/lit/ - Literature

I've never seen a good love triangle.
>but what about esmi, akka and kellhus
I've never seen a good love triange.

>>18297934
my hero...

>>12462637
I don't think I can forgive myself for years of porn addiction. I feel that throught the years I rewired my brain with this artificial pleasure, being unable to stand up to self inflicted pavlovian conditioning. Somaesque pleasure, every day, with bigger or smaller doses. I wasted best years of life, my mid 20s gone, my addiction became a part of me, perversion was the ultimate goal, and ultimate reward for not addtending life. Kink mechanism was perfectly crafted, with self hate and feeling pathetic oiled its gears. And the worst thing is, it hasn't even been 24 hours since the last dive into the ocean of artificial stimuli.

Thats how it starts. Today I am browsing non pornographic pictures of actresses, tomorrow nude pics, and in a qouple of days I will be having another 5 hour edging session. Proceeded by wondering why I am so pathetic, why I don't have any achievements, and how I wasted my mid 20s, and wasting late 20s. I really hate myself. My addiction became a part of me. The stimulation is too rewarding. I became a wanker, destroyer of ambition. There are no books on this. When I read naked lunch I didn't even felt disgust, I knew that mind can walk those insanely perverted paths. And I did it to myself, my drug was pixelated stimulus, that surge of dopamine. Like I was lobotomized by pleasure for a couple hours. I embraced it, the thought of doing it, despite all rational thoughts became another tiny part, of carefully crafted kink mechanism, that IS my sexuality. The worst part is that i can't write WAS. I want to blame technology, I want to blame porn accepting culture, I want to blame our animalistic minds, lusting for pleasure, but there is only me to blame. I am afraid that if I will quit, the guilt will kill me, five fucking years. Five years of youth, five years of misery cultivation. Five years of life, five years of being dissconected from life almost every day. Books for THIS fucking feel?