/lit/ - Literature

Derek exited the bus. This was a normal part of his commute home from work. He looked to his right. The trail of dogs that had been following the bus surrounded him and began humping furiously. This too was a normal part of his commute.

“I’m not letting you on tomorrow,” said the driver.

“It’s not my fault,” said Derek.

Derek began his walk home. The dogs followed him, pausing only to mate with a new partner for a few thrusts. More dogs caught up with the group and entered the orgy.

Derek paused at the edge of his property by the large, wooden privacy fence circling his neighbor’s yard and pulled out a ring of keys. He heard a bang and saw the fence shake as his neighbor’s English Bulldog ran into it at full speed from the other side. He selected the key to his front door and looked down. An impatient-looking boxer crouched low as a dachsund frantically tried to mount it.

Derek leapt over the fornicating dogs and sprinted for his front door. Behind him, he heard yelps and barks as the dogs noticed the disappearance of his sexual aura. Derek slammed the key into the lock, twisted, and jerked the door just wide enough to fit him sideways, stopping only to punt a chihuahua that had gotten too close. He squeezed through and slammed the door shut. Outside, the dogs howled.

Derek dropped to his knees, then lay face-first on the floor. It occurred to him that this might be a good time to cry. He took several quick, shallow breaths, and thought about how unfair it was that every dog in town was either fucking on his lawn or on its way to fuck on his lawn. He thought about how unfair it was that they had followed him from work, where he had watched them fucking in the parking lot through the window from his desk all day. He thought about how unfair it was that they had followed him from his house, after spending all night fucking on his lawn. He thought about how unfair it was that the cycle would continue again tomorrow.

“UNNNNNNGH,” he groaned. “UNNNNNNGH.”

His face was hot against the cold wooden floor. He began to get nauseous, so he stopped.