/lit/ - Literature

>>12505224
pretty good but "behalves" - really? Your style needs some refining/modernization. I suggest reading more post-1995 fiction to freshen up
, personally

>>12505682
I second the Joyce comment. This needs reformatting and tightening up, significantly

how's mine?

>“Kevin, it’s too late for that now.” Lisa spoke over the sound of car horns in the distance. A streetcar hurdled past, raining sparks from the trolley wire overhead. “Too goddamn late.”
“Cabbie!” I shouted through the rain, waving a leather briefcase containing the last fifteen months’ bank statements, four years’ tax returns, and an affidavit for divorce. The taxi rolled ahead, its rooflight still shining. “Fuck’s sake.”
>Lisa’s scowl peered through the hood of her raincoat. “At this point, to hell with it, I’m getting on the next car.” Makeup streaked down her face, its application liberal, striping a thin, watery black from eyes to jaw. “The hell if I’m going down to the courthouse even one minute late thanks to you.”
>Another streetcar came, arriving like a time warp; it sped along the curb and came to a screaming standstill. We both boarded at the back without remembering to pay.
>“You couldn’t even call up Joe and ask him to watch over the kids, could you?”
>“Lis, keep your voice down,” I said with slow lips, big eyes.
>We clutched the straps hanging from the roof of the car; our bodies thrown at each start, our feet stumbling at every stop. Water sprayed from the tracks onto the curb, dousing busy feet, creating tiny pools on the sidewalk slabs in which the downtown shop lights glimmered.