/lit/ - Literature

nice art but you're a faggot

Reminds me of that one character in Of Human Bondage who lives in a filthy, rotting Paris apartment with only his art and alcohol to keep him company. I suppose I could be like that too, but with none of the talent, all of the debt, and more digestion problems.

>>10036591
>Anyone else living the /lit/erary lifestyle?
I spend every hour outside my job reading and writing (revising stuff at least 2 hours a day and writing new stuff at least 1 hour a day). Only other thing I do is working out. No social connections or life outside of that.

>>10036591
>Is suicide imminent?
I've put it off up to now, hope I can continue for a while.

Get a grip faggot

>>10036591
>an ideal gay relationship

Best miss me with that gay shit, faggot

>>10036591
fuck off svid

>>10036591
Like an autistic child regurgitating something they saw on the television you attempt to emulate the life of the authors you idolise. All your suffering you've brought upon yourself, why should anyone feel sorry for some fuckwit pretentious student?

>>10036591
More or less. But I also have a job, so debt isn't as big of a problem.

>>10036591
What is her name?

Fags should kill themselves anyways

>Get BA in English
>Literally nobody wants to hire me, not even as an intern who works for 40$ a week
>Get into trades
>Pull my back
>Get into welding technology
>Become a welder during summers
>Should be earning 40-60k starting when I'm done my technology program

I scorn both blue collar and white collar wagies. I don't fit in anywhere. I'm sexually unfulfilled--despite being relatively handsome, tall, and fit.

I honestly think god is punishing me for something--I wish he made it clear what...

Does he want me to delete my 300gbs of porn? Like wtf God, that's all I have left to live for...

>>10036591
Nice Pasta. Needs a little tweeking though.

>>10036825
You are obviously a fool who watches from a safe distance and pretends to understand those who remind you that your life is no different from anyone else's. Any artist goes where their work leads them, but how would you know that? I'll admit that you're right, I brought all my suffering upon myself by deciding not to compromise my ideals. Satisfaction is more precious than happiness.

>>10036712
>>10036733
>>10036860
Are you children or swine to be ignorant of the beautiful and virtuous nature of a deep love shared between two men? Maybe you just haven't been with enough women to realize that they are all various shades of vanity. I envy the gay.

>>10036591

Im so jelly really. Currently studying towards a STEM degree and cant do much reading due to pretending to be social.

>>10036888
Are you a fedora enthusiast perchance?
Also
>MUH IDEALSSS

>>10036879
You are destined for a life in crime, but not petty crime.

>>10036879
Reminds me of Job, but way more pathetic. You feel that disgusting creature part of you? Yeah, you need to cut it off, from your spirit. And most people are apprehensive to cut something of themselves off and separate from a vice, because it's tantamount to losing a part of their identity, something they've unfortunately invested time or effort into, something that may wither certain social ties and leave them feeling alienated or ostracized; but all that these have in common is that, cutting off a part of yourself is painful.

But you must prune the witheres branches to give the rest of the tree the ability to grow and nourish rather than allow the decay to spread. You can feel the disgust in that certain part of your person. That part that says, all you have to live for is a collection of cheap Internet porn. But what's worse than having to depart from your old self that you've invested into, is to continue wasting investment into that very thing that makes you sick. Cut it off I say, and cut off every withering branch that you see nagging at your emotional and spiritual welfare, and you will be closer to developing into the upright person and may manifest some sort of fulfillment, even if that fulfillment is as little as from thereon being able to enjoy the simplicities of life without an underlying guilt or narcissism or greed or sloth or neurotic baggage weighing you down.

>>10036930
Words of wisdom from our resident gay NEET virgin student

>>10036857
Are you serious? It's a painting.

is this /lit/?

>>10036879
>despite being relatively handsome, tall, and fit.
Sure you are.

>>10036888

FegFAG!

>>10036928
What do you mean?

>>10036888
>Are you children or swine to be ignorant of the beautiful and virtuous nature of a deep love shared between two men? Maybe you just haven't been with enough women to realize that they are all various shades of vanity. I envy the gay.

I can definitely tell you're not gay. You're shockingly ignorant. Gays are vapid, hedonistic sluts who don't care about love or devotion. All that matters is finding their next disease ridden cock.

>>10036591
delay suicide until you're 50, life only starts to decisively go downhill after that age

>>10036888
>Are you children or swine to be ignorant of the beautiful and virtuous nature of a deep love shared between two men?
No one cares if you love men. People call you a fag because of your pseud "let's play being an artist" persona.

>>10036879

What any good psychiatrist would tell you is: you need to find the happiness within yourself. I know that sounds new-agey, but it's true. Since you have a B.A. in English, maybe you'd find fulfillment in teaching? Do you like helping out people? You can become a social worker. You need to do A job ... but you should find one you don't despise waking up for every day. Welding is not for someone who has most like studied the Classics.

As for the pornography ... that's a lot of gigs. Don't delete them, but try to meet someone on Match (not Tinder)

>>10036974

That sounds like a nightmare. Really? Or are you just homophobic?

>>10036974
I realize that I might be idealizing what it could be, but when I read that a man like Tchaikovsky was gay, I can't help but think that there are some who turn to men not only because of a physical attraction, but because they long for more than what women can offer. I've met the vapid and hedonistic sluts and treated them like brothers of course, but they seemed no different than women. But like I said, it's a fantasy and I'm already used to disappointment--there's nothing to lose in hoping.

>>10036999
I'm 25 now. The idea of another 25 years is sickening regardless of what comes out of my work. Whether it's uphill or downhill, it's still a dull walk.

>>10037033
I know, it's pretty gay.

>>10036879
You seem to be to be going down a steady path. Maybe you'll start to feel like you fit in once you start on a welding job. Make sure to set some money aside with every paycheck so you can bail anytime you feel like it.

Also you know that it is a sin to look at pornography. If you are serious about the idea of God punishing you, work on abstaining from all things that are forbidden to us. All good things come from God; all bad things come from us.

I'm too busy working in a factory to live the /lit/ life.
Hell I barely drink now.

I barely have time to read my books

The "literary lifestyle" is a lie that failures tell themselves when they never take off.

Focus on actually writing meaningful literature and less on putting on flairs.

>>10037130
>literary lifestyle
The literary lifestyle is sitting your ass down and writing/rewriting. All the rest is pretend play.

>ITT assholes

I'm gay and I swear I'll fuck each and every one of you dorks up. You're just mad because every writer of any value was either gay or bisexual, and you're a vagina-cuck robotically following your genetic commands to reproduce.

>lifelong retail cuck
>no real personal relationships, incapable of sharing real personal connections because my social persona was developed in customer service environments
>my only friends have drifted away and are living more fulfilling lives than me, so much so that I don't want to reestablish contact with them
>too socially underdeveloped to connect with people my age, can't relate to younger people any either
I'm not living the literary lifestyle but I doubt it would be any better. I thought a life of isolation would be fine but when you're forced to be surrounded by people all the time, it's impossible not to desire a connection with them.

>>10037160
Good writers often have feminine sensibilities - no matter how macho some try to appear - but the vast majority aren't gay anon.

>>10037160
>every writer of any value was either gay or bisexual

*takes deep breath*
>Dante
>Dostoyevsky
>Tolstoy
>Joyce
>Mailer
>Kafka
>Chekhov
>Poe
>Nabokov
>Faulkner
>Eliot
>Pound
>Yeats
>Keats
>Coleridge
etc. etc. etc.

All straight. I'll give you Byron and Hemingway.

I spend 90% of my time reading, masturbating and shitposting. I don't understand life. Is just not for me.

>>10036888
You do realize than being gay will irrevocably involve getting fucked in the ass, or fucking some hairy ass, right?
I'd take 50 shades of vanity, thank you very much.

>>10036591

>found job in tiny dusty unorganized used book store
>just read or shitpost on 4chan while getting drunk
>0 customers for most hours of the day
>for the customers who do turn up I make fun of their choices
>manager oblivious to how much is store sucks because he's old and brain dead

>>10037208
Stop drinking, respect your damn employer, and if you have free time at your job, use it to read/write.

>>10037082
Man, are you for real? You apparently spend a good bit of time entertaining gay fantasies and are giving this other guy a lecture on the sinfulness of pornography? Get your shit together.

>>10036591
>tfw /lit/ uni neet

>>10037225
>uni
Do you know what neet stands for?

>>10037230
Not currently in... OP sounds like he has finished university and isn't in education or training anymore, but he's not employed either. Hence, he's a...

>>10036591
I didn't realize how dysfunctional my life is until I read this and identified with almost every part.

>>10037218
I can see how that might seem hypocritical, but you have to understand that I only entertain the virtuous aspects of a gay relationship. Whether it's with a man or woman, fornication is a sin, but aren't we all sinners? I suppose it would have to reach that point eventually, I just prefer not to sully a fantasy with any base considerations. It is an exclusive brotherly love that I dream of; a relationship that is more spiritual and intellectual than physical. If the price of such a perfect thing is sin, then one can only pray for forgiveness.

>>10037202
I've heard that the pleasure is unparalleled.

>>10037172
They would only disillusion and disappoint you friend. The desire for a connection is natural, but it goes away if you can realize that you'd be forming one with people who can offer you infinitely less than books. I've met people like you before and a lot of them eventually latch on to the first person who shows them any attention. Be careful this doesn't happen to you. Better to be alone, miserable, and free than with someone else, miserable, and bound.

>>10037274
It's comforting to know that you're out there.

>>10037177
Some of them were probably bisexual or at least had a gay hook up or two.But yeah especially Hemingway who was hot for F. Scott Fitzgerald.

but then you have:

>Rimbaud
>Proust
>Plato
>Basho
>Rumi
>Mishima
>Ginzburg
>Whitman
>Burroughs
>Mann
etc. etc. etc.

You have to admit that gay writers can hold their own with the rest, or does that hurt your fragile punk ass heterosexual ego?
etc etc etc

>>10037274
Stop it. I spent years thinking that's what writing was about. I'm just now digging myself out of that hole, and I'm actually writing worthwhile stuff now. It's dumb as fuck to live this way. Stop.

>>10037303

>another gay man who thinks every man is gay

wew anon

>>10037202
>he hasn't taken the prostate pill

>>10037318
What do you mean? Do you not realize that to devote yourself to writing, you have to set yourself in an environment that inspires you and gives you the time you need to work? Cafes are conducive for productivity; poverty is to be expected when you give your time to something that yields nothing; happiness is impossible to maintain without the compromise of ambition. Do you understand? This sort of lifestyle is the result of a sincere devotion to art. Of course it's not what writing is about; it's the life most dedicated writers have to lead for a while as they work and hope. If I could live in my parents' suburban house around people who can't get through a conversation without mentioning Game of Thrones and still be productive, I would not move. But I work better when I am surrounded by interesting people and novelty. It is just a shame that one must suffer just to find an inspirational place to live.

If you're writing worthwhile stuff now, it's because you've improved with practice. It might come easier to you. Some of us need to do a little more.

>>10037346
Sex doesn't have anything to do with the quality of words that are put on the page. Judge writers by the quality of their work. Who gives a fuck if the authors of a work like vagina or cock. Why would you even care about the personal life of writers? This isn't supposed to be about hero worship.

>>10037346
They were gay shithead.

>Rimbaud

Took cocks up the ass from a man twice his age

>Proust
Queer as a three dollar bill

>Plato
Wrote about the virtues of pedantry

>Basho
Had a lover boy who followed him around on his peregrinations

>Mishima

Liked twinks

>Ginsburg
Flamboyantly gay

>Whitman
Wrote about naked boys

>Burroughs

Wrote a book called Queer

>Mann

Wrote a book about a married man's romantic attraction to a male youth based on Mann's own experience living for a time in Venice

>>10037302
So now you desire deep spiritual companionship while telling another anon not to bother? Again, get your shit together. You need a friend, not a boyfriend.

>>10037416
I tell him not to bother because I know that mine is just a fantasy! If I really thought I could find such a relationship--a friendship would not suffice because I cannot bear to be any less than everything to the person I am interested in. You might find it amusing to know that my last conversation with a woman ended with her telling me to get my shit together as well. She was a child and a liberal so I dismissed the useless advice, you just brought it to mind. But by all means, tell me how I can go about getting my shit together and I might try--my responses should have already revealed that I have nothing better to do right now.

>>10036608
anyone know the artist/date on this piece?

>>10036591
I doubt half of this is true. Assuming it is, you seem to enjoy whatever it is you're doing despite claiming feelings of unhappiness or depression so suicide is likely not in the cards for you unfortunately.

>>10036879
Similar situation here. I got a STEM degree which is arguably more useless than a BA in English despite what most people may believe. Now I'm working in an office helping them go paperless...Every page I scan brings me one step closer to the end of my contract. I've thought about going into the trades...but I might go back to building fences and decks. Not very literary but it's half decent income.

>>10036940
No, that's just sad.

>>10037172
Having been socially underdeveloped myself, I found a lot of the problem was that I was too much in my own head instead of actively listening to people. When you really listen to someone conversation will flow a lot better and you might be able to establish a deeper connection with others that way.

>>10037183
Do you work, or go to school?

>>10037369
I've spent years in love with the idea of being a writer but actually writing very little (compared to the time I put in at least; I still wrote many full novels, short stories, scripts and what have you, but I was happy with just abandoning things after the first draft - which I was convinced was gold - and never actually sending anything for publication or showing it to anyone). I was spending all the rest of my time reading pretentious crap and was telling myself that's all I needed to do to improve.

Of everything that OP says, very little is about the literary lifestyle. "Living in repulsive places", "depression", "listening to Beethoven" and "fantasizing about dick" isn't what the literary lifestyle is about. The literary lifestyle is about reading, writing and publishing. If you enjoy doing the other things, that's fine, but don't fool yourself thinking you're becoming a better writer by doing them.

>>10036591
You sound like an anon I know from NY.

>>10037386

Do you know how to fucking comprehend anything? Everyone knows about the personal lives of those people. Many of their works are on my bookshelf

>>10036591

>>Spend hours in cafes

You sound like an insufferable yuppie. You didn't even need to go to college for literature btw. If that's all you went for. They fleeced you.

>>10037160
lmfao imagine being this much of a delusional faggot revisionist history cuck

>>10037160

>you're a vagina-cuck

Why even bother saying this it's never going to have any effect on any normal guy ever. Only MGTOW guys would feel some sting from that line and they're basically faggots now anyway.

>>10037386
>pedantry
lmao freudian slip amirite

also it seems anachronistic to call plato specifically gay

>>10037567
This is what retards actually think
English Literature majors do more than read in fucking class you stupid faggot.
They learn of ways to read and interpret texts, links between texts, and involve serious criticisms of one's criticisms, and even criticisms of your criticisms of criticisms. Then you can criticize their criticism of your criticism of criticisms.

>>10037683
criticize the bible and tell me its meaning

>>10037683
most people can learn how to read without paying $60k a year

>>10037683
>learn of ways to interpret texts, links between texts, and involve serious criticisms of one's criticisms, and even criticisms of your criticisms of criticisms
That's fine if you want to become a critic. It's bullshit if you want to become a writer though.

>>10036591
>Romances never last more than a few weeks
>Romances
>s

Normie.

>>10036888
JCS >>>>>>>>>> men and old hags

>>10036940
Many of us think that to imitate the vices of great men will be enough to resurrect them within us. We're mistaken.

>>10037701
Wrong
>americans actually pay 60k a year for their garbage education
lmao
>>10037708
Then study writing, not literature, you fucking retard.
>i want to become an artist so im going to study phenomenology lmao

>>10037445
>I was happy with just abandoning things after the first draft - which I was convinced was gold - and never actually sending anything for publication or showing it to anyone

fuck, I'm so guilty of this. It's disgusting, shameful behavior, but I'm guilty of it all the same. How did you ever level up past it, anon?

>>10037683

>This is what retards actually think

Not really, but if that's what you need to tell yourself. The truth is most of them lack a real sense of curiosity. You can't teach that. They can feign it for a time but they'll never have that lifelong burning desire to know and improve -- a few will, and those few might go on to say something worth hearing, but most will simply live life going through the motions.

This is one of the few fields where you can skip tertiary education and be none the worse for it if you're driven enough; in fact it might even prove to be a net positive.

>>10037941

>>i want to become an artist so im going to study phenomenology lmao

...You think these two are mutually exclusive? Honestly you should just stop posting desu.

>>10037997
>this is what brainlets tell themselves

I make six figures coding in Haskell for a blogging startup out of Portland, OR. As mentioned, I write the backend using various Haskell frameworks. I also assist with frontend when the women can't figure how to manipulate the DOM. I work fifteen hours a week and make what most developers make in a forty-hour week. I'm that good. Oh, and did I mention I work exclusively remotely, which means, of course, from the various coffee boutiques near my loft, as well as from vegan cafeterias and, on occasion, the RagingBitch microbrewery.

Which brings me to my point: when I am not coding for said startup, I continue work on my literary career. I am 26 and have a corpus of over four thousand written pages, all workshoped and edited, of course (I *highly* recommend sleeping with editors.) I have been published in Tin House, Granta, McSweeny's, Ploughshares, and Glitter Train, to name a few. Each morning I sit at my writing desk with my implement and in long hand on refurbished artisinal papier continue drafting what will without a doubt be The Great American Internet Novel. My submissives (I visit a rotating cast of three at a time, all at least C-cup) refer to me as "Hemingway". I have never gone hungry, worn soiled clothes, or wanted for human attention. I have bipolar-II, and confront it directly and effectively through medication and power of willl. I therefore can speak to mental illness without being crippled by it.

I'd offer to read your manuscript but, let's face it, it's not worth my time.

No I hate students and I'm straight. But everything else is accurate...

You are not an artist. You are cosplaying as one. Your life is a meme.

The literary life is the product of devotion to art. Going to bars to meet new people who inspire you. Drinking in excess to do something worth writing about. Going to cafes to meet other artists. Banging easy women because the lifestyle is incompatible with long term relationships.
The list goes on. Every action stems from devotion to art. It's sincere and authentic and not a copywork.

In your case, it's simply
>muh cafes
>muh alcoholism
>muh depression
>muh whores
>imma think I'm too intelligentual for normal peoples
>no mommy you don't understand I'm a writer now

You are a joke.

>following your genetic commands to reproduce

You say that as if you have some sort of superiority complex over reproduction. Humans are put here to reproduce. This is fact and how we have survived long enough to get to this point. I'm pro-gay rights but you have a shit attitude. You're only here because of somebody's genetic commands to reproduce and because someone decided not to abort you.
Inb4 >I didn't ask to be born. Wah.

>>10038019

>he's a normie who wishes he had the natural brilliance allotted to the chosen by turbo autism

Look upon me from afar and covet till you choke.

>>10038058
This desu.
>muh tortured artist

>>10038058
Doesn't that make him the ultimate artist though?

Suffering in the name of a peace of elaborate performance art that spans an entire human lifetime.

>>10038018
Are you illiterate?
Of course you can study creative writing and literature, just don't expect to learn to write prose from a literature major.

there is nothing literary about debt

>>10038058

>Going to bars to meet new people who inspire you. Drinking in excess to do something worth writing about. Going to cafes to meet other artists. Banging easy women because the lifestyle is incompatible with long term relationships.

>>muh cafes
>muh alcoholism
>muh whores

This is exactly the same shit you projecting idiot.

Your whole post was the biggest projection. Are you delusional?

>>10036591
Evola helped me a lot with most of these issues.

>>10037539
You're about to comprehend my fist in your fucking face

I'm tormented by remorse and loneliness, sometimes I read books and drink coffee.

Is this /lit/ enough?

>>10037160
>you're a vagina-cuck robotically following your genetic commands to reproduce.
Says the guy that still has sexual urges that he must exteriorise in an homosexual manner instead of just abstaining

>>10036940
>Becks
god no

>>10038058
>Nah dude you are just a poser, lemme teach you how to be a real poser
Hope both of you get brain cancer

>>10037208
How much do you get paid? Like $9 an hour? I would love to do that but then I wouldn't be able to eat food or have a bed to sleep on.

>>10038022
You sound like the last person on Earth I'd want to read a book by. I would literally rather read a book written in orange crayon by a severely retarded person than anything by you.

>>10038165
>the only intelligent post in this fucking cancerous thread.

>>10037924
glad someone said it. fuck you OP.

>>10037208
Blackbooks?

Am I living the literary lifestyle?

>Only debt is owing £4 to my friend for buying me cigarettes
>Not depressed, in the slightest, pretty cheerful in fact. Do get very angry semi-regularly though.
>Read whatever I want. Overwhelmingly philosophy but I read other stuff sometimes
>Spend 99% of my time in my room, only ever go outside to go to parties or go running.
>Haven't had a romantic encounter in 2 years, don't particularly miss it either.
>Sustained by the fact that I like living
>Live with my mom for the sake of not spending money
>Lots of friends because I enjoy the company of pretty much anyone.
>Laugh regularly

I wear lots of black and drink coffee too if that helps.

>>10036591
>beethoven
It is impossible to be more entry-level

>>10036890
>doing social instead of reading
People are discusting. Leave them, read instead.

Are you even trying, lads?

>no debt but no money
>very happy and carefree
>live with gf of 4 years and her parents, when I get a job and save up we can move out
>spend my days writing, playing, recording music and goofing off online
>no smartphone, no social media whatsoever
>sometimes I read, mostly literary fiction and philosophy
>a lot of the time I just sit and think
>I carry a little idea book in my back pocket at all times to jot down anything that makes me feel strong emotions
>maybe one day I'll make a novel out of it all but maybe not
>I'll be content either way
>recently started visiting /fit/ and actually have been out exercising every single day
>sometimes my gf and I will go down in the woods to the creek and skip rocks or just listen to the brook's lovely little chatter
>life is impeccable and I've never felt more at peace

The only thing I want to improve is my willpower. Living so comfortably has made me very lazy. But either way I could go on like this forever.

>>10038211
Tell me, anon, where have you been published?

>>10038371
>being this self-obsessed

>>10037303
The fact that you included Ginsberg indicates you haven't read Ginsberg but rather only what plebs say about him

>>10038378
>frogposting
Bad sign, anon. Have you moved out yet?

>>10037701
The only way you're paying full tuition at private school is if your parents are at least upper middle class, in which case you can afford it.

>>10037386
Plato was not gay, retard.

>>10038022
Low quality bait, too detailed ans obvious

>>10038198
Start cooking your own meals then. It's not expensive to eat properly at all. Also, sleeping on the floor is FINE and actually good for your back.

>>10038407
>It's not expensive to eat properly at all
It is when a head of iceberg lettuce, one of the items actually capable of being grown locally, is $3. Cucumbers $1.50, cauliflower $5-7, kale $4, tomatoes $1.50/lb. Consider such a statement only applies to your local economy before suggesting such. Your type of mentality is why third worlders think North America is rich and then act shocked when they get here and realize they can't buy their month of groceries for $20 anymore. Around here it might cost $25 to buy all the stuff for tacoes for a single night, for two people only, and there's nothing fancy or luxurious about tacoes.

>>10038165
>Hope both of you get brain cancer
They need a brain for that, teehee

>>10038321
>Not depressed
>I wear lots of black
>Not depressed
heh..

>>10038391
most people can learn to read without paying $30k a year

>>10039076
Not him but I wear a lot of black and am a pretty cool guy. It better conceals dirt and dust from working and it doesn't carry sweat stains. The underarms of my white shirts all eventually turn grey. And colored shirts, well, lets just say I hate coloreds in general :^)

I'm bout to flee to a foreign country, leaving friends and family behind, in order to hold an unqualified job and dedicate myself to writing and reading for a year.

>>10039117

Do you speak the language? Because I don't know if you know this, but white people who travel abroad without money are pretty much dead.

As to the 'life' referred, it's a rather quiet one, and not at all fraught with misery. If yours is, then perhaps the reading\writing\walking\watching life is not for (you).

>>10039129
I might not be strictly white. I'm a spaniard, the country is Ireland. I have enough money for a month while I search for a job.

>>10038066
We weren't "put here" to do anything

>>10039148
>Ireland
Why would you want to come here? This place sucks.

>>10039169
It's the best, See any of the Fringe Festival yet?

>>10039175
I really dislike it, and coincidentally wouldn't mind moving to somewhere on the Mediterranean. What do you like about Ireland?

>Fringe Festival
I've never actually seen it. And it's also in Scotland.

>>10037303
You didn't say "gays can hold their own". You said that gays were better.

>>10036591
The reason you are so uncomfortable living the life you lead is because it's not for you. The person you want to be, is impossible for you to become.
Give up, go live in a nice suburb and drink larger and own a dog and have a beautiful interracial daughter. Live a life where your only worry is going to be how you tell your child that because of her skin colour she will be discriminated against. Instead of gay fantasies you should be trying to thin of how you will teach your child how to not get shot by cops.

>>10038066
>Humans are put here to reproduce.
Based on what? You have more genes unrelated to reproduction than you have related to reproduction.
In fact to take this a step further (or too far), you have more bacterial cells inside of you than you have human. Perhaps we were put here to be a nice habitat and environment for our gut microbes? Maybe it's gut microbes that have a human, and not a human that has gut microbes.
Just because all life reproduces doesn't mean that the point of life is to reproduce. It could easily be to consume (as all life consumes), and reproduction is just a method to allow more consuming. It could even be to grow, and reproduction allows more growth.
>This is fact and how we have survived long enough to get to this point.
Just so you know, every other extant species can say the same. I wonder how many species capable of reproduction fell off the extant list along the way. Probably more than what are on the list currently.

>>10036591
>Is suicide imminent?

I sure as hell hope so

>>10039169
I can speak English, salaries are fine and there isn't a serious unemployment problem. I considered England too, but I guess it won't be as sure as Ireland due to all this Brexit shit.

>>10039301
Do you really think this was witty?

>>10038058
I can understand why I might seem pretentious, but if you read this>>10037369 you'll see that I had already written everything you said in your post. Not sure if it's because you just copied the main points you read there or because our ideas are identical. If it's any consolation, the last thing my ex told me before she broke up with me is that I'm a joke. You're both right, I just try to be an amusing one.

>>10038022
I will tell myself this is a lie just because I'd feel less sorry for you imagining you in your mother's basement, obese and depressed, imagining you're someone else, than being the sort of person you made yourself out to be. Anyone who can genuinely say 'I'm that good' is a child. Regardless of what you are, it sounds like you should read the Bible--I recommend KJV.

>>10038321
>>10038364
>>10039301
Happiness and contentment, when not used solely as fuel for productivity, are useless and will guarantee that you lead a dull and mediocre life. If that idea pleases you, then as a brother I am happy for you, but I would not want it for myself. Is it not written that through much tribulation we must enter the kingdom of God? I grew up in a suburb and was surrounded by the sort of happiness you extol: it is worse than marijuana in its ability to suck a man dry of any and all ambition. The reason I am so uncomfortable living the life I'm leading is because I understand comfort to be the harbinger of ennui, which will be the reason you look back at your life in old age and see that your 'legacy' is no more than the fulfillment of your biological destiny.

I recommend suffering to all of you! In Hebrews 12:6 it is written, 'For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth'. Suffering comes as chastisement from the God that sustains us; the result of treading down the path He fashions for each, individual believer.

'Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate and narrow is the way which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.' Matthew 7:13-14. Happiness and contentment widen and broaden the way for us, therefore despise them and embrace suffering as I have, as a means for perfection.

>inb4 gay fantasies and striving for the Kingdom of God

I already attended to this: >>10037302

>>10037937

On the night of my 17th birthday, my older friends smuggled me into a hookah lounge, providing me my first real experience with a drug that was not prescribed (as I'd already been on adderall for at least 8 years by that point). From that point forward I flooded my body with chemicals. It started small, THC, a few alcoholic binges, etc, but by the second half of my freshman year I was regularly abusing Adderall to stay up all night, miss class, get drunk, smoke pot, then do it all again after severe, mind-bending hangovers.

I proved unable to sustain this lifestyle, and washed out of my cushy private college. I moved in with my parents and did nothing for a year but drink horribly, smoke pot, abuse Adderall, and generally take whatever drug that wasn't unidentifiable or meth/heroin/coke that managed to fall into my grubby, shaky fingers.

During this time, I would regularly travel around with enough intoxicants to throw my own party, or else kill myself. I clearly remember it as though I were participating in some type of act.

One of my clearest memories, because of the romantic quality I supposed it had at the time, was that once I took two handles of liquor, one of rum and one of vodka, my prescribed barrel of 30mg adderall IR, and a cigar box of ground up marijuana to the park with a creek running through it. Traipsing up the creek with my trove of intoxicants, I found a beautiful, lonely spot, then sat and blasted myself to fucking oblivion reading THE GREAT SHARK HUNT - HST.

I loved my Hunter S. Thompson, Bukowski, Huxley, etc. Anyone who could, through confirmation bias, support my horrible, suicidal habits. Ultimately I would get arrested, total a car, and begin hearing things that did not exist, alone in my room, for hours on end, drinking to stop my mind from beating, screaming against my skull.

Eventually I graduated when I stopped smoking pot and shifted to that wonderful adderall/alcohol/nicotine combo.

Now my heart feels funny usually. I am just about entirely sober. I recognize the mistakes I made. I was out of control and looking for comfort in the words of idols raised by those as ignorant as I.

I am not better yet. I knocked myself around terribly. My cognition is not entirely recovered, and at times I still feel I'll never maximize my potential without Adderall, which might kill me if I settle into taking it again. My heart isn't what it was. And this was over the course of 7 or 8 years in my youth. I'm only a year removed from the end, perhaps ramping up for a graduate program.

I no longer seek to emulate the little gods I love in my life. It is my present mission to kill the romances I find myself indulging in, as they are all follies erected in preservation of monsters. I will find myself by leaving myself behind.

>>10037937
>>10039659

Bukowski died a sad drunk with a taste of the good life he could not enjoy due to his habits. HST blew his fucking brains out after the severe damage he inflicted on himself, torn between a character he could not sustain and a life spent burning in service of that character. The maniacs I loved found no betterment related to the rest of us, often not even for themselves.

Good comment.

>>10039659
>On the night of my 17th birthday, my older friends smuggled me into a hookah lounge, providing me my first real experience with a drug that was not prescribed
The stuff they serve in western hookah lounges doesn't have tobacco in. It's just flavoured charcoal smoke.

>I'd already been on adderall
> It started small, THC, a few alcoholic binges, etc
>by the second half of my freshman year I was regularly abusing Adderall to stay up all night, miss class, get drunk, smoke pot
This is fucking nothing. You ever sucked dick for adderall?

>>10036591
>drop out of university
>eat little, drink lots
>read at least four hours everyday
>tell myself i want to be a writer and have ideas but never actually write anything down
>watch movies i know i'm going to dislike just so i can give them shit scores on letterboxd
>champion i in rocket league

you tell me

>>10039674

Nope. Cuz I'm not a faggot.

>>10039659
Thanks for sharing. I know what it feels like to be dependent and scared in the face of the haunting idea that you need something to reach your potential. Do not kill yourself and do not turn back to drugs. Focus on improving yourself without substances and you will reach a potential that is different than that which drugs could have taken you to. A year is a fraction of the 7 or 8 you spent abusing substances, give it more time and be patient friend. Write down your progress to motivate you to continue with it. Sounds like you got out of it before any permanent damage was done.

>>10039678
Yes, you've made it.

>>10039686
Really? Because your shitty faux nostalgic writing about how you smoked a bit of weed and got drunk while you were at college says otherwise.

>>10039634

The bible is written for the simple folk. A book of rules for men fucking apes.

You, child, extol struggle for its own sake. That is fine, as it may hone you to your ends. But realize there is virtue in the many manners of living. Your need to find something you consider greater than a fulfillment of biological destiny means nothing on a the Grand Scale, and likely serves as the cause of your angst and trials.

<3

Ah, you're placing yourself on trial by the contradictory standards of the long dead. Me too, just differently. I suffer the same pains.

>>10039686
Neither are lots of dudes that suck cock for drugs.

>>10038321
so you are 18 years old?

>>10039735
I'm 19 but my 20th birthday is next month.

>>10039722

OHH OOHH OOOOOHHH OHHH OHHH
Noh, man. No. You don't understand the TRIALLLS man, that I've been through. THE TRIIIALLLSSS MAAAN. DEEP, HARD paiins man. ooooooh OHH FUCK YOU

But I ain't no faaaigut. You been suckin' that dick, boy? Tasting the Arkansas Toothpick? Pluckin' the Diddle Fiddle with your piddle hole, boy?

>>10039718

Isn't it interesting? All I want now is a full residency program at a school, a fully paid for Master's, and only the time to study and exercise, to build myself as best I can.

I feel the largest bit of damage was how I spent all of my maximally productive neurodevelopmental years fucking wasted. I have a bit of a weak heart at the moment, and I think I damaged my brain a bit (because I once acquired and integrated knowledge much faster than I do at the present), however I still seem mostly intact, improving, and happier.

Only thing I'm abusing now is coffee. Even that doesn't have much appeal, and I'm presently cycling my caffeine addiction out of my life. I need to start yoga again.

>>10039728

says the faggot that sucks cock for drugs

>>10039759
I don't suck cock for drugs. I do it for free.

>>10039763

Says the straight man who sucks cocks to prove a point.

I'm fine living my shit lifestyle, but these digestive problems, man. I feel you.

>>10039723
I've been studying it for a few months now and I assure you that it is not for simple folk. Or maybe it's because I am a simple man that I find it profound and difficult as nothing else I've ever read. I have already found what is greater than living for the sake of reproducing: immortality. This world is vile and vain, anyone whose eyes are open to see this will naturally look for something greater, something firm and not fleeting; and anyone who looks for the everlasting will come upon God.

I hold myself up to the standards of the long dead because the living know no more than I do. It is simply a matter of tirelessly searching through those standards until the ones that are not contradicted, the ones that are reasonable are found. I am not a Christian, but I tell you that the Bible contains plenty of such standards, irresistible because of their purity; immune to refutation because of their inherent goodness. Despite what everything I've written might suggest, I am stable, at least certainly more so than anyone I've met. It is a stability that no amount of money could secure: it is the stability of hope in God, 'Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul...' Hebrews 6:19

>>10039756
It's good that you know what you want, and even better than you know what to avoid. It's impossible to know the extent to which we've damaged our brains, I think, so all there is to do is try to improve it. If aged men can improve the quality of theirs through various exercises, surely you can too. A caffeine addiction is not as physically dangerous as the others of course, but it is psychologically no different. I say this as an addict myself: as long as there is something there that feels necessary, it is in the way of liberation and the activity that can only be achieved in a totally free state. It is easier said than done. I hope to one day quit too, but it's one of the only things I have that make me feel good anymore. It'll be easier to quit if I can get into another relationship--the distraction of another person makes anything easier.

>>10039767
These cocks ain't gay, buddy.

>>10039799

I love that you had to actually google traps and generically label a picture to post it here to prove your point. You're googling transvestite cock to satisfy me.

>>10039857

I'm not that guy but damn, that sounded hot

>>10037434
>>10039634
Eh, at least you recognize your unattainable fantasy as such. Though I'd only call that escapism, a way to cope with your (apparently self-inflicted) misery. For whatever it's worth to you, I used to have a similar mindset where I was fucked up all the time, barely eating, mostly unemployed, and living in squalor because I thought it would be conducive to making art, and I had developed contempt for a lot of people who had been my friends because they didn't understand my motivations. In reality I didn't have the mental energy to cut through all that bullshit and still produce something worthwhile, and it wasn't until recently that I've actually been able to go back and salvage some of the stuff that I wrote back then. But the vast majority of it was trash. Just like contentment, suffering can become routine -- though the constant pain and agitation one feels can be mistaken for novelty and energy.

From the point of view of a lot of the people who post here, my life is still probably a mess, but it isn't like before where I was spending all day drinking coffee and doing bong rips in a room barely large enough to hold both a bed and a table while churning out page after page of stream-of-consciousness nonsense and the beginnings of short stories that never went anywhere.

I don't really have any advice on how you might get your shit together, except that you should get involved with other writers and artists. Don't give me any shit about how there's no one talented around you, there are good writers everywhere, and having other people to bounce ideas off of and in a sense compete with is incredibly valuable, at least to me. A low-effort part-time job would also probably be good.

>>10039756
You really don't though. You're hyping up some middle-of-the-road late adolescent experimentation as though it was this huge thing and you sound fucking stupid doing it.
The suck dick comment was a reference to the Bob Saget scene from Half Baked, but I guess that was over your head.

>>10039857
I've actually had that picture for quite some time now, I label all my pictures generically because when they have intuitive titles they're all easy to find when I need them for 4chan posts.

It's much easier to just pick one of my many images named "trap" or some variant thereof than to scroll through my folder looking for an incomprehensible string of letters and numbers.

Also smug post to me some more it's turning me on.

>>10040371

That was a very good reference.

Sometimes I feel the need to trivialize others' experiences instead of sharing my own. It makes everything in the world less meaningful, everything except me in my head.

I get lonely often. I'm tired, aggressive, and unable to reconcile my failure to achieve with my visions of myself. You know?

So I suck dicks and it's usually for drugs but sometimes it's to degrade the person who's dick I'm sucking, because that person, boy is he a faggot.

the amount of utter fucking gimps ITT fuck sake man

>>10039965
>living in squalor because I thought it would be conducive to making art
Here is a significant difference between the actor and the artist. You lived in squalor to make art, I live in it because I make art. I lack the money for anything better because I give my time to my own work rather than work that pays. If I had the money I'd live in a room that is as lovely as the one in my head.

Suffering only becomes routine when it is pursued for the sake of something else, rather than it being the natural consequence--as poverty is. Do not take this to mean that I am calling you an actor, I do not know you. It is just an attempt to make a distinction between the sincere artist and one who strives to be one, not knowing that it is not a thing to become but a state of being that's achieved once one comes to truly value self-expression above all else. I also don't mean to disparage my suffering. As I mentioned in the beginning, it is only cowardice that keeps me from committing the suicide I fantasize about. It is a pathetic life but one that I imagine satisfies above all others. Nothing else comes with such freedom, which I suppose might contribute to succumbing to misery sooner than others. When you don't have a conventional job or conventional relationship to keep you diverted from the vanity that is everything, it's easy to look at things and smile.

What's the alternative to a life that's a mess? Whatever it is, it seems repulsive to me. Order is boring and boredom is the end of creativity, at least for me. There is a negative connotation to a messy life, but that is only because an artist lives with values that are different from those of most people. When someone tells me their life is a mess, I love them, not just because I can relate, but because whatever story they have to share about how it got to be a mess will be interesting. This in comparison to the story of one who has not wandered from the path paved by countless other forgotten mediocrities who would call your life and mine a mess.

Your advice is good, thank you for it. I don't believe that I'm talented, let alone that the people around me aren't. I am very social and engage with strangers to an excessive degree just so I can live by your advice. I even created a Craigslist ad to help me find other artists in my area, so great was my desperation. But for a long time I've resigned myself to the idea that I just need to live in places that are more cultured than the hovels I've spent time in. It is just that poverty makes it difficult to move unless I find work first getting a job is not as easy as it sounds, especially in the places I'm interested in.

This >>10040413 is the type of person I long to meet and love. Where can I go to find such people?

>>10037442
robert gibb: elaine

>>10040463
>Where can I go to find such people?
Craigslist.

Where do you live? I'm curious about your writing now, and I'd like to see an excerpt. If you don't mind.

Either way, best of luck anon.

>>10036591
This feels like a prophecy of how my life is going to play out.

>>10036591
>>Drowning in student debt
>>Unhappiness is interrupted only by occasional manic giddiness
>>Only read classics and sometimes genre fiction but feel embarrassed about if
>>Spend hours writing or reading, watching people and sighing
>>Romances never last more than a few weeks except when they're really awful
>>Sustained by the hope of seeing works published, knowing that it's extremely unlikely
>>Fluctuate between fantasies of an ideal gay relationship and suicide, lacking the courage for both
>>Living in repulsive places for the sake of the writing
>>No friends because reclusive shutin
>>Genuine laughter is not uncommon when hypnotized by the simple joys of dank memes

>>10036974
>I can definitely tell you're not gay. You're shockingly ignorant. Gays are vapid, hedonistic sluts who don't care about love or devotion. All that matters is finding their next disease ridden cock.

That's not true! Many are insane, damaged, needy, clingy and filled with Daddy issues, symptoms of abuse, and self-loathing, romantics to a fault who can't swear off what they know inevitably results in more pain.

>>10036888
>Are you children or swine to be ignorant of the beautiful and virtuous nature of a deep love shared between two men? Maybe you just haven't been with enough women to realize that they are all various shades of vanity. I envy the gay.

You are such a pseud that it's almost endearing. Women are shit but so are men, honestly I think 90%+ of humanity are horrible people and the good ones snap one another up early and instinctively, leaving the rest of us to torture ourselves and one another in a man-made earthly hell.

>>10039057
I live in England and our food is much more expensive than yours, our salaries are lower and our taxes are higher. It's not hard at all to budget for food, just don't buy trash.

>>10039057
Also why the fuck would you buy cauliflower if it cost $7. Buy a bag of carrots for $1-2 instead. Or you know... a sack of potatoes? Don't need to buy overpriced shit.

>>10036888
Are you rping as Steven Toast?

>>10039057
$25???? Just buy the damn flour (probably a few dollars) and make the tacos yourself. Also, plenty left over for next time.

>>10037160
Proust's sexuality, while homosexual, was almost irrelevant because he spent the overwhelming majority of his sexual prowess on himself, and for that, I strongly identify with him. Aside from his philosophically brilliant and stylistically delightful epic, I identify with Proust as a person and an artist. You see, according to letters from Proust to his loved ones, he was a chronic masturbator.

Not like your average adolescent, we're talking 10-15 times a day, well into his late 30s. It's no wonder he didn't start seriously writing ISOLT/Swann's Way until the late age of 38, because his wrist must've been devoid of cartilage by age 35 requiring strenuous recovery, like how some 30-year-old NBA players have the knees of an 80-year-old after a modest career. And who could blame him? His hands wrote the most masterful human creation ever, as art is the most superior form of human creation, literature the most superior form of art, and ISOLT the most superior work of literature; I'm not gay but I would enjoy a handjob from Proust's divine hands, the only greater tribute to art I imagine would be to pierce the canvas of the Mona Lisa smile with your cock and make love to Mona Lisa's mouth in the Louvre.

I too have this problem of chronic masturbation, it's a curse. But it comforts me knowing that there is an upper echelon of chronic masturbators who are brilliant artists and philosophers and minds throughout human history. It comforts me knowing that when I die there might be a glowing castle in the clouds where all the great chronic masturbators throughout history occupy, and Proust, from the highest tower, upon seeing my one normal arm and muscular arm with a chaffed lumberjack palm, blows smoky stardust from his divine pipe and shouts "Lower the drawbridge, he's one of us!", and I am greeted with Target 5 for $5 hand creams as I take my rightful place in eternity.

>>10040727
DC. I've tried Craigslist and found nothing interesting or attractive. I'm afraid I'm too ashamed of my work and sensitive to the things I might read here to share it. Don't get me wrong, I've let people I know read and comment on my writing, but here it's impossible to know if what people say is sincere or not so it makes me nervous. It's probably similar to my posts so you're not missing out on anything.

>>10041085
>You are such a pseud that it's almost endearing.
So low have I sunk that this makes me feel good, if only because I understand that you are calling me almost endearing. I hope you will let me have this, it's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in nearly two months.

>>10041240
People like you are the reason I prowl this useless board. I too have suffered from the problem of chronic masturbation and since I became a teenager, I think more days have seen me masturbate than not. Recently I've been trying to stop completely. I am convinced it is not a sin unless it is done while watching pornography, but I nevertheless feel disgusted with myself if I masturbate. Do you feel this way? It seems like it's beneath a man to spend even a minute doing something so base for a pang of pleasure and relief.

Like you I believe that art is the greatest thing of which men are capable, but unlike you I call music the superior art form. I've often found comfort in my isolation knowing that Beethoven suffered from loneliness; in my poverty knowing that Schubert himself knew the burden of destitution; in the face of rejections knowing that the masterpiece that is Beethoven's Grand Fugue was dismissed as incomprehensible. These are the men I identify with; more dear to me than anyone in my life. Without them and the encouragement their very existence gives me, I would have maybe quit a long time ago, or never even started. I'm glad to know that you have that in Proust.

Also if it means anything, the last sentence you wrote might just be the highlight of my day. You can sleep well knowing you've improved the quality of another man's life.

>>10041360
>I hope you will let me have this, it's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in nearly two months.

Yes you can have that, it wasn't meant as a subtle put-down. Just be aware that self-pity is a fickle mistress, I know from experience

>>10036709
If you spend every hour outside your job reading and writing then how are you on 4Chan? Hue hue hue

>>10040463

Here I am, babe. On the internet, starved for affection, hiding my name and face so I can be honest. Run to the board for eacapists who take themselves seriously. Kiss me.

>>10042430
I'm at a point in my life where I would not hesitate to kiss you. I'm afraid it's all downhill from here.

>>10036591
>>Romances never last more than a few weeks
TRY NEVER! LOL

>>10036879
I have too much pride to become blue-collar and I despise myself for it. As if being a perpetually mediocre student for the rest of my life is somehow better than a comfy stable life I'll never know.

>>10036591

>Drop out of college
>Join the Army
>Bring a Journal with me and write down almost everything I see (I avoided self-incrimination during my first deployment, we did some sure bad things)
>Army keeps me so busy that I'm lucky to get in 500 words on other projects besides my journal
>Suicidal ideation has sky-rocketed, even more so than when I left college
>No time for a girlfriend, just strippers when any other soldier has a birthday
>Drink more now than I did in college
>In my blackouts, dream of being a published author

Is this literary enough

>>10039659
You write kinda pompously.

>>10044474
Correction: just lamely.

>10044444

>>10041240
Brilliant

>>10044474

Can you elaborate?

>>10044476

Can you elaborate?

>>10044481
>>10044444

pussylicking orgasm compilation

>>10044852
and
guy-fucks-granny-then-eats-her-creampie-5905091

>unambitious, feel like i'm being swept along aimlessly
>BA & MSc from middling and top uni's respectively
>work in job I don't find particularly interesting and isn't related to my degrees (but pays quite well)
>rarely reveal myself/my feelings to others - even girlfriends
>read for 60-90 mins a day (mostly on the train)
>lift weights
>dance to techno most weekends, sometimes alone
>sleep with girls
>drink too much, do drugs
>don't write, don't think I ever will either

>>10038022

Congratulations gentlemen, we've just found the next /lit/ copypasta.

>master degree in philosophy at la Sorbonne
>failed/don't want to be teacher
>work in Paris Museums
>read social studies and a few novels considered as masterpieces
>brought infinite jest because of /lit/
> Houellebecq enthusiast
>single
>smoke weed everyday
>finishing my novel about the search of a missing child in a rural town at summer 2000

>>10036591
> Anyone else living the /lit/erary lifestyle?
If by "/lit/ lifestyle" you mean being a take-it-up-the-ass sissyfaggot, then yes, you'll fit right in.

>zero talent
>haven't produced anything
>feel superior to all of my peers
>staunchly believe that I'm destined to be a writer
>don't write
>waiting for that one event to set it all off
At least I read more than most people

>finished highschool
>never did college because I'm poor and ran away from home
>smart as hell, self taught everything I know, go toe to toe with doctors in various topics because the neet lifestyle allows me to read, study and write
>published, second book is already on its way
>work on an extensive fantasy series to publish next year if I become popular enough
>sustained myself by sending strangers mildly sexual pictures of my flat chest, stopped now
>do little things on the side such as having a deviantArt account and writing fanfiction
>spend a bare minimum amount of money a month
All I want is read, write and publish, read, write and publish. Living the literary lifestyle indeed.

>>10045250

Will you wrap me around your finger and stuff it up your asshole? I want you to pay me.

What kind of fantasy do you write? What was your first published book? What is your cost of living/how do you make money now? What site did you sell nudes on?

>>10038022
Copypasta?
There's something to be forgiven in a pseudo who haven't yet realised they don't, in fact, know it all. But being this utterly full of yourself.
Wew narcissus.

>>10036930
Interesting post/10

>>10039388
I wish you good luck, mind you, Irish people have left this country in their droves for around 2 centuries up to this very day. The modern Irish economy bites the dust without fail every twenty years with a recovery period of 10 years. So enjoy the next 8 and a half years.

You can all feel safe in that you'll never write anything of value if you cling to ideas such as "the literary lifestyle".

Good day.

>>10045533
My first published book is a philosophical, somewhat fictional book (all locations / timeline is real, set in the real world but the characters are fictional) about an emotionally manipulative teenager. It's pretty dark.

The massive series I'm working on is actually a science-fantasy-philosophical series that focuses almost entirely on the growth of the protagonist both psychologically, morally, physically as well (the book 1 starts when the protagonist is a child, ends a few years later. The sequel will include the protag's conquer over life, death, universe and its disappearing from existence). I'm playing with the idea of solipsis and delving a little into destiny / lovecraftian horror and religion.

As I'm not american, I can't rightly tell you a price of living but it should be the equivalent of 100$ a month minus rent since I'm leeching off someone. As for nudes, I never did nudes, only slightly revealing but fully clothed poses on patreon and bentbox, that's all.

>>10038022
This was fucking hilarious
8/10
I want it to be real

>>10046293

Ahh, interesting. I've a patreon now that I make terrible use of. I'm printing zines and selling them locally through a used book store using a pseudonym. The patreon is terrible, gives no indication of my writing style. But I need a way for purchasers of the zine to keep track of me, and I want something to update regularly.

I'm going to write somehow. I don't have another avenue or goal. The arts and humanities are my only fuel. Playing with thought is all I love. I can't even do drugs anymore to dull the lust, and sex no longer satisfies. Do you maintain a following? How? And if you don't mind my asking, what country are you in?