/lit/ - Literature

>>23013160
Jirel of Joiry?

>>22394861
>I only leave vivid descriptions if it's actually important to the character.
I feel for fantasy or sci fi, it's required to describe the setting. Just 'an apartment' is fine, because the reader has been inside one, but 'a castle' or a 'space ship' need more details.

https://pastebin.com/u5e5n6gN

>>20405645
>Examples?
First sentence. Two cliches: kicking and screaming, blinding light. The natural reading of "its occupants" would be the Age's occupants, which is weird. It's obvious from context what you mean, but it sounds odd.
Second sentence. "Had special reason" and "most of which" don't agree in number. The special reason and "precise opposite" are left unstated, so the reader is sort of left waiting.
Third sentence. "unjustly terse" is ironic in a wordy sentence. "repurposed" is very modern and out of place in a fantasy--although some of that is unavoidable. (Use google's ngram viewer when in doubt.)
Fourth sentence. "at a pace to match an asteroid" is nonsense. "Regency" is a noun and could not be part of that form of address.

I could go through the whole thing and point out what's off, but you get the idea.

I recommend writing in as clear and straightforward a manner as possible. Then go back and add some ornamentation where needed. Right now, you're trying to cook by pouring all the spices in first and then adding meat as an afterthought.

I'm not trying to be a jerk here. I pretty much have all the same problems as you. It's probably a natural stage of development.

Is there a book for /this/ picture? And no, not Raistlin Majere.