/lit/ - Literature

>>13376921
This reminds me of the time a girl i was going out with randomly hugged me by my back while i was working on a high school project. We started talking and flirting and she leaned her head against me. She's the reason i have a massive short hair fetish.

God i'm so lonely.

Can anyone give me a good critique of this poem?

The geese sleep in the reeds
Bumblebee, stumbles in air.
Sparrows sing a song in a tree
sheep bleat and hop, happily.

Crimson and orange sky,
Giving way to Gentle blue.
tree sways in wind, slowly
Rocking the sparrows to sleep

Bees in the flowers
Geese in the reeds
sheep in the fields
Sleeps, sleeps, sleeps

Below the tree; he lies
in an open field, he is free.
Friend of worms and dirt
his corpse decomposes