/lit/ - Literature

im sorry if i ever came off as rude, weird, mean. as cliche as it sounds its me not you. I wish i could be normal, that i could enjoy life, relax. But i have always been riddled with anger, anxiety, self hatred, and a deep depression. and i feel like when im in front of people i have to perform. You wouldn't like the real me. I dont know why im like this, nothing too crazy in my life, at the same time a life of isolation and coldness. I never had many real friends, never the warmth of a woman. Never anyone to talk to. And when i did talk to someone i was rejected or ignored. The general feeling of "what do you have to be stressed about". I agree. Its doesnt make any sense. But i used to go into manias of creativity and then deep suicidal depression, and now its just non stop fatigue and hopelessness. I cant stop thinking about death. I see no purpose in life, never had any ambitions. I avoided people when i could, i hated being in front of people because i just feel so embrasses and humiliated, i have no idea how i made it through school.

i rarely fall in love with women, gomez was the only one, and i wanted her for more than sexual reasons, i wanted to just be, just be with her. As i have grown older i dont think i could have ever made it with her, she was too nice. It was a school boy infatuation. I will forever be grateful that she cared though. she was the only one. The reality though is the type of girl that i gel with is one who wants to put a ciggerrate out on my forehead.

I really am a fuck up of the highest order hahahahah

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GfGxXGy5Bs