/lit/ - Literature

I've currently got to write an entire term paper that I am not writing for this instead.
I'm in the middle of an Adderall high that I purposefully gave myself in the break of my Calc III class to help me focus on the paper
But instead I'm writing this right now because even when I am able to fully focus on what actions to do, I still needlessly procrastinate on something I have to have done by tomorrow morning.
My mind is as still as a lake without breeze, and I can see the horizon of the lake, as it touches the sky like a silver sheen against violet, and as I continue on the lake keeps expanding and expanding further along, while my mind keeps trying to view the whole lake. The lake as an image is as much an abstract description of a multi-variable function f(x,y,z) being brought to infinity and I've got to find all the critical points and the sum of the function at those points. Of course, being a function brought to infinity where the exponent of the numerator is greater than that of the denominator, its never going to reach zero, so I can't do it.
I failed, just like I've failed every single test on the subject I've taken for the last semester, and I've an online quiz that I've yet to start due at 11:59pm, which is the only sort of saving grace I have at this point to save any form of passable grade, so I can get off academic probation and finally get financial aid again.
The lake isn't still anymore.

Now I rebound back into the stillness of ever expansion.
There's a noise in the background; my mind is screaming, not at anything in particular. Just as a sort of catharsis.
Interjected are bits of inebriated clarity as to why I would allow myself to reach such a stressful event of my own accord, answered by itself by my clear and acknowledged lack of self-control, and replied with that it's why no matter my youth, I have willing cast my fate into something I cannot reclaim control over, too far gone. Even when I remind myself I've years of life to head to pick up and fix my mistakes, I know that they're just lies I tell myself to comfort me with a non-existent control.
Then it goes back to a brief silence, reinterrupted with the reminder that I'd ought to be writing my paper, due at 8:00am tomorrow morning, as well as doing the math quiz I need to do to save my grade so I can save my GPA.

I'll be back to my paper. I'd ought to not have taken however many minutes I had taken to write this self-defeating, freshman-tier deterministic angst-fest from an eventual NEET, so sorry for shitting up the thread with it.