/lit/ - Literature

I'm an ugly beta autist loser 28 year old with no friends, acquaintances or social experiences since school, no female attention ever, and I've never been to a pub, club, or party, even through university.

I did a degree I had no interest in, so I forgot everything in it. I became the ugly loser that nobody talked to within one day of all of my jobs. I'm blackpilled and know that women and Chads have lives on easy mode and sex and good times on tap, while my life will be difficult

I waste all my free time on internet browsing. I binge on junk food and coffee almost every day, which rapes my bank balance. I have no passions. I have read many more books than most people my age but couldn't talk about anything in an informative manner for more than 10 minutes. I see my previous success in education as evidence of my lack of initiative and high docility. I now feel more proud of the times when I did badly due to losing all interest- at least that was evidence of balls.

I'm a meek, charismaless loser. I failed over 50 graduate job interview processes. I have a good job that I will start later this year but I am not posh or extroverted enough to succeed in the workplace. A large percentage of my money will go on rent. Working 9-5 feels like a prison sentence.

I'm 28 and have none of the happy social memories that people my age have. I lived in London for over a year and felt sad the entire time, from summer to summer. My job miraculously required no work and I couldn't use the time at all. I spent two years straight as a NEET or working part time, and I didn't show any initiative to do anything seriously productive in my free time at all.

I envy people that can "produce", i.e., entrepreneurs, STEM academics, good artists. I just mindlessly consume. And at work, I will be a bureaucrat. I am back office material without any connections. There are hundreds of 21 year olds making millions through software.

>be me yesterday
>go to graduate assessment centre in London for prestigious job
>explore London after getting there in the morning
>walk through University of London area and see people in the primes of their lives
>every young person's genetics seemed better than ever like humanity is evolving in real-time and leaving my already doomed generics behind; even many women were almost as tall as me (Br
>go to British museum to feel sad
>walk through hip Old Street and feel sad at my wasted 20s
>get to assessment centre at 3 pm
>have to sit with other candidates, who are zoomers who talked about how much they travel etc while I'm 28
>all four girls were normiethots and one was an off the charts GIGA-Stacey; being in their presence depressed me
>first task is to write a report
>found it easy (they would never risk eliminating normies through something too hard)
>second task required me to give a presentation and answer easy questions
>probably did badly because I'm not high energy; I'm an ugly beta with a non posh voice
>third task was an interview by two smug roasties who were probably younger than me
>one was in HR, the other was doing the job I was interviewing for
>was asked braindead competency questions that I stumbled through (with appropriate answers but they'll probably fail me due to some dumb shit)
>will get told result on Monday

This is just depressing. I can't pass job interviews to save my life. The only assessment centres I've passed had no interviews and just tested me with tasks.

I'm currently binging on McDonalds.

>be me yesterday
>go to graduate assessment centre in London for prestigious job
>explore London after getting there in the morning
>walk through University of London area and see people in the primes of their lives
>every young person's genetics seemed better than ever like humanity is evolving in real-time and leaving my already doomed generics behind; even many women were almost as tall as me (Br
>go to British museum to feel sad
>walk through hip Old Street and feel sad at my wasted 20s
>get to assessment centre at 3 pm
>have to sit with other candidates, who are zoomers who talked about how much they travel etc while I'm 28
>all four girls were normiethots and one was an off the charts GIGA-Stacey; being in their presence depressed me
>first task is to write a report
>found it easy (they would never risk eliminating normies through something too hard)
>second task required me to give a presentation and answer easy questions
>probably did badly because I'm not high energy; I'm an ugly beta with a non posh voice
>third task was an interview by two smug roasties who were probably younger than me
>one was in HR, the other was doing the job I was interviewing for
>was asked braindead competency questions that I stumbled through (with appropriate answers but they'll probably fail me due to some dumb shit)
>will get told result on Monday

This is just depressing. I can't pass job interviews to save my life. The only assessment centres I've passed had no interviews and just tested me with tasks.

I'm currently binging on McDonalds.

It's currently 2 pm. I'm drinking Starboocks after wasting the morning. It's cold as fuck outside. It's light and almost sunny but everything is damp and the cold goes straight to the bones. I currently plan to binge on junk food when I go back home. I have no motivation to do anything productive. I started reading another book last night but there is nothing I am truly interested in right now.

When I read about a tennis player I haven't previously heard of, I may be impressed by some of his recent results. But then I see his age, mid 20s, and realise he will amount to nothing. Or I see that they have less than $1m in prize money and I consider them unsuccessful. Then I realise what I'm like.

I need to give up the coffee binges to sleep better and so I can lift heavy weights. I should delay my gym routine by another week to catch up on sleep.

Would I feel different if I was in an inspiring environment? Would I be hard working and successful if I went through the right institutions?

I have started downloading and watching movies and TV shows, which feels like the next level of failure (I hadn't watched anything since blade runner 2049 in cinemas).

I'm a 28 year old ugly beta meek charismaless loser with no friends or social experiences since school, no female attention ever, and I've never been to a pub, club, or party, despite going through university.

I will start a respectable and kind of prestigious job in London later in 2019, though it's not high paid. I have failed over 50 graduate job interviews over the years, due to ugliness, autism, etc.

For the past 5 full years my everythingstential crisis has intensified so much. I waste all my free time on the internet instead of learning programming, maths, and other stuff. I binge on junk food and coffee almost every day.

>wake up at 9.30 am
>currently 7 pm
>entire day wasted on mindless internet browsing with a junk food binge on top
>everythingstential crisis has completely killed my motivation to do anything productive

Profound everythingstential crisis general

I've wasted the first 3 hours of the day drinking coffee, browsing the internet, and I have no motivation to do anything

>finished retailuck job shift at 9.30 pm yesterday
>had to start at 9 am today for a 9.5 hour shift
>slept for only 6 hours and turned up almost 15 minutes late
>become so fucking bored almost immediately because the job is so menial and repetitive
>take my 1 hour break, plus 40 minutes of unauthorised break, and still have over half the shift left
>doing menial retailcuck stuff; feeling so low energy
>won't be able to buy binge food for tonight because shops will close
>saw a 6'4" GigaChad who made me feel subhuman; he was literally the mogginator, with perfect face, frame, etc
>saw a former Stacey who made fun of me at school
>currently taking a second 30 minute unauthorised break

I'm a 28 year old ugly beta meek charismaless loser with no friends or social experiences since school, no female attention ever, and I've never been to a pub, club, or party, despite going through university.

I will start a respectabe and kind of prestigious job in London later in 2019, though it's not high paid. I have failed over 50 graduate job interviews over the years, due to ugliness, autism, etc.

For the past 5 full years my everythingstential crisis has intensified so much. I waste all my free time on the internet instead of learning programming, maths, and other stuff. I binge on junk food and coffee almost every day.

I lived in London in the past and had a job which looked good on my resume and required almost no work. I didn't even have to turn up to the office on most days by the end. The experience was wasted. I spent my free time walking around London, feeling sad about life.

I go to the gym but lifting changes nothing (it's all about the face). I read books but it feels like work if it's a boring classic, like mindless consumercuckoldry if it's enjoyable.

The only good thing about my recent years have been freedom. Working 9-5 crushes me mentally. When I actually stayed in the London office, plus the rush hour commute, plus boring life chores, I felt imprisoned.

What are some books that will allow me to wake up and start living life the way I want to tomorrow instead of procrastinating everything?

I've just realised that my extreme malaise started in 2014 and I'm about to come up to the 5 year anniversary. Maybe it started earlier but I remember a different feeling at the start of 2014. So that's 5 solid years of wasting all my free time on the internet, feeling constantly sad at my ugly betaness (I was already r9kpilled before 2014 but seeing the lookspill / blackpill when Elliot Rodger became famous was a new level), procrastinating my "real life" of hard work, and huge numbers of binges on junk food or coffee.

In that time I've graduated university, had a good job, and my career will start soon with another good job, but I still have an empty life with my 20s (I'm now 28) consisting of no friends, no female attention ever, no holidays, and I've never been to a pub, club, or party. I'm a zero charisma and uptight person.

I read books. I exercise. But I simply cannot go from being a consumercuck to a producerbull. I listened to the radio today and heard about teenagers selling hacked Fortnite accounts for thousands a week. These kids have more life than me.

2016 *really* stands out as the nadir. I had so much free time and I did nothing. But having free time is simply the least worst state.

From 2014, my main hobby became established. It involves walking or driving around outside (and riding the underground train and visiting museums / parks when I was in London), browsing the internet on my phone, feeling sad about life, stopping for coffee or fast food binges, all while hoping that my 20s spontaneously stop feeling wasted. Of course I waste shitloads of money on food, and I could have had thousands more in the bank, though money is not currently a worry.

My existential ennui is deep but I see all philosophical axioms as arbitrary so no alleged system of thought can motivate me.

Life is flying by. I know how I want to spend my free time (learning maths / programming), I simply don't have the motivation to do anything.

I woke up. I browsed the internet on my phone. I read a fiction book for about 70 pages. I felt like a consumercuck. I still had no motivation in life. I drank some coffee and browsed the internet and read an article about a guy who had lots of money and used it to make more money.

I threw out the coffee in my house but I'm not sure if it was the right choice. I went outside. I had a small amount of junk food and I'm currently drinking a Starbucks coffee. I have no motivation to do anything between now and going to the gym in the evening.

I am a 28 year old ugly autist nofriends beta male with no friends or social experiences since school, no female attention ever, and I've never been to a pub, club, or party, even through university.

I'm jealous that I'm not in some rewarding job with high pay like all the cool people I read about on the internet. I worry that only IQ matters for success, at least by the age of 30. I waste so much money on junk food and coffee and don't do anything in my free time and I worry that this is a symptom of bad genetics. When I read about some accomplished person, it seems like they'd have found it extremely difficult to do nothing.

On the other hand, the majority of people glide through institutions that reward them for their normieness. But that's only a reason to stop worrying about IQ and start worrying about all the other factors, like looks and personality. We live in a services economy where personality, networking, and looks matter more than anything else, whether people apply for McDonalds or to be Prime Minister.

I am so low energy. I wasted my 20s. I've never been to a music festival. I didn't go to my school prom. I will never work in one of those trendy modern workplaces with glass walls and everybody becomes a millionaire or executive after two years. I don't believe in hard work. Other people aren't working hard, they're just lucky enough to enjoy what they do and they pretend to work longer than 9-5.

Guess who's back in London today for a job interview?

>the section I wrote was deleted

I'm so bored but lacking in motivation. I have a cold. I had a small amount of junk food today, just chocolate and sweets. I can't be bothered doing anything productive in my free time.

I have almost finished reading a history book which started out interesting but is now merely meh.

I will have Starboocks while reading right now

I've thrown away the coffee. I've avoided junk food all day. I'm lying in bed at 5 pm with no motivation to do anything. How do I get the motivation to do anything productive and my free time when I'm an ugly 28 year old beta male with no friends or social experiences since school, no female attention ever, and have never been to a pub, club, or party, even through university and living alone in London and working in an office with other young people?

No motivation. Utterly blackpilled. Feel guilty about everything I do, don't do, and how I do it. Have FOMO about everything. Life ends at 30.

Londonfrog here

I recently got some really good job news. But I still haven't figured out how to make myself work hard (or at all) in my free time. I have been feeling about my wasted youth and 20s lately. Everyone else has gone to shitloads of parties, holidays, nights out, and on and on and on.

And what pains me is that I still abhor having any trace of a life philosophy.

I recently finished a huge history book with lots of pseud cred but I can't really discuss it in depth. Reading is consumercuckery.

If I don't work hard, I have wasted my potential and opportunity to maximise success. If I work hard, I waste my opportunity to maximise pleasure and I feel cucked because people have worked less than me for more success, either due to their IQs or luck.

If I eat healthily I feel bad for missing out on junk food. If I eat junk food I become fatter.

If I read a lot of books then I miss out on actually doing things. If I don't read a lot of books I feel like a pleb.

And if I try to be moderate then I get the worst of both worlds.

Now repeat for every single possible life trade off. How the FUCK do I stop feeling like this?

>liberalism
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BykRVQaTsC_nOUlscEk5Y2puMWMycWNUZGlnaDVYTndqbVJF/

I'm lying in bed at the end of a day spent doing not much. It's 8.34 pm. I simply have no fucking motivation to do anything productive. I imagine myself getting out of bed and learning something or doing something but there is some mental barrier between myself and the action. And any attempt to create rules or goals for myself feels like the most pathetic thing in the world and an admission of deep failure as a person. I'm not even joking.

I thought about setting goals like, "Do X by this date" but it just means I'll do sub par work and not follow my curiosity. I thought about a goal like, "Start doing something productive 100 things by the end of this year", to try and build a habit. But even using the word habit feels like a denial of free will. Of course, I see that my future self is not like my current or past self. I see my past self as an automaton who never truly grasped the present moment. Even when I was young and doing well in school I was simply doing the tasks put in front of me.

I've recently had multiple interview invites and I will likely be trapped in a respectable office job that I couldn't reasonably quit, within 6 months.

I used to have this recurring dream where I would punch something and my hands were somehow slowed down as they got closer to the thing, by some invisible force. I don't do producerbull activities because I worry that I'm fundamentally ineffective (non-effective is maybe be a better term).

I read books yet I forget everything and it sums things up. What is the point?

The Silicon Valley superhuman autists start companies at the drops of hats. To me, an entrepreneur is someone who does something before he knows how to do it, making something extremely obvious that nobody else predicted. Evern midwit BBC presenters have written multiple books. Even no mark, vacuous politicians went to Oxbridge to McKinsey / law, before networking in to politics.

I woke up early at 8 am because I had chores to do. I drank coffee while browsing the internet, did some chores, then tried to go back to sleep but I couldn't. I then went outside and have had a McDonalds binge. I saw lots of Staceys, which was demoralising. I am now drinking coffee. I'm not sure if I have enough energy to lift heavy weights at the gym tonight but I'll try.

I woke up, ate, and browsed the internet on my laptop. Last night I watched tennis on my laptop and read parts of a few books.

I wish I could finally start doing productive things in my free time soon. I am confident I will start soon.

I'm currently mourning the fact that I didn't go the Oxbridge to prestigious job route, with added normie networking for a rocket boosted career. I am also currently mourning my wasted youth and vast amounts of wasted free time in recent years.

Reading is such a consumercuck activity.

>be me
>be 27 year old ugly beta loser nofriends autist with no friends or social experiences since school, no female attention ever, never been to a pub, club, or party, even through university
>become the ugly loser nobody talks to within one day of all my jobs
>currently NEET after not having my contract renewed at a minimum wage job
>have failed many graduate job interviews in the past because I'm not extroverted, posh, or one of da ladz
>had one good grad level job in the past but the people cared so little for me, they gave me no work and I was paid to do nothing

Everyone I went to school with is probably in relationships and have bought houses by now. They would be so happy to see me, the ugly nerd, doing badly. My teachers would be happy and laugh about me too.

If you're not a normie, you have no chance at anything. All normies glide through normie filled institutions that judge them solely on normieness. Everything and everyone gets judged by appearances and connections / appeals to authority. I'd say that this is uniquely British degeneracy but every other country looks more subhuman.

Remember when I walked through Shoreditch and Brick Lane on that sunny and hot day? I was so pathetic, walking around as if my life would spontaneously stop feeling wasted my 20s were wasted. Remember when I posted about walking through the London museum on that rainy day, or the Notting Hill Carnival on that sunny day? Remember when on that incredibly sunny day I eant to Regent's Park and then the British Library? I used to have automatic nostalgia and sadness at all my recent memories. Now I just see patheticness.

My life is so dull. Everyone on TV lives in a mansion and went to Oxbridge (not that arysfags learned anything worthwhile but they'll always be seen as smarter than me because of it). Every normie has a new build mansion and multiple holidays. I waste all my money on junk food and coffee.

Today was a more pointless day than usual.

I woke up, ate food and coffee while browsing the internet. I then had a small junk food binge (chocolate, sweets that included mints that felt like put sugar, diet cherry cola). I then walked around and had a £3 Starbucks coffee though it tasted like hot water with a tiny bit of flavour and I worried that the hipster zoomers who worked there were laughing at me. I then wasted many hours on the internet. I couldn't be bothered walking around.

I was going to the gym and lift heavy but I won't start my routine until Monday anyway so I'm lying in bed at 8.18 pm and I will read until I sleep.

I have a job interview for a job that looks good on my CV and would let me save a lot of money but which would take up all my free time. If I can't even prove to myself that I can be productive in free time, with no external pressure, it's like admitting I'm a born slave, though being productive in free time after wagecucking is maybe the bigger challenge. One of the interviewers is the same age as me, judging from LinkedIn. At least I can console myself with the fact that all his jobs look boring as fuck. I don't dare type "LinkedIn Morgan Stanley analyst London" in to Google.

Why even bother with life when being an extroverted normie is the only path to success?

I simply can't make myself do anything productive in my free time. It's a mental block. All self help and life philosophies and organisational structures feel both cucked and self limiting. On the other hand, I am an autist Anglo minded person, so I feel like a savage for not having a schedule and being orderly. I feel cucked no matter what I do.

I thought I would do something productive at home but I'm outside drinking coffee. I will read a book at the library.

I need to obtain the producerbull mentality and get rid of my meek consumercuck mentality. I have FOMO, as absurd as it sound for a loser like me. I walk around outside while hoping my life spontaneously stops feeling wasted.

I wish I lived in California or New York so every day was either sunny or busy, so I could never miss anything. I could work hard and then go outside at any time and live life. Do other UKers know this feeling of brutal dullness and a lack of inspiration when the weather is bland and middling?

I haven't done anything productive in my free time for over 6 months. I know I am doomed because I'm ugly. I know I live in a world where connections, youth, and looks are everything.

At least I'm stronger than I've been for over 1.5 years. I binged on KFC and ice cream yesterday but saved the day by squatting almost 350 lbs for 5 reps.

>be me
>be ugly beta 27 year old nofriends loser autist with no friends or social experiences since school, no attention from women ever, never been to a pub, club, or party, even through university
>walked past a university today and saw literally tens of qts and Staceys in their primes
>felt incredibly demoralised because I'm an eternal loser with no motivation in life and they'll always see me as an ugly loser
>went through university as a loner loser
>lifting did nothing, having a full time job did nothing
>normies are all enjoying themselves and I've missed out on everything

After seeing some pop music videos and Instagram posts today I became even more demoralised. Everyone but me is loving the good life. I have no motivation to do anything in my free time. I just waste it on the internet. I have no passions in life.

I'm such an ugly boring charismaless loser. I become the ugly loner nobody talks to within one day of all my jobs. My level of introversion and lack of normieness makes all professional effort worthless because you need to be a normie networker to get anywhere.

Even junk food barely keeps the pall of ennui and boredom away anymore.