/lit/ - Literature

Since about the start of this year I've grown remarkably better at noticing and controlling my anxiety. Whenever I notice myself tense or anxious, I have a newfound ability to simply 'shift gears' and expel that anxiety from my system. It's a full body, fully mental shift, almost akin to putting on or taking off a pair of glasses. I don't know how I acquired this ability but now I'm wishing I'd known how to do it earlier. Perhaps it's just age (I turned 27 in December).

All areas of my life have begun to improve. Work is more tolerable, I'm more outgoing around my coworkers and strangers, I am far less self conscious of my actions. Where I used to be hyperaware of my body and what I was doing, I feel much more in the moment - I just don't care as much. I have been able to stop masturbating easily, down from a daily habit to only twice this year so far. I'm hornier than ever but I no longer think to masturbate, it just doesnt really enter my mind as a thing to do. This is the first time I've posted on 4chan since the start of the year and I probably won't return again for another few months. I asked a girl for her number for the first time since college and she seemed excited to give it to me.

I don't think I realised how on edge I have been the entirety of my life. I finally understand what people mean by mindfulness.

My next goal is to wean myself off my phone and write more by hand. Perhaps an hour a day of journal writing instead of lying in bed on my phone. My life isn't perfect but I feel more comfortable and confident than ever before.