/lit/ - Literature

>re-read one of my favorite childhood books
>think about writing a fan letter to the author as I had some questions and generally just wanted to
>look her up, oh shit shes actually pretty old
>try to track down her address (wasn't easy) through her old publisher
>send a letter through the mail because email wont work
>get it returned because "not a proper address" or some bullshit
>feel kind of silly going to all this trouble, but fuck it im in this deep already
>try googling her again to look for a fan mail drop off
>first thing that pops up is her obituary, she died like a few days before
legit depressed me for almost a month. She probably wouldnt have seen it anyway but I dont know whats worse to consider, I was so close or not close at all to getting a reply. I let my stupid masculinity get in the way of doing it sooner and I wish this didnt end in a "I messed up, lesson learned" way but thats all I can take from it