/lit/ - Literature

>Feedback
>>10102711
I mean, the descriptors of the river were nice, made me thinks of Skyrim, but that's because I don't get out much. Pretty picture, writing is nice, but I wasn't super gripped, after the second paragraph it was hard to keep going. I think it's because I kinda understood the point by then, it's sort like four lines reiterating one thing, as if you were stretching to meet a word limit. Don't be afraid to add more story or interest, not just talking about how a river looks and feels for so long. I'd love to have heard about why the river was so important, why he was entombed, ect. Still, nice descriptors, I liked the second paragraph very much.

>>10102002
I dislike repetitive works like the ands, but it was interesting, Good job at painting that picture, removing the ands would make it flow better.

>>10099184
Interesting but you could never get me to read more of that, reading in dialect is super painful. Adopt 3rd person writing with bits of dialect speech thrown in at the very most, that's the only way you'll get someone to read a lot of that, because wise else it's literally a schizo's rambling put into a book, which no one really wants.

>>10097985
I'm kinda sleepy, but I have literally no idea what you're trying to say. I feel like you were really drunk and trying to write something deep or interesting, but totally failed to make it interesting for anyone else, because it's too wordy and hard to follow.

>>10097873
Not bad, I liked it, it was grounded, the language was clear, and I was able to able to get into it and enjoy. Fuck Simon though. Also women can get kidney stones, so there is that.

>My time to "shine"

I've been getting into flash fiction, I've been trying to write stories in exactly 100 words. Here's my favorite out of the few I've written:

John took respite within his car, looking into the diner. His stolen darling was within, laughing in her new lover’s lap. He gasped intermittently as the usurper’s knife radiated pangs of pain, but this was of minor consequence. The men locked eyes, the rain pelting down as tears swelled. They didn’t break their gaze until toe to toe. Brandishing his snub-nose, John shot him twice, and he crumbled at once. John knelt at his side, jerking the knife out. With their blood flowing freely, the adversaries laid together, gazing unto the stars. He’d relinquished love, extinguished life, yet gained victory.

Would love some feedback.