/lit/ - Literature

>>15794656
Your post is the best conversational prose I've seen in days. And the image pairing—magnificent.

>>15795587
I'm alright with this for the most part, aside from the long clunky line that immediately follows the shortest one in the piece. I feel like you should build on the idea discussed in line 4 and break it into two or three shorter lines of increasing syllable count, so you get a kind of building flow leading to the conclusion. Right now it stumbles.

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I'm still trying to figure out how to end pic related, I'm not that happy with the single-word "maybe" conclusion. I lengthened the overall piece but I can't tell if that makes the abrupt ending better or worse.