/lit/ - Literature

Posting this again from last thread:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1bbWjbBwe7vzZ2oDj64X6uZ9sr4dYyuqamhDIUISZb6o/edit?usp=sharing

Wrote a one act play for my uni's One Act Play Festival that is currently being performed. I wrote it in one day and realize that it's not that gr8--it has no theme or message, more of a character study and dialogue exercise than anything--but some feedback would be appreciated.

>>6382518
I think there's some definite issue with word choice here, could be more punchy but it feels rather mundane and a bit clunky. Maybe omit "committing" and just "A dream of suicide". Other than that idk

>>6381462
"Thick as dyed dreads" lmao. I like this one a lot, I don't know why.

>>6382624
I agree with the other poster, while it's not bad per se it feels a bit trite in its message and premise. The third stanza is pretty nice tho.

>>6382729
Your word choice is nice and I like the topic but the rhyme scheme feels weird to me. I'd go with something that evokes the texture (that sounds stupid I know) or changes up the cadence.

>>6382956
wut

>>6383010
>>6383023
Ow, the edge. And not only that, very one-dimensional and cringey as fuck, I'm sorry but no

>>6383033
Not bad, a bit mundane

>>6383418
Fucking hilarious and cleverly written. Great job anon.

>>6383422
This is pretty good, some pretty vivid imagery here, though I think it could be a bit longer.

>>6383920
Pretty edgy but technically sound, some nice prose going on in here and great contrasts.

Will critique more as they're posted