/lit/ - Literature

If I have to make a conscious effort to stop browsing 4chan on my phone and reading books, does that mean I don't really enjoy reading book?

I feel so damn cucked all the fucking time, as if I'm being laughed at.

I consider doing basic computer science online courses on coursera and feel like people are laughing at me because I'm not using a textbook. That makes me a brainlet.

I consider using a textbook and feel like I'm being laughed at because I'm not skipping that and learning programming by trying to make something. I can only do sterile student exercises.

Going through SICP means you learn the fundamentals of computer science and programming in an in depth way. Going through SICP means that you were dumb enough to fall for sterile and needlessly complicated academic masturbation about topics that are explained clearer elsewhere.

I go crazy because I could get so much done if I focused on very few things. I feel like I'm being laughed at if I try to do a few things, as if I'm flushing my curiosity away to act like an efficient robot.

Reading old books is irrelevant and unenjoyable. Reading old books is the only worthwhile reading.

Doing important subject X1 is essential to be an intelligent person but there also exists X2 to X900001, all of which you could potentially spend your life on.

Oh yeah, and being rich is the only thing that matters. you are subhuman if you aren't rich.

If I use my own intuitions, which obviously lead to my own views about what is worthwhile and enjoyable, I can quickly find many sources calling me dumb, even though I have my reasons and it's everyone else who appeals to authority.

"Read Plato but don't question him. Socrates is so wise for saying he knows nothing, now read another 1000 pages of him asserting laughably dumb shit. Do this or posh people will laugh at you. And even if you read him, your accent will never be posh enough to be in the Plato discussion cool club"

"Don't ask why nobody uses functional programming / Haskell / lisp in the real world, not even financial companies with huge amounts to spend on the mythical genius programmers"

I'm 26 and let me tell you,my son. It sucks, you lose your youthful glow and the world doesn't become more shit as time goes on. You just recognize it now. The curtains go up and you realize how fragile life really is due to the aches and pains you get as your body stops recovering fast. Something happens to your brain past 25, you can listen to old songs and understand the full meaning of them when before they were just tunes you liked.

Time flys, months feel like days. when you feel nostalgic it really hits home. you don't think "wow I had such great times then" you think about what you would have done differently to prevent you life from becoming what it is today. Every day that passes is another door closed, another opportunity missed. It makes you panic and you realize your parents will die very soon. Holidays hurt not because of loneliness, because you remember how relatively happy you were back in the younger years. you lose yourself in old games or watch old music videos as a vain attempt at a time machine but it doesn't work because you can feel the could of the present loom over your head preventing you from relaxing.

realizing you wasted your best years is one of the worst things. It's like having the winning lotto ticket sit around and you let it expire but you decide to cash it in now and it's too late.

How do I stop feeling guilty about not working non stop? Apart from things all humans do plus going to the gym, I feel guilty about any of my habits. And I have no goals.

I want to read books but I feel guilty about reading a set number of pages a day. I am worried about being called a pleb for not reading ten trillion boring Western canon novels. I feel like an ADD pleb for rarely reading more than 60 pages at a time. I hate that I'm more likely to put a book down at the end of a chapter.

Similarly for working. I know I could always be working to become better off. I know that people who talk about taking breaks are just lying to themselves. I feel bad for not having the willpower necessary to work non stop on one thing for 10 hours. If I work on one thing then I miss the big picture. If I work on many things I am a dilettante who doesn't achieve anything.

And the funny thing is that I'm a Stirnerite. When you stay unspooked then everyone else's belief system feels like a personal attack. Fuck these people who say that X is so important. X is always working hard / enjoying yourself / focusing on one thing / focusing on many things / reading history / classics / philosophy / other shit.

The awful thing is that I know everyone else is a fraud. That NFL player who everyone loves and says is hardworking has never read a book. That mathematics professor known as a genius is a disgusting dyel. That literary figure who goes on about Shakespeare being a god doesn't know any maths or science greater than an 18 year old yet claims to be worldly. That billionaire who goes on about humanity's big issues does nothing but write checks for people who make social media apps.

>Oxbridge
>Warwick
>LSE
>Imperial
>UCL
>Durham
>Edinburgh
>Glasgow
>St Andrews

If you didn't go to one of these universities for undergrad and you're from the UK then nobody will ever respect you.

Is it normal to be dying of boredom at your wagecuck job and telling yourself that you'll work hard on those side projects and take advantage of your large amount of free time when you get home and feeling smug because you're so much better than all the sheeple around you but then later procrastinating by eating junk food (as comfort food) and browsing the internet mindlessly, telling yourself that your real life starts tomorrow, and this goes on for hundreds of days in a row with the false confidence becoming a daily occurrence?

Guys, intellectually I'm all spooked out. I can't stand philosophy because of all the unfalsifiable garbage. Many fields like economics etc are just applied common sense and stamp collecting. I see novels as nothing but entertainment despite pretentious people claiming life / philosophical insights and tonnes of people will consider you a disgusting plebeian if you don't initially read shitloads of boring as fuck canon novels.

I think I am painfully adapting to the idea of the Internet age / information overload by abandoning any pretension that I can be an all rounder or even dilettante in everything. There are ten trillion books called "Introduction to [broad and important field]", even if you only have one of each field.

History is similar to novels. Shitloads of reading along with a shitload pretension thrown on top telling you that you truly cannot no nuthin unless you have an in depth understanding of the Greeks / Romans / Christianity / USA / WW1 / WW2 / financial systems / or shitloads of other topics I can't stand it. And then there's current events. I don't care about climate change, outer space, inequality, China, the EU, applied psychology, the education system, diversity, Russia, South America, refugees, nutrition, mental health, and more. Admitting just one of these would make me an iredeemable idiot, no doubt.

Has anyone else had similar thoughts? The spooks are powerful and must be removed but their removal leaves your mind in a promordial state that is more susceptible to spooks than before.

I go to the city centre and see people shopping and the streets are busy, which is comforting compared to when they're empty, but walking through then brings no epiphanies.

I am so past watching movies or tv shows, even ones that pander to "edgy" young males. I just about read books but only because society tells me I should, though I don't derive much enjoyment

And obviously I have an existential crisis but /lit/ is fucking pathetic in demanding that anyone who has one should immediately "grow up" and become a monotheist and wagecuck. I fucking hate wagecucking. Seeing attractive young people is humiliating. I tell myself every day that I'll soon work intensely on one thing but I can't bear to do this. If you're really good at one thing then there are people lining up to call you a tard for not watching opera or being able to run a marathon or whatever shit. So I do nothing.

Every "thinker" is at their core an utter fucking fraud. Nietzche is a Tony Robbins tier Rorschach test. Science and mathematics provide non trivial insights but only in ultra specialised ways that probably require autism to appreciate. I listen to In Our Time podcasts and Bret Easton Ellis podcasts and I think at heart everyone cares about nothing more than social drama.

I think we all need to man up and admit that money, youth, videogames, and good looks are as good as it gets. But not everyone gets.

>>8211445
>tfw experiencing a sexual relationship and romantic love is the reason I'm a womanhating frog faggot now
LOL

I was on a bus with high school students and they are filled with more life / sense of belonging than any adult.

How can any aspect of adulthood even compete? Schools are like some anachronistic commune compared to every other institution. Even universities (working at them, not student communities) are like capitalist transient fake communities in comparison. Obviously other workplaces don't need to be mentioned.

I think if you played sports seriously at a high level then you could get some of that sense of belonging.

I can't help feeling like a loser talking like this but I don't believe people who claim that unlimited freedom leads to 100 % happiness. If you won the lottery then you still wouldn't feel the same way.

Nothing about adulthood looks authentic

He suffers from insomnia and sleepwalks. Sometimes he goes to sleep only to wake up as a subconciously ridden murderer. He kills isolated objectives with a blunt hit on their spine. Most of them don't even know what hit them. It's always random people in the streets at night and it's always one per night. There's usually one of these nights per month.

>>8045123
Post anonymously on the internet and express your feelings with drawings of men with cancer and frogs in funny situations