/lit/ - Literature

>woke up before 9 am
>told myself last night, after stuffing myself with burger king and chocolate, that I wouldn't have junk food anymore
>feel genuinely fat because I've barely exercised in 2019 but binged everyday (fucking RIP, my bank balance)
>drank coffee, browsed internet, had zero motivation to do anything productive
>decided to go outside to feel sad about life
>saw lots of Staceys and qts, which demoralised me
>went for a walk while listening to podcasts I don't really care about (would appreciate some recommendations)
>read on my phone that Brexit would be cancelled
>Google "LinkedIn deepmind research scientist" and feel bad that I disliked my degree and don't have any passions in life
>it was hot and sunny, summer as fuck; how could I sit indoors and work on something on days like this? How do the California supergeniuses and millionaires do it?
>drive around a bit but don't go for any more walks
>feel really sad and frustrated with life (I think it was the effect of no junk food: I also told myself I'd go 36 hours without food)
>go to McDonalds to binge (I remember very clearly not feeling hungry. I craved it only for the carb rush)
>go to the shiny, attractive student filled supermarket to buy a few more bits of junk food
>ate some of it at home, to finish my Last Binge Ever
>decided to skip the gym
>now lying in bed at 10:29 pm

Today was almost a rerun of yesterday and I plan tomorrow to be a rerun of today except without the binging and I'll go to the gym.

I think all this overthinking about spooks is a rationalisation intended to justify my current habits.

I do not have the ability to sit down and simply do productive stuff in my free time.

Today's coffee and sugar and carbs still keep me optimistic.

>woke up
>browsed internet, drank coffee, had regular food
>went outside to walk around
>felt a bit pathetic at aimlessly walking around
>currently drinking Starboocks at eets pyoorest
>plan to maybe have one last junk food binge (which I'm craving, to keep away the existential dread), read a book, and go to the gym in the evening

I felt sad because I saw some Staceys and some qts and so on and I remembered how much of an ugly nofriends loser I was during university. It's more pathetic the more I think of it.

Once again, I have woken up and have not gained the ability to do productive work in my free time.

I am 3/4 through a merely ok but widely praised modern fiction book.

I wish they would bring back those special Ben and Jerry's flavours, such as honey flavour. Cookie dough is the dependable choice but it can get too familiar. Birthday cake flavour is nothing special after more than one tub.

Sundays like this are so fucking sterile.

My prestigious graduate job doesn't start for a long while, so I'm applying for retailcuck jobs. I hate working. My previous job had me working for 50 hours a week (including 5 hours of breaks and my unauthorised breaks which could last for up to 2 hours). I thought working a lot per week would be mentally easier because I knew that I could save up enough and quit sooner. But it was soul sucking. I've spent so much money on binge food since that job, I would have been better off being frugal and not working.

I hated my university subject and experience so I may have been Pavloved out of doing anything productive through my own initiative. There are so many mental barriers: Normies get everything handed to them. I'm so lazy and impatient and feel guilty about everything I do, don't do, and how I do it. I'm ugly so my life is on hard mode. I can't channel my bitterness in to a work ethic.

I can't stand having any fucking spooks. Even a to-do list feels like an attack on my soul.

>woke up
>browse internet and eat some junk food
>go outside for a long walk while listening to podcasts I don't really care about
>walked around some nice places and thought that it would be nicer to walk around in summer as a non-fat person, with more money in the bank, and with an ability to do meaningful work in my free time
>drive around and become demoralised at seeing all the qts and two GigaStaceys
>plan to maybe walk around some more, have One Last Binge at either McDonalds or KFC, go home and read, maybe go to the gym at night, and watch qt with /pol/ in the evening

I feel bitter about being such an ugly loser. It feels even worse to think of my past self than my present self because my past self was younger and in university / school / various jobs and his hope was pointless.

I plan to finish the book I'm reading now but to read about 10 really pseudy books for the pseud cred. I doubt I'll enjoy them. I tried to make a list of them right now but I deleted it a few seconds later because I don't want to live under the tyranny of a spook and it's a lie to think that the all encompassing guilt about everything I do or don't do can ever be stopped.

I downloaded the Elon musk biography on to my phone and I'm skimming through it sometimes. Everyone works on such pointless shit compared to him. The sheer banality of everybody's lives compared to him or Jeff Bezos is depressing. Imagine being some Assistant Retail Administrator in Pawtucket, Georgia or something, and spending your working day doing pointless shit and not even having a mansion to go home to. This is partly why I do nothing: it's better than pointless work.

Being an ugly beta in 2019 truly makes me a third class citizen.

>woke up at 9 am
>browse internet, drink coffee, beat my minesweeper record, eat healthy food but still crave junk food (am planning one last binge later today)
>go outside
>walk around a bit like yesterday but for much less time, and it's slightly colder and cloudier
>now drinking Starboocks and plan to go back home for a binge, then read, then go to the gym

I'm currently agonising over my bingeless future and the life requirement of having to spend my time indoors on desk work while not being rewarded according to my ability due to being an ugly male. I simply do not have the ability to do anything productive in my free time.

I weighed myself yesterday and I'm 117.5 kg (259 lbs). I remember feeling fat a long time ago when I was 107 kg. There is no mystery, I binge everyday. I could easily lose weight if I stopped the junk food and exercised regularly like I did before the past few months. But a cheeky binge to stave off the old everythingstential crisis for another day is necessary.

I listen to podcasts and I cringe at the idea of what would happen if I was being interviewed by Joe Rogan. I am a mental masturbator. I am completely rigorous about my thoughts regarding my wasted time. Meanwhile even Rogan was the typical American as a youth, who drops out of stuff and gets rich after taking risks.

Normies simply glide through normie filled institutions while being judged solely on their normieness by other normies.

Problem 1: I'm incapable of doing anything productive (e.g., learn stuff) in my huge amounts of free time because of a complete lack of motivation. I waste all my time on the internet instead.

Problem 2: I binge on junk food everyday while telling myself that it's the last binge ever. I have spent over £1400 on junk food binges and coffee since the start of November.

Problem 3: I drink too much coffee, especially at night, so my sleep is bad and I am too weak to lift heavy weights at the gym. Coffee is the only thing that gives me motivation (to work hard tomorrow) and optimism.

Problem 4: I am a 28 year old ugly beta charismaless meek nofriends autist male with no friends or social experiences since school, no female attention ever, and I've never been to a pub, club, or party. I am blackpilled and know that my ugliness is a huge handicap in life yet I cannot use that as motivation.

Problem 5: I feel guilty about everything I do, don't do, and how I do it. E.g., If I try not to drink coffee I feel cucked for admitting that I can't live well while drinking coffee. Example 2: If I even choose to do something productive like learn a topic, I feel guilty for not doing the task for 8 hours instead of 2. And not doing enough in the time frame. And even doing that task instead of many others.

Problem 6 (maybe the most important and only problem): I feel cucked when I have any spooks at all. I can't stand have any spooks. But remaining in a spookless state leaves me feeling like I'm under attack by all spooks and I am a slave to habit and inertia to an insane degree. I can't even bear to choose my own spooks. It just feels like weakness and self-limiting behaviour.

>it's 3:57 pm and it hasn't become dark yet
>it's a sunny and cool day

If only I had somewhere to go or something to do...

>wake up at noon
>go to toilet and then realise that, no, I have woken up at 9 am
>it's a cloudless sunny day and I look outside and feel grateful for having extra hours in the day
>drink coffee while mindlessly browsing internet
>have to study some material for a job interview I'll have in London soon- have procrastinated it for over two weeks
>Also: feel like I need to go through two small sections of a maths textbook on statistics or else I'm a pleb (I went through these sections over a year ago in the Christmas holiday, did the exercises, and promptly forgot everything because I had no reason back then either)
>tell myself I'll do the textbook and then the interview material
>have also told myself I'd exercise a lot to not go back in to London while fat but it's too late for that
>procrastinate all the tasks
>leave house to go outside on this sunny day which feels like a cool summer day
>go to park but it's too crowded to go to right now
>have a small junk food binge (some chocolate, sweets, supermarket sandwich)
>currently drinking coffee
>plan to go back to park and then go home and do the work and then exercise a shitload in the gym, cardiowise, to feel less fat

I can't trick myself in to thinking of work as anything but a huge ordeal. Does success mean missing out on all daylight hours for the rest of my life?

I've done less than 3 hours of productive stuff in my free time (so I don't count my jobs, or interviews, or chores: these are not intellectually or in any way psychologically edifying) in a year.

I am blackpilled as fuck. I am a 28 year old ugly meek charismaless beta loser. I have no motivation. Remember those few months when I stayed at my job from 9 to 5 (before I realise I didn't have to) and I would sit in my tiny flat after work, feeling sad on 4chan about not being as uncucked as zoomer YouTubers?

I feel like a cucked prisoner if I have any spooks but I am a slave to habit. Having any spooks is like prison to me.

>woke up at 10 am
>spend some time on the internet while drinking coffee
>told myself I'd start doing productive stuff early today but my mental block stopped me; hate the idea of giving up all daylight hours for the rest of my life
>went outside to feel sad about life and procrastinate another day of life instead
>went walking around a park
>saw students, felt sad
>got a message that a job interview for a retailcuck position tomorrow was cancelled; feel a pathetically large amount of relief at the idea of having no appointments tomorrow (and I was considering postponing it myself for a reprieve, lol); all constraints feel like cages
>went to a large charity book store and looked around without buying anything; my consumercuck urges were still partly sated but the image of myself buying a book when I already own so many unread ones felt pathetic
>it stopped raining during the mid afternoon and it felt like the beginning of a new day
>read the final 40 pages of a book I borrowed from the library (I took 12 days to read 400 pages)
>contemplate applying for full time jobs; two months full time at a minimum wage job would give me more money than I currently know what to do with but I know I'd find it hellish
>have Starbucks
>have One Last Binge: a really large burger king meal and then a bit more junk food when I get home
>browse internet for a bit, read, now typing this at 1:09 am
>plan to do productive stuff after waking up but any engagement with it is like taking a small step in to a cage

Walking around the bright supermarket feels like being in a Refn film. During hot summer days walking in to a cool supermarket evokes the feeling of being on holiday in a foreign country.

I need to figure out how to overcome my mental block that stops me doing anything productive. I hate having any spooks but this leaves me as a slave to habit. Also my main recurring bad thought is the idea of being ineffective, like trying to break a wall with a toy hammer.

>woke up at 7 am
>browse internet and eat junk food I bought yesterday and drink coffee
>start reading at 11 am but I feel too tired
>go to sleep for 2 hours
>go jogging and do well, considering how far I am
>go back home, eat, browse internet, drink coffee, etc
>also applied for some jobs but I can consider that procrastination
>now it's 8 pm and the day is gone
>thinking of having tomorrow as the "one last binge and coffee" day, maybe for real
>reading is mere consumercuckoldry
>will spend my last few hours today reading

I keep thinking that tomorrow is the day my real life really starts but I keep putting things off for a day or two.

How do I stop having one last binge every day? Subway, KFC, McDonalds, Doritos, Ben and Jerry's: these are my main pleasures in life. I recently discovered subway. Two footlongs subs are a good pre-junk food binge meal, though I'm still working out how nuch junk food I can stand afterwards.

How do I stop having coffee everyday when the aimless caffeine rush it gives me is all that gives me hope?

I'm applying for jobs to start now but I know how pathetic and miserable I'll feel when I start working again.

There are really only two things I need to do for my life to be acceptable, in my eyes

1. Get over the mental barrier that stops me doing anything productive in my free time.

2. Stop ruining my sleep with coffee, so I can lift heavy at the gym and be motivated to even go there, so I don't become too fat due to constant binges

I woke up. I read a book. It's about economics and reading it made me feel pathetic because learning by actually doing (producing) or studying at an elite university is a million times more effective than reading 30 pages about the history of the gold standard between lazily getting up at 10 am on a Sunday and eating food. I'm not going to remember anything in detail. I read to stop feeling like a pleb.

I ate some food while browsing the internet. I went outside to have Starbucks coffee, which I'm currently drinking. I didn't go to the gym yesterday and may not go today. I might leave it until tomorrow to coincide with me giving up all junk food and coffee tomorrow. Though I am not sure about the coffee.

I will binge today on something, maybe burger king.

I watched tennis and felt pathetic because every single tennis player is richer than me and all of them in the Australian open get paid more in two weeks than I get paid in a year. Similarly with other sports and all rich people. I am such a pathetic worm. I still don't have the motivation to do anything productive in my free time. I looked at my tidy desk and still can't imagine myself doing anything.

On the other hand, you never hear about a sports player becoming an academic after they retire (except for that one NFL player). Or successful businessman. The same with politicians, not even before office. Doing nothing in life is the rule.

Remember that sunny day in August 2017 when I went outside and saw the Staceys everywhere going to the Notting hill carnival and I was so demoralised and posted on here about it? It's 2019 now, FFS. I was so young back then. Now I'm 28 and life is almost over. On that day I walked around the carnival, alone, as an ugly loser, then borrowed some books from the library.

I need to evolve. I need to save money, lose weight, learn stuff, so I can have more interesting things to complain about. I want to shitpost about my sadness as a stronger, higher status version of myself.

Yesterday I woke up and spent the day doing a lot of boring chores. I went jogging, which was the first bit of exercise I had done in about a week. I binged on KFC late in the day. The first thing I did that day was unironically clean my room, including my desk, so now I have zero barrier before I can do productive things in my free time, except for my complete lack of motivation.

Today I woke up at around the same time and have been only wasting time. I was planning to go to the gym but it'll be boring because I'm currently weak due to coffee ruining my sleep. I've had a bit of junk food but I'm too full for a binge. I should give up coffee and junk food soon.

I feel sad because being a 28 year old ugly beta loser autist with no friends or social experiences since school, no female attention ever, and having never been to a pub, club, or party, leaves me feeling demotivated. I will start a good job later this year but I see my life as boring and headed towards mediocrity unless I suddenly become high energy and motivated.

I am a consumercuck when I want to be a producerbull. The only producerbull behaviour I've shown recently has been inventing the two phrases lol.

Reading books feels pointless and I can only bear to do it in the evenings. I'm currently on NEETbux but I will burn through my bank account if I don't stop binging. The money I have wasted, even in the past 6 months, has been immense. I could be easily NEET without the NEETbux if I hadn't wasted money.

I am currently sad because all young people have gone on multiple round the world holidays and have shitloads of memories about social events and nights out and love won and lost and desiring and being desired. Every normie (who has approximately my intelligence) is in a day job where they are on the elevator straight to success because of their normie network. I will do worse because I am an ugly non-posh non-normie autist.

ANOTHER day wasted by browsing on the internet and eating junk food. Although I will go to the gym later and I haven't eaten a lot of junk food.

HOW do I start my real life? I'm too fucking lazy and demoralised to do anything

This was maybe the most mundane and boring day of my malaise so far.

>wake up at around 10 am
>eat food and drink coffee while browsing the internet
>go outside and have a Starbucks coffee
>almost go to burger king but don't because the previous food meant the expensive binge wouldn't give maximum satisfaction
>go back home and have a forgettable junk food binge
>spend even more time browsing internet while drinking coffee
>aimed to go to the gym today to continue my routine but couldn't be bothered because it's a light weight day
>realise at 9 pm I won't go to the gym
>now it's almost 11 pm

I'm currently telling myself that I'll give up junk food tomorrow. Also my room is really untidy but I worry that if I tidy it up right before my renaissance tomorrow then I'll be a pathetic Petersonfag who had to follow self-help.

I don't see how I can wake up tomorrow and do all those things I keep thinking I should do. My real life has been postponed for over 5 years now.

I'm a 28 year old ugly beta meek charismaless loser with no friends or social experiences since school, no female attention ever, and I've never been to a pub, club, or party, despite going through university.

I've just realised that my extreme malaise started in 2014 and I'm about to come up to the 5 year anniversary. Maybe it started earlier but I remember a different feeling at the start of 2014. So that's 5 solid years of wasting all my free time on the internet, feeling constantly sad at my ugly betaness (I was already r9kpilled before 2014 but seeing the lookspill / blackpill when Elliot Rodger became famous was a new level), procrastinating my "real life" of hard work, and huge numbers of binges on junk food or coffee.

In that time I've graduated university, had a good job, and my career will start soon with another good job, but I still have an empty life with my 20s (I'm now 28) consisting of no friends, no female attention ever, no holidays, and I've never been to a pub, club, or party. I'm a zero charisma and uptight person.

I read books. I exercise. But I simply cannot go from being a consumercuck to a producerbull. I listened to the radio today and heard about teenagers selling hacked Fortnite accounts for thousands a week. These kids have more life than me.

2016 *really* stands out as the nadir. I had so much free time and I did nothing. But having free time is simply the least worst state.

From 2014, my main hobby became established. It involves walking or driving around outside (and riding the underground train and visiting museums / parks when I was in London), browsing the internet on my phone, feeling sad about life, stopping for coffee or fast food binges, all while hoping that my 20s spontaneously stop feeling wasted. Of course I waste shitloads of money on food, and I could have had thousands more in the bank, though money is not currently a worry.

My existential ennui is deep but I see all philosophical axioms as arbitrary so no alleged system of thought can motivate me.

Life is flying by. I know how I want to spend my free time (learning maths / programming), I simply don't have the motivation to do anything.

I'm a 28 year old ugly beta loser nofriends autist with no female attention ever, no friends or social experiences since school, never been to a pub, club, or party, even through university. I became the ugly loser nobody talked to within one day of all my jobs.

I waste almost all of my free time on the internet. I read books and go to the gym but those aren't really fulfilling. I can't muster the motivation to learn hard things or do productive things in my huge amounts of free time. I feel like a sucker when Chads and all women get everything handed to them. All institutions consist of normies judging other normies based on how normie they are. I have binged on junk food almost every day for over 3 years while telling myself it was the last time and tomorrow I would become hard working.

I have somehow managed to pass the job interviews for good jobs and this time next year I'll be in a respectable looking and fairly "prestigious" job. But my 20s are gone. I feel extremely bitter to have been deemed too ugly to be a part of all that stuff British youths do to have fun (parties, holidays music festivals, etc). Though I am so ugly that I cringe at the thought of myself even being in regular social situations (not jobs, just unstructured things).

Life and, more importantly, my 20s, are passing me by at lightning speed. The internet is the opium of the demotivated underemployed ugly beta males, including myself. It isn't even pure enjoyment like vidya (which I haven't played for years). It is a way of procrastinating both work and play. Though 4chan and incel blackpill literature are embedded within me due to their truth. Finding 4chan in 2012, and then getting the full on "it's all about looks" blackpill after ER died in 2014 were both watershed moments. After the blackpill, assorted facts and observations all fell in to place and I've never been happy or hopeful since.

I had no interest in my STEM degree and, if anything, it Pavloved me in to hating all work, even intellectual work. I strongly think society should act as if people have free will but I am evidence against it. My present self is cucking my future self (or maybe it's my Id and Superego torturing my Ego).

I woke up at 5 am, browsed the internet on my phone while in bed, read a history book a little bit, went back to sleep and woke up at noon. I browsed the internet while drinking coffee. I did some cleaning (no existential benefits detected). I then went outside on a dark and cloudy day.

My lifting routine will have to go back two days because I skipped exercise in the previous two days. I am currently drinking Starboocks coffee outside but in this dreary weather my loneliness doesn't even go away. Coffee doesn't even fill me up with much energy. I have also had a small amount of junk food today. I feel like having one last fast food binge today.

This may sound crazy, but even my current near spookless state may be too spooked. I am considering a deal with myself where I won't have any productivity expectations of myself until next week or month or year. So I can laze around guilt free. But I have no ideas really.

I have memories of Christmases of recent years and I'm wondering where the time went.

Maybe there is no trick and I'm just a lazy lazy fucker. But unlike a regular person, I have a crystal clear idea of the hardness of an ugly person's life (like mine)) and the easiness of normie lives. And I also know about the arbitrariness of all philosophical axioms. I have a very enlightened ennui.

I am so charismaless and physically ugly. I am so impatient and lazy. I am a mental masturbator and over analyser, not a doer. I have no expertise that a reasonably intelligent person couldn't learn in about 2 hours. I have no friends or acquaintances but in Britain great pleasure is felt by 99% of people when they see ugly quiet nerds like myself fail in life. Other British people here can confirm. I waste so much money. I am not on the Oxbridge to prestigious job track. I am not and never will be one of da ladz. I am 28 and have had a wasted youth. I hated university and now have to see young uni students loving life all year (term time and pressure free holidays).

I had a big binge on McDonalds food. I know I say this every day but I think that may have been the last binge.

I was going to do some productive stuff in my free time but it's late and my trousers are tight, which is annoying my balls, so I'll just read until I go to the gym.

The library pictures topic made me feel sad. Those places are filled with purposeful, attractive people living the time of their lives.

I need to lose weight. My exercise routine is great, I just need to fix my diet. Existential ennui is much less profound when it's done by overweight people.

Wallowing in existential ennui is so tough in our era. In 1900 a homeless man was only a shave, a meal, and a few fiery speeches away from taking over a country. These days you need to harness the power of autism to get out of bed in the morning.

I recently received around £1.5k in a completely unforeseen way, so I can work minimum wage jobs in full knowledge that I can quit whenever I want (my only money target right now is enough to easily move back to London if I get a job)

I could be doing something productive in my free time for the first time in over 6 months. The conditions are perfect. It's 7.12 pm and I don't plan on going outside. But I can't somehow. It's not within my mental or physical vocabulary.

I woke up. I drank coffee and browsed the internet. I had a small junk food binge and I'm now drinking coffee.

I'm so low energy and lacking in motivation.

I'm so lazy. I lack all initiative. I can't do anything productive in my free time.

I am an ugly charismaless meek bore. I have had no friends or social experiences since school, no female attention ever, and I've never been to a pub, club, or party, even though I went to university.

Normies have easy lives. They simply float through normie filled institutions that judge them solely on normieness. I find interviews nearly impossible because I'm not posh or extroverted. Trying to be productive while sitting at home feels so cucky, it's unreal. Teenagers make millions on bitcoin. Chad and Stacey go to their City of London sinecures and then party every night. What the hell can I do at home? Learn programming? It's too late anyway. Thousands of people graduate from prestigious universities every year. They are all headed straight towards success.

My main hobby for the past 5 years has been driving or walking around the city while feeling sad about life, hoping my 20s spontaneously stop feeling wasted. I'm now 27. Life feels wasted. People my age are beginning academic careers or making 6 figures in silicon valley or investment banking or law. I have wasted incredible amounts of time on the internet.

I have binged on junk food almost every day for the past 3 years. I can't give up coffee either. It gives me an aimless energy.

Walking through hipster London areas like Shoreditch or Camden Town demoralised me to the extreme. Also with all the rich areas. Youth and money are everything.

How will I cope when I have to work 9-5? I've done it before and it was unbearable, even with a short commute. And most jobs are dead end jobs. You are either on the Oxbridge / public school to riches track or you are not. And so much money goes on rent.

I woke up today. I read 20 pages of a history book to get to the end of a section. It's about the 17th and 18th centuries and I don't really care but it's the sort of stuff you have to know or else you're seen as a pleb. It's a good and well written book.

I drank coffee and ate food while browsing the internet. I haven't had junk food since Thursday, except for some Coke zero yesterday morning. I plan to binge later today after I go to the gym.

It's raining. The summer has gone. I walked past a university library and it reminded me of my time at university and how the weekends were so sterile.

I read about a Tory MP who invited his colleagues for wine or something and there's speculation (probably wrong) that he may want to be leader. If I was an MP I'd still be ten million miles from being PM because it's all about networking and being part of the hivemind. Even Trump needed a large network. I looked at the MP's Wikipedia page and he went straight from Cambridge to being a barrister (the most prestigious type of UK lawyer and you can only become one if you go to Oxbridge) (I don't care for law but spending my 20s as a barrister, doing interesting work, away from corporate environments, sounds like heaven) and he made £800k a year recently. This sums things up, like Kavanaugh. You're either in the right institutions or you're not. Though he voted for Brexit so he has to be good.

I'm currently drinking coffee and I'm going to go and read a book in a library. Walking from tower hill station, past the tower of London, on tower bridge, past the shiny new apartment buildings, and then on the riverside bit with the little museum parts feels like being in a London themed theme park.

I still can't motivate myself to do anything productive in my free time. I am so at a loss I almost considered making myself a schedule but it feels so pathetic. I've delayed the start of the rest of my life to begin maybe tomorrow but most likely on Monday.

Did anyone else goof compared to their potential?

>did really well at school, perfect grades, enjoyed my maths and science courses; started reading books for enjoyment at 17, so in retrospect I was at my peak intellectual growth rate relative to my age
>went to nearest university instead of most prestigious one I could have entered (level of uni could have been much worse, but still nowhere near my potential)
>did STEM degree I found boring as fuck (put no thought in to my subject choice)
>ugly nofriends loser all through university; was insanely unhappy while surrounded by attractive normies in their primes
>initially continued doing really well at university despite lacking interest in all courses but motivation eventually went off a cliff
>realised mid-way through my degree that university prestige matters a lot for jobs and also correlates with course difficulty, so even if I got good grades it wouldn't mean much
>my final few years were characterised by less than zero effort and huge amounts of procrastination as I did the absolute bare minimum and horrible work; it was also tough to emotionally come to terms with how much of an ugly loser I was all through university and how the "best period of my life" was ending;
>found r9k and then the incel-blackpill mid-way through uni, which gave me a powerful framework for my utter social failure which hasn't been refuted (if I had ever had a social life at uni, or attention from women ever, that is the point at which I would have stopped being a cringey "nice guy", as a reference point)
>regretted not doing Maths or Physics; the academic level of some of my university courses was pathetic and lowered my motivation further; in the UK you have zero course choice and your maths / physics courses are tarded up by becoming "Diff. Eq. for Biologists" and so on
>final few years also had me failing huge amounts of internship and then graduate job interviews due to at first awful, then merely below average, social skills
>failed huge amounts of interviews with financial companies (to be in Canary Wharf or the City of London on one day, and then my dull, grey, shitty small town uni the next was crushing)
>ironically, I failed the few interviews I had for jobs related to my subject probably even worse, because they wanted nothing but social skills
>realised that normies go through life in normie filled institutions while being judged by normies based on normieness and I will probably never be successful; in all of my jobs I become the ugly loser autist nobody talks to within one day
>barely graduate with an acceptable grade (2:1)
>post university: no job, humiliating part time retailcuck jobs, semi-prestigious but low paid bureaucrat job in London that miraculously requires no work or time at the office (seriously, and I genuinely wonder if I am being observed as a basic income experiment subject), and will start an even more prestigious, higher paid, higher ranking but still zero skill bureaucrat job soon

I listened to most of the Joe Rogan and Elon musk podcast yesterday and when I woke up today I still feel lazy and like binging.

Elon, I have failed you!

I took up a weekend part time job in a clothes shop for extra money since I spend my full time job's paycheck. The time in the job passes quickly but it is so humiliating to be working for £7.83 an hour while people casually spend £50+ on clothes.

And it's so humiliating to have less than £1000 in savings when I'm 27. And I still can't resist spending £3 for coffee or much more on junk food binges. Seriously, normies simply glide from normie filled institution to another normie filled institution while being judged solely on normieness.

I saw some teenagers last night in a group at night and I realised that they are the gods of society. Youth is everything.

I walked home in the evening and saw lots of women dressed for nights out, all on the hunt for chad.

I'm now completely bored of 4chan after being on here for about 6.5 years but I still waste time on the internet. My eyes glaze over 99.9 % of lit and pol topics (my 2 favourite boards)

I have a degree. I did well at school. But I stupidly didn't go to a prestigious university and now I'm suffering for it. I would get much more job interviews if I went to Oxbridge or LSE or imperial.

I can't bear flat sharing or house sharing so that's a few extra hundred down the drain on rent every month.

I saw that the woman who fucked Boris Johnson is 30 year old and is probably on £80k. That sums up the modern workplace. A few chads and posh people on £150k or with equity, 95 % women doing braindead work in "communications", a few beta males doing back office work.