/lit/ - Literature

>don't really have a plan
>just know i don't do too bad at school
>shit happens
>fail everything
>no uni offers
>everyone's shocked
>parents say to do some course at community college
>pick whatever's left
>don't really give a shit
>teacher knows i don't give a shit
>skip days to watch movies like 500days of summer or inception
>end course
>get job through relative at factory
>realize what people mean by 'soul crushing' and waking up dreading going to work
>parents are proud and hopeful at the prospects of this job
>they say i look healthier
>but why do i feel dead inside
>think about friends doing shit they wanted
>think about me doing this job for the rest of my life
>one morning i just breakdown and don't go to work, call in and say i quit
>know i have to get to the doctor and ask for help in regards to depression
>put on some derps, pass the screening, get referral
>make appointment
>don't make it
>make another appointment
>make it, he seems nice
>end up crying in a session
>stop going
>comeback
>stop going
>work with another relative
> delivering pizzas
>pretty fun..no pressure of doing this my entire life
>quit, thinking i could get back on my feet, do a course and get better
>get cold feet at enrollments
>twice
>spend two years doing nothing but 4chan all day everyday
>plan suicide out, time, place, method, a shit note,
>don't go through with it
>parents nudge at me having to get a job or some friends at least
>their words don't move me

been putting off seeing a therapist for two months now. tomorrow..tomorrow...tomorrow..