/lit/ - Literature

>>13080698
I'm glad you liked it. Of course, like you mentioned, it's a first draft, and there's things I wish to change about it, but if I start doing that I'm going to be re-editing lines over and over again (even more than I already do).

>>12350462
>>12350472
I'm very happy you liked it. It's always nice when you're given good feedback, so this made me glad.

I'm not published, although I might actually try submitting this work, perhaps it's good enough. I'm still very much an amateur writer.

I definitely understand what you mean about poetic, and the rhyming. The "late/hate" bit is actually something I've marked for editing. The poetic feel is very intentional, it's something that I'm trying out for this piece. I fully agree that I need to avoid rhyming, it sometimes happens by accident; "in the moment" so to speak. But yeah, you're right.

I was actually expecting to be criticized over the fact that I used primarily short, simple words, so that was a happy surprise.

One issue I'm having at the moment is that I feel each "scene" is a bit short. For example his encounter with the fairies is just a few lines long, from introduction, to resolution. At the same time I don't want to add "padding". I'd love to get some advice on this.

Can I post poetry here? I'm not very good at it but I had (what I thought at least) was an interesting idea so I made a little poem.

It's literally the first one I've ever written, so it'll be fun to see what you guys think.

Under the hammer,
she is blown away.
Growling, groveling, frothing,
frail.

Heavy, heaving, it hurls her,
beyond
Until she is gone,
beyond.

But fame and fun and music and flare,
is all we need.
Yes,
it's all right here!

Hard and solid like a rock,
she isn't there.
And what is was when
blown away was ghostly ash.

>>9420266
That's actually quite good.

Good job Nael.

>>9266057
Unironically really good.