/lit/ - Literature

>wake up at 7 am
>it's now normal for me after an entire week of having to be at work for 8 full hours; feel like a prisoner
>drink coffee, browse internet
>go to gym and lift for a lot of volume
>leave flat to go in to central London before noon, which is early for me
>go on underground train and then go walking
>go to a library and skim a few books but it feels pathetic to be there with nothing to do so I leave
>feel sad at seeing lots of Staceys and qts and GigaStaceys
>see an event taking place in Hyde park and not sure what it is
>feel surprise as I walk in to a large gay pride parade; didn't even notice anything strange about the gay propaganda everywhere beforehand
>try to avoid it
>walk some more
>now drinking coffee at around 4 pm
>leaving my flat earlier than usual has exposed how little I have to do and how empty my life is

I walked through Edgeware road recently and it is literally like a foreign country.

I need to start reading books at work to stop it being a complete waste of time.

I saw some English history books and I realised I need to read them because I've never read a general English history book before. But all the kings and queens nonsense is horrendously boring.

I will have either a McDonalds or burger king binge today. Most likely McDonalds.

There was a weird moment at work on Friday. I went to a meeting room far from my office. The building I work in is large and like a maze. I walked through my wing of the building, which is shabby and old. Then I walked through a more modern part. Then a much more modern part, and the signs disappeared. Then up some winding stairs that must have stopped at half floors, some more narrow stairs, and then on to the 6th floor (I thought there were only 4 floors). I walked past a large group of casually clothed people, (possibly tourists but why were they there?), up some more stairs, and then in to this really modern, light filled waiting room with glass walls everywhere, which included the meeting room.

>wake up at 7 am
>it's now normal for me after an entire week of having to be at work for 8 full hours; feel like a prisoner
>drink coffee, browse internet
>go to gym and lift for a lot of volume
>leave flat to go in to central London before noon, which is early for me
>go on underground train and then go walking
>go to a library and skim a few books but it feels pathetic to be there with nothing to do on a Saturday so I go walking again
>walk a lot
>feel sad at seeing lots of Staceys and qts and GigaStaceys
>see an event taking place in Hyde park and not sure what it is
>feel surprise as I walk in to a large gay pride parade; didn't even notice anything strange about the gay propaganda everywhere beforehand
>try to avoid it
>walk some more
>now drinking coffee at around 4 pm
>leaving my flat earlier than usual has exposed how little I have to do and how empty my life is

I walked through Edgeware road recently and it is literally like a foreign country. And I mean LITERALLY.

I need to start reading books at work to stop it being a complete waste of time.

I saw some English history books and I realised I need to read them because I've never read a general English history book before. But all the kings and queens nonsense is horrendously boring.

I will have either a cheeky McDonalds or burger king binge today. Most likely McDonalds.

There was a weird, kind of Kafkaesque moment at work on Friday. I went to a meeting room far from my office. The building I work in is large and like a maze. I walked through my wing of the building, which is shabby and grand and old, like a museum. Then I walked through a more modern part. Then a much more modern part, and the signs disappeared. Then up some winding stairs that must have stopped at half floors, some more narrow stairs, and then on to the 6th floor (I thought there were only 4 floors). I walked past a large group of casually clothed people, (possibly tourists but I have no clue why they were there), up some more stairs, and then in to this really modern, light filled waiting room with glass walls everywhere, which included the meeting room.

>wake up
>drink coffee, browse internet
>go to work
>do some work, get chewed out by boss in front of other employees for being a beta autist who doesn't talk about his weekend; was very embarrassed but the sweet apathy blanket is very protective, especially as time passes
>go for lunch
>cave in and have a supermarket sandwich
>come back from lunch
>leave well before 5
>have a binge when I get home; justified it because I'm starting a high volume gym routine tonight
>if I can tear myself away from the internet, I'll read a book before going to the gym

My favourite time to go to work, from a morale perspective, is the 8.45 to 9.30 train time. All the hardcore wagies are gone. The trains aren't crowded. It's not so late that I'll start feeling like a useless NEET (with the obligations of a wagie) or in trouble at work. When the weather is warm and it's sunny it is almost, dare I say it, comfy. My boss works from a different office on some days so I can have my patented two hour lunches.

Remember that quote about Bismarck and his generals and how they're either smart/dumb and lazy/hardworking and the smart/lazy are the best? Jus lyk me!!!

But I don't judge myself by my conduct at work (at least, not while it's boring). I judge myself by my producerbullness outside work and I am awful.

>wake up at around 6:40 am
>spend an hour or two browsing internet in bed while sleepy
>go back to sleep and wake up at 10:40 am
>drink coffee, browse internet, read 30 pages of an enjoyable history book
>clean my flat (no existential benefits detected)
>go jogging, which feels good, although seeing all the happy young people is distressing
>leave flat to go in to central London
>leave after 2 pm, which is late; it's not as hot and sunny as yesterday; Sunday always feels like a pale imitation of Saturday
>saddened by a Stacey / qt hybrid I saw on the train; depressed by seeing them everywhere
>go to famous museum, see famous stuff
>go walking through city of London, which is relatively deserted and everything is closed (How can shops there only be open from 9-5, Monday to Friday? Should everyone be at work?)
>now drinking Costa coffee at eets costliest
>may go to McDonalds for a binge; maybe burger king instead, not sure
>will then go back to my flat and mourn the passing of the weekend; will either continue reading the book or waste my time online

I am thinking of maybe giving up coffee to save £3 a day and get better sleep but ascetism feels pathetic somehow. My lunchtime coffee at work is the fulcrum of my day. Although being outside among normies as an ugly loser feels pathetic as well.

I have spare money now and can save, although I could be saving much more money if I lived with my parents and worked a full time minimum wage job. Getting promoted is all that matters. It's a step change in salary. But how can I be promoted when every job is menial excelmonkeying? I am moving departments in November so hopefully that will let me do more meaningful work.

I have skimmed hackernews almost every day for over 4 years but never bothered to try to program anything. I am such a subhuman compared to silicon valley types.

I can't imagine a woman ever being attracted to me. I can't imagine a committee of normies seeing me as normie enough for a promotion.

>wake up
>drink coffee while browsing internet, do chores
>go to gym; too weak to do heavy squats but was otherwise ok (went jogging yesterday evening for first time in months, which felt good)
>go in to central London to walk around and feel sad about life
>extremely hot and sunny day; Staceys, GigaStaceys, qts all rampant; never felt more like genetic shit
>spend a short time in a library but it feels pathetic on such a sunny day
>walk around, including a large park I had never been to before
>young people literally frolicking and enjoying life
>the sun is blazing
>read part of Taleb's skin in the game on my phone in the train and it goes over the cold logic of why wagecucks are pathetic creatures
>have coffee in central London
>had my Saturday McDonalds binge
>now on my way back to flat (when I wrote this hours ago)
>waste time on internet at flat
>now lying in bed at 11:12 pm
>last thing I saw online was a quick flick through random LinkedIn profiles of people with similar jobs to me but who are at the same point in their careers or slightly ahead despite being younger; at least I know their tuition fee debt is much bigger than mine

The American style burger promotion at McDonalds has ended.

The deep underground trains were saunas. I drank a litre bottle of water afterwards like it was nothing.

The notion that no attractive people are in London is pure cope. The place is filled with rich, good-looking, easy lived, sex having normies.

I watched the intro to Drive on YouTube and couldn't believe it has been almost 8 years since I saw it at the cinema. I have done very little with my life. Sadly I'm smart enough to not see my degree and jobs as worthwhile.

>wake up
>have enough time to go jogging but don't want to go before I have a shit and by the time that comes the time is gone
>get to work
>have my third 2 to 3 hour meeting of the week with similar people all the time
>starting to realise that people know I'm the office beta and they kind of laugh at me when they talk to me; whatever, less guilt for me when I leave early or arrive late
>have realised that my boss has subtly been telling me that I don't need to sit near him any more; realise also that I've been taking up space in the area where all the managers sit and they probably complained about me sitting there behind my back; nvm, I can sit far away from them now and feel like I'm under less scrutiny
>go to lunch
>walk down busy street in the really hot and sunny weather
>walk down street, looking for a coffee shop with one of the window seats free
>end up walking up and down the street and it felt like one of those video games where you initially see the huge world but then realised its limitations
>go back to work
>a guy my age or younger comes in to my office and talks with one of the managers in that really contrived businessy way and I am shocked that someone can act in such a contrived manner
>go home
>had intended to go jogging straight after work but I went and bought last binge ever food and ate most of that instead
>realised the trigger for my binge is currently the idea of an evening with nothing fulfilling to do
>threw away all of it, including the pepsi max, though I'll buy more of that when I go back home; diet cola type drinks are acceptable
>go for my customary long walk
>now drinking coffee
>will go back home, maybe read, maybe watch qt with pol, go to sleep, have to be arnwork early tomorrow (9 am) so I will have to jog after work

Normies are so contrived. Stirner and catcher in the rye literally nuked my brain.

At least I didn't have supermarket sandwiches at lunch time.

At least I'm moving departments in November.

>wake up
>too late to go jogging in the morning so I drink coffee, browse the internet, then go to work
>I don't even need to drink the coffee to cause myself to need a shit; the sound of the kettle boiling, the warmth of the cup on my hand, and the coffee smell all Pavlov me
>go to work
>in a meeting in the morning with the Trivago man from yesterday; at one point I looked at him and he was slouched forward, eyes closed, with a shadow on him; immediately thought "This is no longer Trivago"
>saw woman leave the meeting early; thought "Needs to scrape crusted Chad cum out of her ass"
>use elevator and two people from my office get in and say hi to me; immediately get suspicious that they fucked each other just now and are trying to seem normal
>leave to go home
>look at bank balance and there is money there but I have been raped by my own binges
>as soon as my underground train gets to the station I automatically go and buy my last binge ever food
>have had the binge food
>now lying in bed at 8:19 pm as the sun is leaving and I know I have an empty life with nothing to do after work
>planning to go to gym tonight after some lying in bed

>wake up
>had to use most of my spare time in the morning for sleep instead of jogging because I slept late last night
>get in to work on time for a 9 am meeting
>do work
>go for long lunch and spend time partly reading an entrepreneur's Twitter account and realise I'm subhuman for not being rich
>end day with a long meeting
>tall Chad older guy is in it, aged at least 40, dressed casually
>would normally feel bad about being near such a Chad but he looked like someone who could be in a Trivago advert (it was a minor /tv/ meme) (some good looking but kind of round the block older guy who wouldn't look out of place in a hipster company)
>whenever he talked I thought "Trivago" and was trying not to laugh
>feel really tired after an actual 9-5 day; what a marathon
>now all I have left is my vacuous life and an empty evening (will leave exercise for tomorrow because I had to wake up early today); not sure whether to go for a long walk and then read at the library and then coffee or not
>unthinkingly bought one last binge and now finishing off a binge
>will go walking

>woke up
>planned to go jogging in the morning but after waking up early, drinking coffee and browsing the internet I realised I didn't have enough time and decided to job after work
>go to work, sweating like a dog because of the heat
>do work
>leave to go home
>was reading this entrepreneur's book on my phone and a part where he makes out with a woman made me feel bitter
>on the underground train two blonde extremely generically American upspeaking teenage girls get on and loudly talk about dogs eating tide Pods ("It was coughing bubbles, which was so cute, but I thought it was gonna die")
>as soon as I get off the underground train I walk to the shop to buy last binge ever food without having planned a binge beforehand; wasn't feeling happy or sad, just Pavloved
>have small/medium sized binge at home and skip the jogging
>decide to go for a long walk but think it will rain so I go straight on the underground train to one of the places I like to have coffee
>it didn't rain, although I left my flat at 7 pm, which is too late for a good walk
>Staceys all over the place
>now drinking coffee
>will write this day off and go jogging tomorrow morning

It's incredible how few books I've read in the past few months.

>wake up
>drink coffee, browse internet
>go to gym
>have small pain in hamstring which stops me from getting a new squat pr for 3 reps
>decide to go in to central London to walk around, feel sad about life, and hope my youth spontaneously stops feeling wasted after I "just go outside, bro!"
>leave flat later than yesterday and it's less sunny; Sundays are always pale imitations of Saturdays
>walk around a park and then a nearby park
>see lots of Staceys and qts and Chad and Stacey couples; feel sad
>at one point I go through this gate and see a field on my right almost completely filled by normies lounging around; it was like a moment of film cinematography with me alone at the bottom of the screen and like the soldier injuries scene from Gone with the wind but with happy young normies in their prime
>now drinking coffee
>planned to have burgers from burger king to feel better but the pull of McDonalds chips and cheaper food seems stronger

I was lying in bed last night, belatedly reading a book after many minutes of mindless internet browsing. Although I am enjoying this history book, it really feels like a pointless exercise in consumercuckoldry. I am not going to use or discuss (or even remember after one day) the facts about this or that renaissance thinker or inventor or incident. I didn't have much trouble remembering stuff for school and university exams but I forget almost all information I read, especially when I have little prior framework or motivation. This is what happens when I read for the pseudcred.

In a month I'll have well over £1000 in my bank account that isn't due to be spent on rent or necessary expenses in the next month. Will my binges intensify or can I actually save money?

I made a pretty damn good bait topic on fit that got deleted after 60 replies in less than 30 minutes: https://desuarchive.org/fit/thread/51298838/#51298838

>wake up
>drink coffee on a hot and sunny morning
>go to gym and do light cardio
>do some chores
>leave flat and take underground in to central London to walk around and feel sad about life and do stuff to feel like I'm not fully wasting it
>go walking a bit in an expensive area and see lots of Staceys and feel sad about life
>go to a library and spend some time reading a book
>leave and go for a long walk
>go to a famous park and see lots of swans and Chad and Stacey coupled and realise that everyone has a qt / Stacey gf except me
>walk some more
>and some more, but it feels kind of pointless
>saw some GigaStaceys, felt sad
>now drinking coffee
>only ate supermarket sandwiches yesterday at lunchtime and nothing so far today, and I went to the gym last night as well, so I will have a guilt free McDonalds binge (except it will cost a lot)

I looked up the LinkedIn of a qt who sits in a nearby room at work and who I've been in a few meetings with and she was a captain of a sports team at university which means she has literally organised gangbangs with rich Chads.

There was a big escalator next to some stairs at an underground station. People can stand on the right side of the escalator (but first there's a long line for it), or they can walk up the escalator (and get up quickest and with medium difficulty, after a small line) or they can take the stairs immediately. Yesterday I stood but immediately felt guilty because I realised it reminded me of the producerbull - consumercuck - sub-consumercuck (like a consumercuck but replace reading novels and films and good vidya with mindless internet browsing and youtube) trichotomy that I invented. I walked up the stairs today.

I stood near this group of American accented zoomers on the underground. American accents sound kind of obnoxious when heard irl; I perceive them as talking in an insincere, showy manner because they're not on film. One of them said something about going to class in London, so I felt sad because he must be rich as fuck and he must live a Less Than Zero style life that an ugly person like me will never experience.

Will I ever get the motivation to do anything? I don't play vidya but reading about the guys who singlehandedly made stardew valley or fan games make me feel like a pathetic worm.

>woke up
>a sunny Friday
>drink coffee and browse internet until after 9 am
>go to work, arrive later than ever with zero consequence because it's a quiet Friday and I have finished some previous bits of work
>do some very minor stuff, start a 2.5 hour lunch
>have supermarket sandwiches and coffee, go back to work
>have very little to do, leave well before 5 pm
>intend to go to the gym straight away but spend about 1.5 hours on the internet and drinking coffee
>go to gym and lifting goes well
>gymthots are rampant on a Friday evening; at least I didn't wear contact lenses
>decide to skip food afterwards, have just a multivitamin pill (first one I've had since I bought them 15 days ago), will eat nothing until a guilt free McDonalds binge tomorrow
>waste time on internet
>now it's 11 pm, the evening is wasted, the normies are out enjoying life, currently lying in bed and about to read a book

If I hadn't wasted all my time as a NEET, I'd think it was my job that killed all my ambition and personal growth.

>wake up
>sleep went ok
>go to work
>almost nothing to do today
>have another long lunch but don't have any supermarket sandwiches or food- I intend to eat nothing for 24 hours to counteract the binge I had yesterday (and the previous 9 days in a row)
>have coffee during lunch but it's boring because I browsed the internet in the morning
>go back to office
>do only a little more work
>have just left the office even earlier than usual
>planned to go to gym as soon as I got back but I now really crave a binge

I went to the doctor's recently for a minor thing and had a blood test and had my blood pressure taken and my height and weight taken (I'm completely fine). The doctor was this Eastern European accented woman and she had this really friendly but maybe inadvertently overly patronising attitude. It reminded me 100 % of prostitutes.

I had this recurring dream again which is almost seeping in to my memories. Nothing really happens, it's just the false memory of moving in to a large apartment complex in a sunny neighborhood when I first moved to London. The lobby is painted in a really dark manner but the place is nice. It's a slightly unrealistically run down and sunny part of London. I don't think the dream is much of a mystery: it represents the false promises that moving out involves. There is no adventure or promise to life.

I'm currently on one of my patented 2 hour lunch breaks that I invented in my previous job.

>woke up too early, slept like crap
>decide to leave gym until after work
>go to work
>when your boss's boss's boss, who you sit right next to, along with your boss and boss's boss, and who all see you come in late and leave early and take long lunch breaks everyday, asks you for some numbers because your boss is in another office that day
>when you don't know where to get the information and you search all over the online databases you've barely used and the shared files your not fully familiar with
>when your boss thinks you're a pathetic sperg and you're 99 % sure that he gossips about you with the others when you're not there
>when searching for stuff and not finding it makes you feel like a low IQ failure, no matter how stupid that sounds
>when you get the information to the boss after asking other people, and realising that none of it was down to my intelligence, I just didn't know
>when you email the figures to another person who knows your boss (hopefully not too senior) and then you have to email the figures again because you made a small error and also the spreadsheet they showed you to update about 5 seconds before the deadline was wonky and you had to state your assumptions
OP here.
>when you get your boss's boss's boss and the contact the numbers and then later an even more accurate figure which kind of shows how little they cared about the figures and the task, if they were willing to accept the original inaccurate source
>when all your worry was for nothing
>go home
>girl stands near me on the train and I think it's proof of my possible non-repulsiveness but then I remember that Wojak comic where the girl does sit next to the disgusting guy and not the truly profoundly sad Wojak
>decide to have one last binge
>just had the binge, feel absolutely disgusting and fat
>also caved in at lunch time and had a supermarket sandwich
>bought an enjoyable history book from a charity shop

Another wasted day.

>woke up before 6 am
>sleep went badly again
>spent 2 or 3 hours browsing internet on phone in bed
>went back to sleep, woke up, went back to sleep multiple times until around 11 am or something, still not fully rested
>drink coffee while browsing internet
>go to gym and do light cardio
>go outside to walk around and feel sad about life
>left well after 2 pm; my Sundays are always inferior Saturdays
>walk around city of London and see "Corporation of London" signs
>walk around and see Barbican estate
>see a little of the museum of London
>currently drinking coffee and will go home to watch Conservative debate and start a new reading a novel afterwards

My 20s are sputtering out. I need to stop wasting every evening. I need to stop wasting money on coffee and junk food. I think of myself as not being able to save much but the amount I've wasted on junk food and coffee in London has been insane. Although it's not saving for a house levels of money.

When I see slightly older Staceys in the City of London I wonder whether they're high end prostitutes or something like that.

I felt sad at seeing cool-Chad (less physically Chaddy butore hipsterish) and art-ho couples. I saw blonde teen girls with young urban blacks.

I have no passions. I wish I was the type of person who just did stuff. Instead, I'm a lazy consumercuck zero motivation charismaless beta.

>wake up too early
>drink water and go back to sleep
>sleep an hour more but it's still not quite enough sleep
>drink coffee and browse internet
>clean room (no existential benefits detected)
>go to gym and lifting goes ok
>go outside to walk around and feel sad about life
>go to a library
>see fat woman outside
>think "Cahm on Norf, score sum fackin goals!"
>see girl wearing that bandana I associate with Italian girls
>think "Cahm on FC Italia!"
>think SS Nazi vs AS Mafia
>go on underground train
>walk through imperial college campus a bit
>see the queen's tower, which I had never even heard of before
>feel so sad at not having ever gone to an elite university
>feel so sad at having hated my university subject and having a completely wasted experience
>I could literally see a lecture on neural networks being given through a window
>felt so pathetic for seeing reading books as any sort of intellectual activity compared to this (I intended to buy two books from a charity shop but decided not to after seeing this)
>go to Natural History museum
>see Chads and Staceys
>see Changs and Staceys
>see lots of East Asian kids in suits- probably future Chinese prefect leaders or high level Singaporean government employees
>go back on underground line
>get on jubilee line, which always seems to transport really fucking happy party types on weekends

I am now having a coffee outside and I will go to McDonalds afterwards and enjoy the new American style burger.

There was a stegosaurus skeleton and it was found in the USA. A European country would have to lose a war to give away something like this.

When I see crowds in the underground of tourists it feels like there is something not there mentally. I can't hear Spanish or Portuguese being spoken without expecting imminent societal collapse and runaway inflation.

A GigaChad and GigaStacey were sitting in the evolution section (with old skulls), almost as if they were part of the exhibit.

I didn't see any bismuth in the rock sections, which where the patrician 4chan parts. Some of the science museum and natural history museums are Reddit cringe sections.

>wake up
>didn't go to gym last night because I was too tired but I woke up earlier than I wanted (before 7 pm)
>wasted time on internet, drinking coffee, got in to work late
>boss always sits very near me but thanks to my previous work experience I literally have no fear in arriving late or leaving early or having a long lunch
>on Fridays he sits slightly further away and talks about boomer tier stuff with other boomers
>do brain-dead job
>have lunch and since I already got through my internet timewasting schedule in the morning, I feel more aimless than usual
>have started the habit of looking up people I work with on LinkedIn to literally seethe if they're even slightly more successful than me or have backgrounds that would lead people to thinking they're superior to me; seething intensifies if I've met them in person and think their higher level of normieness made them more successful than me (i.e., seething intensifies with everyone)
>that woman in that meeting who, according to her LinkedIn, got a B in A level Physics when I got an A and
she still went to a much better university and is younger than me and has a similar job- truly, the moral arc of the universe bends towards sheer injustice
>have access to the emails and work of the previous guy who did my job and is now in a higher rank
>my responsibilities are, at their essence, kind of menial
>person before me did basically the same stuff as me; how did he use this job to get a promotion?
>leave before 5 pm
>now considering a 5th straight day of binging for the last time ever as I write this post on the way home; unsure how to justify it

>be me last night
>read the last 50 pages of a merely ok novel
>be me today
>wake up
>get in to work early for 9 am meeting
>find out the exact rank of a guy the same age as me and who went to Oxford and seems like the typical normie that advanced quickly
>feel so demoralised; what is the point of doing anything?
>feel really demotivated but that feeling may have gone by now
>told myself at start of the day: "2 of the next 4 days don't have work
>currently having long lunch break
>boomer golf loving boss sees me as a full autist by now; my section of the open plan office knows I'm the ugly loser of the place

Wagecucking isn't as hard as I expected it to be during those hellish few weeks when I actually turned up to the office from 9-5.30 during my previous job. But then I arrive at 9.15, leave before 5, and get paid more than last time. I am also moving departments in November so I don't need to worry about not fitting in.

My motivation for personal growth has been crushed. (Lifting doesn't count). Each evening feels like a very discrete block of time, like I'm playing a Persona game.

>woke up kind of early
>shaved and cut my fingernails and toenails (when you're a wagie, the time taken by this stuff matters)
>went to work
>got to work just after 9 pm
>did the work
>had supermarket sandwich during lunch
>talking with coworkers was painful and I see every little tone they make towards me as mocking
>left work before 5 pm
>bought binge food on way home
>had binge food while mindlessly browsing internet
>have thrown away the binge food except for the Pepsi Max
>have no energy and will skip gym for second day in a row
>looked up coworker I met today: he went to Oxford and is a similar age and one or two ranks higher than me
>currently browsing internet on phone and lying in bed
>may finish reading the last 50 pages of a 230 page book that I've taken almost two weeks to get through due to procrastination
>may waste entire evening on internet

I have no idea how to be promoted quickly. My job is easy but I don't see any room to do anything worthy of promotion. Though I will move departments later this year so maybe that will be better.

I waste all my evenings.

>woke up after more than 8 hours of sleep
>go to work
>work
>think my boss got mad at me for not socialising enough; he is friendly but a typical oversocialised normie
>get home and go to buy toothpaste
>buy that, plus last binge ever food, due to a workday with not much free time, though I left well before 5 pm lol
>binge
>binged too much to go to gym later but that's ok because it was just light cardio day

I hate how my boss is always near me on most days. He works in a different part of the building on some days and it's a fucking relief. I also forgot how hateful normies can get about quiet people. Nothing is out of the ordinary, socialising just grinds me down. Walking to and from meetings with others is like nails on a blackboard. I make half hearted attempts to say stuff but I am going to have to take a stand any day now and totally stop and just do what I want and say nothing. But I know people will find it a big "fuck you". Normies don't want ugly losers to stop socialising. They want a punching bag.

I will finish reading a merely ok novel today. Reading feels more consumercucky every day. This is not living.

About half an hour ago I finished my binge and threw it all away, including unfinished Pepsi Max and sweets and not even started chocolate. I should have kept the Pepsi Max. I crave it a lot, especially after the gym.

>woke up
>found out that despite being paid in advance by work, I got paid a month's worth of NEETbux as well and I feel so rich now
>procrastinated reading the last 60 pages of an ok-ish novel
>watched tennis which became more pointless as it went on because they're too tired to beat Nadal
>go to gym instead of watching end of it
>do light cardio at gym
>go in to central London to walk about and feel sad
>walk around crowded regents park and go to Camden town
>almost don't walk up the main street due to it being filled with happy young hip people but endure it so my self-indulgent unhappiness has more justification and my post more authenticity
>went walking a bit more
>will now have maybe a coffee and probably a well deserved McDonalds binge after 5 straight days of exercising

I saw a nu-hipster-chad hybrid (tall skinny guy with long beard). A few inches taller than me, probably 30 kg lighter, but who could probably kick my ass because he learns muay thai from his ex-girlfriend's boyfriend who he lives with without paying rent in some sort of Netflix-esque hip millennial scenario. He probably works 15 hours a week in a vape shop and saves more than me. He will probably bum around enjoying himself until he is 35 and then he'll start some home made jam business or something like that and he'll be 10 times more successful than I'll ever be.

I'm so tethered to modern society despite failing at it. I could never live a minimalist frugal lifestyle. I have glasses. I feel disgusting when I don't go to the gym. I pay extra to live alone.

The place from King's Cross to the art college so expensive looking, like mini canary wharf. There are these stairs where young people sit en masse and I felt so subhuman walking through there.

>saw a fat black guy
>immediately thought "Arsenalfantv, thoughts on the game" and almost lolled

When I walk around and see Staceys I feel so sad and like I should learn to code and stay in my flat all day. Walking in the sun is futile.

>be me
>alarm woke me up at 8 am after more than 8 hours of sleep
>went to gym last night and did light cardio after a binge a few hours previously
>used the gym's shower (live in London) and I may have caught AIDS
>went to my second day of work
>was slightly late but my apathy has already reached its maximum so no worries
>did my braindead office work
>had coffee and a supermarket sandwich at lunch while watching tourists walk past
>browsed internet on phone during lunch but it became boring after an hour so I cut my lunch break short
>open plan office is annoying but I'm not doing rocket science so it only affects morale, not productivity
>wanted to leave after my boss but he was still there at 5.45 pm so I gave up and left then
>saw a Stacey on the underground train that made me feel sad; she was talking to a borderline normie/Chad and I wondered what type of hormonal benefits he was getting just by talking to her
>read a book on my phone in the train but I felt pathetic
>got home
>drank coffee (because it's a heavy lifting day) and mindlessly browsed internet
>went to gym
>wore contact lenses so I saw gymthots in all their glory
>lifted heavy weights and it went ok
>now at home, on phone, lying in bed

When you're a wagie, every day (really just every 5 hours after work) is a discrete block of time that's easily wasted and doesn't feel like enough to be worth working in, unless I summon an iron discipline. Chores become soul sucking.

My job is kind of high status but utterly menial. I'm sure that being a scientist or programmer or engineer or anything creative would be more fulfilling. The only thing I'll cultivate is expertise in bullshit. But I can't really go off the track because I'm 28. I'm too fucking old to start at the bottom next year. And I have no shits about my boring degree.

>go to first day of my new job
>get rush hour morning tube (worked in London for many months previously and rarely did this because I had a zero work job)
>walking up to the building in the morning and realise the novelty had gone before I went in
>am awkward as fuck around new coworkers
>had to make a short presentation about myself which went fine but every word of informal socialising is excruciating
>boss is a boomer who loves golf; have literally nothing in common with him to talk about
>have a coffee outside at my lunch break; watch the normies and tourists float by
>this major GigaStacey sits in a desk nearby
>realise she is one or two or three promotions higher than me despite being clearly the same age or younger
>kind of demoralising to see a GigaStacey so close up
>in a meeting with her and two others and have to look at her when she speaks or else the fact that I don't would seem creepy, rather than the reverse case in most situations
>see something peculiar on her face... wrinkles on her forehead
>go to the bathroom afterwards and try to make wrinkles appear on my forehead... I just can't do it
>on my way home from work
>look up the GigaStacey online
>based on her work history she must be around 10 years older than me
>almost literally lolled; have been smiling continually since then
>currently having a cheeky binge after work

LOOOOOOOOOOL at her.

I bought vitamin tablets and made myself a checklist of stuff to do (like "give up junk food", which I'll tick straight after this binge). I am such a slave to habit, this counts as fighting inertia for someone like me.

I just watched Federer win in order to earn the right to be crushed by Nadal.