/lit/ - Literature

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DRlv01MC7xhMr06IDZ-Y1BBDQkuc7cdsb34GJe5JFwU/edit?usp=sharing

Hell-Anon here, just dumping some thoughts and planned work. I've decided to break down my self-critique stuff by chapter.
>1
I can't tell if I'm hitting the right tone here. I'm trying to walk a fine line between shitting your pants because you've realized you're in Hell, and also that cool sweat and anticipation of having your fucked up little life on full display. I don't want physical fear to be the dominating force here. I guess I'm trying to capture the confusion I feel like someone's body would be sent into when faced with trying to respond to all of these thoughts at once.
>2
I just overhauled this chapter and I think it feels much more personal now, but I might be covering too much ground too quickly.
>3
If this were meant for the screen I feel like this chapter would be much more effective. I'm trying to establish the bureaucratic nature of the setting and also have there be a bit of shock.
>4
I'm unsure if I'm selling this chapter correctly. I don't know if it's believable that the MC wouldn't just bolt for the closest mirror and is instead just sort of sidetracked and pushes those thoughts to the backburner for as long as they do.
>5
Admittedly this is filler and exposition but I don't know what else to do with it and I wanted to build up the world and plot expectations a little through dialogue.
>6
I had a lot of fun writing this section and the characters were fun to write. My main fear is that I'm not properly communicating the nature of the jobs/roles. The idea that the agent representing "Avarice" isn't necessarily greedy himself is hard to portray. They aren't meant to be demigods or avatars of their respective field/sins, they're just uniquely gifted at looking into the hearts and minds of people who do embody those sins.
>7
Again, wanted to show what one of these characters was like in action and how they worked. The premise of my setting is that humans can't actually sell their souls, but that the act of convincing them that they are for a rendered service degrades the value of their soul by an amount sufficient to ultimately result in the same postmortem destination. They're like Faustian con artists.
>8
This felt like a needed addition and I think it turned out alright, honestly hit me in the feels a little.

(Just going to leave things there for now, I have some big ideas for the setting and the plot. I actually fucking hate magic systems and magic in general beyond just being a fun tool to play with. I don't want to write absurdly powerful characters who exist on a cosmic powerscale. The Fallen Angels in my setting who I plan on introducing later I intend to have be something more like a very large human. I really don't want to overdo that element of the story because I feel like stakes begin to feel meaningless.

(I'm an idiot and posted this in the old thread/wrong tab by accident)