/lit/ - Literature

>>6378430

Opinion based critique ITP:

Liked:
>Things seemed still.
>That ol' sonuvabitch
> Archer stealin lemons - The ratbastard.
> pompous gut
> Sister Orchard - factory-fresh rosaries
> Her wimple radiated
> unzipped chubbie (would prob say exposed chubbie but I'm not THAT particular)
>Toes turned. Cheeks flashed rosy.
>Been busy lately 'round the office.
>Entering the room, naked save a starchy wimple and a pair of tassels on her nipples.


Didn't Like (or needs a strong reason to be included):
>meaty hand
>neighbors of varied distinction, size(,) and color
>with a little hop
>Mr. Archer outta no where
>meaty thigh
>pair of forks?
>the exaggeration due to - make it more active
>his taint a'tingle
>someone down the block took an afternoon shit
>raw AND bareback?
>meaty thigh
>sniffing it dramatically
>porked each other viciously for hours

Curious/Strong reactions:
>hit by a car and died. too abrupt. you give (her tying her shoe) and (getting hit by a car AND dying) the same amount of detail. has a jarring effect.
>stuff into the receptacle -
>thrusting to and fro, haha what?

Obviously you don't need too much technical help, you've got the fundamentals of fiction down, that's why I'm giving you a more impressionistic critique. Would also like to know if there's a deeper meaning to the story than a pedophile cuck having a sitcom moment.

Plz critique back :^)