/lit/ - Literature

My uncle once told me that nothing matters in life, and that we were all born to die insufferable and meaningless lives. ‘The darkness within’, is what he called it; the egoistic side of consciousness, that is only concerned with the things that could benefit or harm it. It has no regard for compassion, or kindness, or love, but only obedience and retribution.

I don’t know what to make of it, I don’t know how to break out of this chain of sin and lies that my life is in right now. I don’t know if I can free myself, or if I am willing, either. I constantly try to have positive and optimistic ideals, and thoughts, and goals, but they all seem to fail whenever I am confronted with a problem that seems insuperable to me.

I try to conquer it, I try to adapt—to change my beliefs and patterns, and even if I do make it through that boundary, I meet another one. Another filter. Another barrier that blocks what my life could be. Everything just seems dark. Hopeless. Pessimistic.

I feel like my world is on fire, a fire that is ever-consuming, consuming my discipline, my will, my intellect, my love, my hate, my life.

I just hope my faith, the only thing I have left, shall suffice.