/lit/ - Literature

>>10195586
There are so many people in my life who I meet, every day. They speak so much and say so little, prattling on about themselves yet I don't even remember their names. Somehow I can't help but remember everything you tell me, to the point where it creeps me out that I'm like this. I guess if you genuinely start to care about someone, remembering things becomes easy.
I remember you always telling me about how inadequate you felt about yourself. "I try to play the game, but my game sucks haha..." You're wrong. "I'm weird" you say as you walk away, "you're not weird" I say back, and you persist "yes I am!" Those were your words, and by the look on your face I could tell you actually believe that. I understand that burden, that feeling of self-judgement in my own life yet for someone like you I can't wrap my head around it.
I see how strong you are. Everyone who meets you does and we're all amazed, because you are amazing. People are always pointing it out to you and I know how goddamn frustrating that can be, because I'm the same way and nobody seems to get how fucking isolating that can be. When I see that toughness you have I get this horrible gut feeling because I know what can cause that in a person's life. I don't know what happened to you, maybe I'm projecting my own shit onto someone else but I hope you're alright. I know for myself that my strength comes from overcoming terrible things, weathering storms. I hope I'm wrong about you, that we aren't alike and that you haven't closed yourself off in strength like I have.
You said you were lonely as you shrunk back in your chair and my chest hurt a little because you're just so fucking fantastic I can't even describe it. I don't want you to be alone. You couldn't be more wrong. Your game is great. It's just the timing and geography of my life and yours that really sucks. It absolutely kills me.
What if there didn't have to be "a game?" What if we decided not to play, to turn around, disregard everyone else's bullshit and do our own thing. You know I think you're incredible, and I know you think the same about me. Hell we've said it to one another so many times. What if you and I, two people who are somehow just so self aware, such insane over-thinkers, could sidestep all of that?
I want to sit with you under those desert stars and laugh about the absurdity of life, about the absurdity of myself, revel in the awkwardness and just enjoy talking to you, truly knowing who you are before anything else. Obviously I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to girl stuff like this, and you scare the shit out of me because you're the only person Ive met in 22 years who I actually feel is worth it. I'm okay with that.
I remember something else that you said to me, "don't become a stranger." If you find someone else and are happy with them while I'm away, I'll understand. I'm not good with distance, nobody is. I don't blame either of us for that. Until we meet again, be well.