/lit/ - Literature

Hello /lit/,

Would you mind reviewing this dialogue, that I am in the process of editing.
I am most notably efficient in fiction, and poetry, yet I have never felt in possession of sufficient skills to lead a successfully written dialogue.
Thank you for your kind consideration.

my cheekbones were protruding past health Desormes of apples round bone, piercing through the thin skin dry and rough, and my pronounced lower jaw seemed to have been moved from its cavity, and leaning slightly forward.