/lit/ - Literature

10-15 str8 vidya
15-19 gf & exercise
20-21 gf, study, reading
>tfw I'm a scrawny motherfucker now

I've written a short (1k words) story for the school newspaper. Could you guys take a look?

“I heard that sound again,” said the girl in the skirt. She sat on the bench overlooking the terraces, where boys in magentablack blazers charged at each other. “That sound,” she said, “I don't like it.”
She sat up and absently combs her hair with an unmanicured hand, her fingers shaking a little, like catgut strings on a violin, arthritic. The ball leapt from the shoes of the boys and threw itself towards the sides of the cage, where it impacted, screamed, and landed on the astroturf. There's a cigarette she's unsure as to whether she wanted to have. “Better not,” she said. “Smoking is bad for your health,” she said. “Smoking is bad for your health,” she said again, more firm now. Almost expected a reply. “It's nice here,” said the girl in the skirt. “It's nice here and I like it.” A breeze caused the tree about thirty steps to her left to shudder, dropping some of its carmine load. The boys roared together their victory. We won, we won you dogs, we won it for- and then were cut off by a single raised hand whose arm was sheaved in pinstripe. Silence rolled across the terraces. The girl reached and patted her ankle for a moment and her stream of consciousness lapsed into the present tense.

She thinks of cutting her hair short. She thinks of how tomorrow she's going to wear jeans. She thinks of the quince jam at home and how good it's going to taste but she can't have any yet because it needs to set for a while longer. She thinks for a moment about him and then lets the words slip out of her mind but not onto her tongue. The border guards stop the truck, and politely and quietly extinguish the fires raging inside. She says nothing, and lapses into the past again.

Two kids from the year below fell out of the smoking corner together. She pretended not to notice them. Yet the sound continued. The smoking corner was where all the blackberries were. People would climb over natural razor wire and sit and fumigate their lungs. There was a tradition not to talk. These two were a little torn. They ambled off to wherever they were going to spend the remainder of their day. The girl sat very still on the bench. Bodies passed her and thought she was praying or waiting or something. Bodies thinking. It made her smile. She thought about swimming pools and that thing she had to write for that pretty teacher and people with long and complex and many barrelled names, like the family was a brewers' or a cannon or an oil tanker.

OP from other thread here, I think there is some weird "avatar picture" detection that automatically deleted the whole thread.

a new mene was borned :====DDD