/lit/ - Literature

>>13448694
reminds me of this

I actually have a trigger that I've never told anyone about- if I see sexualized violence, I get launched into this weird state of mind where I'm really giddy and aroused and I start self mutilating. I've never really told anyone this, because I actually like it. While it's happening, I'm not worried about anything. The whole world is gone away. It's an exciting feeling. A fervour. I imagine that it's an almost religious feeling, like it used to be when people danced naked in the woods and ate raw goat hearts, or whatever.

>>10914392
>Age
27
>Location
Germany
>Occupation
Set and Costume Designer (currently unemployed)
>What you’re currently reading
Popular Hits of the Showa Era
>Your thoughts and feelings on aging
Terrified. I have some mental issues that are pretty severe, so I'm absolutely crippled by the fear that I'm going to end up like people like me generally do: constantly in and out of psychiatric clinics and never amounting to anything.

I'm 27. Everyone keeps telling me I'm still young, but I don't believe it. I had a therapist- she was a real bitch- she told me that I should basically give up on all of my dreams and just accept reality and get a "second tier" job (basically it's just busy work for retards). I stood up and walked out, because that's just a fucked up thing to tell someone period and my job wasn't any of her fucking business. That's what my social worker is for. She said she didn't want to treat someone "destined to stagnate in life" (I was one year out of school at that point). I can't help think about it all the time, though, and maybe she was right.

Right now I'm waiting for a clinic interview and all I do is drink and write.

I... honestly hate myself and I don't know what to do.

The constant over empathy we are forced to ahead to because of the different groups and acceptance of distorted features creates over-socialization and manipulates our sense of tribe ( which I believe humans to be most happy and natural in) and places unnatural pressures on the mind of modern urbanized people. This plays a role in the great number of suicides of the modern world, not out of shame or relief from torture like in history but out of a rejection of a life so comfortable and materialistically rewarding, the action, stemming from unnatural constraints placed on a reality we are no longer in control of. *Social isolation on such a mass scale is only possible because of societal guilt, we are shamed into working for something which has no intrinsic meaning to us, we can only be happy by being slaves to things to care for ourselves of family * the struggles presented to us in this post-industrial age are artificial they have no meaningful deep consequence for us besides absolution from societal guilt, the same guilt that perpetuates suicides and the epidemic of the mind. Prescribed mortality is the death of *right and wrong*it dampens our natural instincts of what right and wrong is, of course these feelings are molded by events in the individuals life but there are also right and wrongs that hold purpose, if we participate in incest our children will be deformed, this is a natural instinctive crime against nature, murder is not a crime against nature, it is who your murder, the functionality of the murder, the level of depravity and the negative or positive influence of the murder on the surroundings, the act is not by itself a crime against nature, we have more than enough people, it is a crime to the individual and if this murder affects the nature (be it society, outdoors, the accessibility of food) in a negative way then it is a true crime but likewise if the murder brings about positive effects and benefits those who were not benefitted before the murder if the culprit could perceive this justice or injustice before the action of murder is irrelevant. If one decides to do nothing but rely on welfare do not feel ashamed we are neutered and corporate welfare is not different.