/lit/ - Literature

>>6968492
>>6968584
>>6968895
>>6968930
P comfy read overall. It feels like a slice of something bigger. Did not connect 2 prev post—sry.

• with spears of black crossing the orange glow. ← doesn't work

• His suit itched.

• its depths ← noooope

• if I see another semicolon, I swear to fucking YHWH I'm OUT

• kill all semicolons ye didn't use it right (almost no one does—it's ok)

• draperies can whir? idk bruh

• ye can probably drop 'Unbidden, '

• authorization for the outer door

• materialized ← nice

• hunched with age

• this longass ¶ is SO boring. Maybe break it up...

• Without predicate, ← idk what that means

• to-day ← just write 'today' ffs

• automatic glance [?] ← 1st off, I'm stealing that [or some permutation of it], 2nd, it doesn't fit yr tone

P good by the end.