/lit/ - Literature

>>21025835
Honestly, I don't. Not even online. That's not to say I don't go out of the house at all - I do, but I don't interact with people. It's worth mentioning that before I started no-fap, I exclusively jacked off to /e/, and all the fantasies I've had in my head are of 2D women, not real ones. I can't recall any women in my memory other than the ones in my family, and, of course, they are not the subject of these thoughts, I'm not that much of a degenerate. When I am out and about I'm either so preoccupied within my thoughts or what music I'm listening to or what book I'm reading that I don't pay attention to any other human. Actually, that's not entirely true, I do tend to stare at handsome men, not out of any homosexual desire, but simply because I find such forms to be aesthetic like any artwork, and maybe out of a sense of envy. A horny straight man can't really admire a beautiful woman as anything other than an object of desire. pic rel

I'm think I'm nothing more than a coombrain in months worth of withdrawal. My fantasy of raping anime women who are not real should really prove all this. The fact that I also literally don't know any women whom I'm not related to has also made me realize just how strange I am. That seems like something I should be ashamed of, since only a loser would not know any women, but at this point I couldn't care less.

I hate that I want to be a streamer. I hardly watch streamers at the moment, and before I never watched streamers at all. Only when I go back years to back when I was in mid years of high school do I remember actually watching a couple of streamers, and that was only for games I thought I would never be good at so I just watched someone else play (cucked, I know). Yet for some reason the idea of being a jester, trying to entertain hundreds of people while I play a video game entertains me. I think I see streaming a little bit differently from normies, and maybe that is what gives me this drive. I took a theatre class in middle school and while I hated theatre and don't really care for movies, I was good at improv, and my hypothetical approach to streaming would be that of a continuous improv performance, reacting to chat and thinking quickly to give them the most entertaining experience possible. I could have character arcs and the like all acted out in real time in a medium predominately used to share real-time gameplay footage. It's a shame that most streamers don't seem to see the potential of streaming as an artistic medium and instead just boringly play video games and show their boobies for free money. I take the idea of streaming too seriously. Some guy also probably already has me beat to this idea and is executing it in ways that are far better than I could ever imagine. This shit is all retarded. I wish this drive was instead backing my desire to write a novel or get a good programming job rather than being a loser that plays video games for other losers on the internet.

Now look at 'em yo-yos, that's the way ya do it
You play the vidya on the twitch TV
That ain't workin', that's the way ya do it
Money for nothin' and your chicks for free