting consequences on me, and that they have no right to treat themselves as the consequent in a deterministic relationship, because that abdicates all of their own responsibility. And then they've kicked the shit out of me generally.

"Nobody has given me anything", people tell me. What the fuck does that even mean? Every transaction is an act of mutual giving. At time x, you give a person thing p. At time y, they give you thing q. Some level of trust is needed to enable this transaction, that they will actually reciprocate. Past history of reciprocation. Threat of violence. Some evidence of character, etc.

I have six degrees. A degree has traditionally been used as evidence of some character, insofar as it represents a person's capacity to, at minimum, complete something, plan long term, and function in a large and somewhat impersonal social environment. But for some reason people have just decided that my degrees don't say anything about me. I'm not asking to be given anything for nothing and no reason, I'm asking for equivalent actions to be treated with equivalent significance, so that I can engage in reciprocal trade, but they aren't.

When and how actions are accepted as sufficient for this sort of thing are more or less arbitrary, but across history and different cultures, they are surprisingly consistent despite being arbitrary.

I've been fighting for a long time, expecting that I could eventually squeeze some sort of honesty out of those around me. I should have just started killing people as soon as I realized the situation I was in, because there's no way out of it, and people treat both impositions as if they're on the same continuum. I've been pathologically trying to appeal to others my whole life. I realize now that this has been an attempt to make their wills serve me, whereas simple violence would have been an affirmation of my own will, perhaps the only one truly available to me that would have allowed me to self-actualize fully, even if in a demonic capacity. Instead I am not even pious but a coward, since it hasn't been God I have been submitting to, but injustice.

I am not a mystic and I am not a demon, though others are happy to call me that. I'm nothing.

>>10077723

I used to try to extract confessions from those above me. Not to get them to change their behavior, but to get them to admit to it and its consequences. I wanted them to feel their imposition on people like me acutely, but to go on in the same manner anyway. Just as I want, now, to feel this imposition, but still to go forward. To feel it and to make as much indignified noise about it as possible. Not because I can't bear it, but because I can; and this is what really offends such people the most. I am not complaining because I expect redress. I'm complaining precisely because this complaint is, like me, superfluous, and by maximizing what is superfluous in this world I achieve the only affirmation of myself which is still possible. But no, it is still so easy to provoke a reaction in lesser types, who can't own their own guilt. What happens when they learn to? I'm proud of those who learn to. I have felt myself held down in fire, and known it was no god who had done such a thing to me, and in that moment I was God, by consequence of process of elimination and by consequence of everything I held over those above me. Superfluous! I have rendered every virtue superfluous! Only God could do such a thing. I am God.

Are there any books written by a stupid person, about stupidity.
What does it even mean to be stupid? Have the definitions changed in the last one hundred or so years? How does somebody come to the conclusion and acceptance that they are stupid? Does it even matter?

>>10062916
I think I might have GERD but I don't want to go back to the gastroenterologist because I woke up half way through my last gastroscopy and it was traumatic.

>>10077723
fuck off luna

>>10078444

No. Nice trips.

>tfw you get banned form /sp/
>go to /tv/
>tfw get banned from /tv/
>come to /lit/
>never get banned
>shitpost for days
thanks for taking me in boys

>>10062916
If hate had smell, I would reek of blood.
If it had colour, my feet would leave
black marks wherever I trod.
If it could burn, my every orifice
black smoke would heave forth.

>>10078525
its therapeutic aint it?

>>10078260
> Are there any books written by a stupid person, about stupidity.
What do you hope to gain about a stupid person writing stupidly?

> What does it even mean to be stupid?
Personally I think it's largely subjective. In theory we could map the brain to say "this is what makes someone smart", but chances are it's not a single element and there would have to be a multiplicity that is defined with biases towards one definition of "stupid"/"smart".

> Have the definitions changed in the last one hundred or so years?
Partially. It's still [generally] viewed as an overall intellectual capacity, but it's been sorted and categorized to the point where most people could be considered [generally] intelligent in some subset of information (celebrity gossip, etc).

> How does somebody come to the conclusion and acceptance that they are stupid?
It seems paradoxical that a stupid person would have the self-awareness to make meaningful, intellectual considerations about themselves. Even intelligent people don't know many things. My guess is that most "self-aware" stupid people have just been told all their lives that they were stupid and it became a part of their identity.

> Does it even matter?
Personally, no. Actions are more important than intellectual capacity.

>>10078708
>most people could be considered [generally] intelligent in some subset of information

Keep telling yourself that

I can't write because I'm always afraid of being seen for what I probably am: a pseudo-intellectual moron high on his own fake hubris that he did nothing to earn. Furthermore, within that hubris lies an idiot belief that I am somehow unique when I know that there are countless people in a situation similar to, or worse than, mine.
I'm also fairly certain that because of this fear my writing skills have plummeted and now I truly have nothing to stand on. I haven't read a real book that wasn't just a reread in years now.

I need to stop my bad habit of masturbation.

gotta find a youtube vid to watch while i eat dinner

>>10078744
I mean, from a Gaussian perspective there will always be defined limits, but I don't think I'm willing the make the logical leap that most people are beyond saving. It sets a bad precedent that only a small subset of society is capable of making meaningful, rational decisions.

>>10078959

I like Hot Ones

>>10078764
What the fuck.
Are you me?

My papers are scattered on my desk, told myself I'd buy an organizer for them last week, just the same as the week before, and so on. Same with changing my license and changing insurance.
Wednesdays are the worst day of the week. It's when I feel like quitting work to pursue different things. I get paid a lot, though. Just another Wednesday. Tomorrow will be better (maybe).

>>10078764
You're at least some degree more intelligent than average for being able to realize this. Really. Most people don't.

>>10076442
>first to start Jewish settlement in Palestine

>>10079174
so do i

I really do love you guys. I'm gonna miss this when it's all over

>>10078622
It sure is.

Today, I bought my first packet of cigarettes.

I strolled into the corner store with my sleeves rolled up to show off the fading tattoo on my left forearm. For once in my life, I was not carded, even as I placed a popsicle and a Kinder Surprise down on the counter and asked the storekeeper for the packet.

I do not intend to smoke the cigarettes. I have enough problems with addiction as-is. Benzodiazepines are a double-edged sword.

I want them for a still life I'm in the process of collating.

I did not explain this to the storekeeper at the corner store.

>>10079649
...are you okay, anon?

>>10079649
let me go with you

>>10067451
I feel you familia.

If it makes you feel better, we're better off than we were 2 years ago. Things are getting better in some ways.

they're never gonna get it

there's no point in writing

Is it wrong that I'm excited as fuck over Hugh Hefner dying? I've felt for years now that he's only been holding Playboy back, or at least actively making it shitty. I'm actually genuinely curious to see what they do now that the doddering old pervert's not looming over them.

The insecurity brought about from the knowledge I hold- that I know I'm better today than I was two months ago, than I was a year or three years ago- seems to paralyze me. I have no issues with money, my employment is stable, I'm earning my degree and am not overworked, and I have no real family drama. My depression has faded in the past 3 months to my shock, but times like this make me wonder if it's still there.

I'm paralyzed to do anything but worry about the future, even though I know everything is fine- and to repent over my missed experiences of youth.

I'll never creampie a qt redhead in a plaid schoolgirl uniform with a cat ear headband on my wedding night, and I probably won't join the army of christ and anti-z**nism to melee' and victory.

No matter what truth I know that defeats others into paranoia, I just don't seem to care anymore- and in my better moments I simply laugh it off.

I know my only hope for myself and society is to improve, but in moments like these, it's hard to continue.
I need to stop being such a faggot.

i accidentally played settlers 3 from 4pm to 5am straight. didn't even notice the time

my eyes hurt

>>10079950
Do you have VR? Do you live in a literal bunker innawoods?

I wish you better luck and productivity tomorrow.

>>10079961
No ... just got lost in the game.
I've uninstalled it now.

>>10079649
Hey man, if you are thinking about anything, you can always talk with us

it saddens me that there are so many ugly and degenerate people on 4chan

absolute wastes of oxygen Why?

>>10067540
How dare you tell him to not jerk off. You don't this poster or what jerking off means to them. What you are doing here may be wrong.

>>10080041
Don't buy a mirror whatever you do.

>>10080007
You should go for a walk tomorrow. Clear your head.
We'll care about you still.

>>10080075
But I'm not ugly or degenerate.

You guys talk so much shit and amount to nothing IRL. Externally and internally.

>>10080084
You're here aren't you?

Don't stand on the pile of shit and claim to be superior to all those who sleep in it.

>>10080113
Typing the site url makes me one of you?

Facts.

>>10067456
>>10067459
>>10067489
>>10067623
>>10068169
>>10067690
it literally wasnt that good

as for my thoughts. i should go to bed bc i have shit to do tomorrow
i came to this board looking for book recommendations and so far it's been stupid
i shitposted 4 times in total

>>10080127
Start with the Greeks

>>10079930
mfw no responses

Higo sho kO OH 10SO loho

Blank

>>10080088
I could beat you in a fight and my prose is probably superior to yours

>>10080088
To be fair, I have a lot of seizures.

>>10080075
Thanks cathanon.

>>10079930
If you're not feeling depressed then you're not depressed. These things can come back but meditating on sadness can't help.
Most people won't do those things you're worried about missing out on. You know how people say not to compare your lives to others? You're comparing your life to imaginary lives. There's no way you can compete with that, it's a moving goalpost.

mommy has severe ms, and she called me in the middle of the night to come watch her and make sure she didnt pass out. pretty rough. shes on all the meds she can take and shes still getting intense and painful seizures.

I am a Christian in stance alone and my relationship with God is desolate. I stubbornly adhere to Christian morals like chasity and remain in the church community.

Issue with this is that I am trying to be a Christian or at least a subverted version of it through my own will. I dont think there is a bigger sin than this.

Its made me degenerate in ways I didnt think I could be before. The most embarrassing and antagonizing development is that i imagine what a sinful thought or action would be in a given situation. My visual projection of the 'wrong' means I think about seriously dangerous thoughts which I want to believe is not mine yet inherently my own creation.

Its pretty bad but I like to think that I am loosing my innocence than anything but this process is defeating. Suppression is bad i

>>10081341

Christianity is designed to trap people like you in these feelings of guilt so that you can be manipulated into helping the thoughtless idiots who probably have infinitely worse character but are too stupid to notice or care.

Right now the only thing on my mind is a kind of perpetual internal screaming.

>>10068785
Well, your life has strong comedy value at least.

>>10081351
I need to read the bible for myself. In many ways as someone who grew up in the church I am brainwashed.

Christianity is damaging but I cant abandon it just yet. Its a fundamental foundation of my identity and community

>>10081382

Read the Bible, and read Kierkegaard. These are both good starts. Kierkegaard was a strong proponent of individuality in faith, so he'll be a good stepping stone for you.

>>10069460
if your coffee is really bitter youre doing it wrong.

>>10081393
Yes Kierkegaard seems insightful only read his wikipedia page though

>>10081393
Wjere should i start? Purity of the heart?

im a first year college student and i hate myself more than anything. there isn't even a good reason behind other than im a fucking fag. I have loving girlfriend of three years and im about to propose to her in about 20 days, she loves me very much and i love her but were one thousand miles apart right now and thats killing me. I haven't been able to make any friends since college started except for one fucking faggot that i absolutely despise. most of my enjoyment now comes from reading, writing, and doing lots of drugs. but i am constantly suicidal and terribly depressed. my girlfriend is trying to help me through and im very appreciative. i'm currently in a major i have no interest in. i want to switch schools but so far im doing shit in college. i've lost nearly 30 lbs in a month because i dont eat anymore. and i stay up and dont sleep at least two nights a week which means im up for at least 40 hours pretty frequently. idk wtf is wrong with me.

>>10081427

Anywhere. Sickness unto Death is a good place. Then Fear and Trembling.

>>10081434
knock up your girl and kys. maybe your progeny will do something useful. that or get off the drugs and get your shit together.

You are the director of a vast, top secret, multinational research project. This project's political and financial backers are men of such power and influence that not even the governments of the world understand what you are doing.

Several years ago, you were part of a team of independent researchers, theorizing about the existence of so-called 'periphery particles' - essentially, a certain type of highly exotic matter that displayed extremely unorthodox properties. You discovered something real and profound, though, right here on Earth. Some time later, and after several of your original team had gone missing, you were contacted by these powerful men and given an offer you couldn't refuse.

Billions of dollars, hundreds of staff, a state of the art facility, and direct access to the primary subject of your research - not to mention, the more-than-rumor you'd heard to support the idea that turning it down would have put you in a casket.

You boarded a plane, then a boat, then a helicopter, and then a submarine. Some thirty hours after your departure, you found yourself riding an elevator down into the SHEL facility - the Special Hydroelectric Laboratory.

It's been a few months since your initial arrival and acclimation to the complex. You've brought on what was left of your old team, found a few of the missing working here when you arrived, actually. But only a few.

The SHEL complex is a undersea research facility, composed of four primary structures. SHEL One, the Spire, is the largest. It's essentially an underwater skyscraper, stretching 86 floors down to the sea floor. Most of the staff live in SHEL One, and your office is located near the top. SHEL Three is a squat, ugly thing, essentially just a large warehouse which also houses a few labs. SHEL Four is the submarine bay, though most personnel come into the facility from a collapsible elevator shaft that extends to SHEL Five, the dummy oil rig which justifies all the travel and expense heading out to the middle of the Atlantic. The heart of the SHEL complex, though, is SHEL Two, the Sphere. A massive, domed building, housing an experimental 'power plant' and the primary focus of the research here. At least, that's what the majority of your staff believes.

In actuality, the purpose of the SHEL project is totally unrelated to generating electricity. Inside SHEL Two's primary reactor, there's a... cluster... of non-baryonic matter, the highly exotic 'periphery particles' your team originally theorized about. True enough, it's entirely possible to generate tremendous sums of electricity very cheaply by exploiting this strange phenomenon, but there's something far more valuable to be gained.

You are not a particle physicist.

Your first doctorate was in neuropsychology.

The particles trapped in SHEL Two's reactor are 'psions' - psychic ions.

>>10079649
Don't cry because it'll be over -- smile because it's happening!

>>10081579

I like this

>>10062916
I'm considering killing myself instead of spending one more day at this job.

Everything that is in motion is moved by something else. This cannot go on forever because if it did there would be no first mover, and consequently no other mover as well. This is because second movers don't move except when moved by a first mover, just as a stick does not move anything except when moved by a hand. So a first mover which is itself unmoved by anything else is necessary to explain motion.

Change is the actualization of potential, or the turning to potential into actual. Potential can't actualize potential so the first mover must be pure actual. Pure actual must be omnipotent because to not be able to do something would be unrealized potential. Pure actual couldn't pop in or out of existence because that would imply unrealized potential, so pure actual must be eternal. Pure actual must be non-physical because physical beings or substances can change forms or locations, both of which are unrealized potential. An imperfection of any kind would be an unrealized potential, so pure actual must be perfect. There can only be one pure actual because the only way to tell the difference between two purely actual things is if one of them had something the other didn't. Pure actuality can't lack anything. Pure actual must be omnipotent, eternal, non-physical, and perfect. This is why we call the first mover God.

>>10081579
Damn.
I want to read more of this.

>>10082058
You pull out your communicator, selecting Hendricks’ number and holding the device up to your ear.

It rings for a while before she picks up. “Hello?”

“Hey,” you reply. “It’s Allen.”

“Oh, Allen!” She seems to be speaking more quietly than normal. “How’s it going?”

“I’m doing alright,” you reply simply. “We haven’t spoken in a while, just wanted to see what’s going on.”

There’s a pause. “Well, our unit, and consequentially Dr. Kowalski, were reassigned to the MDSD a couple weeks ago.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Really, Mercury Darkside?” The Mercury Dark Side Station was always the Federal Navy’s primary R&D center. You’d heard that it was deactivated and mothballed after the War in favor of newer bases on Earth and Venus.

“Yeah,” she replies. “And that Major Cole guy is our new CO. Apparently the Navy is doing something with the evidence from Dr. Sofia’s place. We’re acting as the guards since we were at ground zero when the doctor’s research was discovered.”

You grimace, leaning against the railing with your elbows. “This seems like the kind of stuff you wouldn’t want to tell a civilian…”

“Well, I figure you’re trustworthy…” You can hear her frown through the phone. “Besides, we don’t do anything directly involved with the labs… They’ve got other soldiers here for that. These big, quiet types wearing full combat gear and facemasks all the time. I don’t think I’ve ever seen ‘em off-duty. Corporal Hewitt thinks they might not even be humans!”

"Black people are statistically less intelligent, but this information must never become socially accepted, because most people are retards and would go full nazi if they found any acceptance or justification for their beliefs. It doesn't really matter if blacks are less intelligent, and natural selection will likely render this a non-issue in the long term anyway. In the event that humanity reaches a self-sustaining level of technology where exponential population growth among less intelligent people can be maintained automatically without a collapse, measures might be required to curtail a decrease in average IQ, but that is a far off possibility and shouldn't affect current policy."

All across America since Trump got elected there's been a very steady and vocal anti-science movement. Rick n Morty is a show that encourages science. I hate to go full Mccarthy but we know for a fact Russia is trying to divide and weaken every nation on the planet. Sabotaging interest in STEM is a great way to do that. Maybe Russia has declared war on Rick and Morty because it's too "sciency." I mean hell, they even had one episode where Rick goes Die Hard on kills and entire Russian embassy. In 2017 I wouldn't put it out of the realms of impossible.

pseuds getting triggered

>>10062916
I'm one month into my 2nd year of bookwriting and all I've done is ghostwritten a novelette for about $100, did a little bit of editing for one of my own novelettes with plans to write a sequel afterwards, and got some ideas for a possible prequel to a novel. Haven't written anything for a week. Feels bad...

How do you roleplay an android? How do you get into a thought pattern that makes sense?

>>10082189
If you don't understand that, then you're either brainlet or a humorless autist.

I wnated to develop the world for my game. Would righting short vignettes help? If if I do not intend to release them?

>>10082281

u can do it buddy

>>10082304
You callin' me retarded?

>>10082315

i dont know yet

I hate not having a car, I have to rely on other people and they aren't reliable, also fuck all the anxiety that comes with picking a university,

Growing up, I imagined becoming a professor as a sort of dream job. Now the very thought of it makes we want to claw my eyes out.

>>10062916
i want to die

>>10082495
Take a bus or just walk if it's within 2mi/3km.

>>10082495
Advice--unless you're 105% percent certain you love and will continue to love what your studying, pick a well rounded uni over a focused one, even if your program won't be quite as good.

e x i s t e n t i a l a n g s t

>>10081980
me too

How do you cope with extreme loneliness?
I feel completely detached from society.

>>10083414
Make friends. I will attempt to give you better advice if you elaborate.

I want to learn how to become a people person

>>10083438
I don't know how to talk to people because I spend all of my time thinking about niche shit and wallowing in sadness.
I can't relate to no one.

>>10083451
I suggest two things. First, try to practice talking with people, just smalltalk with people you encounter during the day. Second, go join some activity. People bond through shared experiences, so go take a class or something.

I can't help but to think of anime battles between writers sometimes.
One could imagine Borges trapping his enemy on endless illusions or Mishima fighting honorably with his traditional fighting skills. Or Kierkegaard literally becoming a Knight of Faith.
I really like pic related, it makes me imagine a scene where Wittgenstein, a unremarkable character before, reveals his power level and obliterates Russel, making the mathematical figures manifesting from his mind collapse into him.

>>10083505
That's because battle in anime (and not only in anime) is used to represent moral and philosophical arguments. At such it often draws from and follows the beats of a dialectic. The arguments used in anime are often easily traceable to the original philosophical/religious sources (Confucianism, Taoism, Buddhism, Shintoism). Fighting styles and abilities are, then, not only themselves but an expression of a way of life.

So what I'm saying is that you should go read the Zhuangzi because it's basically that.

you are a fucker banana I am roped to the goat
Withstand it are you kidding me in the saying sense of
Each part
WTI"within is "outside the "way you "want to
This is just a voice in your head

>>10083573
Comparing argument to combat as if this pictures the whole of practical reality implicitly justifies the very procession from argument to combat. The idea that violence must follow an irreconcilable theoretical disagreement is a historically self perpetuating one, it seems.

>>10083724
Precisely. It's interesting to think that violence on a personal level hasn't played this role in Western fiction until recently, with the rise of superheroes and similar tropes. Though it might seem as if the privatization of violence would result in more individual and subjective power, it very well could be the opposite; the fact that violence and self-expression become intermingled to the point of immediate association signals precisely that self-expression requires something more than itself to come to be, that communication is inherently mediated and that no commonground can be found in a society. Though it might seem that violence is the solution to this hindrance, in fact it ends up perpetuating it in order to perpetuate itself. The role of the hero, despite being capable of holding many attribute, is in fact much more codified and predictable than one of the common person -- as such it lacks the inherent brutality of life experience, confounding it for pain, therefore fetishizing pain, and in the end finding security in masochism and sacrifice. That discourse has ended up in violence shows that it has not been let be for itself and that interests outside of itself have come into play with it. This is not to say that one can never speak in realtion to other things; on the opposite, it is the lack of pertinence when one speaks that is the problem: this is what leads people to ask questions only because they want a given answer -- it's neither out of the necessity present in the situation, nor out of actual curiosity, but because they want another to fit a certain given image.

>>10078525
you must have good prose. try not to get prolix.

Whenever I find a good piece of art, it's frustrating because I hope for more. That thing that'll make me feel alive again. And it's counterproductive, since by expressing that desire and getting anxious, I only move further away from it. To occupy my time, I try and make music, but it's tough. How do you channel emotion into something when you don't feel it yourself?

More time gone.

>>10084432
You only want more because you don't like your "average" life. You go on about it daydreaming about something else. So what's happened is simply that your memory has caught up to you. The exceptional has become part of the routine. And that's the truly scary part, isn't it?

So don't reject the routine. Let yourself be a bit frivolous. Stop thinking that you're not alive simply because you're not overflowing with what you want. Your life's not a movie that has to be a piece of art at every second. You're more than that, you don't live to please people, you can make mistakes or do "nothing".

>More time gone.
Time's only a number. It's always going on.

>>10084461
Sure, but it's always like this for me. Constant, unceasing boredom. Excitement and life only at the very fringes of consciousness. To be honest, it's hardly literary. It's a medical thing. I had a bad few years, the stress got to me, and I sort of just - cracked. My mind isn't the same anymore.

And it sucks. There's nothing literary about this. Nothing that speaks to the human condition. People say mental illness makes the best art, but here I am, sitting in a constant mental fog in my basement, struggling to imagine anything I'd actually enjoy. And the solution isn't a beautiful piece of art or a grand insight; It's either a pill, or several months of "taking it easy". Other people have written online about this, but they suck at writing, and it feels false. Maybe when it's over, I can write some grand piece about it, just to legitimize it. That might help.

>>10084545
Have you tried philosophy, religion, non-fiction, or things outside of art?

>>10084562
I considered philosophy, but it had nothing to offer. Everyone refers me to Plato, but in his dialogues, he just puts philosophy above everything. Why? I'll tell you: Because it felt important to him. Same with every other philosopher. It's not that the ideas themselves have some kind of transcendent importance; Philosophers just feel that, and use logic to build upon and intensify it. Eastern philosophy has been a little helpful in coping, but that's it.

Nothing else I've come across even broaches the subject.

>>10063329

That escalated quickly

>>10063329
godspeed, anon!

>>10084581
>Because it felt important to him. Same with every other philosopher. It's not that the ideas themselves have some kind of transcendent importance
Eh, I'm not sure that's the case. I can agree that philosophy has had a bias for the intellect, but that doesn't mean the ideas themselves are just there and philosophers will justify them out of whim. Plus, many philosophers think about things beyond thinking and put them above thinking. Kierkegaard and Nietzsche have very concrete aims with their philosophy. Many others have economic or political issues in mind. Try reading something more current maybe. Don't go hoping you'll get exact answers though, that's always a bad idea.

Can /lit/ recommend some erotica