/lit/ - Literature

>>12251845
ive been writing for 12 years, written two novels and cant stand to submit them or go through the idea of having them published or even looked at. Ive written much more than two novels in terms of text, but I abandon everything I start spare a few things. Ive got alot of experience in it, the few people I show and even some writing groups ive only shown pieces of my writing once or twice gave positive feedback and when I asked for negative feedback they couldnt give me any. Included a literature professor of mine. Its a passion that holds me back and restricts me from doing anything else. Im compelled to continue writing but im overwhelmed by disgust whenever rereading things I just wrote and can barely stand to edit them. If im self hating then its a result of my standards being too high for all literature. I dont think im self hating, I just am the way I am and I fear having the work ive dedicated myself to for so many years be rejected. I dont care about success or fame. I just care that whatever I made amounted to something. In some rare moments I can be proud of what I made, but those are the result of endless rejection of my own work untill I find that thing closest to my own subjective definition of perfection that I can tolerate.

For the most part I just live in fantasy, writing is just my attempt at making those meaningful thoughts I have into something more productive than passing introspective thoughts. But I rarely put much effort into these things because the part I enjoy the most is the process of creation instead of the result, as I usually reject the result.