/lit/ - Literature

>tfw so starved for female attention I'm playing recordings from the vocaroo thread on crystal cafe just to simulate some kind of exposure to the softness of the female voice
Has anyone written a book about the crushing social alienation particular to the 21st century yet? I imagine it's like Live Blog but more black pilled.

I've been here for about a decade now and I know there are plenty here with no friends, no ability to unautistically express their personalities, no futures. I've at least got those things I guess. I've never had a gf though. I know that plenty of girls I've met have wanted me for my looks and my quirky-yet-sociable autism, but that's not even what gets me, what hits me right in that big ole feel nerve in the pit of my stomach. What gets me is the Houllebecq perspective: you may get a gf one day but you'll never have that innocent coming-of-age teenage gf. It's not even that I had no chance, on the contrary, the worst part is that I had the perfect chance.

She was a pale ginger, skinny, thought I was funny, liked my music. She was what God had gifted teenage me for my hardwork through school and my wholesome, as-of-yet-corrupted worldview. I didn't even have to ask her out; I never would have and I had trouble doing that until my senior year of college no matter how much I pretended I didn't. No, she asked me out straight up in middle school, and do you know what I said? Well you know what I wanted to say, YES YES YES! But I couldn't even say one simple word. I said "I don't know". She was almost instantly crushed, "what does that mean?" Well, I wouldn't say crushed, but she was surprised I suppose. She ended up saying "well it's okay if you say no" but I didn't want to say no, I wanted to say yes and I just couldn't. We remained friends but gradually drifted apart. She moved on and actually ended up going out with one of my good friends. It was an inconsequential event at the time and remained inconsequential for years to come.

Yet, a couple years ago /lit/ introduced me to Houllebecq and it's sort of turned me bitter over my inability to take advantage of that and similar situations as a teenager. I return to that memory every once in awhile and mull it over. Why did I say what I said? I know and will always know that I wanted to say yes, but why couldn't I just say it? Recently I've gone down a sort of Freudian route for an explanation. Surely it must be my parents' fault! I believe both of them were abused as children themselves, and so sort of overcompensated as parents by taking an agnostic "do and believe whatever you want and we'll be fine with it" approach. But at the same time, they were a beach chad/stacy couple so they're both super sarcastic dicks. This lead to a weird back-and-forth parenting style: one sentence they'd make fun of me for doing something unchadlike, the next sentence they'd sincerely tell me "if that's how you really want to do it, go for it!" This was exacerbated by the fact that I'm always been a bit of a sperg, outgoing and sociable but what people would call a goon, or clown, or spaz, or w/e. Suffice it to say, I did a lot of things in a quirky unchadlike way and their responses always left me confused.
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All of the stories you people tell about your gf so sad