/lit/ - Literature

The most memorable demoralising moments list (in no order). There are too many to list.

1. Going to Camden Town for the first time, the hipster haven, seeing all the happy young tourists
2. Walking outside in a blazingly hot London day, seeing Staceys everywhere, realising that the Notting Hill carnival was on that day. I went there
3. Going for a job interview in Canary Wharf and then being in my dull grey cloudy university campus the day after.
4. Walking through Shoreditch at night during the summer, to experience the catharsis that came with seeing normies enjoying nightlife (though I'm not sure if catharsis can happen once a day everyday) and being made fun of by a girl who was walking down the street with another girl ("Look at the nose on that fucker!")
5. Working a retailcuck job after university and being laughed at by young girls who I didn't know ("Oh my God, it's Anon!")
6. Walking through Brick lane (hipster ground zero) on a hot and sunny day and seeing all the young people enjoying life
7. At my university library when I was a student. I head towards the toilet at the back of the building. I open the door to the room next to the bathroom entrance. I see a literal Chad and Stacey making out. I turn around and go to the other bathroom on the other side of the building. As I go back to my seat I see the Stacey sitting next to her Stacey friend, laughing and pointing at me.
8. That really fucking hot and sunny weekday where I walked through regent's park and went to the British library. Everything was packed with normies enjoying life.

I have many others of course but the reason I keep mentioning these landmarks and London is that nobody would care otherwise. I haven't mentioned the routine demoralisations or the demoralising moments during mundane moments that became memorable.

I'll post assorted stuff, there is no narrative today

I went to the gym and I'm stronger than any time since 1.5 years ago. I don't go to a hardcore gym so I probably lifted more weights (squats) than anyone else in the building could, yet I'm a big loser.

I realised that my 20s nostalgia (I'm 27) consists of me driving or walking around my home city or London respectively, while feeling sad about life. While other people have all sorts of memories. I'm currently feeling particularly sad about my second year of university. I was as much a nofriends loser as any other time but it feels particularly bad in multiple ways.

I still waste all my free time. I never "seize the day" and I look back on life as if I've been sleepwalking through it. I'm worried that I am an NPC. I have thoughts and an internal monologue and imagination, obviously, but I worry that my lack of initiative is the real NPC indicator.

It's 1.25 am. I woke up at 9 am on Thursday, felt tired but couldn't get back to sleep, drank coffee and ate as I browsed the internet. I avoided binging on Wednesday night. I saw that I had spent over £450 on junk food, fast food, and coffee in the previous month. I want to have a financial cushion but I need junk to raise my spirits.

I did two asynchronous video interviews and felt like a cuck. I listened to music while playing agar Io. Porter Robinson is a genius and younger than me. I also listen to 1975 (the band) and felt sad that I'm not a 19 year old girl's idea of attractive. The YouTube autoplay moved on to zoomer Chadcore by musicians with instagrammable lives. Of course I feel subhuman.

I binged on junk food just now, spending £12 on it. But I think that's really the last time. I watched question time with pol and it sucked, like always.

I binged on KFC yesterday and then had ice cream later at night.

I have already binged on burger king today. The day feels wasted and it's only 3 pm. I planned to go jogging today but I feel too lazy.

I'm currently drinking coffee after having walked around outside and felt sad about life.

Life is so uninspiring. Last night when I went to the supermarket to buy ice cream and it was dark outside but bright in the supermarket, which was filled with young university students (I'm a 27 year old silent generationer) it felt kino. But I just bought my food and left to go back home. I need coffee or else I have no urgency.

I'm going to go to a library to read and feel less alone but I'm such a loser for doing so.

>NIGHT TIME UPDATE

I read parts of a philosophy book. I binged on ice cream and procrastinated jogging, and have ultimately decided not to exercise today. I plan to go jogging tomorrow. I bought ice cream from the shiny supermarket when it was dark outside.

I drank coffee in my flat while listening to music and playing agar.io. this reminded me of my life in late 2015, when I did exactly the same thing.

I am hoping that tomorrow I somehow start my real life

I'm about to sleep. How do I make sure that tomorrow really is the first day of my real life? Are there any books that discuss this?

REEEEEE MY PROFOUND EVERYTHINGSTENTIAL ENNUI WON'T GO AWAY

I am lying in bed after another day where I can't bear to do anything productive and I binged only a bit.

>woke up today
>had coffee in flat and pot noodle that I didn't have yesterday during my Last Binge Ever ever
>saw news story on BBC website about 26 year old owning a fitness clothing company with £100 m in revenue
>he's probably fucked all of the company's models
>browsed the usual shit aimed at distracting midwits like myself
>bought and ate minstrels and fizzy maoam
>went outside to walk around (left flat at 1 pm)
>currently drinking coffee in central London and feeling sad about life

I'm so old. I'm 27. I saw a jailbait a few minutes ago go in to an Audi but then she drove it away. I saw a news story about Tories discussing the idea of giving £10k to young people but I realised I wouldn't even be classed as one now. When I get in to bed at the end of the day I make that old person *loud exhaling noise*.

I'm so ugly. I have binged every day for a long time. I have an ugly face.

I'm so cucked. I have multiple asynchronous video interviews to do for graduate jobs I want. Little cucky cuckboy cucking himself in front of the cuckbox for a cuckjob so he can afford a bigger cuckshed after 20 cucky years. Meanwhile Chad builds companies with his fratbros and is a millionaire and enjoys every second of life. Or he works in investment banking and makes tonnes.

I'm so pseudointellectual. I barely read 100 pages of a history book I started 5 days ago. It's interesting but I have no passion for this particular book. I am a consumercuck who gobbles up the producerbull's dump: in this case a book he probably wrote for the sake of writing a book.

I'm so lazy and demoralised. I have gone over 6 months without doing a single productive thing in my free time, like learning maths or programming. It is like a mental block. Being productive is not within my mental vocabulary. I know I'm in the middle of an ocean of possibilities with no land in sight as normies party on cruise ships.

I'm a meek charismaless bore with no friends for years and no female attention ever.

>tfw ugly loser 27 year old with no friends or social experiences since school, no female attention ever, never been to a pub, club, or party, despite going to university in the past
>have an office job in London that requires no work or time at the office
>waste pretty much all my free time on the internet everyday and binge on junk food qnd coffee everyday to stop feeling bad about loserdom
>failed tonnes of graduate job interviews because I'm not posh or extroverted

I'm an ugly shy charismaless meek bore. I will never have a good career due to this. I did well in education but I don't fit in so it means shit. I saw the story about Kavanaugh at the party with Amy Chua, the Yale Law Professor, who recommended law clerks to him. Her daughter was also a law clerk. That sums things up. People my age in the UK make £60+k in investment banks. I barely save anything. I am not a low IQ person but I can't convince committees to accept me for anything.

I saw a 7/10 girl talk briefly to a 8/10 guy and noted how she talked to him and my bitterness about life was solidified. How THE FUCK do nonChads get the motivation to work? I don't have any motivation. I see a Stacey and my day is ruined. When it's sunny I feel like a loser for being inside.

If you don't work in central London law, front office investment banking, or own a fast growing business, or became cryptorich, or are in politics (the fully elite path that successful people take), you are NOTHING.

I read an article about the NFL player turned MIT PhD student. He simply has a high IQ. My degree bored the shit out of me.

I lift weights and will try to give up the junk food but it's all coping. I look emotionless all the time but in my head I am a swamp of negativity and daydreaming.

I can't even sit at a desk and try to work on something without feeling like a sucker because Chad work in sales at Goldman Sachs and Stacey gets £80k in HR. I am in the middle of the ocean with no land in sight.

>when it becomes evening and all promise and optimism of the day vanishes
>can't bear to stay inside so I'll go for a walk

How do I reassert my humanity? I am worried that I may be an NPC.

For over 3 years I have wasted the huge majority of my free time on internet time wasting instead of showing any initiative and working on productive stuff in my free time (learning maths, learning programming and making stuff). I read books but that is still consumerwhoredom.

......I binged.......