/lit/ - Literature

>>9265343
take a sentence, extract the specific meaning, rewrite the sentence
>I wanted to focus on Robert because I felt that by writing down his rejection among the group to his being Jewish, it oversimplifies the complex and important relationships he has with the other characters.
so you will (A) focus on robert because (B) you don't want his jewishness alone to define his relationships.
>I wanted to focus on Robert because I felt it crucial that his Jewishness not define his relationships to the other characters.

as a rule, you should always write like this, until you get out of the habit of bad writing. think about what you actually mean to say, consider the best pace to communicate that to the reader, write the sentence accordingly.

>>9265362
they're bad, read this out loud while revising

>>9265436
this is actually pretty well-written, good job. i don't want to say keep it up because i'm not sure what 'it' is, but, uh, good job

>>9265449
it's wrong to fap

>>9265989
not technically bad, but formulaic. i feel like i have read every single one of these lines before