/lit/ - Literature

I haven’t been the best person.

As a young boy, I’ve always wondered what I was doing wrong, why I was never 100 percent sure god existed. I would look at churchgoers and get jealous at their solid faith, whereas I always struggle with the thought of there being no god. It’s really difficult to believe when you have Aspergers, and I would get angry at myself for it

Later in my late teens, the mystery of consciousness and the fact that I have qualia lead me towards spiritualism, and I am confident that there is something more to reality

I am now struggling with the inconsistencies and moral dilemmas in the Bible. From the problem of evil, to “god allowing free will” despite hardening the pharoh’s heart, to allowing slavery under mosaic law. It sometimes gets too confusing and I get angry that the book isn’t as coherent as many make it out to be. I also get furious when people warp the Bible to nonsensical limits in order to be consistent, like how people are willing to say that genesis is non-literal in order to rationalize the problem of evil

I am also struggling with hentai. When I read it, I get intrusive thoughts that tell me “this is sin” but I try to stop them by telling myself that everyone sins, or that god’s morals in the Bible are inconsistent, or that the Bible was heavily edited to control the masses.

21
Paradise Lost
Medical student living off family support