/lit/ - Literature

>>10104820
Me here, I'm going to do more feedback and post another story

>Feedback
>>10106158
Pacing isn't too bad desu, seems like a interesting book. Citrus Point sounds comfy af, and feels Florida.

>>10106492
I don't know man, pissing herself seems too far, that would turn off most people I think. The first might be funny, I can see that, but the second just seems.. pervy.

>>10106815
Why did you decide to break lines where you did? What was the purpose? I was never a Tom Petty fan, but no one will give a shit about either of these events two months from now, so that's kinda sad.

>>10106921
"When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don't mean utterly, but kill most of them - then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are wide apart. An adjective habit, or a wordy, diffuse, flowery habit, once fastened upon a person, is as hard to get rid of as any other vice" - Mark Twain, 1880

>My writing
Still flash fiction, 100 words.

Sitting deep in trenches with sulfur ravaging their nostrils, the bonus boys struggled for life. The squad hadn’t seen food in days, yet the constant drumming of artillery provided some comfort, like a mother’s heartbeat. On alert the men still stood stout. Shouting from down the line again prompted quick charges with rifles raised. Men rushed through squalor with guns held as spears and slayed their foe. They’d found themselves lucky with the third large rat of the day. With bloodshot stares, they dined on bayonets, haunted by the knowledge these rats were fed on the flesh of the fallen.

Cheers, would love feedback!