/lit/ - Literature

>>23383670
The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because I still need to write more.
Everything else just keeps getting worse. I've been a NEET for almost a year and I don't really know if I want to go back to uni: the only reason I have to go back is having access to a large library. The only thing I'm interested in is reading and writing. It's very cold outside. I need to write an email. I'm having a headache.

>>23352785
I'm afraid of life. Other people, the outside world. Most of the time, I just want to be left alone with my books. Yet, sometimes I do yearn for those things. I've been reading Montherlant's notebooks, and he talks with such vitality, such confidence and strenght. "The main thing is to take a chance with life. It doesn’t much matter what comes of it." he says, but I can't stop worrying about what would come of it. I'm paralyzed. I can't even write due to this fear.

>>23091868
I'm having a horrible headache right now, from my jaw up to my temples. I've been going to sleep at like 7 am for an entire week.
I was writing yesterday. Just starting a very bad first draft, but the story looks good in my mind, it just needs a lot of polishing. Maybe I'm being too ambitious with this. I hadn't written anything in years, and now I've obsessed over an idea that gets more complicated each day. I didn't write anything today because, to be honest, I feel afraid of writing. I might be aiming too high, but I know that if I don't do it I will get depressed again. I wish I could be as careless about my own writing as I was when I was child, I just didn't care about what anybody else thought, but now I can't stop thinking about people being too critical of it.
Maybe I should try getting a job. I don't like the idea of getting one, but my sleeping schedule is fucked up, and I need to get out of head for some time.

>>22379901
Dropped out of uni one month ago. Have been unemployed since then. Things just keep getting worse. At least I've had enough time to read a ton in this last few weeks, but I'm still incapable of writing anything worth reading. My insomia has worsened, and I don't go outside much.

>>21857558
I'm so sick and tired of this life. By my age, Malraux left France and went to hunt treasures in Vietnam. Is there anything left to do for young men looking for something else, other than this sterile life? I thought about volunteering in some war, but I even got rejected from doing military service in my country for being a neurotic mess.

>>21783912
I took myself so seriously that I ended up not writing at all

>>21755987
My whole life is falling apart.
It may not look like it. I'm pretty much doing what I wanted to do 5 years ago, exactly where I wanted to be 5 years ago, but it is absolutely unbearable. Even if I can talk with people, even act fun and make them laugh, I don't enjoy it. Deep down, I'm painfully afraid of others. I've never had a "deep" relationship with anyone. I've never had a real friend. I've never had a romantic partner.
I can't write, I can't make good music, and these are the only things I care about. Things that I love and obsess me never work out for me. I've tried for years, yet everything that comes out of me is utterly soulless.
I was so convinced that all I needed was art, that I ended up isolating myself from everyone. I was never close with neither friends nor family.
I'm not a deep soul nor a tortured artist as I had always thought. I'm just a miserable, perverse and lonely man.
In the last few months it has just got worse. I can barely sleep at night, and have started getting increasingly paranoid for no reason at all. I have no idea what to do now.

>>21669446
Why was I born with such an aesthetic sensibility and obsession with beauty, while lacking any beauty myself? What kind of sick joke is this? I wish I was born beautiful, like Rimbaud or Byron.

>>21217288
I feel like I'm on the verge of going insane. I think I should dropout of Law School, find some shitty low effort job and dedicate most of my time to writing and making music. It's just too draining, and has made me addicted to stimulants. I barely even have time for art now. I never even wanted to be a lawyer, I just wanted to move out of my parents house and the shitty town I lived in, and it was the perfect excuse to do it. I also thought that maybe I could meet interesting people, since this city is known for having a big artistic scene, but to be honest, it has been a huge disappointment.