/lit/ - Literature

i think looking for an essay to solve this issue will only exacerbate it. In my experience, selfishness is a natural side-effect of isolation. To develop habitual compassion, you have to spend time around people, not on your own reading autistic philosphers.

trying to make eye contact more often will help

>>10492077
>The last time I saw you I had popped a xanax and washed it down with a beer just to be able to talk to you.
yours is acceptable but i think it's better like this:
The last time I saw you I had to pop a xanax and wash it down with a beer just to talk.

next two sentences are nice

>Things were said--it didn’t feel like anyone was saying them with any intent.
i think you can cut 'with any intent'
>The words were just pieces of dust kicked up accidentally--careless gestures.
definitely cut 'just' -- overuse of words like 'just', 'even', 'quite', and 'only' are *just* a really common pitfall cos it's *just* hard to use them incorrectly, so people often *just* stick 'em wherever. i think it's weird to say 'pieces' of dust. maybe 'dust particles', or even simply 'dust'
>I would keep coming back to lick your hand, sideways-glancing like an abused dog.
why wouldnt u write 'glancing sideways'?
>I had no good excuse for being this way!
i dont know if it's my 21st century myopia of ironic detachment, but the exclamation mark makes this seem sarcastic, or at least like an angry tweet written by a middle-aged woman. also, describing the excuse as 'good' seems a bit tautological, in this context at least. im not sure tho.
> I sometimes worked hard and cold and imagined I was from the North--that great expanse.
in this one paragraph this is your third sentence of the '[sentence]--[descriptive addendum]' structure. vary more.
>It embarrassed and thrilled me that I knew the median income.
isn't that kinda an exaggerated outcome for him knowing a random fact re. her? he is 'thrilled' by knowing the median income for the population of NJ? idk, maybe it makes more sense with the rest of the story.
>...to be successful--one parent a professor, the other a corporate something-or-other, but instead I loved you, and trusted you.
definitely should be:
...to be successful--one parent a professor, the other a corporate something-or-other--but instead I loved you, and trusted you.

rest is fine. might be nicer to write 'to you' instead of 'in your life'


this is my fourth crit in this thread so, because I'm an entitled conceited millenial masked in anonymity, im gonna bump mine: https://medium.com/@NonoEss/concessions-5c07cbc29048
if you dont want to crit it I'd appreciate basic opinions on it too. outside of school, ive never received feedback on my writing before. also, if this doesnt work im gonna send it to the girls in my book club. pls save me from that.